Remus hadn’t even hesitated before going in; the Marauders had long since lost the habit of knocking on their own bedroom door. Yet something about the sight that met him on the other side made him feel like he should have. James, who had obviously been sitting cross-legged on the floor jumped, started, and proceeded to hide whatever it was that he had been so intently studying swiftly under his bed, before standing and turning to face Remus, flashing a broad grin. Remus was too well-practised to fall for one of James’ smile, and he turned his eyes to Sirius, who was laid on his back, stretched out on his bed, with his head dangling off the end.
“What’s going on?” Remus asked.
Sirius scratched his stomach lazily before yawning casually, “Nothing much; killing a bit of time before Quidditch practice.”
Remus’ eyes were once again on James, who was backing up against his bed, kicking an object that hadn’t been fully hidden underneath it and saying, “Isn’t Wormtail with you?”
Remus shrugged lightly before allowing himself to fall back onto the bed opposite Sirius’, kicking off his shoes as he did so.
“I left him in the library, working. You know, he really seems to have taken an interest in Defence Against the Dark Arts lately. He’s really improved.”
Sirius hissed as he took a sharp intake of breath and James, who had been looking into a mirror now turned, cleaning his glasses as he said, “Not sure if that’s such a good thing. Next thing we’ll know, he’ll be going around with Snivellus.”
“You can’t say that just because he’s working hard at one of his subjects,” Remus countered defensively, picking up the watch from his bed side table and beginning to wind it. “I know you don’t like the Dark Arts Prongs, but it doesn’t mean that everyone who excels at it is going to turn out bad.”
“Exactly,” Sirius said, still on his back, aimlessly caressing his stomach, “Just look at dear old Moony here. He got near perfect marks in Defence for his O.W.L and he’s as sweet as they come.” Remus shot Sirius a frustrated look. Sirius merely winked.
“Yeah, well,” James said, his eyes once again drawn to the mirror as he began to ruffle his black hair. “All I’m saying is that it’s not like Wormtail to be dedicated. I mean, what’s the world coming to? He’s down there, a slave to the books, whilst Moony is up here with us. Doesn’t seem…natural.”
Sirius laughed at his best friend’s solemn tone and, as he flipped over onto his front, he looked up at James from underneath his dark eyelashes and said, “Come on Prongs, this is Wormtail we’re talking about. You know Peter is completely incapable of having an original thought.” James grinned in agreement. Remus winced yet as he opened his mouth to speak, Sirius cut him off.
“And don’t you try to defend him…you know it’s true!” Remus said nothing as he placed the watch back down on his bedside table, allowing his head to fall back against the gold and crimson pillows as he gazed up into the canopy. Sometimes he thought that James and Sirius didn’t give Peter enough credit. Of course, they didn’t know him as well as Remus did; he was the one that he spent most of his time with. At least they seemed to share one thing in common; that neither of them, no matter how hard they tried, could compete with James and Sirius’ friendship. It had been established fairly early on in the history of the Marauders just how the group dynamic was going to work. After all, Sirius and James had been friends first, before they had even met Remus and Peter, and so it was an unspoken probability that they would always be closest.
Remus didn’t mind so much; he had been happy just to find people he could talk to, who would understand him and not judge him in the way most people did. He accepted that whatever other friendships existed, they would always pale into insignificance compared to the bond between them two. Peter had never really come to understand this; he continuously attempted to infiltrate; to make him self known. Yet Sirius and James never noticed or, when they did, all they could do was laugh. Sometimes they just seemed so oblivious to the feelings of others; careless of what they said and unaware that their insensitivity often inspired pain. It was never on purpose, of course, and yet it continued, and whereas Remus had come to accept this, Peter still was hurt so easily by the throwaway comments of his friends.
“You know,” Remus began, his eyes still fixed above, his voice reprimanding, “It wouldn’t hurt if you gave Wormtail a chance sometimes.”
Sirius sighed loudly and looked over to where Remus was lying, arms folded underneath his head, blinking patiently up at the ceiling. Remus could feel his eyes on him; he knew that Sirius would be scowling, possibly sitting up to watch Remus’ face as he said rather hotly, “We do! It’s not like we mean anything we say.”
“Course not!” James said earnestly, as if to diffuse his friend.
It didn’t work, however; Sirius had hardly heard James speak as he continued, “It’s not up to you to defend him, Moony; he can do that himself. The way you talk, you make it sound like we’re actually hurting him.”
Remus said nothing for a moment, leaving a pause that was heavily pregnant with Sirius’ frustration. Trust Sirius not to understand the feelings of others. Remus sat up, pressing his back against the headboard as he watched Sirius’ dark face and began carefully, “I’m not saying you do it on purpose…I’m just suggesting that sometimes you don’t think about what you’re doing to him. And he’ll never say anything to you two well…because…well…he idolises you both.”
“Bloody hell, Remus, will you cut it out!” Sirius spat venomously, causing James to pull his eyes away from his reflection and gaze at his friend, who was now sitting upright on his bed, shaking his head angrily.
“You’re always just suggesting this…or just saying that…” He paused, his eyes thunderous as he glared at Remus, who stared unflinchingly back. “If you’ve got something to say just come out and say it, will you? Don’t dress it up as something it’s not. We’re all big boys now, we can take it.”
Again, Remus did not reply; his amber eyes were silently imploring, his face soft and apologetic. James had frozen; his face dropped as he Sirius’ characteristically unpredictable temper coursing through him.
“Come on, Padfoot…Moony was just trying to say…”
“Exactly!” Sirius retorted sharply, suddenly jumping to his feet and grabbing his Quidditch shirt and pulling it on. Remus watched, knowing that whatever he said, it would only provoke his friend more, and that they were now all hostages to Sirius’ ferocious temper until he decided that it was time to cool down. Sirius flung open the window, sending a freezing cold breeze whipping into the room.
James yelped, grabbing his own Quidditch shirt and pulling it on swiftly with the words, “Could you at least warn me when you’re going to do that?”
Sirius said nothing in return and instead began to climb out of the window, sidling along the ledge cautiously before slamming the window shut behind him. Over the years, he had developed a habit of climbing onto the ledges of Gryffindor Tower to escape. Once, James had tried to climb out after him, but despite the fact that he was one of the best Quidditch players Hogwarts had ever seen, his agility had failed to stretch that far, and he had been narrowly saved from falling by Sirius pulling him back. James looked at Remus, who had watched Sirius go in silence; rigid with what had just past between them, his eyes were fixed on the spot Sirius had just vacated. Why does it always have to be like this, he thought to himself, completely oblivious to the presence of James at all. Why did their arguments always follow the same, predictable pattern, where Sirius would become impatient and leave Remus feeling morose and dejected?
It hadn’t always been like this, Remus reflected; his fingers idly busying themselves with pulling a loose thread from the bottom of his jumper. Not so long ago Sirius had almost enjoyed the stern looks Remus would display whenever he and James would jinx Peter; or say something - that they both thought was hilarious - at the expense of the least confident Marauder. Like a child that enjoys being punished for the attention it gains, Remus was certain that Sirius would do things just to push him; to see how far he could take it before Remus would step in. However, ever since they had returned for the start of a new term and a new year, Sirius had become increasingly snappish towards him; tones of angry frustration seemed to lace everything that passed between them. He would become more petulant than usual if Remus tried to urge him towards caution. Sometimes Remus thought he could see a smouldering anger in Sirius’ grey eyes when he looked at him, though he was uncertain whether the anger was there, or whether it was just a trick of the light.
Yet it had certainly been there now as he had slammed the window behind him; Remus had seen the disgust clearly written in his face as he turned. James had undoubtedly seen it too; his face was soft and his words gentle as he said, “Just ignore him, Moony. You know what he gets like.”
Remus was jolted out of his thoughts. He looked at James, who smiled so confidently in return. Whatever arrogance he seemed to exude most of the time, Remus knew the real James Potter was the James who had just spoken; a boy who cared, more than anything, about the feelings of his friends. Remus shrugged as if he didn’t care before sitting up slowly, the back of his hair slightly ruffled from where he had been leaning back against the headboard.
“Sometimes I wonder if…” Remus began slowly, uncertainly, but something about James’ wide-eyed expression caused him to stop and blush. James moved away from the mirror and sat beside Remus on his bed and, after glancing over to the window, he said, “The thing you have to remember about Sirius is…” Remus’ ears immediately pricked up; James hardly ever called Sirius by his real name. James had noticed this too, yet his voice was clear and sturdy as he continued, “The thing is, I don’t think he likes change.”
“But…” Remus began, confusion clearly written in his pale features. “But I don’t understand. Nothing has changed.”
“Don’t you see?” James said, his face suddenly appearing older, his voice acquiring a world-weary tone. “Everything is going to change.”
Without you, I'm nothing by Clare Mansfield
Chapter Notes: Thank you for reading and for your encouraging reviews.
James and Sirius are up to something and Remus can no longer hold his tongue about their treatment of Peter.