The Gryffindor common room was completely deserted as Remus sat in the armchair before the fire; his legs curled round underneath him as he stretched out his arms above his head and yawned deeply. They had known as soon as since Remus had refused to read the notes that it was a lost cause; there was no way he was going to stand watch this time whilst Sirius and James raided the Potions cupboard. Finally, Peter had convinced them that they could trust him, and all three had disappeared about an hour ago, concealed beneath James’ invisibility cloak as they had climbed out of the portrait hole. They had left Remus completely alone; it had been hours since the last few tired Gryffindors had gone to bed and had left him reading, alone, by the fire.
Remus rubbed the sleep out of his eyes blinked up at the large grandfather clock. It had just gone twelve. Maybe I should go to bed, he thought to himself, allowing his head to loll back into the armchair, as he stared absently into the dying flames. It could be ages before they got back. Maybe they were hiding from Severus Snape, who seemed to always be just one step behind; he imagined them, huddled underneath the cloak, their backs pressed against the wall as the Slytherin slipped by. Remus smiled to himself and yawned again, allowing his eyes to close. He thought of James and Sirius desperately rifling through the store, suppressing their laughter; thinking of the possible potions they could make. He thought of Peter hovering nervously out in the corridor, jumping at even the slightest noise, his eyes scouring the corridor, narrowed in the darkness.
Suddenly the portrait door flew open and Remus jumped, his eyes shooting open in time to see James and Sirius laughing uncontrollably, clutching at their stomachs before they collapsed on the floor. Confused, Remus looked to Peter for an explanation as he stood up, seeing immediately what it was that they were laughing at. Peter had turned a bright shade of green; everything from the flesh of his lips to his hair had changed, and he was looking decidedly miserable now as he looked at Remus and then at the floor. The joke seemed to be lost on him.
Flinging down his book, Remus crossed the room, stepping over the forms of Sirius and James (who were still rolling on the floor) and lifting Peter’s face upwards to examine it better under the dying lights.
“Oh,very mature. What have you done?”
“We…just…thought…we’d…try…a…little…experiment…” James managed to splutter between his giggles. Remus’ eyes were full of sympathy as Peter simply shrugged. This seemed to be Peter’s role in their group; the butt of all jokes. Sirius had stopped writhing and was now up on his knees, catching his breath and holding his sides.
“Oh, don’t fuss over him Moony!” he snapped impatiently, irritated suddenly by his friend’s consternation. “He deserved it! Besides, it will wear off in an hour or two.”
“I didn’t mean to…” Peter began, his eyes imploring Remus like a child’s. “I just tripped over the…”
“Wormtail here decided that the best way to not draw attention to himself was to make as much noise as possible.” James could not stop laughing as Sirius rose to his feet. For a moment, he seemed angry as he looked down at James, his hair concealing his face and all possible expressions. Yet this moment of darkness passed as he rolled his eyes and, after smiling down fondly at his best friend, he held out his hands for James to take.
“But still,” Remus said, not noticing the way Sirius winced as he began to speak, patting Peter on the shoulder before returning to his chair. “You didn’t have to jinx him, did you? You know he can’t help it sometimes if he’s a little…clumsy…”
“Oh come on, Moony,” James said now standing, throwing an arm around Peter and squeezing him hard. Peter’s green face grimaced. “Wormtail knows we don’t mean anything by it, don’t you?” Peter nodded, saying nothing. Remus sighed and opened his book.
“Not coming up then?” Sirius asked, and his voice had lost its previous lightness as his eyes remained fixed on the back of Remus’ chair.
“No, not yet,” Remus replied, his voice impassive as he continued to read.
“Come on Padfoot, he’ll be up in a minute.” James, dragging Peter over to the stairs, one arm still about his shoulders, had noticed the way his friend had frozen. Sirius turned to James, unable to help sniggering once more at Peter’s green face.
“You go up…I’ll stay with Moony.” Unconsciously, Remus tensed. “You go and tuck him in.”
James could still be heard teasing Peter up the stairs as Remus avoided Sirius’ eyes when he took the seat opposite, loosening his tie before yawning hard. Sirius watched the way the firelight cast dark shadows across his friend’s face; shadows which made him appear more solemn than usual. He sighed dramatically, running his hand through his long, dark hair before saying with an air of frustration, “You don’t have to stick up for him you know. We’re all friends. He knows we don’t mean it.”
Remus’ voice was calm, though he kept his eyes on the floor, as he answered, “I know, but sometimes you just take it too far.” Remus had not lifted his eyes. Sirius let his head fall back as he stared up at the ceiling.
“Maybe…” he mused for a moment as if contemplating taking the point further. “But you have to agree that he makes such a delicious victim.” Remus’ eyes had found Sirius’ by accident, and both boys smiled. Frustrated at this weakness, Remus snapped his book shut, balancing it on the arm of the chair before succumbing…allowing his smile to consume him. It was impossible to remain serious for long.
“What did you get?” Remus asked eventually, his inquisitive nature getting the better of him. Sirius yawned again, ruffling his hair aimlessly before replying, “I don’t know…James got it all…I think he’s planning on swotting up on Potions to impress Lily…somehow, I don’t think it will work.” Remus smiled. James was absolutely hopeless at Potions; he seemed to lack the subtlety required. Lily, on the other hand, was marvellous; her talents were rivalled only by Snape’s, who scowled, inconsolable, every time Slughorn praised her work, and forgot to mention his own.
“Did Evans find you in the end?” Momentarily confused by this question, Remus shrugged. He had completely forgotten that Lily had wanted to talk to him; he hadn’t even thought to look for her in the common room earlier - and now she would have long since gone to bed.
“No, I forgot.” Sirius’ face became mischievous, darkening, his grey eyes twinkling with mirth as he suggested cautiously, “She’s quite a fan of yours, isn’t she? You don’t think that she could have a soft spot for you?”
If Remus had been an ordinary boy he would have been offended; hurt by the suggestion that he could be interested in the one girl James was obsessed with. Instead he simply shrugged, swinging his legs out from underneath him before stretching them out in front.
“Not at all,” he said matter-of-factly. “You know as well as I do that she only likes James.”
“Hmmm,” Sirius said darkly, before he suddenly burst out, “I wish she would just hurry up and tell him though. It’s getting on my nerves all this going backwards and forwards. If she had just been straight with him we wouldn’t have had to have put up with his pining all these years.”
Sirius was always straight. Remus had lost count of the girls he had gone out with; none of them seemed to be around for very long. He grew restless; they grew demanding; or he simply lost interest. Remus had never met any of these girls except in passing; he always seemed to see them when he was away from them all. Sirius never once tried to introduce a girl to the rest of the Marauders. He bought them up occasionally in conversation (usually to complain about how clingy they were getting), though never once did he seem to want to say what kind of person they actually were. It seemed that Sirius didn’t really have a type; if they were pretty, female and adored him, he was usually satisfied.
“And besides…” Remus continued, interrupting his own thought process as he spoke. “I don’t think Lily Evans would ever consider me as her type.” Not that Remus minded so much; he wasn’t the kind of boy that cared much whether girls were interested or not. He found it easy to talk to them - Lily and he had grown closer since the beginning of this year - and yet he knew that he lacked whatever it was that Sirius had that made girls fall over themselves when they saw him. Remus was plain and distant, though not brooding. Often more interested in his books than what was happening on the Quidditch pitch, Remus often felt uncomfortable in prolonged conversations. He was constantly afraid that the person he was talking to would suddenly see something in him that they didn’t like…that they would look into his eyes and realise that he wasn’t exactly…normal. He felt awkward, but not shy. He seemed to be able to get along easily with just about anyone - which was why, he supposed, he had been made a Prefect. But despite this, he still wasn’t comfortable talking to strangers; it had been bad enough attempting to make, and keep, friends in his first year. He didn’t want to relive that experience with girls.
Sirius had been thinking, his grey eyes earnest as he looked at Remus, who was also consumed with thought. After a long moment of silence, Sirius cleared his throat and began to speak, his voice warm and genuine, “Oh I don’t know about that Moony…” Suddenly Sirius’ expression changed and as he beat his chest in a Neanderthal manner he teased, “Well, you certainly haven’t got the charm, looks and charisma I have.” Remus rolled his eyes. “But you definitely have…something…”
Sirius’ voice was soft, almost breathy; and something about the way he had said the word “something” caused Remus to flinch uncomfortably. Sirius seemingly didn’t seem to have noticed and his voice was more confident as he continued, “You have that kind of distance girls tend to like…you’re not cold, though, are you? I mean, it’s not like you’re a git and ignore people.” Remus laughed. “No - it’s more kind of…soft than that. More…gentle…”
Remus gulped hard as Sirius seemed to freeze, his lips slightly parted as though the words had simply dried on his tongue. For a moment he almost looked embarrassed; and maybe it was just the light and shadows from the fire, but Remus could almost make out a blush spreading its way across Sirius’ face.
“Oh I don’t know what I’m talking about…” Sirius mumbled, half to himself and half to Remus. Remus’ eyes were fixed on his friend, who had now stood up and was busying his hands by taking off his tie completely. “Anyone would think I was going all…sensitive…”
Typical Sirius, Remus thought, watching the way he wrapped the tie tightly about his hand; trust him to believe sensitivity was a weakness. The embarrassment from Sirius’ voice had vanished and the blush had drained from his cheeks as he asked with a flippant toss of the head, “You coming up now?”
“Yeah…” Remus said quietly, standing and picking up his book, “Yeah, I’m coming.”
Without you, I'm nothing by Clare Mansfield
Chapter Notes: Remus waits up in the common room for his friends to return from their night's escapades
xxx