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The Long Road Home by Ashwinder

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A/N: Jo, one of my betas, said I should put an angst warning on this chapter. So consider yourself warned.



The Long Road Home, Chapter Twenty Three



"GINNY! NO!"



The words slammed through Harry's mind, but his voice wasn't up to coherent speech. His mouth was wide open, and the back of his throat ached with effort, but no sound was coming out now. He reached out and touched her hand, the one with her wand still in it. It was solid and warm, but there was something unnatural about it all the same. An image of Hermione lying Petrified in the hospital wing came unbidden to his mind.



Somewhere behind him, he heard the sounds of the kitchen door banging open and rushing feet, but he paid them no heed. All he could do was look at Ginny with her staring, pain-filled eyes, the single tear slipping, sparkling into her hair like some mockery of a morning dew-drop, leaving only a faint white trace of salt across her upper cheek. It was an image he knew would haunt him for the rest of his life.



"Harry! What's happened?"



Remus' concerned voice reached his ears. There were hands on Harry's shoulders pulling at him, trying to drag him away from Ginny. He shrugged them off. They returned, more insistent this time. He gave a violent lurch, seeking to escape them. They wanted to tear him away from Ginny. He simply couldn't let that happen.



Remus' face came into his field of vision. "Harry, I can't help her if you won't let me," he said quietly, kneeling down on the floor beside Ginny. "Just let me see…"



Harry relented. He reluctantly allowed the hands to help him to his feet. "Harry," said Sirius quietly. There wasn't the slightest hint of accusation in his tone. "What's happened here?"



Harry couldn't reply; he could only shake his head absently. He had no idea what had happened. His eyes remained riveted on Ginny. Remus was leaning over her, one hand at the side of her neck, feeling for a pulse, his expression graver than ever. It seemed an eternity before his brow unfurrowed in relief.



"There's a pulse, but it's very weak," he said. "We're going to have to see about getting her to St Mungo's." He paused, and reached his hand towards Ginny's wand, as if he wanted to take it, but drawing back just before he did. Harry hadn't noticed before, but ghostlike tendrils of smoke were drifting from the blasted end of it. "This looks just like…" he began slowly. He raised his eyes to look at Harry. "But it can't be. She looks just like you did when I found you on the field in Hogsmeade."



Harry definitely didn't like the implications of that statement. His voice still wasn't working, but he could feel his throat tightening. He looked up at the ceiling, his eyes widening as he saw blue sky above him. A ragged hole had been torn in the roof above his head.



A noise from the fireplace drew his attention back to the room. Someone was coming through the grate. A moment later, Mrs Weasley emerged from the Floo network, her eyes falling immediately on her daughter's form.



"Ginny!" she cried desperately. "Oh no…"



In the next instant she was crouching on the floor next to Remus, obstructing Harry's view of Ginny. But another noise from the fireplace announced another arrival. Harry watched as a tall, brooding figure stepped out. Krum.



He saw red.



With a roar, he leaped at the Bulgarian, pinning him to the floor in seconds, both hands wrapped around his throat.



"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?" Harry had found his voice at last. "YOU GOT HER INTO THIS MESS. HOW DARE YOU SHOW YOUR FACE HERE?"



Viktor was struggling, his eyes beginning to bulge, but it wasn't good enough for Harry. He wanted to hit. He drew back a fist, keeping the other hand on Viktor's neck, and slammed it into the Bulgarian's face. There was a satisfying crunch, and blood began to pour from his nose.



"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"



He pulled back his fist, ready to hit again, but he suddenly found himself being dragged forcibly back. There were four sets of hands on him. Harry struggled mightily, his eyes riveted on the wizard responsible for all this, wanting nothing more than to have back at him.



"Stun him if you have to!" Remus' insistent voice broke in on Harry's consciousness.



Suddenly there was a pair of hands gripping him by the cheeks. He found himself staring into Arthur Weasley's face. "Harry," he said quietly, but there was no mistaking his authority, "if you don't calm down, I will stun you."



Harry could see in the older wizard's eyes that he'd do just as he'd promised. Harry suddenly remembered that Mr Weasley had once worked in the Auror division, and he could now see why. He relaxed his stance slightly, but Sirius still kept a firm hold on him.



Viktor was pushing himself up off the floor, one hand on his neck, blood streaming from his nose. But he wasn't looking at Harry. He wasn't watching his adversary, wary of another attack. He was looking at Ginny. Harry lurched in Viktor's direction, nearly succeeding in breaking Sirius' hold on him.



"Stop, Harry!" Sirius hissed in his ear. "You're not helping matters. We need to get help for Ginny now. That's what's important."



Mr Weasley had made his way over to his daughter's side. "We have to get her to St Mungo's immediately. She's in no condition to use a Portkey. We'll have to send for the ambulance. Viktor, you ought to go…"



"Why?" Harry broke in. "Why should he be the one to go?"



"Because you just gave him a new face," Sirius said. "He can get that seen to while he's there."



"Viktor can tell the doctors exactly what's happened to her," Mr Weasley added. "Quickly now, Viktor. Use the Floo. Remus, go with him and make sure he's all right."



No one thought to question Mr Weasley's quiet authority. In no time Viktor had scrambled into the fireplace, followed by Remus, both of them calling out, "St Mungo's!" before disappearing into the emerald flames.



"Krum knows something," growled Harry, when they'd gone. "What the hell does he know?"



"Yes, he knows something," confirmed Mr Weasley. "But he should be the one to tell us. He was there."



Harry wrenched free of Sirius' grip and leapt towards the fireplace, even as he remembered he wouldn't be able to follow.



"Harry, you need to calm down!" Sirius ordered. "If you can't behave yourself, we'll leave you here when Ginny goes to the hospital! You're not helping matters in your state."



Ginny. He'd almost forgotten her in his rage at Viktor. Mrs Weasley was in tears beside her daughter. Harry let out a long breath and circled in front of the fire. He felt like a caged animal. He was as enraged as he'd ever been, but there was no productive way he could release his anger. He was still overcome with the desire to hit something, preferably Krum, but that opportunity had been taken away from him now.



He paced some more, trying to breathe deeply, trying to calm his pounding heart and unclench his fists. Ginny. He had to think about Ginny. She needed him to be calm at the moment. She needed him there with her, holding her hand and talking to her.



He stopped and leaned his forehead against the mantelpiece, trying to sort out his raging thoughts. There was a presence at his back. A hand on his shoulder. Sirius. Sirius understood; he knew all about feeling deep and utter rage and not being able to do anything about it. Harry had seen it that night in the Shrieking Shack, and he knew it was what his godfather had to have felt when he was taken to Azkaban.



Harry's shoulders slumped, and he suddenly felt utterly deflated.



He turned, walked over and knelt down beside Ginny. Her eyes were still staring sightlessly towards the gaping hole in the ceiling. He took a shaky breath. He couldn't lose her. He couldn't bear it if he did. He had to tell her. Somehow. He reached out a tentative hand, but withdrew it before he made contact. What if he found her cold and hard as marble?



But he had to try. She had to know. He reached out again. Laying a hand on her cheek, he took another breath. "Ginny? Can you hear me?" He touched her hair. "You can't leave me, Ginny. Do you hear? You just can't. You promised to marry me at Christmas. I'm going to hold you to that. I love you, Ginny. You just have to come back to me."



A sudden loud bang made Harry nearly jump out of his skin. Mr Weasley and Sirius were running to the door. The ambulance had arrived. Harry looked up then, and his eyes met Mrs Weasley's worried, tear-streaked face. He looked away quickly in shame. He'd been perfectly horrible to her, and he couldn't face her now. Fortunately he didn't have to. A pair of medi-wizards came in and pushed him aside. In no time they'd conjured a stretcher and had floated Ginny out the door.



*



Harry met with a wall and turned, finding Sirius on his heels. Again. His godfather had been sticking close to him ever since they'd arrived at the hospital. Harry knew why that was. Viktor Krum was lurking on the other side of the room they'd been shown to upon arrival. Harry had been working hard at not looking at the Bulgarian.



"Do you mind?" he grated at Sirius, pushing past to walk the length of the room once more. His godfather did not reply, but Harry could sense him following again. Any more of this and Harry would be ready to take out his frustrations on Sirius instead.



Ginny had been taken from Remus' house over an hour ago in a lime green vehicle that looked a lot like a Muggle mini-van. It had disappeared with a loud bang much like the Knight Bus, and Harry could only pray that the ride would be much smoother. He and Sirius had come to St Mungo's by Floo, Harry clinging to his godfather's clothes the same way he'd travelled to the Ministry on his first day at work, while the others had Apparated. Since their arrival, they'd done nothing but wait.



Harry paced to the other end of the room, not turning quickly enough. He'd caught a glimpse of Mrs Weasley. She was someone else he'd been trying to avoid. His stomach churned with guilt over his words to her every time he saw her. He knew what he ought to do, and he had a feeling if he apologised it would be accepted. There'd been no accusation, no animosity in Mrs Weasley's eyes earlier. There had been concern and fear, but Harry had a feeling those emotions weren't entirely reserved for her daughter. How could she be worried for his sake when she was close to losing another child because of him?



He turned back. "Mrs Weasley…" he began, keeping his gaze pinned to the floor.



"Yes, dear?" came her quiet reply. Her tone was open, inviting. It made him dare to look up at her face. Her eyes were puffy from crying, her hands twisting in her lap from worry.



Mr Weasley was sitting beside her on a shabby sofa, his arm around his wife. Harry stole a glance at him, wondering if Mr Weasley would try to hex him at the first opportunity, but the older man's expression betrayed no hostility. Now that Harry thought about it, Mr Weasley had had his chance to curse Harry earlier, but he hadn't done it.



"Mrs Weasley… Could I talk to you for a moment?"



The hesitation in Harry's voice was evident enough, and Mr Weasley sensed it. "Why don't I leave the two of you alone, shall I?" he said, inching forward on the sofa as he prepared to stand.



Harry realised Mr Weasley's bad leg was still making simple movement difficult at times, and he reached out a hand to help the older man up. Mr Weasley got to his feet and patted Harry's shoulder.



"She's going to be all right, Harry," he said, before moving off towards Remus, who was on the other side of the room.



Harry looked at Mrs Weasley. "Sit down, dear," she invited. When he'd obeyed, she added, "Now what is it you wanted to talk to me about?"



"I, erm… I owe you an apology for what I said to you last week. I… I don't know what possessed me to say those things. I know they're not true."



"I won't lie to you, dear. What you said hurt very much, but I don't blame you. It was the shock. It was that article. It made you angry -- it made us all angry -- and you were lashing out. If anyone is to blame, it's that horrible Skeeter woman."



Harry had to swallow hard to get rid of the lump in his throat. How could she forgive him so easily for the things he'd said? He'd known as soon as the words were out that his harsh judgement of her wasn't true. She'd never been anything less to him than a mother, and it hadn't been done out of pity for him but out of love.



"But… but what about the others? They all must hate me."



"I haven't breathed a word to anyone about what happened. The only people who know about last week are those who were there. No one else."



Harry blinked. He really didn't deserve this. "Thank you," he whispered.



Mrs Weasley put her arms around him. "I've said this to you before, Harry. You're just like one of my own. And it's not because of anything you've done or any of the circumstances of your life. It's you. If you still had your parents, I'd look on you as one of my own."



Harry had to bite back the sob that was threatening. He wasn't afraid of crying in front of Sirius or Remus -- he'd done that before -- or even Mr Weasley. But he was acutely aware that Viktor Krum was still in the room. He wasn't about to let himself break down in front of Krum. He felt Mrs Weasley tighten her arms about him for a moment, as if she knew he wanted to let go and couldn't right now.



"What happened?" Harry asked, when she finally pulled back. "What is it you wanted to tell me last week when I wouldn't let you talk to me?"



"I didn't know very much. I still don't know everything that happened. I imagine Ginny must have told you some of it. The best person to tell us what happened is sitting in this room. You might not want to hear from him at the moment, but he was there. He'd know the most."



"No!"



"Harry, the only one who knows more about this than he does is in no position to tell us anything at the moment. Viktor was there. He can help you understand why this happened."



"That's just the problem. He was there. I'm the one who should have been there!" The words came out louder than he'd intended, and he felt the others' eyes on him.



Harry got to his feet. He was agitated, and he needed to move. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Sirius step forward. Harry's shadow had returned to make sure Harry wasn't going to try to rip Viktor's throat out again.



He felt Sirius put a hand on his shoulder. "You ought to listen to what Viktor can tell us, I think," he said quietly.



Harry pushed the hand aside. "Don't you get it? I don't want to hear what he has to say!"



"Harry." Mr Weasley was coming forward now. "I think you need to hear this, whether you want to or not. You need to understand what happened."



"Do you know?"



"I know some of it. There wasn't time to hear the entire tale. Viktor came into my office at the Ministry this afternoon in quite a state. He told me he was in a hurry and that he had to find Ginny right away. I asked for more details, but he insisted there wasn't time. He had to stop her. Please, Harry, I'd like to hear the story from the beginning. I'm sure Molly would like to know why her only daughter looks as if she's been Petrified. Sirius and Remus would like to know what happened in their house. Viktor can tell all of us. That way he only has to tell the whole story once."



Sirius' hand was back on Harry's shoulder, exerting a gentle but firm pressure and steering Harry back to the sofa beside Mrs Weasley. Sirius sat on his other side, while Mr Weasley took a seat in an armchair at a right angle to the sofa. Remus and Viktor were seated across the room on another sofa, but the distance was not so great as to make conversation uncomfortable. Viktor had his face buried in his hands at the moment.



"Viktor," Remus said, "are you ready to tell your story now?"



Viktor removed his hands from his face. His nose bore a white bandage now, where the medi-wizards hand patched it up. He nodded once and began to speak.



Harry sat and stared at his hands -- he refused to look up -- while Viktor told them everything he knew, beginning the previous autumn and continuing through the journey to Denmark. His tale matched what Ginny had already told him. It wasn't until he'd got to the point where Ginny had taken the Portkey and travelled to the Ministry that Viktor divulged anything that was new to Harry.



Viktor paused at this point. He looked as if he was steeling himself for the next part of the story, and Harry got the distinct impression that whatever came next was an unpleasant memory.



"Ginny left suddenly," said Viktor. "I wanted her to stay and rest before she returned home, but she took her Portkey and disappeared. I didn't like it; I knew she was weak. I was weakened myself when the goddess took my talent. I think it was worse for Ginny. Gefinn held onto her much longer, I think, and Ginny cried out in pain, while I experienced very little."



Harry scowled. It wasn't fair that Ginny should have been hurt -- and she'd told him she had been -- while Viktor had got off relatively easy. There was also something in the way Viktor talked about Ginny. Something in the way he said her name. Ginny had told Harry that Viktor had been a perfect gentleman the entire time they were together, but it was now evident that if Ginny had given the Bulgarian any sort of encouragement, his behaviour would have been less than brotherly.



"But Ginny disappeared before I could stop her," Viktor went on. "She left everything behind. I was going to take one of the other Portkeys I'd prepared in case of emergency, one which would take me back to Durmstrang, and travel from there to England, but before I could make a move to pack up our things, Gefinn came out of her cave.



"She put some sort of spell on me then. I couldn't move or speak. And she told me exactly what she'd done to Ginny… The spell she'd set in Ginny's head would not restore Harry's powers…" He paused and looked up at the ceiling for a moment. Harry thought he saw Viktor blink hard a time or two. Then he murmured something inaudible.



Everyone seemed to lean forward in his seat awaiting Viktor's pronouncement. It took him a moment to realise no one had heard him the first time. He swallowed hard before repeating, "The spell would not restore Harry's powers, it would strip Ginny of her own…"


"NO!" Harry was on his feet in an instant. "NO! THAT CAN'T BE TRUE!"


He was striding across towards Viktor, but Sirius was on him in an instant, pulling him back. And Harry knew, even as he'd said the words, that it was true, that Ginny had indeed lost her powers. That was why Remus had been reminded of Harry himself after Hogsmeade. The same thing had happened to Ginny. And he'd let her do it. He buried his face in his hands, as he recalled the pain losing his powers had caused him to suffer. He knew he'd probably blocked some of it out, but now Ginny had just gone through that…



"Gefinn is devious like that, Harry," Viktor said. "She promised Ginny to make the two of you equal. This is how she kept that promise."



"Ginny told me her name meant 'the Giver'," Harry said bitterly. "But she hasn't given. She's taken! Why did I agree to let Ginny perform that spell?"



"There was nothing you could have done. Gefinn is evil. I'm sorry I set Ginny's feet on this path, but I didn't know. Gefinn is a cheat. She told me while she had me under the binding spell that even if Ginny didn't perform that spell, her powers would be forfeit at sundown. She gloated over that. She was so proud of herself. Ginny was an insolent little shrew. She took Ginny's powers to teach her a lesson in humility. There was nothing anyone could have done to stop this once it started.



"And Gefinn tortured me with that knowledge. She could see into me, and she knew. She tortured me with my feelings… She knew I was the one who had told Ginny about her. She asked me how it felt to be responsible…"



"You are responsible," Harry accused.



"I'll live with that guilt for the rest of my life," Viktor acknowledged.



"But you got away."



"I think that was part of the plan. Gefinn held me just long enough. I thought she was going to keep me from going after Ginny until after sundown when I knew it would be too late. But before it got dark she released me. She told me to go and see if I could stop Ginny. Not that it would have mattered. Ginny's powers were lost from the moment Gefinn touched her. But she put it in my head to go after and try to stop Ginny anyway. There was nothing I could do. Then she released me. I think… I think now she meant for me to be there to witness Ginny losing her powers…



He paused her again until he could master himself. "I didn't take the time to pack everything, but I did think to pick up Ginny's personal belongings to bring them back to her. It was a good thing I did. She'd left this on her sleeping bag."



Viktor had reached into his pocket and pulled out a thick piece of folded parchment with Harry's name written on it. Harry took it from Viktor. "What is this?"



"She spent the last night writing that to you, I think. I'm sure she didn't sleep. She thought she was going to have to give up her memories of you. I think that maybe she's written them down. It hasn't been sealed, but I haven't looked at it."



Harry turned the parchment over in his hands. He stared at the way she'd written his name on the front of it, familiar yet rumpled, as if she hadn't had access to a proper writing surface. His hands shook slightly and his vision clouded for a moment, but he fought for control. He had to know what it said, but he wanted to be alone when he read it.



Sirius and Mrs Weasley must have sensed this, for they both stood without another word and moved across the room. Harry slowly unfolded the letter and began to read.



My Dearest Harry,



There’s only one real way to start this letter and that’s with the truth. And the truth is I love you, Harry. I have loved you for a very long time; sometimes I don’t even know how long that has been. I’m in love with you, plain old you. I’m NOT in love with Harry Potter the Wizard or the Boy Who Lived or the youngest Seeker to ever play for Hogwarts. Neither am I in love with the Boy Who Vanquished Voldemort, not even with the boy who saved my life. I’m in love with you and the person you are, the boy with black messy hair and beautiful green eyes. Whether you have your powers or not doesn’t mean anything to me. I couldn’t care less if you were a Muggle, or a Squib or even a Vampire. Because no matter what, you are Harry and I love you! I told you once that I would never leave you, and I meant that. I might not be next to you in body, but in soul, I am right there beside you. And I will be beside you for as long as you want me there.



I know sometimes you wonder why I love you. I can’t tell you, because I’m not sure I know the exact answer. The real answer in stored somewhere deep in my soul, and I just knew it the first time I saw you. That crush I had was for the Boy Who Lived, the boy I'd heard about in my bedtime stories. But I don’t regret it; that crush was one thing that helped me survive my first year. You might be surprised to hear me say that, but it's true. I know we never talk about what happened that year, but even though it's not a pleasant memory, it's still important. My crush on you may have been a source of ridicule that was heaped upon me, but it also gave me the strength to do what I had to and resist. Because above all other things I didn't want to see you hurt.



In my second year, I knew something had changed, but I guess I wasn’t old enough to understand that change. I just remember thinking how nice you were, and how you didn’t look down on my family. Even at that young age, I appreciated your compassion. I admired the strong values you put on friendship and how you were always there for your friends, and even for those of us who were not your friends. You never flaunted your wealth or looked down on those who were Muggle-born. You made friends based on people, not on family situations or their status in the wizarding world. And with me, you never made me feel stupid or childish, which is something I know that most boys that age can’t help but do. You could have easily taken advantage of my feelings, but you didn’t. I don’t think you could have, you don’t have that type of meanness in your body. Later on when I learned of the animals that you grew up with, it didn’t surprise me that you grew up to be decent as it did others. You were born decent, it’s who you are. Now tell me how could a girl not fall in love with you?



I’ve cherished every moment I’ve spent with you. You gave me my first kiss. Every kiss since that day has been yours and yours alone. I want to share each and every new experience with you and you alone. I’m yours, Harry; I always have been and I always will be. Whatever I have done in the past months please know I did for you. I’ll try to explain as much as I can, but remember this. If you feel you must blame someone, then that someone is me. I think you know me pretty well, and you know once I get something in my head, there is no stopping me. No one could have stopped me, not you, not my family, not Hermione, and not Viktor. So remember this is my doing. It was my choice.



When you lost your powers I was upset, but not for the reasons you may think. What upset me was what you were going through. I don’t know what I would do if I lost my powers, but I don’t think I’d have quite the same reaction. I guess knowing since birth that I was a witch, it didn’t affect me as it did you when found out you were a wizard. To me, being a witch was the same as having red hair, and in my family that’s no big deal. But to you, I think, finding out you were a wizard, well, it defined you as a person. And I know coming to a world where people didn’t hate you on sight helped you fit in. I know you felt lost without your powers. I was so afraid you’d want to leave us, leave me, and I've never been more frightened. I know you’ve been dealing with your loss, but the pain is still there. I can see it in your eyes.



And I’m afraid that you won’t want to be around me anymore, that you won’t want me in your life. I’ve had nightmares that I haven’t told a soul about. You come in and say we are not the same, and you say I need someone better than you. And then I’m alone, and you’re gone. That’s scares me, Harry; it scares me so much.



It’s not that I need you. I know that sounds bad, but it’s true. I don’t NEED you, I WANT you. I want you to be part of my life. I want to share my hopes and dreams with you. I want to share my body and my soul with you. Do you understand that? I want to be your partner, your friend, your lover and, yes, I want to be your wife.



But I think one thing will hold us back. And that is you. For some reason, I know you’re afraid of not having your powers, and for the life of me, I don’t know why that is. So this is why I am on this mission. I’m not searching to restore your powers for me; I’m doing it for you. So you can believe that we are equal, even though I know in my heart that we already are. As I said before, I couldn’t care less about your powers, but I do want you happy, and I don’t know that you can be happy without them.



I guess I should try and start at the beginning, but I’m not even sure I know where the beginning is anymore…



At this point in the letter, Ginny launched into another explanation of the events leading up to the moment she wrote the letter. Much of it Harry had already heard today, both from Ginny's own mouth and Viktor's explanation. Harry was particularly interested in her impressions of Gefinn.



…I can’t say she was what I expected; I’m not sure what I expected. Let me just say, had she attended Hogwarts, there’s no doubt in my mind that she would have been a Slytherin. I’m putting my trust in her, I don’t know if that is a wise choice, but it is my choice to make. She’s asked for an offering on my part before she will grant my request and restore your powers. I had thought the offer of my Jewel-wright capability would be enough, but that does not seem to satisfy her. I went so far as to make a stone for her, and although she took it, she still wants more. The stone was so different from what I had made before, it left a strange feeling inside of me, but in no way did it make me want to retain that gift. That’s where Gefinn took issue: what good is a gift if it means nothing to me? She wanted something I held dear, something that she believes I will not be able to live without.



Harry please remember, I truly believe that we were always meant to be. And I know in my heart that I will always be in love with you. Gefinn has asked for my memories of you, and I am going to give them to her. Once I cast the spell to restore your powers, you and I will need to build new memories. Memories for a lifetime together. I will never forget you; my love runs too deeply for that. Harry, please know that somewhere deep in my soul I will know you, and I pray that you will help me find my way back to you.



I was going to end this letter with that, but I can’t. I can’t sleep, and memories of you are flooding my mind. I guess I’m thinking, if I write some down, when you show me this letter, they’ll jump out at me and I’ll remember everything. Knowing the goddess as I do, and you’d be surprised how well her personality comes out, I doubt that this will be the case. But still, I think I will write them, if not for me, then for you.



I won’t go into the first memories of the boy I thought you were, because they were made from fables, so I’ll start with my first real memory. Standing with Mum at the barrier at King's Cross, and they you were, this rumbled, messy-haired little boy, with these eyes that made me speechless. Of course I couldn’t talk to you, not even at ten was I that brave. But you looked so scared, and unsure of yourself, but you prevailed and you went through that barrier to the train. It’s silly but I was so proud of you.



It’s funny but the next thing I recall is your smile. Have I ever told you I love your smile? I really do. It’s the smile where your whole face gets involved. Your beautiful mouth is wide, with your lovely teeth showing, and your eyes shine. I can’t explain it, but when I see it, it gives me the best feeling in the world. You’ve smiled at me so many times like that, but I think the ones I remember are the ones from before we were us. In my kitchen just before my first year, I scampered out of the kitchen in fright. You said hello, and gave me that smile; it was the first time I saw it. My insides fluttered, and I was speechless, and needless to say the best recourse at the time was to turn tail and run.



The next time I saw that smile was that horrible day in the chamber. I remember opening my eyes, not knowing what I’d see, and there you were, smiling down at me. It only lasted a few moments, but you’ll never really know how you made me feel, I will always cherish that brief wonderful moment in that hideous place.



The next smile was so silly, and it was at Percy’s expense, but I felt connected to you after it. We had gone through the barrier at the beginning of my second year and Percy saw Penelope and proceeded to turn pink. It wasn’t anything big, but you laughed with me, and you made me feel a bit special. Another time was also in the kitchen at the Burrow, you had just got there from your aunt and uncle's. I hadn’t even said hello yet, I just smiled and you smiled back, but it was that smile, you made me blush.



Oh, how many times I’ve blushed around you. I could die right now just thinking about it. You’ve always had that power over me, and I haven’t found a cure for it yet. But you know what, I don’t want a cure. I’d like nothing more than to be blushing in your arms until the day I die. It’s not embarrassment that makes me blush, it’s the feeling I get inside, that makes me want to hold you and kiss you and love you. I think sometimes you make my blood boil, but in an oh so good way. I know one time you made me blush but you didn’t know it, that was on the train, my second year. The lights had gone out and I had come looking for Ron. When I came into the compartment you were so quick to tell me where you were sitting, so tell me, what would have been so bad if I had sat on your lap? I think you were just afraid your hands would have wandered as they do now. Don’t think I don’t know how your mind works.



I’m smiling now; I’m thinking about our first kiss. I wonder who was worse, you for being so clueless or me for being so scared. I remember months before that kiss, I would flirt with you, seeing if you’d take the hint, and you never did. I just thought, ‘He doesn’t like me,’ but then I realised you were just dense. Then I thought, after all what kind of role model did you have? My brother is, although I didn’t think it was possible, thicker than you. In a way it was nice to know that it wasn’t that you didn’t like me; it was that you didn’t know what to do with me. Oh, that didn’t sound right, but you know what I mean. Then there we were, standing in the living room, and you were looking at me. I couldn’t look at you anymore, your eyes were so intense, and it scared me. I think you said you owed me a thank you, and then you touched my face, and I thought I’d die. You had your hand on my cheek and I thought if you kiss me I’ll die, and then just as quickly thought, if you didn’t kiss me I’d die. Either way I was done for. Then you kissed me, it was soft and quick, mind you, had Mum not been banging around in the kitchen, I think I would have kissed you back. Unfortunately she was, and I ran.



I tried to convince myself that it meant nothing, and you were only saying thank you. But the next few weeks, you would stare at me, and you would bump into things; it was so cute. I’ll tell you, you boosted my confidence by doing that.



I still owe you a Christmas present. I love my bracelet, and I’ll never take it off again. It’s still as beautiful as it was that day, but I’ll admit, not as cute as you were. Did you really think I wouldn’t like it? I would have loved Bubotuber pus, if I knew if was from you. Well, maybe not that, but I do cherish everything you’ve ever given me. I remember how scared you looked when you were putting it on me, maybe you thought I’d bite you.



But then you did something that scared me more. You told me you loved me. I didn’t know what to say. I know I hurt you by not saying it back and I’m sorry for that. Then I couldn’t tell you I loved you back until I was really sure I did.



But I have to tell you I wasn’t sure you really did love me. I mean, I know you cared for me, and I know you were having an awful time keeping things under control, but I wasn’t sure it was love. Harry, it wasn’t you, but I do have brothers, so I guess I’ve seen those looks before. And it’s not that I didn’t like hearing you say it, but I wanted to make sure you meant it too. I soon found out that you did love me. On my birthday, when I was ready and you said you weren’t, I knew right then and there that you truly loved me. You weren’t thinking of yourself, you were thinking of me, and that is the truest form of love.



Your letters are another way I see your love for me. I’ve read them over and over and I never tire of them. I know it’s hard for you to write to me sometimes, but it’s funny too. In the beginning you make small talk, and tell me of your day and the Burrow. Then you’ll add in a bit more about work, or Sirius, and then I can actually feel you let go of your inhibitions and the words just seem to flow. You would think I’m used to it, but I still get gooseflesh remembering your letters. They are so honest, and true and real, they are so you Harry, and I treasure each one.



I want to let you know, I keep your letters in my trunk at school. They’re in an old sugar quill box, that I keep under my secret box of sweets, and my special parchment that I use to write to you. Please make sure I see them. I don’t know that I’ll know they are there when I go back to school. I want to read your letters, read your love for me. Can you do that Harry? I hope it’s not asking too much.



If you have saved my letters to you I want to read them too. If you haven’t, please don’t feel bad. I know some people don’t, but if you have, please get those to me too. Maybe between the two, I’ll be able to piece together our lives a bit faster. Then you and I will no longer be separated. Your love pours from those letters; I’ll know that the instant I read them.



I just thought of something, Mr Potter! You owe me a date. I just thought back on our first, well you ready can’t call it a date now, can you? From what I know about first dates, the boy is supposed to come to the girl's house, maybe bring her flowers, then take her out somewhere special, then perhaps a meal, and of course some romantic time at the end. As I recall our ‘first date’ you were already in my house, no flowers were in sight, and although we went somewhere special, I can’t recall any food. Can you?? Okay there was a kiss, and I’ll never truly forget that kiss, it will stay with me locked deep down in my heart.



But, I think you owe me a date. Now here are the rules. You must pick me up at my house, flowers in hand and chocolate would be appreciated. You’ll take me somewhere that we’ll never forget and then you’ll feed me. Then we can go somewhere quiet and you can kiss me, and I pray oh so much more. How does that sound, a new beginning for us, I can’t wait. I love you Harry.



Thinking of you and Oxford Street,


Love always,


Ginny



Oxford Street… Ginny always signed her letters with that. Harry could barely believe that day had only been a year and a half ago. So many things had happened since that day they'd sneaked out into the Muggle world together. Harry didn't know if he'd ever really felt like a child, but that day he almost had. They'd done something rebellious and forbidden together. He was used to doing things like that, but for the first time that day he'd brought Ginny along with him. Had that day marked the beginning of the end for her? Had her feet inevitably been set on the path that led to today even then?



Harry didn't want to concentrate on that thought. He looked back up at the beginning of the letter and began to read again, more slowly this time. She loved him. She'd done all this for him, thinking it would make him happy. She loved him, and he didn't understand why. What did she see in him that made him worth risking her future and her very life to do this for him?



He didn't get past the first paragraph when his vision clouded. How could she love him when he'd brought her to this?



He took off his glasses and buried his face in his hands. He wasn't going to cry about this now in front of everyone. He couldn't let himself. When he'd got his emotions back under control, he put his glasses back on and cast a furtive glance around the room to see who might have witnessed his near break-down. The only people left were Sirius and Viktor. How long had he taken to read the letter? He'd been so caught up in it, he hadn't noticed anyone leave.



"Where did everyone go?" he asked. His voice sounded thick.



"Remus went to tell Ginny's brothers what happened," Sirius told him. "Molly and Arthur have been allowed to see her."



"Has… has there been any word?"



"There's been no change."



"Will I be allowed to see her?"



"We'll have to wait and see what the medi-wizard says."



More time went by with no word, and Harry became restless from the endless sitting. He felt like getting up and pacing, but he knew if he did that, he'd have Sirius on his heels again. The rest of the family began to filter in one by one. Percy and Penny, followed by Ron, Fred, George and Pauline, Hermione with Remus. An emergency owl had been sent to Egypt to inform Bill.



The waiting room was full now, and there was a buzz of quiet conversation as appropriate words were said. Harry spoke to everyone, but he barely registered anyone's replies to him. He felt separate from it all. It wasn't long before he found himself in a corner by himself, where he could observe everyone. Percy and Penny were talking earnestly with Remus and Fred. George was sitting on one of the sofas bent forward at the waist with his head in his hands, while Pauline sat beside him rubbing his back soothingly. Sirius and Viktor were both fairly close to Harry but not talking to anyone. Hermione and Ron were holding each other.



Hermione suddenly raised her head from Ron's shoulder and looked straight at Harry. Without a word, the couple broke apart and came over to his corner.



"Are you all right, Harry?" Hermione asked.



Harry had expected her to berate him for not listening to her the previous week when she'd tried to explain to him what was going on. "Look, about that day at Sirius'," he began.



Hermione waved him off. "Don't think about it. I suspected what Ginny had gone to look for, but I had no idea it would lead to this."



"It's my fault she's like this."



"How can it be your fault, Harry? You didn't even know we were trying to find a way to restore your powers."



"It is my fault, Hermione. If I hadn't been such a prat and just learned to accept what had happened and lived whatever life I could, this wouldn't have happened. But no, I had to be an idiot and make her think I needed my powers back. That's why she went to all this trouble. She did it for me. And I still don't know why she'd go to all that for me."



"Harry, that's obvious. She loves you."



"Yes, and just look where that got her. You didn't see her. You didn't see how she looked after… after the spell. I thought she was dead." His voice broke on that word, and he had to start over. "And she still might. She's lying somewhere, and they don't even know what to do for her. All we can do is wait. That's where loving me got her!"



"That's enough!" Viktor Krum's voice cracked through the air. "Enough of your whinging. She's lying there because she loves you, yes, but she thought you were worth whatever it took. Are you going to turn her sacrifice into nothing by feeling sorry for yourself? She believes you're better than that! Why don't you show us you are?"



Harry didn't reply; his vision blurred, and he lunged at Viktor. This time he was going to break more than his nose. Instead of reaching his quarry, he found himself hurtling towards the floor. He put his hands out to break his fall, as another body fell heavily on top of him. It had to be Sirius. A moment later, his suspicion was confirmed when he heard his godfather growl in his ear, "Petrificus totalus!"



Harry felt his entire body seize up. Above him, he could hear the sounds of a scuffle. "If it's anyone's fault, it's that Bulgarian git's," came Ron's voice. "He's the one who put this goddess idea in her head."



"Ron!" screeched Hermione.



From the sound of things, Ron had thrown himself at Viktor. There were several grunts and groans, and what sounded like a fist making contact. The weight on Harry's back lifted, and Harry was sure that Sirius was now trying to pull Ron and Viktor apart.



"STOP!"



An authoritative voice rang through the room, and then all fell silent. It had been Mr Weasley, Harry realised a moment later. He'd rarely heard the older man shout.



"What's going on here?" Mrs Weasley sounded as put out as Harry had ever heard her. "Ron Weasley, this is a hospital! What could you have been thinking starting a fight in here?!"



Above Harry, Ron muttered something inaudible.



"And where's Harry got to?" Mrs Weasley added.



Harry would have replied but the full body bind rendered speech impossible.



"He's here on the floor, Molly," came Sirius' voice. "I had to restrain him."



The sharp sound of heels clicking across the tile floor told Harry that Mrs Weasley was approaching. "Take that spell off him this instant. I'm sure Harry will conduct himself like a gentleman."



"Finite incantatem," muttered Sirius, and Harry was able to scramble to his feet.



"I think the best thing to do in this situation is to send Viktor back to the Burrow," Mrs Weasley went on. "You look tired, dear. Percy will take you back there and see to things so you can have a good rest. If anything happens here, we'll send word to you. Would that be all right?"



Viktor looked surprised at Mrs Weasley's generosity for a moment, but then he nodded. "Thank you," he said.



Harry watched him leave the room with Percy, irritated that Mrs Weasley should open her home to Krum. It wasn't his place to say anything, but the idea gnawed at him nonetheless. The Burrow had been his home up until a week ago. But you left, a voice in his head reminded him. And it was true; he had been the one who had left, not Ginny.



"Harry," said Mrs Weasley, turning back to him, "you may go see Ginny now, if you'd like.



"How is she?" he asked. "Is she going to be all right?"



"They don't know yet. There's been no change. Come on, I'll show you where she is."



He followed Mrs Weasley down a torch-lit corridor, and Mrs Weasley left him at the door to Ginny's room. He hesitated on the threshold for a moment knowing he probably wasn't going to like what he saw.



It wasn't as bad as he'd thought. He'd had a picture in his mind of Muggle hospital patients hooked up to all sorts of machines and monitors. He'd seen them on the telly at the Dursleys'. Ginny was simply lying in bed, her hair standing out starkly against the starched white linens. She looked as if she was asleep. Simply asleep.



There was a chair by her bed, and Harry sat in it. Her hand was lying on the coverlet, and he took it. It was warm. What was he supposed to do now? He remembered the way he'd sat in the hospital wing and talked to her while she slept a year ago after he'd rescued her from Lucius Malfoy. He couldn't find any words now. Cautiously he inched the chair closer until he was able to lay his head on her stomach.



And then he began to sob.



To Be Continued…



A/N: Marian gets all the credit for Ginny's letter to Harry. Thanks to Jo for the beta, and to everyone who continues to support me through reviews.