All around them candles spluttered softly inside pumpkins which had been magically carved into various hideous faces, the light sending strange shadows across the Great Hall. Brave bats took their chances and weaved in out of the eating students. Peter had predictably filled his golden plate with éclairs and was in the process of scooping out some of the cream with his short, podgy finger when Sirius, after winking at James, pulled out his wand and, muttering a few, well chosen words, caused the éclair to suddenly shrink and sucker itself round Peter’s finger. Peter yelped and began shaking his hand frantically in order to get rid of it. James and Sirius were laughing uncontrollably, beating their fists on the table, sending the plates and cups wobbling. Remus, who had been taking a swig of pumpkin juice as it happened, had narrowly avoided spitting the juice across the table as he laughed, and had instead swallowed it hard, and was now coughing back his laughter. Eventually, Peter managed to rid himself of the éclair, which returned to its usual state and lay, non-threateningly, on the plate beside the others.
“So,” began James suddenly, his voice devoid of laughter as he leant back on the bench, “what’s the plans for tomorrow?”
All the Marauders looked at Remus, whose eyes were dark, ringed with black circles. His face was drawn and pale. Tomorrow was the full moon and Remus felt cold and agitated. He hadn’t been sleeping well since Sirius’ return - but that was hardly unusual; he always grew restless so close to his transformations. Yet it had somehow been worse, so much worse, since Sirius had told him about what had happened when he had gone home to Grimmauld Place. His mind had been plagued with concern. Sirius was always so flippant and angry. He appeared to not care about being disowned…but Remus knew that this was not so. Even being a part of a family like the Blacks was better than having no family at all.
But this was not the only thing troubling Remus. What Sirius had told him about a Dark Lord…about Voldemort…something in what Sirius had said had struck Remus as vaguely familiar, and he had been desperately trying racking his brain to try and remember where he had heard something similar before. Sirius had been right; there was something different in the way his family had reacted that made Remus know that this was different than the normal pure-blood elitism. Something about the way Sirius had spoken about what Bellatrix had said made Remus realise that whatever was happening was more organised, and on a larger scale, than anything that had happened before. There had been whispers for months of something changing…there had been hints in the Daily Prophet, if you read between the lines, of something very serious going on. And Remus could not rid himself of the feeling that the name Voldemort was not unknown to him; that he had heard someone, somewhere, say it before.
Suddenly, both his thoughts and the conversation were interrupted by the appearance of Lily Evans who had made her way over from the group of Gryffindor girls she had been sitting with, and was now in the process of sitting down beside Remus. James started and knocked his pumpkin juice over, sending it creeping across the table in an oozing orange puddle. Lily didn’t even look up at him as she had taken out her wand, performing a charm that immediately sucked up the liquid, before she turned to Remus and said, “Eleanor told me that you went to see her in the hospital wing…”
The tips of Remus’ ears began to burn as he turned his gaze away from Lily’s unbearably inquisitive eyes and down to the place where the orange puddle had been. He knew that Peter, who was sitting beside him, would be silently trying to fit the pieces of the events of the past few days together in his mind. Luckily for Remus, Peter wasn’t too quick; James, who was undoubtedly a lot more observant, was too consumed at staring at the way the flickering candles cast Lily in a flittering radiance, to care. There was one Marauder, however, who had been quietly absorbing the words Lily had spoken, and Remus finally raised his gaze from the table to face him. Sirius’ face was dark and he remained silent, biting his bottom lip as he waited patiently for Remus to respond.
“Well, I wasn’t really…what I mean is…” Lily had cocked her head to one side, sending her red hair rippling over one shoulder as she smiled serenely, awaiting Remus’ so obviously awkward response. Remus could feel himself blushing. Thank god for the uncertainty of candlelight, he thought to himself, idly pushing a sausage from one side of his plate to another. Sirius had leant back on the bench and folded his arms across his chest. Remus could feel his feet knocking against his own under the table. “I didn’t go out of my way to visit her…I was there with James…”
“Well, if he will insist on being an arrogant pea-brain…”
She directed this at James, who snapped out of his stupor at the insult. He pressed his palms flat out on the table in front of him and, after hesitating, struggling to find a suitable retort, he eventually settled on, “Oh, come on Evans, it’s Halloween…can’t we give all this a rest for one night out of the year?”
Lily scoffed and her words were laced with an unspoken threat as she articulated slowly, leaning across the table, “Not on your life, Potter. Do you think I’m stupid enough to let my guard down, even if it is only for one night?”
To Remus’ surprise, James seemed not to be lost for words, as he usually was when Lily’s comments turned venomous. Instead, he pushed his glasses up his nose and flashed a disarming smile before shrugging flippantly. “Scared you might have to eventually admit that you fancy the pants off me?”
Lily allowed herself to relax backwards and, after smiling sarcastically at James, she flicked her head around to once again face Remus- but she hadn’t been quick enough. Then again, perhaps Remus had been the only one who had seen the way she had blushed.
“I still need to talk to you…” she said, her green eyes fixed determinedly on Remus’ tired face, unable to allow herself to glance at the now smirking face of James.
“Surely whatever you’ve got to say to him, can be said in front of all of us.” Sirius had spoken for the first time since Lily had come over to join them. His voice was uncharacteristically devoid of any temper as he said this, but Remus could feel his foot was twitching under the table. He had seen the way his grey eyes had become thunderous when Lily had mentioned Eleanor’s name; yet he had also noticed the way he had stopped himself from saying anything, something which made Remus’ heart swell with a certain amount of respect. It took a lot for Sirius Black to swallow his pride and hold his tongue and, even if he had done it for all the wrong reasons, even if he had simply not wanted to admit that he was wrong…even if it was simply because he did not want to relive his conduct on the Quidditch pitch that afternoon, Remus felt slightly better that Sirius had been genuine when he had said that he no longer wanted to argue.
Something dangerous flashed across Sirius’ eyes; an unspoken threat, maybe, that Lily seemed to completely understand. She flashed Sirius the same sarcastic smile she had directed at James before whispering softly under her breath to Remus, “We’ll talk about it later,” then climbing over the bench, and heading out of the Great Hall.
Not once did she look back at the Marauders, although each of them watched her go; her red hair bobbed as she strode towards the door, towards a shadowy figure who was waiting for her in the doorway. Sirius looked away first, and Remus, who felt his friend’s eyes leave Lily’s form, half expected Sirius to glance at him before looking down at his plate. He did not. Instead, he began to tear up a bread roll and butter it vigorously, as James’ eyes finally left the doorway of the Great Hall and he snapped at Remus, “I don’t know why she should be so bloody interested in talking to you, Moony…” He turned his temper on Sirius; his glasses were slightly askew as he frantically ran his hands through his hair, spitting, “And if it weren’t for you, Padfoot, she wouldn’t have gone off…I swear that was Snivellus she met by the door…”
“Keep your shirt on, Potter,” Sirius said before ripping off a chunk of bread and stuffing it in his mouth. “And besides, don’t blame us if Lily still isn’t interested. It’s not our fault if you lack charm and charisma.”
James jumped up so quickly that he nearly knocked over another cup. Peter shifted nervously and Remus saw the way James looked - as though he were going to say something to Sirius but then, as if he thought better of it, he turned to Peter and said, “I’ve had enough of this, Wormtail. Come on, let’s go.”
Peter looked as though he hardly believe it as he smiled apologetically to Sirius before scurrying off after James. Never did James ask for his company over Sirius’, and as they left together, something about the way Peter had smiled seemed almost a little cruel. For a moment, the two remaining Marauders said nothing; Sirius’ hair had fallen in front of his eyes, obscuring his features from view. Finally, after draining his cup, he fixed Remus with a look, barely moving his lips as he said darkly, “So you went to see her then? In the hospital wing?”
Remus felt his chest tighten as Sirius spoke; his veins became frozen with guilt as he studied his friend in the flickering candlelight. There was no correct answer, as far as Sirius was concerned, and after hesitating, Remus gulped hard and said, “She was there when I took James in.”
This seemed to be enough. Sirius nodded so his hair once again fell over his eyes. Remus could feel his foot twitch against his own under the table, as the two friends continued to sit and eat in silence.
Without you, I'm nothing by Clare Mansfield
Chapter Notes: At the Halloween Feast and as Remus' transformation approaches he struggles to understand the significance of this wizard, Voldemort, and what happened at Grimmauld Place. James flirts with Lily as she asks Remus about Eleanor and Sirius' moods causes James to loose his temper.
Chapter Endnotes: Hope you enjoy and let me know what you think xxx