The days had passed smoothly since then; James seemed to be too focused on the upcoming match to dwell on Snape’s words of warning for long, and Sirius had lost the venom that had caused him to be so snappy and short tempered - once again, things had returned to a happy equilibrium of teasing remarks and quick, confident smiles.
Remus couldn’t help but feel relieved. The tension that had been gradually building since the start of term had grown unbearable. Sirius’ cutting remarks had seemed a little too swift, a little too scathing to be taken in the light-hearted way they were usually intended. Remus knew that he, too, had been quick in jumping to Peter’s defence; he was also partly to blame for the animosity between them. He had, perhaps, been a little too ready to defend and to scold. Remus knew that Sirius never meant it, that he would never consciously say anything that would truly hurt anyone. Yet recently Remus had felt that he needed, more than ever, to bite back on Peter’s behalf. Such arguments and hot words had become habit between them since the start of their sixth; words that were said in a temper and then swiftly forgotten with the most tender of looks.
Since that soft touch in the common room after their confrontation with Snape, Remus had noticed that Sirius had become more subdued. He indulged James more than he had before, when he would speak at length about his latest plan to attract Lily Evans’ attention. He even paid attention to Peter occasionally, when he was bouncing excitedly beside them as they walked through the corridors. Remus found he was able to relax, to not feel the need to be constantly prepared for an argument. He found that now things had returned to the way they used to be, he could quite happily sit for hours in their dormitory, half listening to James and Sirius playing Exploding Snap, half reading. He had even joined in when James began to mock Sirius for the attentions he was receiving from Marianne Merrydew. James had strutted round the room as if intoxicated, his voice high pitched as he imagined their private conversations to be. Peter had suppressed his giggles; Remus had laughed out loud, only to be met with a pillow in the face, flung across the room by Sirius.
Yet now, as Remus watched Sirius scrapping the last of his cereal from his bowl, he realised that despite the calmness that these days had brought…he missed it. He missed the fire in his stomach as he fought the urge to snap. He missed the way his mind would prepare him for all possible insults that Sirius could use, thinking of a witty retort for each one. He found himself wishing sometimes that Peter would just do something stupid, so inexplicably stupid that Sirius would just have to say something; and he could, once more, take the moral high ground.
Sirius let his spoon clatter in his bowl then leant back and stretched his arms above his head, yawning. Remus missed the way those eyes would lock with his. He missed the way that he could only feel irrational when Sirius provoked him. Remus looked down into his own bowl and gulped hard, a thought, which hadn’t ever occurred to him before, crossing his mind. Maybe it wasn’t the confrontation he missed. He wasn’t, by nature, an argumentative person. Remus looked up from his bowl to Sirius, whose eyes were fixed on the powdery blue sky of the Great Hall ceiling. Maybe what he missed so much was the moments of forgiveness…the moments that James and Peter never witnessed…the moments when Remus felt that he and Sirius were completely alone…
Sirius’ eyes had dropped and he had noticed that Remus had been staring. Remus fought the urge to blush, but it was hard not to when Sirius raised a suspicious eyebrow and flashed one of his characteristically seductive smiles. Remus took a gulp of his pumpkin juice and, digging his elbow into James, who was sitting beside him, nodded in Sirius’ direction before saying, “Any more of this and I’ll think he’s coming on to me.”
James, who had been on edge ever since he had woken and realised that the match with Ravenclaw was today, cracked a smile. Remus’ face remained passive for a moment as Sirius’ eyebrow fell, a confused scowl replacing the smile before he mumbled, “You wished, Moony.”
“Ha ha ha!” Every inch of James’ laughter was sarcastic, successfully hiding Remus’ look of complete embarrassment along with the words, “Honestly, Padfoot -sometimes I wonder if you really do believe that you’re god’s gift to women….”
“And men!” offered Peter who, up until this point, had been pretending to be engrossed in an article in the Daily Prophet whose headline read Tension Grows as Giant’s Cut Communications. Sirius flicked a soggy cornflake at Peter’s head before articulating slowly, raising a hand to his head and pretending swoon, “It’s not my fault none of you understand what it’s like to be impossibly handsome.” Peter looked confused but James laughed. Sirius winked at Remus who too gave way to the joke and began to chuckle despite himself.
Their laughter was interrupted when the post arrived; every student in the hall turned their eyes expectantly to the owls that were swooping above. Remus looked for a moment, not really expecting to see anything from home. He was surprised, however, to see a large, dark eagle owl heading towards their table. Peter yelped as it landed. Confused, Sirius picked up the letter which the owl had dropped and, without offering it the smallest of thankful gestures, allowed the owl to hoot disapprovingly and take off.
After turning the envelope over in his hands and seeing the familiar Black family crest that had been pressed in the wax to seal it, Sirius placed the letter back on the table and proceeded to ignore it. Remus looked at James.
“Maybe they just want to wish you luck for the match?” James offered as a tentative joke. Sirius did not smile, however, instead continuing to scowl down at the envelope until Remus said gently, “You should open it, though…it could be an emergency…”
All eyes were on Sirius as he licked his fingers clean and leant forward slightly; he slid his finger under the flap and broke the seal. Remus watched as he unfolded the parchment, but his eyes were not on the same spot as Peter and James’. He was not attempting to read what was written in the letter. His eyes were firmly fixed on Sirius’ face as he read; his grey eyes scanned the parchment swiftly, his face growing dark and unreadable.
He finished and after flicking his hair from his eyes, pushed the parchment back inside the envelope and stared into his pumpkin juice for a very long time. No-one spoke. Peter shifted nervously. James seemed to be trying to think of a way to persuade Sirius to divulge the letter’s contents. Remus, on the other hand, was still watching Sirius gaze down into his cup, watching the way his eyes had grown solemn as he looked up eventually to scan the Slytherin table.
“What did it say, Padfoot?” Peter asked, his voice small and nervous. Both James and Remus stared at him, shocked that he would be the first of them to ask. It was almost as if Sirius hadn’t heard, however, as he rose to his feet, grabbing the letter and stuffing it inside his robes; his eyes still on the Slytherins as he said, “I’ve got to go and…do something. Meet you before the match.” And with that he climbed over the bench and made his way across the Great Hall.
The rest of the Marauders watched him go; watched him make his way over to a shorter, darker, more contemptuous-looking boy with eyes the same as Sirius’, though they contained none of his humour or warmth. Remus saw the way Regulus raised his hand to stop the girl beside him from speaking. He watched as Sirius leant down, his face pale with displeasure as he hissed something into Regulus’ ear. Regulus had only been giving Sirius half of his attention until now, but something Sirius had said caused his eyes to fix on his elder brother’s face before he stood up and, after muttering something to the Slytherins surrounding him, followed Sirius out of the hall.
“What do you think, Moony?” James’ voice broke Remus’ attention. As he turned back to face James he saw that the concern he felt was mirrored in his friend’s face.
“I don’t know…” Remus said quietly, shaking his head slightly. “I just don’t know.”
Without you, I'm nothing by Clare Mansfield
Chapter Notes: Back into the past now and Sirius receives an unexpected letter...