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It's the same thing night all night
Who's wrong and baby who's right
Another fight and I slam the door on
Another battle in our dirty little war *
When I look at myself I don't see the man I wanted to be
Somewhere along the line I slipped off track
I'm caught movin' one step up and two steps back
~Bruce Springsteen
“Heather.” Richelle reached for her daughter’s hand, but the girl pulled away. “Heather, please say something; we know that this has been difficult to hear.”
Heather heaved a sigh and looked at her parents with narrow silver slits. “I am trying to figure out how I ended up with any sense at all considering that both of my parents are idiots.”
Richelle winced and Severus raised one brow and turned his head toward his daughter as she continued, “For years I have know about your rash, foolish decisions, Mother, but honestly, in my head I had convinced myself that my father must be this level-headed genius. I think I’m going to be sick.”
Severus struggled to find some words that would comfort his daughter. “Heather, I am sorry. This truly is my fault, but I hope that you will one day be able to forgive me. We have already lost so much time together.”
“Oh, I will forgive you. “ Heather stood and slid her chair beneath the table. “In my heart, I am so happy to have you here that I know I forgive you. But, I do find the need to be mad for a little while. I’m going inside now.”
With that, she entered the house where Narcissa, Draco, and Albus were chatting in the kitchen. Heather retreated to her room without greeting them at all.
“So, Professor Dumbledore, how long do you think we’ll be here?” Narcissa inquired nervously as she offered the old man a cup of tea. She really did not like being closed up with this man that her husband had convinced her to hate for so long, and she was not quite sure what the Professor thought of her.
“Well, Mrs. Malfoy.” Dumbledore’s eyes twinkled as he addressed her, “I think as we are all housemates for the time being, we should embrace a more casual relationship. I would like you and young Draco to call me Albus.”
“Well, Albus, we are practically family.” She offered a smile, but Draco didn’t really say anything.
“Thank you, Narcissa.”
Draco looked at the old man and tried to find words. How could he tell the old wizard that he was sorry? How could he get past the regret that filled him?
“Draco, you have barely spoken since we arrived here.” His mother admonished him slightly.
“I know.” Draco mustered some courage and looked at the professor again. “I…umm….I, well, I would like to tell you how much I regret not trusting you.”
“Draco, dear boy, if not trusting an old man is the biggest mistake you make when you are sixteen, then “ ” Albus Dumbledore paused and looked the boy in his eyes. “Draco, all is well now. Don’t think on this a minute more.”
“Thank you, sir.” Draco tried to smile.
“Yes, well, let’s talk about something more fun, shall we?” Dumbledore’s eyes danced with excitement as they peered over the spectacles and his new friends. “You may not know this, but I do love a bit of harmless gossip, so what do you think is happening outside?”
Out on the veranda, Severus and Richelle had not spoken, nor were they looking at each other. Severus tried to keep his feelings in check, but right now he was angry again. He should have known that things were going too smoothly with his daughter. He was angry with himself for all of his past mistakes, and to be honest, he was still mad about Regulus Black being a part of his daughter’s life while she had been hidden from him.
“Severus?” He felt her gaze resting on him.
“Richelle, I think it’s best if we don’t talk right now.”
“Severus, your mind is closed to me again and I don’t like it.”
“You wouldn’t like it if it were open either.” He did not want to argue and he knew that no good would come of him expressing his feelings.
“Severus, please. I don’t want to have a row, but we don’t need to go backwards. If we stop communicating, well, isn’t that what happened before?”
“Indeed.” He turned to her with a glare. He knew he was about to make a mistake, but his emotions were now commandeering his reason. “Well then, exactly how close were you to Black?”
“I’m not sure what you’re implying Severus.” Richelle’s eyes narrowed slightly, and Severus was quite sure that she did know what he was implying.
“Were you intimate with him?”
“Severus!” Richelle nearly came out of her chair.
“Well?” It was too late to retreat. He had pushed the button.
“Severus Snape! When I was sixteen years old I told you about the fertility charm! I was cursed and I can only control my fertility when I am with the man to whom I am married. Do you see other children running around here!”
“It’s been nearly two decades, Richelle, and being the brilliant witch that you are perhaps you found a way to break that charm.” He should have stopped there, but he didn’t. “Besides, there are ways to be intimate that do not produce unwanted children.”
“You arse!”
“It seems I hit a nerve.” Why was he smirking? This was not making him happy.
“You did, but not what you think! I will admit it, Regulus loves me and he has tried over the years to be with me, but he always got the same response. I told him I was married and that I loved someone else!”
“Chelle, I “” Reasonable thoughts began to creep back into his mind, and Severus tried to come up with a way to take back the accusations.
“And furthermore, you have no reason to talk to me about my fidelity! Do you know why I looked at Draco’s eyes when we made contact? Do you?”
Severus tried to keep any emotion from his face. He already knew why she looked, but he did not want to hear what she was saying.
“The silver eyes are a dominant trait in my line. If you are a Bowen, you have silver eyes. Lucius and I, we both have silver eyes; our mother had silver eyes. I had to be sure that Draco’s eyes were silver and that he was Lucius’s child. I know, Severus!”
Severus wondered if he could feign innocence by asking what she knew, but he knew that he could not fool her.
“I came back once, just before our babies were born. I just wanted to see you. I missed you so much. I came back and hid under a charm. I didn’t want you to see me, but I needed to see you. I fell asleep waiting for you and I woke to, to you and Narcissa.” Her voice started to break and she willed herself not to cry. “I left right away, and I went into labor the next day. I blamed both of you for that.”
Severus reached for her hand, but she pulled away and stood.
“I meant what I said when I said I didn’t want to argue. I just need to be alone for a while.” Richelle moved swiftly.
Severus watched her walk down the beach. He thought once again of his foolish mistakes and the price both he and his family had paid for them. He would not let his pride get in the way anymore. He rose and followed her.
She stood at the southern most point of the island. When he reached her, he rested a hand on her shoulder. She tried to pull away again, but he tightened his grip.
He moved closer and wrapped both arms around her. She stood there, frozen.
“Chelle, I could apologize again, but I think you have grown weary of that. I wish I could take it back. There is no excuse really. I was grieving for you and vulnerable. Narcissa was grieving another child. We were drinking and it just happened, just that once. I would never betray you like that, not knowing that you were alive.” He felt her begin to relax in his arms, but he knew he had to tell her everything. “I won’t lie to you now. There were other indiscretions, but no other relationships. You are the only woman I have ever loved.”
She kept her eyes on the sea, but put her hands upon his arms. “Severus, I know I am being unreasonable. I just hate to think of these hands on another woman.”
“I shouldn’t have made the implications about you and Black.”
“No, you shouldn’t have.”
He placed his lips against the crook of her neck. “Did I tell you that I love your hair at this length?”
“Oh, Severus.” Her voice faltered a bit and she closed her eyes for just a moment.
“Tell me we’re not going backwards.” He tightened his arms around her.
“We’re not going backwards.” She turned to face him and her lips met his in forgiveness and in need.
R.A.B. and the Beginning of the End by Wicked Wench
Chapter Notes: The story will start to shift away from the blissful couple a bit after this chapter, but for now I hope you enjoy this tidbit. Thanks to my beta reader and to JKR for inspiring this story.
Chapter Endnotes: Please review. It's nice to know that people are reading the story.