Sleep eluded Severus Snape, so he did something he had not done for eighteen years. He sat at the edge of the soft, feather bed, put his face in his hands, and let his body shake with sobs. These tears, he remembered, had been hidden deep inside of his core since Richelle’s funeral.
*********************************************************************
Severus stood at the back of the crowd, concentrating on keeping emotions out of his consciousness. Albus Dumbledore stood and spoke, not of the niece that he loved so dearly, but of the student, so keenly intelligent and gifted in many areas of magic. Lily Potter eulogized her friend, calling her death another sign that the Wizarding world was in a great war. She spoke of the woman who had been not only a friend, but a “sister with whom they shared all of their secrets .” Severus noticed Lily making eye contact with him.
************************************************************************
Severus was astounded at the incredulity the last twenty-four hours of his life. The woman he had mourned for years was, in fact, alive. She brought him here, to her home, and vowed to keep him safe. But not before leaving again. Business. Later Severus. Not now. And when she returned, she was tired. So now, he wept, not because of a tragic death, but instead for a tragic loss. He finally realized what his reckless actions had cost him, and he found his emotions both irrepressible and erratic. His heart raced and his lips wanted to curl into a smile knowing that the woman he loved was alive. Yet, he felt his stomach lurch with fear what she had endured for the past eighteen years. More than any other sentiment, however, he was irate with himself for being so irresolute and imprudent so many years ago. It was too much to handle at one time. Severus Snape yearned for a firewhiskey.
Without warning, he felt a laugh come upon him. He should have known, even then, that Richelle would not allow herself to be killed by a Death Eater. She was far too clever and too audacious, so ultimately Gryffindor for that, and the memories of their early days flooded his consciousness.
**********************************************************************
“Severus, could you stay a moment after class?” Professor Slughorn had asked him. “One of my forth year’s has been ill and missed my class on Shrinking Solution. I have asked her to come to make it on Saturday morning, but I have other duties that need attending, so I would like you to supervise her for me. She has requested assistance.”
“I thought you would have asked Evans,” Severus hissed, “brilliant potion maker that she is.”
“Miss Evans is brilliant, Severus, but I believe that you have the makings of a fine potions master too.”
He ran his long fingers through his silky, ebony locks. Looking back on it now, Severus Snape realized that his sixteen year old self had no idea how this encounter in a potions lab would shape the rest of his life. He remembered being thunderstruck when she first walked into the room.
“Oh, hello,” she said with a feigned hint of disappointment.
“Expecting someone else?” Severus tried to comport himself in a way that seemed confident and casual, despite the fact that he was bowled over by her presence.
“Well, I just assumed that my tutor would be Evans.” The young witch surveyed the room. “Let’s just get started then, Snape.”
“You know me then?” Severus tried to close his mouth before she noticed his astonishment. Beautiful girls from other years and other houses didn’t usually call him by name.
“Of course I do; you’re friends with Lucius, my--”
“cousin “ that’s right. I thought you looked familiar.” Snape turned to get the cauldron so his eyes would not betray him. He had noticed Richelle instantly, as had every other Slytherin boy the moment she came on campus. Gentle waves of honey-colored hair cascaded over her shoulders, and her silver eyes beckoned them all. When she sauntered by, an aroma of raspberry jam wafted behind her. If not for Lucius Malfoy’s threat that none of them even speak to her, then perhaps…
“Well, yes, we are related so to speak,” she interrupted his thoughts and he had an eerie feeling that she spoke to prevent him from thinking more. Then, she looked at him, her eyes twinkling like stars, and flashed him a grin, “I’m Richelle Bowen.”
They worked in relative silence for the next hour as she successfully brewed the potion. Her skills would be adequate, he had thought, if she would slow down long enough to read the directions more carefully.
“Despite my poor patience with potions, they say I’m the brightest witch in my year, like Evans,” she continued stirring the brew as she studied his face.
Severus realized that he had been staring at her. “But Evans is just a--”
“You don’t like that she’s muggleborn do you?”
Severus vacillated in his reply, suddenly not wanting to seem like a git to this girl.
“Perhaps you’re just a bit jealous that she gets so much attention.” She smiled serenely. “Lucius is a bit jealous of me too. Of the blood we do not share, mine is a bit more powerful, which is why I ended up in Gryffindor.”
“You’re a bit””
“Outspoken?”
Severus wrinkled his brow at the fact that she could finish his sentences.
“I know you fancy me too.” Her eyes danced and she smiled brazenly as his black eyes widened and he took a sharp breath. “It appears I could teach you a thing or two, Severus. Have you heard of Occulumency?
***********************************************************************
Severus’s mind leapt at another memory, his first lesson. She had approached him in the library and told him that she had secured the use of a classroom from her uncle. He could meet her at ten o’clock on Saturday morning during the Ravenclaw-Hufflepuff Quidditch match.
*********************************************************************
“Now, Severus, just empty your mind, make it blank and calm, no emotions.”
Severus was uncomfortable. He did not want her to see what he was really thinking, how he had thought of nothing but her in the last week “ the way her hair fell over her shoulders, the way her silver eyes flashed when she smiled, how perfect her lips were. He couldn’t empty his mind so he tried to think of something like a fortress, brick wall, brick wall, brick wall.
“No, you don’t think of bricks,” she hissed and then drew closer to him. “Occulumency is a skill that all strong wizards should have. It will serve you well, as will its companion. Both of which I possess with great skill.” Her unbridled confidence was intoxicating him. “You should learn to block your mind first though.”
After several more attempts and various thoughts of other bastions, Richelle dropped her wand. “I can see that you can’t concentrate, but I think I can remedy that. So, Severus Snape, I will just tell you what is on my mind and then perhaps we can get on with the lesson.”
She paused and his eyes met her silver orbs.
“I fancy you, Severus. I have been drawn to you for a long time now. I have studied you, Severus, in the library, the Great Hall, in my own dreams. You are in awe of the Dark Arts, yet you fear them. Interesting. Like me, you have, shall I say, family ‘issues.’”
Severus stood, feet frozen in place, and was afraid to let himself believe her words. Could it be a joke? Did Potter put her up to this?
“ I asked Slughorn for your help with potions; I told him that I had already asked Evans and she was unable. I wanted the chance to be close to you, Severus, and,” Richelle crossed the room toward him, “now I keep hoping you will kiss me so I can stop making all of these embarrassing confessions.”
Before he realized what he was doing, he felt his lips meet hers, timorously at first, but with growing passion. His hands found her hair and he was lost in her from that moment.
*********************************************************************
Across the cottage in another room, Richelle Bowen also found sleep keeping its distance from her. She was glad to be home again. The warmth of her home contrasted with the harsh conditions of Scotland. Yet, as physically comfortable as she was, the past twenty-four hours had been emotionally trying. She had known it would be arduous to be in communication with him again. This past year, seeing him nearly every day, had twisted her emotions.
When she could chance it, she had watched him from afar. His ebony eyes were cheerless and cold. His countenance was so harsh. He seemed so angry, jeering at students and being short-tempered with colleagues. But one night, as she hid in his office beneath her invisibility cloak watching him for hours while he poured over essays, his loneliness struck her, and, in this time, she could almost discern the man that she loved.
As tears stung her eyes, she remembered them sneaking around Hogwarts under the same cloak as they planned to elope.
**********************************************************************
“Severus, are you sure this is what you want?”
“The only thing that would make me happy is to be with you for the rest of my life, Richelle Bowen. When you are with me, I am free “ free of my own darkness, free to believe that there is a purpose for my existence. I cannot bear one more day without you.”
“I cannot leave school yet.”
“I know.”
“How can this work?”
“ We will have to keep this a secret for the time being “ there have never been married students at Hogwarts.”
“I can’t believe Abraxas signed the consent form for me.”
“Probably didn’t read it.” Severus raised one brow and smirked at her.
“Probably didn’t care to.” She giggled.
“Are you sure it is what you want, Chelle? You are very young and very beautiful “ what if you meet someone else.” He had looked away from her then, averting his eyes and heaving a great sigh.
“Severus Snape,” her fingers glanced his cheek, turning his face back to hers. She grazed his lips with hers before saying, “ there are many boys who fancy me. I could have my pick, but I choose you.”
“I find it astonishing.”
**********************************************************************
Richelle’s mind snapped back to the present. Severus Snape, her Severus, was sleeping just down the hallway, but she did not know if she could trust him. Albus did, but she could not be certain.
The ghosts of his mistakes haunted Severus. When had he lost sight that all he wanted was her? When had he failed to realize that she did not desire the money and power that the Dark Lord offered him? Why could he not see the way her eyes had shone when she was looking at him? Then, he told himself, then he would have known.
They argued rarely, but only once in public. They had been married in secret for nearly a year. She was still at Hogwarts, but he was working in the Potions Lab at St. Mungo’s with her best friend Lily Potter, the only person who knew their secret. It had been six weeks since the last Hogwarts weekend and Severus was miserable without her. Every second he had alone, all he could think was that he could be spending time with his stunning wife.
Lily had been helping them see each other, and she came through again by writing to the Headmaster and asking for permission for Richelle to attend her 19th birthday party. James, her new husband, planned a party for all of their friends at Club Keyo in Diagon Alley. Severus was invited because he worked with Lily. At the party, he was to spend time with his wife and they would sneak away to have the rest of the weekend together.
Severus arrived at the club late. He hated the idea of spending any time with James Potter and his friends, so he hoped that Richelle would be ready to go before he arrived. This was not the case. His wife had discovered Firewhiskey and was having quite a good time.
“Why it’s Severus Snape,” she said in mock surprise, “Lily told me you were working with her at St. Mungo’s.”
Severus played along because he felt the situation required it. “Yes, we make quite a team.”
“I’m sure you do.” She smiled and he wanted to Disapparate with her right then “ their time alone being too precious to waste at a bar. “I remember you were quite good at potions in school. Remember when you tutored me after I was ill.”
“Yes, I do.” He truly was not good at being flirtatious. Part of what he loved about his relationship with Richelle was that it had always been direct “ that was the type of communication that made him most comfortable.
“I feel like dancing,” she said exubertantly, “Severus, would you like to dance?”
Fear crept over him. Severus Snape did not gyrate to music. “I’m sorry, Richelle, I don’t dance.”
She began to pout, but before she could speak another person entered the conversation.
“Lucky for you, Richelle,” Sirius Black cooed coyly, “I love to dance.”
And with that, Severus watched his sworn enemy from school lead his wife to the dance floor. They danced for what seemed like an eternity.
“You could cut in,” Lily encouraged him, but Severus just ordered another Firewhiskey of his own.
“This was a bad idea.” He could not hide the cynicism in his voice.
“Severus,” Lily said softly to comfort him, “she loves you and she wants to do what all women in love want to do “ flaunt that love to the world.”
“But she’s still in school “ it’s just not wise.” He stiffened as he saw Barty Crouch, Jr. enter the room.
“She’ll be graduating soon, Severus, and you two will have to come up with a plausible explanation. I don’t know why you insisted on pretending to split, especially when Lucius came around.” Lily took a sip of her drink and made eyes with Potter who was chatting with Remus Lupin across the room.
“I don’t trust Lucius,” Severus said. “He is never accepting and forgiving without a price.”
Lily snorted and rose to dance with James. “Well, that’s a fact isn’t it!”
After his third drink, Severus noticed that Black was no longer dancing with his wife. He was, in fact, pulling her toward him and trying to kiss her. Severus, filled with rage, strutted to the middle of the dance floor arriving just as his wife’s hand struck Sirius Black’s cheek.
“Sirius, I am not a one-night-stand kind of woman. I will not be groped by you or anyone else.”
“Chelle, baby, you know how I feel about you.” Sirius made to grab at her again, but Severus interceded.
“I think the lady wants to be left alone.”
“Listen, Sni-
“Don’t even think of calling him that,” Richelle retorted at Black.
Severus, not wanting to be weak in the eyes of his tormentor or his wife, rebuked her. “I can speak for myself, Miss Bowen.”
“Well, so can I, Mr. Snape!”
They glared at each other and argued right in the middle of the dance floor. Sirius Black walked away when another woman caught his eye. Somehow, though, they made it back to their home, together, at the end of the evening. Their secret was still safe.
**********************************************************************
Exhaling deeply into his hands, Severus thought of all of the things Richelle Arva Bowen had brought to his life. The mind skills alone, both Occulemency and Ligillemency, had saved him many times. But more than that, the ability to love kept him from being the Dark Lord’s servant forever. And where would he be now, he thought, as he lay there alone in the dark? If she had not sought him out, if she had not taught him, if she had not loved him, would he have survived?
“I have no doubt that you would have learned on your own” Her whisper came to him and he appreciated that he was no longer unaccompanied in the dark room. He realized, feeling quite exposed, that he had opened his psyche to her again.
“I’ve been trying to read your thoughts for some time, now Severus.” She closed the door and walked toward his bed. “I have been wishing that I had not taught you so well so that I could see your sincerity. I did not trust you as Albus did, which is why I insisted on the Unbreakable Vow.”
“Richelle,” he started but she put her finger to his lips and sat next to him.
“Don’t speak, Severus. I still have things I need to say to you, and I will not stay strong if I hear your voice.” She lowered her fingers to her side and continued. “Remember how we were so secretive, at first because of Lucius, and then, well I guess that was still because of Lucius...”
His lips wanted to curl into a smile, remembering how they would meet in the library and disappear under her invisibility cloak with a silencing charm.
“Severus, you knew how I felt about Lucius and his path. I was so afraid for you!” Her voice shook shrilly and he wondered if the others would hear.
“I thought I could take care of myself.”
“I didn’t want to share you with Voldemort. That’s why I did what I did. I thought I could defeat him, and save you and my brother before it was too late.” She faltered. “It is the great Gryffindor weakness, overestimating the power of sheer bravado. I found out things that Voldemort did, ways to insure his immortality. He made a Horcrux, Severus, actually, he made several, and I stole one.”
Severus started to interrupt, but she continued.
“The how doesn’t matter now. I did it, but I wasn’t smart about it. I should have gone to Albus, but I was a fool.”
She took a deep breath.
“My downfall, though, was thinking I could go back to Voldemort’s lair. I tried to sneak up on the Dark Lord while he rested. I wanted to find out how to destroy the locket. I tried to enter his mind, but Voldemort sensed my presence and knew who I was.”
“I fled immediately to Albus. He made my arrangements while the Dark Lord summoned his followers to find me. I sent an owl to my brother that I had to meet him in Diagon Alley.” Richelle’s hands were trembling now and her voice grew soft. “I knew he would betray me to his new brothers. I waited there, with my pebble, and hoped that another man who took the dark mark would find me. I hoped that seeing my body, destroyed by this brotherhood would bring him back.” Her voice cracked and rose just an octave. She struggled to continue. “But the Dark Lord seemed to sense our relationship, didn’t he? And he used that to reel you in. He convinced you that Regalus was not who killed me. That it was Sirius, his brother, your enemy from school.”
Severus finally injected, “I took you to Albus. I was lost and just wanted revenge. I told Albus that I would never let your murderer go free, and then, then I fainted.”
“Actually, you didn’t,” she sighed. “I knocked you unconscious so that I could flee. I just couldn’t see your pain. Albus, helped me get out of Britain at that moment.”
“I told him about us after that.”
“He knew?” She raised both brows.
“I told him everything about us. I told him about our secrecy and that I insisted we do it to keep you safe, that I feared your brother. I told him how you wanted to be chaste until marriage”
“I had to be chaste until marriage, Severus, we went over this twenty years ago.”
“Yes, I told him that too. I told him of our trip to Diagon Alley.”
“I can’t believe he didn’t tell me that he knew,” Richelle winced.
“I can’t believe you let me think you were dead.” Snape struggle to clear his mind of feelings.
“You are right to close your mind to me Severus. I don’t want to see your pain. I don’t want to feel sorry for you at all.”
“You know nothing of,” he started to protest.
“Don’t think I know nothing of pain. My heart broke Severus. I just wanted to be with you. I didn’t want anything else, but you were not happy with just me. You were tempted by the dark arts and their power.”
She had rivulets of tears flowing down her cheeks. He wanted to search her mind, but he couldn’t make himself invade her. He feared seeing how she hated him now.
“I am not the same girl, Severus. I have become so bitter and angry. I think of what we lost, what we could have had, and I mourn my losses more than you can begin to imagine.
“Richelle, I have thought of what could have been too.” His resolve was feeble. “I too became bitter.”
“But you didn’t have to bury our child, Severus.” She began sobbing so hard that she didn’t notice the surprise on his face.
“What child? Richelle, what child?” This revelation his Severus hard in his gut.
Her grey eyes bore into him. “I was pregnant, Severus. I was stupid. We were married so I could pretty much control the enchantment. In a moment of weakness, I thought that a baby would bring you away from the Dark Lord. Then, as you slept one night, I saw within your mind how deep you were. That is when I tried to defeat him myself.”
“You were pregnant? We were to have a child?” Tears brimmed his eyes. He now was starting to comprehend the depths of her heartache and was barely beginning to realize his own.
“I told no one. I left and thought I could raise the baby without you and away from Voldemort.” She was breathing quite difficultly and shifted her eyes to the floor, “but our boy came too early and didn’t live to see his first morning.”
He reached out for her and pulled her to him. He wanted to take her pain but he couldn’t stop his own tears. He stroked her hair and let his emotions pour into his consciousness. How he ached for her. How Lucius’s betrayal infuriated him. How his own actions for the Dark Lord shamed him. How he tried to make amends with Dumbledore. How he earned his trust. How he still loved her with every fiber of his being.
Richelle pulled away from him and studied his eyes. Carefully putting her emotions in check, Richelle protected her secrets. For the first time in nearly twenty years, however, she sensed the man she loved in her presence. She wanted to believe that he had come back to her, and she let him hold her for the rest of the night.
Please leave a review! Any type of criticism is welcome!
Preview of chapter 3:
Draco finds out how his aunt has supported herself.
R.A.B. and the Beginning of the End by Wicked Wench
Chapter Notes: This chapter has a lot of background in it. Please forgive the flashbacks, but I needed them in order to advance the plot.