The sunrise stained the quiet countryside with a blood red, golden pink flood and tipped the peaks of the surrounding mountains. The valleys across the way grew lighter as the gathered shadows of night faded. The dew that had collected on the untamed grass clung to the hem of the witch’s robes as she stumbled into the gate of the quiet home of the eternal sleepers. She fumbled with the latch, and when it did not open immediately, she pulled out her wand and directed a frustrated “Alohamora”, at the lock. The rotting wooden gate sprang open and she quickly brushed through, gently swinging it shut. She walked purposefully past headstones of marble and granite. At the end of the lot, in the corner farthest away from the gat, she halted her brisk trek. The usually unremarkable stone seemed to be alight with fire as the sunrise glinted off the dark granite. The witch sank to her knees on the cold, wet ground beside it. The mound of earth was littered with tiny purple flowers that had not been growing as prominently the last time she had visited.
‘Hey, you,’ she whispered, reaching a hand out to touch the cold block of stone. ‘I see that you’ve been decorating. You’ve always liked flowers,’ she said, distractedly playing with her tiny ring and not forgetting why she was there.
‘I’ve been thinking a lot about you lately.’ She took a breath. ‘I’m getting married soon, love, very soon, and I need to”let you go.’ Tears threatened her eyes already, but she wiped them away forcefully. ‘Merlin, this is difficult.’ She paused, and then the words burst from her mouth in torrents. ‘Did I ever disappoint you? Or let you down? Should I be feeling guilty?’ She took another breath, determined not to break down this time.
‘I’m sorry. But I love you, I swear that is true. I used to think that I could not live without you. I still don’t think that I can.’ She choked down a sob, but gave her tears free reign. ‘But I’m trying to move on the way you said we all should. You always knew that battle would claim your life, didn’t you? I think, within our hearts, we all knew it. But how could someone face a realization like that? My logic failed me for once. I’m so sorry,’ she repeated. ‘I should have done more research, there had to be something else out there, some alternative-’ she halted herself. In life, he had beat himself up over “his” failures, just as she was doing to herself now. He had counted on his friends by his side to stop himself from doing it. She must stop.
‘You always said that you’d take Voldemort with you, that you’d go out fighting, and you did, Harry! You did it,’ she smiled a watery smile. ‘I knew you could do it. All of us did. I want to thank you…’
Harry was pushing himself up from the ground where he’d fallen. That steely look was in his eye as he raised his wand toward Voldemort. His eyes, glinting out from the blood flowing down from his split scar, shifted onto hers, the only part of her able to move.
‘I love you,’ he mouthed to her. In another few moments, it was over, and the spell lifted from her limbs. Even as she rushed over to his body, crumpled beside Voldemort’s smoking one, she knew that he was gone. She looked down into his lifeless emerald eyes…NO! He couldn’t be…
‘No!’ she gasped, her breath coming in searing gusts. Her vision was blurring. ‘I loved you, Harry! Love you still! Why did you have to go? Why?’ she screamed into the still morning air. That horrible feeling was coming over her again, the one that had seemed to devour her entire body as of late. ‘I’m so”oh, Merlin-’
The sensation washed over her and she was on all fours, retching in the grass. When her sickness subsided, she pushed herself back up and leaned heavily against her hero’s headstone, wiping her mouth on her sleeve, completely drained. She needed to release the words she had come to say to him.
‘You touched my heart, my very soul. You changed my life and all of my goals; my love was blind, that I know: my heart was blinded by you,’ she said softly, as if reciting from an often-quoted, love-worn poem. She closed her eyes, overcome by the intense emotion and still-lingering nausea. She smiled slightly through her grief, lost in memories of him.
‘I’ve seen you cry, I’ve seen you smile, I have watched you sleeping for a while. I would have spent a lifetime with you. I knew your fears and you knew mine. We had our doubts, but worked through them. But I loved you.’ Her voice was small as the memories threatened to choke her, but she continued on. She had a purpose here today.
‘I swear it. Did you know that I still hold your hand in mine, at night when I’m asleep? I will heal my soul in time…when I’m kneeling at your feet.’ She shifted to rest her burning forehead against his headstone. ‘I’m so hollow…’ A long pause while she collected her thoughts. ‘I’ve gone through hell, Harry. Utter hell. You wouldn’t have liked that. But Ron was there for me, like a real brother would have been. We were a family, Harry. That will endure forever, the relationship we shared. And I’m getting married, Harry. Tomorrow. Tomorrow! Yet here I am, weeping at my fallen lover’s grave!’ She laughed bitterly and mopped her eyes with her clean sleeve. ‘But you told me that we should marry…’
Harry stood there with his hands in his pockets, uneasy and restless as the morning began to dawn.
‘When I die-’ he said lowly, looking into her desperate eyes.
‘No!’ she interjected, clutching his arm. He reached out to her.
‘When I die, please don’t dwell upon my death. I will die today, but you mustn’t. I want you to be happy after I’ve gone. Marry him for me, love. You’ll marry, and have children, and watch them grow-’
‘Harry!’ she nearly wailed, completely frightened by his calm acceptance of his imminent death. 'Can't we--Isn't there another--You can't just give up!'
He shook his head. ‘Please promise me that you’ll live after me.’ His green eyes were fierce and desperate.
‘I,’ she hesitated, unwilling to give her word. It would be admitting defeat.
‘Promise me!’
Slowly, she nodded. ‘I promise. Just spend this morning with me.’
They shared the remnants of their last night together, two souls so entangled they were as a singly entity…
‘I’ve kissed your lips and held your head, shared your dreams...I know you well, I know your smell,’ her voice quavered here. ‘I’ve been addicted to you. But you took my dreams with you...I need to move on, Harry. This must be my last farewell to you. I must move on. It wouldn’t be fair to him if I didn’t. Though moving on from you will be difficult whilst I am carrying your child, a constant and ever-present reminder of you…’ She gave another weak smile and said softly, ‘You would have been a father, Harry!’ She pressed the heels of her hands into her tired eyes. ‘I am moving on, Harry. You’ve helped to create new life. I must give everything that I have to this child, and to the new family that I am about to begin. He loves me, Harry. You knew that he always has. And I love him as well. I do. But I will love you forever. I am going to harbour that love deep within the folds of my heart. It will not consume me anymore, but it will always be there. I promised you. And I will uphold that promise.’
‘Hermione!’
She turned. Ron was at the gate. She raised one hand to him. He would wait for her. He always had.
‘I’m going now, Harry.’ She rose and looked down at his final resting place. She bent over and kissed his stone.
‘Goodbye, my lover,’ she whispered tenderly. ‘My dear friend. My hero.’
She straightened and walked away, not looking back. She joined Ron at the gate. He kissed her affectionately, taking in her tearstained face and red eyes. He did not say a word to her about shed tears.
‘I had a feeling you would be here today. Are you all right?’
‘Yeah,’ she murmured, wrapping one arm around her husband-to-be. ‘I just needed to say goodbye.’
Ron hugged her close and kissed the top of her head. Silently, they distanced themselves from the little graveyard. Hermione chanced a glance over her shoulder toward the far corner of the lot. She could see his upright stone appearing to rise above all the others, glinting in the morning sun. She would keep her promise.
Harboured by Connor Landon
Chapter Notes: I forgot to mention that this story was based upon the lyrics of James Blunt's "Goodbye, My Lover." We're BFFs, so he gladly let me use his poetry. ^_^