6:56 p.m.
Hiding in the Girl's Lavatories
You know what's frustrating, Eduardo? You know what really cheeses me off? It's that every time I open me cake-hole to say something witty and clever, and so captivating to Remus, something god awful happens to spill out! This isn't a slightly embaressing comment 'bout the weather. No, no. Y'see, ain't a way angels in heaven would let me off that easy - I'm quick to assure you.
I do believe the conversation went something like this:
"How're you today, Derry? You look a bit pale."
There're two mistakes to this. One: MY NAME IS D. Remus however, is allowed to call me Derry should he please. He could also call me 'Queen of the Dirtiest, Rattiest, Most Obscene Deformities' if he'd like, and I'd probably purr. He doesn't though, because it'd be awfully impolite, and probably somewhat ridiculous.
And two: I'm already pale as snow, but it was nice of him to care for me well-being. See, Eduardo? He harbors complete devotion to me as well. You were a fool to doubt me.
To continue, I replied like this:
"Don't worry your pretty little head over it, Remus, darling. Just paying me duty to Eve's Curse."
I have never seen a boy pale so fast in me entire life! If he thought I had been worse in colour, he should've seen his face!
Yes, Eduardo. I was not mistaken to warn you. Y'see, I broke the cardinal rule of the Girl's Code. I shared with a boy I'd be only too happy to snog that I was having me period.
I could kill myself - truely, I could. When I'm with that ONE bloke, it just - goes - wrong.
I act like an idiot. I look like an idiot. I feel like an idiot.
...
The evidence is overwhelming.
Later
9:09 p.m.
Girl's Dormitory
Hello, Eduardo,
No, I did not kill myself.
Yes, I did consider it.
Yes, it was Valerie who stopped me.
Yes, somewhat reluctantly.
No, I didn't appreciate it at all.
September 7th
8:23 a.m.
Great Hall
Hello, Eduardo,
Mam sent me a letter today. Truely fascinating, that bird is. She went on and on about how she was 'carded' at the grocery store as she tried to pick up her
The biggest compliment you can give me mother, is to assume she's too young to drink or smoke.
Merlin, will she ever love you if it came to that.
Anyway, you should also know me mother is constantly "hopin' fer a soapin'", as me Da used to put it. She spends hours infront of our television set watching her "stories". Apparently, (and she used more than neccessary exclamation marks for this, so you know it's important) Calita and Rhett are finally together, as they should be, despite Calita's sordid affair with Morpeous, the troublesome but misunderstood rebel, during the time Rhett was comatose due to being hit by a car by his ex-wife's second cousin who was engaged to Elvis Costello or something equally alarming and confusing.
In any case, it nearly eclipsed the real reason of her letter.
Me Da is remarried.
He eloped! He sent me Mam a letter to inform her, and worse, she's thrilled for him!
That lousy, good for nothing, slimy, deceitful, SELFISH eejit didn't even drop me one decent letter. I don't even know her name. I don't know how old she is, or how long they've known each other, or what Kip thinks of her. To be true though, Kip is a horrible judge of character, so I suppose that's all as well, because she could be You-Know-Who and he'd think she had the most wonderful table manners.
Merlin! What if she's You-Know-Who? Is that possible?
...Why would You-Know-Who have dinner with Kip and Da?
Oh Gods, Eduardo, I've scarred myself.
...
Do you think she's prettier than Mam?
September 8th
7:28 p.m.
Gryffindor Common Room
Hello, Eduardo,
I've sent a letter to me Da, so when he replies, you'll be the first to know.
Actually, no. I suppose me real actually alive and breathing friends will be first.
But you'll come soon enough. Don't pull that look, eh?
Anyways, to add to me teen-angst, Remus has avoided me since what shall only be know as 'The Incident'.
I preferred 'The End of My World as I Know it To Be', but Valerie said I was being melodramatic and told me to shut my gob. Why I put up with that snob is beside me, but I suppose it's because she's the only one who knows how to put on mascara without it getting clumpy or goopy in the corner of your eye. I suppose you don't know what I mean by that, as you are not only a bloke, but a book at that, and not a person with eyelashes, but it simply must be known that that girl is a magician with a cosmetic wand. I suppose being a Magical Being helps with that, but that's entirely beside the point, Eduardo.
Lily did what she could to comfort me. What that means is that she got a fifth year prefect to sneak into the kitchen and bring back snacks for us. If you are wondering how many pastries I can fit in me stomach without feeling nauseous, then the answer is seven.
After that, everything got a little hazy..
September 10th
10:22 a.m.
Transfiguration Classroom
Hello, Eduardo,
I do hope McGonagall doesn't glance me way. It sure would be an inconvienence if she caught me whispering to me diary instead of practising me spell work.
Anyways, I started me morning with as much grace as I could possibly muster. Lily and Valerie had already left for breakfast, so I stumbled into the Common Room after taking a shower and escorted Teddy to the Great Hall. This didn't go grand, because as soon as we stepped out of the Portrait Hole were we apprehended by the Marauders. I was not particularily pleased about this, because Remus was avoiding me eyes, and he had turned a rather dashing shade of pink.
Yes, I wanted Remus to blush around me, but Meeeerlin, not like that! Please, please, please grant me the use of a Time Turner!
I promise to use it for only good, and not evil.
Well, our stroll as a group of six was less than pleasant. James had slung his arm around me shoulder and had given me a grin, and like usual said, "Top of the mornin' to ye."
I was not in the mood, so I replied, "Feck off!" Loudly, and.. not nicely. Teddy was beaming.
"HEY!" yelled James, looking somewhat stricken.
"Well there it is," said Sirius, looking rather smug as he patted the slumped shoulder of a disappointed James. "D's used the "F" word."
Peter frowned, looking around with a dazed expression upon his ugly mug before answering, "I think she said 'feck'."
"What's the difference?" snapped James, crossing his arms across his chest and pouting behind my back.
"The letter 'u'," replied Remus, drawing the letter in the air with his wand. He was smiling, but quickly frowned when I sent him an appreciative grin.
Pfft. Boys can rot in the ditch for all I care.
A/N: I have to make a few notes before all of you who have read this leave a review of appreciation, riiight? Yes, that's right.
Anyway, 'hopin' fer a soapin' belongs to the one and only Ned Flanders from the Simpsons. I believe he threatened Rod or Todd with washing out his mouth by saying this. In any case, it's not mine.
Second, the whole "feck" scene with D, Teddy, and the Marauders was stolen from my favourite movie, 'Almost Famous'. If you haven't seen it, I strongly urge you to rent it. It's great.