Something about the feeling of the sheets against his legs told Remus that when he opened his eyes he would not find himself in the Gryffindor dormitory. These sheets were too crisp, too thin to be the thick, embroidered blankets that Remus was used to. These were not the familiar blankets that Remus would usually wake between, his eyes slowly growing accustomed to the weak morning light. He was often the first of the Marauders to wake; he had never been a peaceful sleeper and most mornings he would wake just as the sun was rising. He would stretch and tentatively peer out of the latticed window and see the frost on the inside of the glass, debating for a moment whether he should risk the short, freezing jog to the bathroom.
As Remus lay with his eyes closed he could not hear the noise of the sleeping Marauders. He was definitely not in the dormitory. If he was by now he would have heard James snoring - not loudly, but loud enough for Sirius to sometimes conjure a peg on his nose. By now he would have heard the whimpers of Peter, who slept in the bed closest to Remus and spent half the night tossing and turning wildly. Above all, the room in which Remus had awoken from what felt like days of sleep was completely devoid of all the familiar smells of his bed; this was not grand four-poster he was so used to sleeping in. Something clinical and medicinal had taken its place and, as Remus very slowly opened his eyes, it was not a surprise to see that he was in the hospital wing. A bright winter sun lit the room with a clear, white light which made it very difficult for him to keep his eyes open. The figure by his bedside, however, had seen that he was awake and now there would be no chance of drifting back to sleep.
“It’s about time,” James began, leaning back in his chair. Remus yawned deeply. “How can you be yawning…you know you’ve been asleep for nearly two days.” So that explains the groggy feeling, Remus thought to himself. “We’ve been here half the day waiting for you to wake up. I just sent Padfoot off…Peter wandered out about an hour ago and I haven’t seen him since.” Remus managed a smile and as his eyes grew more accustomed to the sunlight he saw that he and James were the only people in the entire wing.
Slowly, Remus attempted to sit up but he couldn’t help but wince as James helped him shift the pillows to make it more comfortable.
“How bad is it?” Remus asked, his voice unusually quiet even in the stillness of the room.
James cocked his head to one side, peering over his glasses as he studied Remus’ face quietly. After a moment of silence James took a sharp intake of breath before beginning, “Well, I suppose there’s hope for you yet. I’m sure some girl will be interested…sooner or later…”
Remus gave a half-hearted laugh as he reached for the mirror on the nightstand. If he had any more energy he would have flung a pillow at James. Remus looked down at his reflection. He had seen worse. Sometimes the transformations would be more violent than others. Some months the company of the other Marauders did little to restrain the werewolf; this month, however, had not been too bad. There were the usual scratches of course; a particularly deep one had cut across his right check and had nipped the corner of his mouth. Remus knew, without even looking, that his body would be purple with bruises but, as far as he could feel, no bones had been broken. Of course, Madam Pomfrey could have healed them by now but Remus was fairly certain that, compared to previous transformations, this month’s had been fairly light.
“Speaking of girls…” James began tentatively as Remus replaced the mirror. “What exactly is going on with that Figg girl?”
Remus looked at James as if to warn him that this was not a subject he wanted to talk about just now. James either ignored the warning or was entirely oblivious to Remus’ discomfort as he shifted forwards in his chair and continued, “Oh come on Moony, you can tell me. Sirius isn’t here now so you needn’t worry about him disapproving.” Remus gulped as he lowered his eyes to the sheets that were tucked tightly around him.
“Why should I be bothered about what Sirius thinks…and besides…there’s nothing to tell. Nothing’s going on. James, honestly, you know me…”
James raised an eyebrow and could barely contain his smile as he asked, “But that doesn’t mean you don’t want there to be, right?”
Remus cursed himself as he felt the blood rushing to his cheeks. Damn James and his questions; it wasn’t really fair; he was weak. He wasn’t even sure at the best of times, let alone just after he’d woken up from his transformation. It was just like James to cut to the heart of the problem: not to be cruel but to sort things out, to make things clearer. Damn Peter and his small words of encouragement. He had been no help at all in the days leading up to the full moon as far as the topic of Eleanor was concerned. Damn Sirius and his burning looks that made it impossible for Remus to understand what was happening without feeling like he was doing something wrong. But most of all, damn Remus and the way his blush was now answering James’ question before he had a chance to.
“Look,” James began, his voice losing the teasing tone from before, his face becoming serious, “I think it’s a good thing if you like her. Why shouldn’t you? I mean she is sort of pretty, if you like that kind of thing. And she’s a damn good flyer; I’ll give her that. I don’t think you should be embarrassed, you know, it’s about time you tried giving some girl a chance…”
“We’re just friends, James,” Remus heard himself snap, and he was shocked at the heat behind his words. James had stopped talking and was now looking at Remus, who took a deep, calming breath before repeating, “We’re just friends.”
“Okay…” James replied, hesitating for a moment, his mind processing what he was about to say, before he continued, “All I’m saying is that you shouldn’t worry about what we all think. You shouldn’t be so worried about all that.”
James smiled as though to reassure Remus, but there was something about the way that the smile quickly vanished that made Remus sit forward in bed, far from comforted.
“What?” Remus asked, watching the way James seemed to be carefully formulating his reply. Patiently Remus waited and finally James seemed to decide on what he was going to say - but as he shifted closer to Remus they were suddenly interrupted by the doors of the hospital swinging open.
“Well look at you two,” Sirius smirked as he walked over to the bed, dumping a half-eaten pumpkin pasty in James’ lap before flopping down on the bed next to Remus’. James looked up from the pastry mess to Sirius, who had taken out the Marauder’s Map and was now in the process of studying it closely.
“I don’t remember asking for half a pasty.”
Without even looking up from the map, Sirius replied, “I got hungry on the way over here. You should be pleased that one of us could actually be bothered to go and get some food.” James huffed and threw the remains of the pasty in the bin.
“You know what’s odd…” Sirius began, finally allowing the map to slide into his lap as he turned to face Remus and James. “I’ve been looking at this map ever since I left here and I can’t find Snivellus on it anywhere…”
“Let me see!” James snatched the map from Sirius and began to study it just as Sirius had. “Don’t be dense, Padfoot; he’s right there…on the seventh floor…look…”
Sirius jumped up and snatched the map back and, obviously having seen the spot marked “Severus Snape”, sighed and sat down at the end of Remus’ bed.
“So how’s the invalid today?” Sirius had already seen enough of Remus’ face to know that he was relatively unhurt. He would never have been so flippant if it had been bad. All of the Marauders had seen it bad before. In the beginning, when they had first learnt of Remus’ lycanthropy and secretly visited him the hospital wing, they had all been shocked to see the cuts and the bruises. None of them would ever know, Remus thought to himself, what it was like to endure what he had to endure. None of them would ever really know the horrific changes he went through every month: when not only his body would break and distort, but his mind would become murderous and inhumane. He preferred it that way. Maybe if they all really understood they wouldn’t be his friends. Perhaps if they knew the thoughts of murder that plagued his mind when he could no longer control the beast within, they would desert him. Until then Remus was certain that none of the Marauders would betray him, or abandon him to face the full moon alone.
“I’ll live, I guess,” Remus replied, hitching his knees up under his chin to allow Sirius more room on the bed.
“So what was it that you two were talking about when I came in?” James looked up from the map to Remus, who was trying his hardest not to look guilty. It was too late, however; Sirius had seen they way both of them had looked when he came in; there was nothing for it but to tell him the truth. Unless-
“Oh, me and James were just discussing whether or not we preferred Sirius the temperamental teenager, or Sirius the dog…” Remus barely contained his smile as he turned to face a grinning James, obviously just as thankful for the lie. “What do you think, Prongs?”
Sirius scowled as James pushed his glasses up his nose before he sighed dramatically, “Oh, I don’t know, Moony…” James paused and, reaching across the bed, he patted Sirius patronisingly on the head before ending, “You really do make such a sweet little dog.”
Without you, I'm nothing by Clare Mansfield
Chapter Notes: In the hospital wing James questions Remus about Eleanor. Sirius looses Snape on the Marauder's Map.
Chapter Endnotes: Hope you enjoyed xxx