James was silent as he walked; no longer scanning the halls for prospective praise, no longer holding his head high. Now his eyes were vacant, completely unaware of his surroundings and as he strode swiftly up the stairs towards the portrait of the Fat Lady, Remus could hear that he was mumbling under his breath. They had hardly said a word since they had walked away; away from Snape and his now normal-sized (though still rather large) nose. As Remus turned his eyes cautiously to Sirius he saw that he too was engrossed in his own thoughts, completely unaware that they had just walked straight past Marianne Merrydew, who had tried to attract Sirius’ attention by whispering his name softly.
“I don’t like it,” James said, more coherently than his self-addressed mumblings had been, halting as the stairs changed their position. “I don’t like what Snivellus said…”
“Which part?” Sirius said coldly. Remus already knew what part of the speech had disturbed James the most. It had disturbed him too, to hear Snape so confidently inform them that the hunted would soon become the hunters…that everything was going to change. A shiver crossed Remus’ heart and as he ran his fingers idly through his sandy hair, replaying in his mind the words of James and the Slytherin boy: ‘You don’t frighten me with your empty threats, Snivellus’…’ And that will always be your first mistake.’ There had been something unusual about this confrontation, something which had made it feel so different to the others. Not a day went by without something of this kind occurring; James and Sirius would taunt Snape, push him and hex him until they grew tired, laughing as he would hiss words of warning to the Marauders. This was common enough. But something about the way his eyes had danced when he had stared at James - something about the coldness that laced his words - caused Remus to shudder. His response to Sirius dropping the wand had been too cool, too collected. There had been something about what Snape’s words which had just struck Remus as odd.
“I think you’re right,” Remus said slowly, his eyes focused on the stairs which continued to swing, uncertain of the ways in which they wanted to change. He felt his friend’s eyes on him as he continued, “There was something about Snape that just didn’t seem…normal…”
Sirius laughed; a cold, mirthless laugh completely devoid of any real humour as he said, “Normal? Since when has our darling Severus been known for being normal?” He had expected James to laugh but he did not, and Remus watched the look of concern grow on Sirius’ dark features as he watched his best friend gaze absently into the paintings, ignoring their conversation.
“Besides,” Sirius continued, his voice less sharp then before as he addressed James directly, “You know what he’s like. All mouth, no trousers if you ask me. Typical Slytherin…thinks the sun shines out of his arse!” His voice contained a shudder as he said this, yet still showed his typical arrogance. “Perhaps I could understand if he wasn’t a half-blood himself. Bloody hypocrite!”
James turned to Sirius, finally joining the conversation. Remus noticed the caution he applied; his voice was soft and hesitant as he asked, “Padfoot has anything been happening lately, you know, with your family?” Remus knew the reaction this would inspire and, true to form, Sirius’ face twisted into a familiar expression of disdain.
“What do you mean?”
James threw a look to Remus which he acted upon immediately, taking a step towards Sirius as he began calmly, “I think what Prongs is saying is that…well…with your family being who they are, they would know, wouldn’t they? They would be the first to know if something was…going wrong…”
“Don’t you think I would have told you?” Sirius snapped, setting off up the now settled staircase in attempt to escape the questions of his friends. Remus and James followed swiftly, however, catching up with him in time to hear him say, “Don’t you think I would have said if something had happened?”
No, no you wouldn’t have, Remus thought. Sirius stopped and turned as if he had heard what Remus had been thinking, his grey eyes boring down into his friend’s in an attempt to hear more of what Remus was saying inside. Remus did not flinch under the scrutiny; this intimacy made Sirius more uncomfortable than him. He could stand his friend’s eyes delving; he could embrace the vulnerability such a study inspired. It was times like these that Remus knew that he was stronger; he was stronger than Sirius could ever be and, sure enough, it was Sirius who looked away, exhausted, unable to continue the silent messages that seemed to pass between them.
“I’m just saying…” James breathed heavily as they began to walk again, swiftly climbing the stairs to the portrait of the Fat Lady “I’m just trying to make sense of what Snape said.”
“Well, don’t you think it’s pretty obvious? He was just trying to rile you up, that’s all. It’s the only weapon he has, isn’t it - words?” Inwardly, Remus disagreed; he had always thought that they had underestimated Snape; that both James and Sirius had just assumed that because Snape seemed such an obvious target, he was happy to play the victim too. Oh, no, Remus thought to himself, suppressing the views he longed to express for fear of angering Sirius further; Snape was not like Peter. Peter played the victim. In a perverse way, Remus knew he enjoyed it. He saw the momentary delight that would pass across his face when James and Sirius would finally acknowledge his existence with a taunt, or a hex, or a potion that were just dying to test. He waited for the attention that such moments brought; Remus saw him suppress a smile of joy every time that James and Sirius seemed to find humour in taunting him. Severus Snape was much more dangerous than that.
As they reached the landing in front of the Fat Lady, Remus could hear a familiar wheezing noise behind him and, on turning round, he saw that Peter had been following them, books clasped close to his chest, his face red with exertion. Neither Sirius nor James seemed to notice that Peter had arrived and as they muttered the password Remus couldn’t hear what else they were saying over Peter’s questions.
“Wha…what’s going on? What was that they were saying about Sn…?”
“The prodigal son returns!” Sirius said, suddenly halting in the portrait hole, turning to look at Peter. “Been swotting up again, Wormtail? Any more of this and I’ll have to get you to help me with my Transfiguration essays instead of Moony.”
“Well…I…” Peter mumbled before blushing, his nails digging into the leather bindings of the books he carried. Remus could feel his tongue loosening as Sirius sniggered cruelly, throwing a warning look to the Fat Lady to mind her own business. He could feel the urge to speak rising and almost without thinking he found himself saying, “You shouldn’t snap at Peter just because he asks a question! He wasn’t here, he didn’t know!”
“What do you care?” Sirius retorted sharply, his eyes glowing dangerously. “You’re obviously more interested in talking to that Figg girl than you are in remembering who your real friends are!” At once Remus froze, Sirius’ words hitting him, catching him off guard. He stood, confused, open-mouthed, unable to process what Sirius had just said. What was it that he had just been accused of? James’ eyes were moving between Remus and Sirius, who was still standing in the portrait hole, hair in front of his eyes, his cheeks flushed scarlet. He said nothing further, although his lips were moving to form an apology he couldn’t bring himself to say. Eventually he stopped and, after clicking his tongue hotly, moved through the hole and into the Gryffindor common room, gesturing for them to follow. Remus’ mind was whirring as he watched his friends climb in behind Sirius. Peter had obviously forgotten the insults of earlier and was desperately trying to quiz James about his game plan was for Thursday. Remus followed, Sirius’ comment still ringing in his ears as he stepped into the common room in time to see James and Peter disappearing up the dormitory stairs.
The portrait swung closed behind him and he moved to take his seat by the fire. Before he could reach it, he felt a hand grasp his wrist and prevent him from moving. Remus could feel the tough, familiar hand strengthen its hold on the soft skin of his wrist; he could hear the unfamiliar, unsteady breaths of Sirius as he turned to face the friend who had seized him. Sirius’ face grew dark and earnest, the sides of his mouth twitching slightly as Remus’ eyes sought the answers to the questions that he knew must be asked. Finally Sirius released his wrist and paused uncertainly before saying, “I don’t mean it you know. I just lose my temper and don’t think. I never mean it.”
Remus smiled, able to forgive Sirius instantly as he sensed the remorse in his words. He allowed the warmth of his smile to spread to his amber eyes, and he felt them grow loving as he reassuringly placed a hand on Sirius’ shoulder. He felt the jolt pass through Sirius’ body as he did so, could sense the way Sirius was restraining himself; his body swayed ever so slightly closer, yet was being pulled back by some invisible force that only Sirius could control. Something about this warmth seemed to burn him and, after a moment of indulging in the intimacy of Remus’ forgiveness, he pulled back, flashing a confident smile before disappearing up the stairs in search of Peter and James.
Without you, I'm nothing by Clare Mansfield
Chapter Notes: After the altercation with Snape James is un-nerved and Sirius snaps
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