Harry woke up, his heart pounding out of control. He'd had the nightmare again. If he'd hoped they'd go away, he'd been sadly mistaken. If anything they'd become more disturbing. There was more blood every time. And the dream had seemed to follow him. While he'd been staying at The Burrow, the dream had always taken place in Mrs Weasley's scrubbed kitchen, but now that he'd moved on, the dream was set in a new kitchen.

He sat up and buried his face in his hands. The kitchen from his dream was just on the other side of a thin wall from his bed. He'd arrived at Remus Lupin's house, where Sirius had been staying since October, several days ago. He was no longer sure exactly how many days it had been. He hadn't been keeping what anyone would call regular hours lately.

A knock sounded at the door. "Everything all right in there?" Remus Lupin called.

Harry swore to himself. He must have cried out in his sleep. Again. "Yeah, just fine," he called back, hoping Remus would go away and leave him alone.

"Did you have another nightmare?"

"No," Harry lied.

He'd come here looking for an escape from those who would ask him questions he didn't want to answer, but he hadn't quite got what he'd bargained for. In reality, he hadn't even stopped to consider what Remus and Sirius would say when he'd turned up on their doorstep unexpectedly, and so he hadn't been prepared for the questions and concern. "Harry, what brings you here?" "Harry, something's happened, hasn't it?" "Harry, what's the matter?"

He hadn't replied; he hadn't been able to make his mouth work. All he'd been able to do was stand and stare. There'd been a sudden clattering followed by an angry squawk, and Harry had realised after the fact that he'd dropped Hedwig's cage onto the floor. His hands had no longer been able to grip. His legs hadn't been working properly either, for he'd swayed on the spot, and he would have collapsed to the floor if Sirius hadn't caught him.

His mouth had opened then to give birth to a painful sob. His vision had blurred, and after a moment he'd felt Sirius awkwardly trying to pat his shoulder. Somehow Sirius and Remus had helped him into a bedroom, where he'd sunk onto the bed. He remembered them asking him question after question, but he'd refused to answer any of them.

Some time later -- Harry no longer had any notion of how long -- a woman's voice had called out from the fireplace. He'd recognised it as belonging to Mrs Weasley. Remus had gone out to reply. Harry hadn't been able to decipher everything they'd said to each other, but he hadn't missed the note of panic in Mrs Weasley's voice, while Remus' replies had come through as a quiet rumble. Then she'd come through the fire and was asking to speak to him, and he hadn't been able to face her.

He wasn't proud of the things he'd said to her. He'd known at the time she'd only wanted to explain. But he hadn't wanted to hear it. He'd been in pain, and he'd wanted to wallow in it. He'd tried to tune her out, but he hadn't missed the gist of her explanation. She'd read the article in the Grand Inquisitor, and her first instinct had been to contact Ginny. She'd gone to Hogwarts, just as Harry had, to find her daughter had never returned to school. But instead of encountering Nearly-Headless Nick, she'd gone to talk to Professor McGonagall, who had apparently told her something, which allayed her fears. Then Mrs Weasley had gone looking for Harry to pass on the explanation, but Harry hadn't been ready to listen.

He'd said some unforgivable things to her. "I don't believe you!" he'd snarled at her. "Ginny lied to me! Before she left, she gave me this very pretty speech about how we both need to be honest with each other, and she was lying to me the entire time! How do I know you're not just like her? How do I know you're not covering for her? She's family after all! I'm not! I'm just some poor orphan you took in out of pity. Well I've had enough of your pity! I don't want to have any more to do with any of you! Just get out and leave me alone!"

It had been the most he'd spoken since he'd discovered that Ginny had left him. Mrs Weasley had gone completely white by the time he was done, and he'd seen the tears shining in her eyes. He hadn't cared that he'd made her cry. He'd been in pain, and he'd wanted to inflict some of it on someone else. But it hadn't helped alleviate any of his own.

"She's all I had left, and now she's gone," he remembered thinking. Perhaps he'd even said it aloud. He didn't know anymore. He sighed to himself. She was probably better off without him. He'd been killing her in his dreams for months now.

"Harry, is everything all right in there?"

Harry sighed in irritation this time. Sirius was at his door now, and Sirius had been acting like an absolute prat since Harry's arrival. His godfather seemed to be under the impression that Harry would to do himself in if given the chance. As a result, Harry could barely make a move without Sirius watching him like a hawk. His godfather had confiscated his Portkey and the key to his Gringott's vault, making Harry a virtual prisoner here. To make matters worse, his godfather had gone out of his way to hide all the sharp objects in the house. As a result, Harry now found himself sporting several days' worth of itchy beard stubble, since he no longer had access to a razor.

"It's fine!" Harry snapped.

"No, it's not," argued Sirius. "Remus says you've been dreaming again."

"Remus can go to hell. You can go with him for all I care. All you ever do is fuss over me! Just go away and leave me alone!"

A loud bang on the door was all that came in reply. Harry smiled to himself grimly, happy he'd thought to lock himself in. It was the only way he could get any peace around here. It was bad enough that Sirius had had to convert the small dining room into makeshift sleeping quarters for Harry. Situated as it was between the living room and kitchen, Harry felt as if he had next to no privacy. He heard everything that went on in the house, whether he wanted to or not.

Sirius banged on the door, harder this time, and the whole wall gave a shudder. One more blow, and the door burst inward. Harry got to his feet, but in the next instant, he found himself bowled over onto the floor, the top of his pyjamas crushed into bunches in Sirius' fists. He only had a second in which to catch a glimpse of his godfather's face, and Sirius looked about as angry as Harry had ever seen him.

"What's going on?"

Remus was back, no doubt alerted by the sound the door had made when Sirius had heaved it in. Remus hauled his friend back by the shoulder.

"Sirius, good lord! What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Harry got to his feet, as Sirius turned on Remus. "I've had enough of this one's attitude," he growled, indicating Harry with a shake of his head. "The boy needs to have some sense knocked into him." Sirius shook off Remus' restraining hand and began to pace. "He locks himself in here all day, and he won't tell us anything that's going on. And that's nothing next to the way he treated Molly. He deserves to be hit for that alone. The poor woman has never shown him anything but love and kindness, and look at how he treats her. It's a wonder her boys haven't turned up here to teach him a lesson by now. And that little trollop…"

"GINNY IS NOT A TROLLOP!" Harry roared, launching himself at his godfather, but a firm hand held him back. He looked up into Remus Lupin's face, noticing for the first time how haggard it was. When was the next full moon? Harry hadn't the slightest clue.

"Oh, so he finally reacts…" Sirius began in a voice laced with sarcasm. Harry wanted to kick himself for letting his godfather's remark get to him.

"That's enough from the both of you," Remus said with authority. "Sirius, if you'll wait outside, I'd like to have a word with Harry."

Sirius stared for a moment before walking out, muttering curses under his breath. When he was gone, Remus addressed Harry. "Did you have another nightmare this morning?" he asked quietly.

Harry wanted to reply, but something else inside him wanted just as badly to be childish and contrary. He crossed his arms over his chest and didn't respond.

"You can't keep all this bottled up forever, you know. If you talked about it, perhaps it would help."

"How is it going to help?" Harry burst out. "Do you know what I see every night when I manage to fall asleep? That's if I manage to fall asleep… I see Ginny, and she's dead. You want to know how she died? It's because I killed her! You would think, now that she's left me, that that sort of thing would go away, but it hasn't. It just keeps on coming back, and it's worse every time. And what am I supposed to think? That she's better off without me? And tell me, now that I've told you about it, will it go away? I'm not going to hold my breath till it does."

Harry pushed past Remus, out of the room, heading for the bathroom. From the angle of the sun, he could tell it was already afternoon. Time to make a good show of things and get dressed. He turned on the shower, setting the water as hot as he could stand it. It wasn't until he reached for a towel to dry himself off that he realised he'd hadn't brought any clean clothes with him. He'd have to settle for putting his pyjamas back on until he was back in his room.

He opened the bathroom door, releasing a cloud of steam, and immediately heard Hermione's voice drifting in from the living room. He groaned to himself, closed the door until it was open only a crack, and wondered how long he could get away with hiding in the bathroom. Why did everyone insist on prying into his business? Didn't people know he wanted to be by himself? Why did everyone keep bothering him?

He put his ear to the crack and concentrated on what was being said in the living room. "… I just can't believe the things she put in that article," Hermione was shrilling. "Why did I ever believe her when she promised to stop printing lies…"

But a lot of that article hadn't been lies, protested a voice in Harry's head. It had been written in a way that shed events in the worst possible light, but much of it had been the truth. The spell he'd used to defeat Voldemort had been a Dark Arts spell. He had been stripped of his powers. He had had to settle for the job at the Ministry when he'd have preferred to do something else. By all appearances, Ginny had run off with Viktor Krum.

"…I didn't know about any of this until yesterday, or I would have been here sooner," Hermione was going on, talking very fast. "I didn't get back to Hogwarts until late on Sunday, and I went straight to bed. And I hadn't heard a thing at my parents' and with Ron being called away for his work, I haven't had any contact with anyone since Christmas. You can't imagine how shocked I was to go to breakfast yesterday and find that Ginny was missing. Of course I talked to Professor McGonagall about it right away, and she showed me the articles she'd confiscated from some of the students." She paused for breath. "Anyway, none of that is really important. Could I see Harry, please?"

Silence fell in the living room, and Harry imagined Sirius and Remus looking at each other, not quite knowing what to say. Harry willed one of them to say he was indisposed. Anything that would make her go away. Whatever Hermione had to say to him, whatever sympathy she was about to offer, he didn't want to hear it.

"I believe Harry's in the shower just now," came Sirius' voice. It was louder than necessary.

"That's odd," said Hermione. "It's the middle of the afternoon."

"He just got up," Sirius informed her. Harry ground his teeth together.

"Oh. Well, perhaps one of you could get him to hurry. I don't have a lot of time. I had to make arrangements to come here, and I don't want to take any longer than necessary."

"Don't bother," said Harry shortly, coming out of hiding. "Whatever it is you have to tell me, I don't really give a damn."

"But Harry, it's about Ginny…" Hermione began, her eyes widening as she took in his appearance. He knew he didn't look very good, with his hair wild and dripping from the shower, his wrinkled and faded pyjamas, and his scruffy beard.

"I said, I don't give a damn," he repeated, as he crossed to the door to his makeshift bedroom. "You shouldn't have bothered to come."

Hermione stood up and took a step towards him. She did not look pleased. "Harry, if you'd let me explain…"

Harry shut the door in her face. It struck him that someone must have repaired it while he was in the shower. It had to have been Remus. She opened it almost immediately. "Don't you ever shut the door on me like that…"

"Do you mind, Hermione? I'd like to get dressed." To prove his point, he began to unbutton his pyjama top, staring straight at her the whole time. He saw her glance dart to his chest for a moment, and he realised she'd seen he was still wearing his talisman. If he had to, he'd strip naked in front of her. He didn't care if he embarrassed her. He just wanted her gone.

"It's about time you got dressed, isn't it?" she replied sounding annoyed. "You realise it's half two already? I'll be here when you're finished." She shut the door, and he heard her remark quite loudly, "He looks as bad as he did last summer."

He knew he was meant to hear that, but it just made him angrier. Didn't anyone have anything better to do than discuss him? This was the reason he hadn't wanted it generally known that he'd given up his powers. He moved to bolt the door, and discovered that the lock hadn't been repaired along with the door; it had been removed entirely. Swearing to himself, he started getting dressed, but he still couldn't tune out the conversation in the living room.

"At least he's showering now," Sirius commented. "That's an improvement over how he was when he first got here."

"He wasn't showering?" asked Remus.

"No, you weren't here after the first day. While you were off transforming over New Year's, he didn't come out of that room at all."

"What made him come out?" asked Hermione.

"I don't know," replied Sirius. "I told him he was acting like a baby, but I don't see how that changed anything. He's still acting like a baby, as far as I'm concerned."

"What can he possibly be doing in there all day?"

"Any time I've gone in there, he's not doing much of anything," said Remus.

"I've seen him doing something on parchment," put in Sirius. "But he never lets me see what it is. There was a lot of crumpled parchment in his waste bin the other day, and I had a look, and he'd been drawing pictures of brooms."

Harry clenched his fists. Sirius had no right to go through his rubbish. None of those brooms had been right, in any case. That was it. They could just stew in their juices for the rest of the day as far as he was concerned. He wasn't coming out.

As if Hermione had read his thoughts, she called in to him, "Aren't you finished dressing yet?"

"No!" Harry called back obstinately.

"I don't care," she replied. "You've had more than enough time to get dressed, and I have to get back to school. I'm coming in there."

She opened the door and came in, squinting into the dim room. He hadn't bothered to open the blinds since he'd moved in. "You know, if you'd let in some light, things would be a lot more cheerful…"

Harry crossed his arms over his chest and didn't reply.

"Harry," Hermione began again, "I have something to confess to you. I think I know why Ginny went to Durmstrang."

"I don't want to hear it."

"That's just too bad, because you're going to hear it whether you want to or not. I think she went to look for a way to cure you."

"Cure me? Cure me? Is that what you think? That I've got some sort of illness, and you just have to find the cure for me? Am I one of your interesting cases now? Have you read about any other interesting cases like mine?"

"Harry, no, you've got to listen…"

"I DON'T WANT TO LISTEN! I WANT YOU TO GET OUT, AND LEAVE ME ALONE! I WANT ALL OF YOU TO LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE! WHY DOESN'T ANYONE UNDERSTAND THAT?"

Hermione had pressed her mouth into a fine line. "Sirius is wrong about you," she said in a dangerously quiet voice. "You're not acting like a baby. Any baby I've ever seen is immeasurably better behaved than you are."

"Just get out," Harry grated at her.

She acquiesced. The door closed behind her, but she didn't leave just yet.

"Are you all right?" Remus' concerned voice came through the closed door.

"Yes, I'm perfectly fine," Hermione replied icily.

"No, you're not." Sirius' voice was a menacing growl.

"I'll be fine," Hermione insisted. "And I really do need to get back, but someone has to hear this. Ginny and I have been doing research all autumn. We've been trying to find a means to restore Harry's powers to him. We kept it a secret because we didn't want to get anyone's hopes up unnecessarily."

"That was well done," commented Remus. "I can't imagine you came up with anything."

"No, we didn't. Ginny even translated some ancient texts, and we came up with nothing. I corresponded with Viktor Krum at Durmstrang, asking him if he knew of anything. I never let on why I wanted to know. But I think that Ginny must have contacted Viktor herself at some point, and he had to have told her of something. That's the only thing I can imagine would make her run off like this without telling anyone."

"Have you told any of this to Molly Weasley?" Remus asked. "She's been worried sick about her daughter."

"Yes, I went to see Mrs Weasley before I came here. That's how I knew I could find Harry here. I told her everything."

"That's good," remarked Sirius. "The news ought to do her some good in all this. You don't even want to know how much Harry upset her last week. I could kill him for what he said to her."

Harry couldn't bear to listen anymore. He brushed aside what he'd overheard about Ginny. He didn't want to believe any of that. It might give him reason to hope. He didn't want hope at the moment. He wanted pain. Thinking about how horrible he'd been to Mrs Weasley afforded him that pain, especially when he recalled the way she'd rocked him on Halloween. He hated himself for the words he'd said, and he concentrated on that feeling, allowing it to sink in and permeate his being.

*

Ginny stared down at the jewel in her hand. She'd never seen one like this before. The other times she'd attempted this, the stone had always been white. This one was deep blue. She closed her fingers over it again, allowing its inner light to well through the flesh of her hand. That was something else that had never happened before. While her previous gems would reflect light, they'd never possessed any inherent glow of their own.

She slumped against the side of the cave wall in exhaustion. But it could be worse. At least she was finished now. She didn't have to go through the arduous process of imbuing the gem with protective magic. Creating the stone had been bad enough.

From where she stood just inside the entrance to the cave, she could see that it was dark again. She thought she'd been at this for three days -- it was as much as she could remember clearly at any rate.

Viktor was probably asleep in the tent. At least she hoped so. She could take the gem to Gefinn now and get this over with. Viktor wouldn't be happy with her for going to the goddess on her own, but that would be his problem. Over the past days, he'd kept after her to take breaks, no matter how many times she told him stopping at the wrong time might jeopardise the whole process. And he seemed to have developed a knack for interrupting her at the wrong time. It had been a relief earlier today when he'd informed her that their food was running out and he'd have to go into the nearest town to buy more. She'd had several hours to herself then, and she'd been able to make real progress.

"Have you got something for me?"

Ginny jumped at the sound of the goddess' voice echoing up the passage. "I haven't summoned you yet," she said steeling herself and turning. A light was emanating from deeper within the cave.

Gefinn laughed harshly. "You? Summon me? You no longer summon me. I summon you, and I do so. Now."

Ginny tried to remain where she was, but it was as if her feet had suddenly developed a will other than her own. She advanced down the passage until she'd reached the circle of stones, where Gefinn stood waiting for her.

"There, that's much better," the goddess said. "Now we can have a little talk. Show me what you've made."

Ginny silently held out her hand, opening it in offering. There was no point in holding this back, at any rate. She'd made it for Gefinn, after all.

The goddess took the stone from her, inspecting it carefully. "Oh, very pretty. And blue's my favourite colour. How did you know?"

"I didn't… I didn't even know I could make coloured stones. All the others I've made have been white."

Gefinn held the gem up to her necklace, considering. "And you say if you give me this talent, I'll be able to do this myself?"

"I don't know. I've never given anything like this up before. I don't know if that would make you a Jewel-wright in my place or not."

"But you'd no longer be one, and that's the point, isn't it?" Gefinn looked at her searchingly. "Yes, I see. That is the point. No, I'm afraid this isn't an acceptable trade."

"What?"

"You heard me, girl. This isn't acceptable. You're offering me a talent you don't really want in the first place. Where's the value in that?"

"It may not be valuable to me, but it could be valuable to you. You could create riches for yourself."

"Perhaps, but you don't really know, do you? As if I would stoop to labouring for jewels, anyway…"

"If I recall my history you haven't been above a little manual labour in the past. Isn't that how this island got here in the first place? Because you ploughed it out for yourself?" Gefinn had cheated a Swedish king in the process, Ginny realised suddenly. Just as the goddess was trying to cheat Ginny now, it seemed. "And I won't even go into what you had to do to get that necklace."

"SILENCE! I won't stand for this!" Gefinn's enormous chest was heaving in her rage. "You would be wise, girl," she began again menacingly, "to remember which one of us holds the upper hand here. I could well refuse you and send you off, but I am the giver, and I will give what you ask. But we do so on my terms. The gift of your talent is unacceptable to me. There is, however, something else."

"What's that?" Ginny asked defiantly, while inwardly she dreaded what Gefinn might ask for. It was for Harry, she reminded herself. Whatever Gefinn demanded, it would be worth it for Harry.

"Your virginity. You will give it to your protector." Gefinn nodded towards the entrance to the cave, and Ginny knew to whom Gefinn was referring. She felt as if the ground had dropped out from under her feet.

"No… I can't… I can't do that…"

"Can't you? Think about it. You withhold one gift from your love, but you bestow another on him. Which is more valuable to him?"

Ginny's mind whirled, as she tried to get her brain to function properly and reason it out. What would Harry value more? She couldn't work it out. She felt strangely addled.

"He's in love with you. Did you know that?" The goddess' contemptuous voice broke in on her confusion.

"Who is?"

"The wizard you brought with you."

"NO! That's a lie! He can't be. I haven't done anything to encourage him."

"I'm not lying to you. He is. I've seen it in him. If you offer yourself to him, he won't refuse you."

"It doesn't matter, because I won't do it. Prostitution may be good enough for you, but I won't sell myself."

Ginny knew she'd gone too far this time, but she no longer cared. If this was what Gefinn asked of her, she wasn't going to pay the price. It was too high. Harry would never believe her if she went through with this and tried to explain after the fact. She'd just have to accept it now. There was no help for him here.

She turned to go, but Gefinn raised a hand. Ginny cowered in spite of herself, sure the goddess was going to strike her down for her insult. But then she straightened. Let her do her worst. It didn't matter anymore.

"Where are you going?" Gefinn's voice was deceptively calm.

"I'm leaving. I don't accept your terms."

"You're wise enough to bargain, at least, even if you don't have enough judgement not to insult your betters. I'll give you a second choice. You may give me all the memories you have of your love. You will no longer remember who he is or that he ever loved you."

"Then how am I going to find him to restore his powers to him?"

"I will set a spell in your head. When you perform it on him, you will lose your memories then."

"What spell? What will it do?"

"It will be an incantation. When you pronounce it, everything will be as it was before. You and your love will be equals once more."

Ginny was about to open her mouth to protest some more, but Gefinn held up a hand to silence her. "Think about it. Don't give me your decision yet. Come back at dawn and tell me what you've decided to do."

Gefinn didn't give Ginny a chance to reply. She disappeared once again, taking the jewel Ginny had made along with her.

Ginny made her way out of the cave on shaky legs, tears fighting their way to the surface. Could she do it? Could she give up her memories of Harry? On the surface, it didn't seem to be any better of a choice than the first offer, but as she thought about it, she realised it might work. Harry would still remember her, after all. He'd still love her. And she could fall in love with him again.

As she emerged from the cave, she was faced with another problem. She'd hoped that, given the late hour, Viktor would be asleep. She didn't want to face him, now that she knew, and she was sure he'd sense the change in her. She couldn't lie to him either, but she didn't want to hurt him. While she could never return his feelings, he'd still been a friend to her, going beyond anything she could have expected of him in this venture.

But as she approached the tent, she could see him standing there, waiting. The sadness that had been threatening to overwhelm her was replaced by annoyance. It was easier that way. For now.

"Where have you been all this time?" he asked. His protectiveness was coming out again, just as it had earlier when he'd insisted on making her an emergency Portkey back to Durmstrang before leaving her to go for food. Ginny wanted to kick herself for not seeing it sooner. She'd thought it was simply his nature, but now it hit her that his concern had gone beyond friendship. It was becoming smothering. "Did you go back to Gefinn?"

"Yes," she replied shortly, heading straight for the tent.

"Why didn't you wait for me?" He reached for her arm, stopping her in her tracks. When he didn't drop his hand immediately, Ginny stared pointedly down at it. The hand fell away, and as she looked back up, she thought his face had coloured slightly. The moon was high in the sky and just a week past full, affording her enough light to detect this.

"I couldn't. I finished the gem, and she was just there… Listen, can we talk about this in the morning? I'm tired from expending all that energy. I need some rest."

"I want to know what she said to you. You're upset."

"We'll talk in the tent. I need to lie down." She made another move towards the tent, and again he put out a hand to stop her.

"What are you trying to hide from me? What did she say to you?"

Ginny sighed impatiently. "She said she didn't want my talent. It wasn't important enough to me, so it wasn't an acceptable sacrifice to her. She made me another offer…" She stopped, praying he wouldn't detect that there had actually been two offers. There wasn't any way she was going to tell him about the first one.

"What was it?" Viktor asked, and the distrust was evident in his tone.

"She wants me to give up my memories of Harry."

His hand was still on her arm, and she felt his fingers tighten. "Are you going to do it?"

"What choice have I got?" she cried.

Viktor opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something. In the dim moonlight, Ginny could see he was fighting to control his emotions. She wished Gefinn had never told her about Viktor's feelings for her. He closed his mouth and took a deep breath before trying again. "You can go back home and finish school."

"But then all of this will have been for nothing, and Harry will never have his powers restored to him."

"Perhaps that's what was meant to be. Maybe it's time to accept there's nothing to be done for him."

"But there is!" She was beginning to sound desperate. "There is something I can do about it, and if I don't, I won't be able to live with myself. They're just a few memories. He'll still have his. We can make new ones…"

She felt a tear slip out of the corner of her eye, and she brought up a hand to brush it away, at the same time shaking herself loose from Viktor's grip. Viktor was staring down at her, and even if he was no longer touching her, she could sense the tension in him. He was holding himself in check.

"I can't let you do this…"

"You haven't got a say in this," she said, glaring. "This is my choice to make. And I've made it. I'm going back to her in the morning and accepting her offer. If you want to help me, you can make me a Portkey that will take me to Diagon Alley."

She went into the tent, leaving him standing there. She knew what she had to do now. She'd write down as many memories as she could before dawn. She'd write it all down in a long letter to Harry. She'd make him understand. Make him see she had no choice. And at the same time she'd have something she could read back over in the future, and just maybe this letter would trigger her mind, preventing her from forgetting altogether.

She threw herself onto her sleeping bag. By all rights she ought to be too exhausted for this, but suddenly she was wide awake. Lighting her wand, she began to dig through her bag until she pulled out a fresh roll of parchment she'd picked up at Durmstrang along with a quill and a bottle of ink. Flattening the parchment and doing the best she could under the circumstances, she began to write.

To Be Continued…