Severus Snape was disgusted with himself. How could he have gotten himself in this situation? He was still amazed at the fact that he fooled two of the greatest wizards of all time, and was alive long enough to worry about it. He knew he’d have to end this madness. But he just didn’t know how.
Snape heaved an unpreventable sigh. The next few minutes would bring yet another group of naïve teenagers, probably animatedly gossiping about him in the corridors as they approached. He couldn’t deny he was even more merciless, so to speak, than usual. But who wouldn’t be with only the whole wizarding world’s fate resting on your shoulders?
He couldn’t tell them that though. It was beyond their carefree comprehension. Except for one of them. Harry Potter sunk into his seat, his shoulders slouched. He was seemingly an average boy, unhappy about attending his least favorite class. Snape saw, however, the depth of understanding in his deep, emerald eyes. Harry had the potential of understanding how Snape felt. But he could never confide in the boy, of course. He just maintained a steady wall between them. A wall of indifference, possibly coming off as sheer hatred, one which kept him from breaking down and unloading the burden that made him the lonely, bitter man he was. Reluctantly, he began another mind-numbing lecture.
The students, with renewed vigor sparked by the prospect of a fresh weekend, quickly packed up their cauldrons, swept ingredient scraps into trash bins, and poured ill-brewed, potentially life-threatening concoctions down the drain.
Severus was happy to see the last robe swish around the corner and disappear into the darkness of the dungeon corridor outside. With a sigh, he checked the time. He had an appointment with Dumbledore. He hadn’t a clue what was to be discussed, but didn’t think it could be good. More work, more decisions, more burdens.
He set out for the gargoyle he’d stood before many times. Uttering the familiar password, he waited for the thing to move aside. It did not. He repeated it, louder. No movement. He stood there in puzzlement for a few moments until he remembered the password had been changed the previous week. His mind had really left him in the last few months. Its slipping away scared him.
At last, he reached the office. “Hello, Severus. I’m glad you could make it. Lemon drop?” Dumbledore offered politely. Severus rejected the offer, and got straight to the point. “Why did you need to see me?”
“Please, sit,” Dumbledore requested, seemingly ignoring Snape’s question. Snape obliged. Dumbledore took his seat as well, lowering his spectacles. He peered over the glass, the pale eyes dipping into Snape’s soul.
Severus, I need you to do me a favour.”
“A favour?” Snape repeated. It seemed like a strange word coming from the great wizard’s lips.
“Yes. As you know, a war is inevitable. I- we- need you to help us in this fight. You alone can aid us in ways no other man is capable. I think you understand what I am asking.”
He did understand. He knew this time would come. Ever since he first took his post at Hogwarts, he had been expecting this request. He had yet to find his answer.
“Sir, may I have a night to ponder this? It is quite the feat.” Dumbledore must know that he had been thinking about it for quite some time now, but he simply nodded his head.
“Take as long as you need. I know this cannot be easy, choosing good over evil. Embracing love instead of greed.”
Snape was caught off guard by this comment. The words themselves seemed sarcastic, but the voice was utterly sincere. Only Dumbledore possessed that kind of skill with words. It made Snape uneasy. Attempting to ignore the air that now replaced his stomach, “I’ll come to you with my answer tomorrow.”
Without waiting for a signal of dismissal, Snape headed down the staircase. He couldn’t take those expecting, trusting eyes boring into him any longer.
Feeling drained and exhausted, he settled into his bed. He tossed and turned, a million thoughts swirling in his head. Finally, he fell into a light, fitful sleep.
He was standing in a blank room with massive, gray walls as far as he could see. Then, like an old timey picture show, black and white images were conjured on the screen. At first he thought it was a Muggle movie. But he soon recognized the characters. His life was literally flashing before his eyes.
The first floating illustration split down the middle as another memory was cast upon the wall. Snape watched important parts of his life bounce around, bumping into one another occasionally. James hanging him upside down beside the lake, Lily defending him, scribbling in his old potions book, Harry’s arrival at Hogwarts, taking his post at Hogwarts, talks with Dumbledore, chats with Voldemort, even when he got the Dark Mark etched in his skin. They all swirled around like bumper cars at a Muggle carnival.
After watching his autobiographical movie for some time, he noticed new arrivals forming around him. They shaped people. His mother, Harry, Dumbledore, innocent victims of Voldemort, the Dark Lord himself. Each person desperately made their case as to which side he should choose.
Then everything divided. The imaginary Harry and Dumbledore first separated from the crowd, soon followed by other people and memories. Voldemort ceased control of the remaining. They each beckoned him to their groups, but he saw a third side. A more appealing option. He was drawn to it, only to be pulled back by the mobs.
All of these arguments, all of the people and scenes bombarded him with reasoning. It was too much! “Shut up! Stop!”
He made a desperate grab for his wand…
Icy cold sweat soaked the blanket. Drips fell from his face as Snape pulled the covers from his shivering legs. He knew now what he had to do. He couldn’t give himself to any side. Instead of jumping from either side of the fence, he decided to burn it down and run.
He slid off the bed. No time for sleep. He had a plot to formulate, a world to deceive.
Snape's Decision by Bookworm_Weasley
Chapter Notes: Obviously all JKR's, I'm just having fun with it.