Ginny sat on the roof of the Burrow, her knees tucked tightly against her chest, her arms wrapped around her shoulders in an attempt to stay warm. She couldn’t see any farther than the glow the lights from the Burrow reached, yet her eyes were set in the distance, unfocused, on the path leading up to the front door.
A cool breeze blew her red hair gently around her face; she shook it out of her eyes, shivered, and sighed deeply. It had to be around midnight, everyone thought she was asleep; no one knew that she often made the journey onto the roof. If they did know, they’d think it was because she was waiting for him, thinking he’d come back.
If they knew she sometimes fell asleep crying up on the roof, they’d think it was because she couldn’t get over him. If they knew she constantly wished she was up on the roof rather than where she happened to be, they’d think she needed help, they’d think her grieving process was taking far too long.
Ginny knew that Harry had something to do with her wanting to be up on the roof, but he wasn’t the only reason. She needed privacy, a place to think and collect her thoughts…she couldn’t help it if he was the thing that occupied most of her thoughts. It was all so complicated. She hated herself for thinking it, but she almost wished Harry had died in the final battle…it would have made it so much easier to get closure. She closed her eyes and allowed her mind to go back to the horrible night five years ago.
Harry, Ron, and Hermione were visiting the Burrow, it had been almost a year since they first left searching for the Horcruxes, and Ginny had just begun the summer vacation before her last year at Hogwarts. Harry, Ron, Fred, George, Hermione, and Ginny were all playing a game of Quidditch which had gotten progressively competitive because both Harry and Ginny were in, what seemed like, a constant battle for the Snitch. Every time they pulled out of a race for the Snitch, and neither had caught it, they’d be in another dive within a minute.
“Why don’t you just give up, Potter!?” Ginny taunted. “You just have lost your touch since you’ve played for Hogwarts…” Harry flew by, a frown on his face, searching up and down for the glint of gold.
“Not a chance, Freckles,” he called back. “And I have not lost my touch!”
Ginny smiled, she knew that line would bother him. “It’s okay! Just accept I’ve won more House Cups than you…”
Harry swung his broom around so that they were now circling each other. “Only because…” He stopped at the smirk on her face. She knew he’d react this way; he changed his mind-game to try and get to her. “I haven’t caught the Snitch yet because I wanted to give you a chance…” He laughed inside as her eyes narrowed.
“Watch it,” she warned, but he heard the playful tone in her voice, so he continued.
“I mean, I could have caught the thing ages ago, but I like watching you fly around…you’re so cute when your nose scrunches up in your dives…”
Ginny opened her mouth wide in offense but quickly changed when she saw tiny wings fluttering just above Harry’s head. “Kind of like your nose twitches when I kiss your ear?” she baited with a flirty smile.
“I…what?” Harry stopped mid-flight, his voice cracking slightly. “My nose doesn’t…” He trailed off when he saw Ginny flying slowly towards him with a seductive gleam in her eye.
“Oh, yes, it does…it’s quite cute, it really turns me on.” Her voice lowered when she was less than a foot from him. He swallowed hard as Ginny’s broom knocked gently into his so their knees were touching, she leaned forward. “I’ll show you,” she whispered into his ear so that chills shot up his spine; but, instead of kissing him, her hand shot up and grabbed the Snitch that hovered above him.
She leaned back with a broad smile on her face and opened her hand to show Harry the snitch folded calmly in her palm. Realization crossed his face as she slowly continued to back away.
“Oh that is…” he struggled to say what it was, “that’s just…”
George and Ron looked up to see Ginny holding the snitch, they both began flying towards Ginny, yelling in celebration as Ginny continued to smile coyly at Harry. “I believe what you’re trying to say is ‘Congrats on being the better Seeker, Ginny’,” she called out.
Harry shook his head. “No, I’m trying to say, ‘you’d better hope you’re as fast as you are deceptive!’” Without warning he leaned forward, speeding towards a startled Ginny. With one little squeak, she turned her broom around and raced past Ron and George, who watched her fly by baffled. Harry quickly followed suit, nearly knocking Ron off his broom.
“OY! Watch it!” he yelled after his friend, before sighing and flying towards a relieved looking Hermione who had already made her way to the ground.
Harry quickly gained on Ginny; he pulled his wand out of his jacket and pointed it towards her broom. He hit it with a slowing spell so that it came to an almost complete stop. She didn’t realize her broom had been charmed until it stopped completely in midair. She turned to see Harry racing towards her at top speed.
“Harry! You cheated!” she yelled.
“This coming from the girl who used her status as girlfriend to win the game!” he yelled back as he began circling her. Ginny shrugged and followed Harry’s progress around her.
“It’s not my fault you have one thing on the brain,” she shrugged and watched as Harry gaped at her, still circling her, getting closer and closer.
“I don’t have one thing on the brain!” Ginny raised her eyebrows. “Okay, fine, but…but you exploited my…my…” Harry couldn’t think, all he saw was Ginny smiling at him, and all he could think about was her kissing his ear.
From far away they heard the bell that signified that dinner was ready. Ginny looked towards the Burrow, then back at Harry, who was now hovering a few feet from her. “Lift the spell…we need to go to dinner…” she said.
Harry smiled and slowly shook his head. “No, I think I’m going to leave you here!”
Ginny challenged him immediately, “You wouldn’t.”
“Oh, wouldn’t I?” he teased, starting to fly away.
“Harry!” Ginny pouted at once. “Come on, lift the spell.”
Harry stopped and floated back to her. “See, the thing is…I don’t think I can…” he said, clearly amusing himself. “This broom won’t be able to move for twenty-four hours I’m afraid…”
“Well, then what am I to do?” Ginny said seductively.
Harry shrugged, flying closer. “I guess I could give you a lift…I mean, it’s the least I could do for the winner of the game…”
Ginny smiled as Harry’s broom tapped her own, he slid an arm around her waist. “What will you do if I fall transferring brooms?” Ginny asked in a mock fearful voice.
“I guess I will have to catch you,” Harry said, his voice low as he leaned in and spoke with his lips hovering over Ginny’s.
“Oh, well in that case,” she spoke softly before their lips met. Harry kissed her as he lifted and moved her to his own broom so that she was sitting backwards on it, in front of him; she giggled as he did it, her lips never leaving his. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he tightened his grip around her waist.
They continued hovering in mid-air, their kiss becoming more passionate before Ginny broke away suddenly. Harry breathed heavily. “What’s the matter?” he asked, looking at her with concern.
The corner of her mouth lifted slightly as her hands fell to the front of his shirt, she looked down between them. “I miss you,” she said sadly.
Harry’s heart dropped, he hated seeing her so sad. “I know…I miss you, too,” he echoed. Ginny nodded, still looking down. Harry lifted her chin up with his left hand. “Hey,” he said. She looked up at him with watery eyes. “I love you,” she smiled, “and I promise, we’re getting close to finishing this,” he said firmly.
The smile left her face. “That’s what I’m afraid of.” Her voice shook. Harry let go of her face and looked off in the distance. “I know you’re sick of me worrying!” Ginny said, seeing Harry becoming frustrated. “But…but every time you leave…every time you find another Horcrux I know the time is coming where you will have to fight him and I…”
“Don’t think I’ll win?” Harry interrupted bitterly.
Ginny frowned and became stern at once. “Don’t do that.”
Harry shrugged. “That’s what you’re saying, isn’t it?”
“No,” Ginny answered firmly. “No, I know you’ll beat him. What I’m worried about is the fighting after. The Death Eaters won’t be very happy when they realize Voldemort is gone and I’m scared that you won’t be able to get the hell out before they attack…” Harry didn’t say anything. “What if you get injured during this final battle, or you’re too weak to Apparate away?”
“I don’t want you to worry about that…” Harry said, turning back to Ginny.
“Oh please, Harry!” Ginny said offended. “Of course, I’m going to worry! We’ve been together for a year and a half!”
“Look, I’ve been training for this…I’ll have Ron and Hermione and probably a load of other Auror’s battling the Death Eaters when I go after Voldemort. I’m going into this as prepared as I can, and if something happens…it happens,” he said, holding her gaze.
“Well, I’m glad you’re so confident about it,” Ginny said sullenly.
“I’m only confident about it because I know I have you waiting for me here,” he said quietly.
Ginny nodded. “Just…just come back to me okay?”
“I promise I’ll come back to you, Ginny,” Harry said as he curled his hand around Ginny’s neck and pulled her into a kiss.
The bell rang again and Ginny pulled away from the kiss. “Don’t make a promise you can’t keep,” she said seriously.
“Gin…” Harry almost pleaded.
“No, there is a reality here and I don’t need to hear you say things unless you are one hundred percent sure you mean them,” Ginny said boldly and insistently.
Harry nodded solemnly. “You’re right. I shouldn’t say things I don’t mean one hundred percent.” Harry paused. “I love you.” He paused again and waited for Ginny to look at him again. When she did he held her gaze and said confidently, “And I will come back to you. I mean that one hundred percent.”
Ginny nodded, kissed Harry, and then wrapped herself around him in a hug as he flew towards the Burrow and the ground.
Ginny’s eyes welled with tears. His one hundred percent promise was what kept her on the roof every night. She refused to believe he was gone and that had become a problem with her friends and family when the years started to build up and he hadn’t returned like she swore he would. After a year of searching with no results, everyone had started to move on; there had been a memorial service in Harry’s memory.
Ginny knew that she had to put up the façade that she was moving on with her life, even though she wasn’t; she still believed Harry was out there. She started ‘recovering’ three years after Harry had defeated Voldemort…she dated guys, brought a few home only to pacify her family. She absolutely hated it, because it meant that she had to make the relationships look real…and the only way she could do that was to pretend that whoever she was ‘dating’ was Harry.
At the four and a half year mark, her resolve had started to fade. So many emotions were flowing through her. One minute she missed Harry terribly, the next she hated him for leaving her with that promise. Then there was the problem that she had been with her current boyfriend, Rick, for almost a year. She couldn’t decide if she should follow her heart and wait for Harry, or listen to her head and move on with her life with Rick.
Rick was a great guy who treated her with respect…but he wasn’t Harry.
Ginny sniffed loudly and pulled her knees tighter to her chest. It had been a little over five years with not one hint of what happened to Harry…Ginny couldn’t help but think, how long would she wait for him? Five years? Ten? Twenty? Her entire life? But she wanted a family…Rick could give her a family. But I want a family with Harry…
“Gin?” Rick’s voice called into the night. Ginny closed her eyes and felt her heart sink like every time Rick called her Gin. It just didn’t make her feel the way it did when Harry called her name…stop it Ginny.
“Yeah, I’m out here,” Ginny called back, disappointed that her spot had been discovered after all the time she had kept it a secret.
She heard Rick stumbling out of the window nearby. Ginny shook her head and moved her broom out of sight behind a chimney…Rick never was a good flier. She pushed Harry out of her head again.
“What are you doing out here?” He clamored towards her, losing his balance more than once.
“Just needed some fresh air.” She shrugged as he sat down, kissing the top of her head as he did.
He looked around. “Nice view up here,” he offered. Ginny simply nodded. “You come out here often?” he asked. Ginny felt like he already knew the answer so she didn’t even try to lie. She was too exhausted to try and protect his feelings.
“Yes. Almost every night,” she said.
He shook his head up and down slowly. “And what do you do?”
“Think,” Ginny answered truthfully.
“What about?” he prodded. Ginny didn’t answer. Every couple in the history of time has a conversation they have repeatedly. With Harry, it was about Voldemort, worrying, and protecting each other. With Rick, it was Harry.
“You know what about,” Ginny said.
Rick clenched his jaw. He loved Ginny, and she said she loved him too; he believed her, but he knew that her love was complicated. “I need to hear you say it.”
“Why?” Ginny asked resentfully. He really had chosen a bad time…
“Because I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt and I’m hoping sitting up here you’re thinking about Quidditch, or your nieces and nephews,” Rick said, now wringing his hands.
“Then you give me too much credit,” Ginny said solemnly. Silence fell between them and they listened to the still of the night.
“Ginny, I love you,” Rick began, and Ginny closed her eyes painfully. “I know, putting everything in your past aside, that you love me too. You know how hard it is to put your entire self into loving someone and only getting half of it back?”
“Do you know how hard it is putting your past aside, Rick?” Ginny returned, wishing she wouldn’t be so harsh towards him…but, he had intruded on her when she wasn’t ready, in the place she thought was only hers.
“Yes, I do. And so far I’d say I’ve been pretty sensitive to how hard it is, Ginny,” he said it so simply it made Ginny feel horrible. “It’s been five years…” he said quietly.
“I know how longs it’s been,” Ginny snapped.
Rick fell silent before prodding some more. “I’m worried about you,” he said.
Ginny turned towards him for the first time her frustration getting the best of her. “Why? Because I am the only one who still believes him to be alive and you think I’m crazy, or because I don’t love you as much as I love him?” She regretted saying it before she did, but for some reason she wanted to hurt Rick. She resented herself because of it.
“Both,” he answered. Ginny rolled her eyes. “Gin.” He put a hand on her shoulder.
“Don’t call me Gin when you’re patronizing me,” she snapped again, jerking away from him.
“Sitting on top of a roof isn’t going to make him come back…” he continued quietly.
“I know that…” Ginny flared, her anger rising. “I’m not crazy!”
Rick glanced at her from the side. “I never said you were. You’re no more crazy than I am…waiting around for someone to come around,” he said, emotion in every word. Ginny’s voice got stuck in her throat. She never thought about it like that…she’d been waiting for Harry for five years; Rick had been waiting for her for one. She felt the anger fizzle in her stomach as he continued, “I can’t pretend it doesn’t hurt to see the woman I love waiting for another man to come back…a man everyone believes to be dead…”
“Rick…” Ginny began, but he held up a hand.
“Just…just wait. I’m not blaming you for wishing and hoping because that is what kept me in this relationship for so long. Wishing and hoping you’d come around and love me fully…the way I love you.” He spoke softly and sincerely.
Ginny felt her throat tighten, but she was able to choke out, “I’m sorry.”
Rick continued over her declaration. “The difference…the difference is you’ve held onto that hope for five years. I don’t know how you do it. How you sit up here every night and think about him...how you hold on to that hope. I…I can’t do that…it hurts too much. I say I love you and you say back to me you’re sorry…” He choked out a forced laugh. Ginny hung her head low and felt a hot tear roll down her cheek.
A heavy silence fell. She wanted to apologize again, but it seemed inappropriate. He didn’t want to speak because of the fear he’d lose it. “I…I don’t know what to say,” Ginny said after a long time had passed.
“You don’t have to say anything. I think I’ve known all along,” he said, almost to himself. Ginny contained a smile, thinking back all the way to Dumbledore’s funeral when Harry had tried breaking it off with her. That didn’t last two weeks, before he came crawling back to her, begging for her to take him back, telling her he couldn’t be without her… “You’re thinking about him, aren’t you?” Ginny blinked hard, awaking from her memory.
“I…” she mumbled then averted her eyes.
Rick picked up where he left off, sadness pouring from his eyes. “I don’t know if it’s too much to ask, or even worth asking…but, if you think that someday, I’m not saying immediately…but, someday if you think you could love me fully, all I ask is that you tell me before tomorrow morning. If…if I don’t hear from you by then…I’ll leave graciously in the morning.” Ginny was now biting the inside of her cheek. “I understand that this is a lot to take in…I’ll leave you to your thoughts.” He leaned forward and kissed Ginny’s cheek. “I really hope I’ll see you before dawn…but if not, I’m going to miss you.”
Ginny watched him stumble back towards the window then brought her eyes back to the darkness. Many lights in the Burrow had been turned off by then, so that only the kitchen light, which was always kept on, illuminated the yard. Her mind was buzzing so much she didn’t even know what she was thinking about…all she knew was that her mind wasn’t blank.
Rick wanted her to love him fully, but she didn’t know if she could ever love anyone fully…the way she loved Harry. He would always have part of her heart and she would always be waiting for him. He may have broken his promise that he’d come back to her, but she wouldn’t break her promise that she’d be waiting for him. She knew that only death would have prevented his promise, so only death would stop hers.
She actually was thankful in a way to Rick and his ultimatum. Without it, she wouldn’t have come to this peace of mind. She realized that night on the roof that whether or not Harry came back, she would always love him and wouldn’t be happy with anyone else.
By the end of the night, Ginny felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She still missed Harry, and she still believed him to be out there, but now she had peace of mind, now she had a sort of closure. Waiting wouldn’t be so hard because she knew she could go on with her life and still be true to her promise. Ginny watched the sun rise on her knew understanding of how her life would be. She heard the front door squeak open and slam shut, and she looked down to see Rick walking down the path, his bag over his shoulder. When he reached the front gate he looked back at the house and looked up on the roof. Ginny stood up, blocking the sun from her eyes with one hand, she rose her other in a wave good-bye.
Down on the ground, Rick felt his heart clench in sadness as he waved goodbye to the girl he loved more than he had ever loved anyone. He turned towards the sun and walked away from the Burrow.
Ginny allowed herself to cry bitter-sweet tears as she watched him disappear on the horizon she always watched for Harry to appear from. The sun was almost completely above the horizon when she climbed on her broom and flew down to the ground.
She walked through the kitchen door, the broom on her shoulder, and saw her mother, Ron, Hermione, the twins, and her dad sitting at the table. Her mum turned on her quickly. “What are you doing outside? Why are you in the clothes you wore yesterday?” She looked around and out the door for Rick. “Where is Rick?”
Ginny set her broom down by the door and walked forward towards the table where everyone sat. “Rick and I broke up,” she said calmly.
“Oh, I’m sorry, Ginny,” Hermione stated immediately, starting to stand up. Her mum also made to comfort her.
“No, stop.” Ginny rose her hand. “I’m glad. I realized something last night…and I want you all to listen closely,” she said pointedly. “Sit down, Mum,” she addressed her mum, the only one standing. Molly sat down uncertainly next to Arthur.
Ginny took a deep breath. “I believe Harry is still alive,” she began. Fred and George immediately exchanged a glance, as did Ron and Hermione. Her mum closed her eyes tight and her dad tilted his head in worry. “Stop it! All of you!” Ginny scolded immediately.
“What, dear?” Molly asked in a baby voice.
“That!” she said right back, staring at her parents in turn. “And that!” She pointed at Fred and George, and Ron and Hermione, they looked scalded. “You may not agree with me that Harry is still out there, you may think I’m crazy, but regardless, I loved him and promised him I would wait for him to come back to me! Respect my decision whether you agree with it or not! I shouldn’t have to pacify my family by dating other men…it only makes me miserable. I’m going to live my life the way I would if Harry and I had been married, or if he was proven dead. I don’t want to make a family with anyone but him, so if that can’t happen, I will transfer that love to the family I already have, and I have plenty of it!” Ginny realized that she had barely breathed during her rant.
She saw everyone looking anywhere but at her and took that as they were all ashamed at the pressure they had put on her. Hermione spoke first. “Ginny, I’m sorry I haven’t been more sensitive…”
“Yeah…we never wanted to push you to be miserable.” Fred spoke for himself and George.
Molly stood up. “I just wanted what was best for you, dear. I want you to be happy,” she explained.
“I know, Mum. But only I can decide what will make me happy, and right now, focusing on loving my family is what I need to do. I want to be the best aunt I can be,” she said, turning to her brothers and Hermione. “Someone has to tell your kids the trouble their parents and their best-friend got into,” Ginny joked, locking eyes with Ron. She saw Hermione smile out of the corner of her eye. “And someone has to teach your kids how to behave,” she smiled at Fred and George.
“Yeah, Angelina has been having some troubles with that,” Fred said.
George smiled mischievously. “Why do you think I’m having breakfast over here? Katie was in a right state last night when I let little AJ try a harmless Stunning spell on the dog…”
Ginny laughed with the others. “So, will you all stop treating me like I’m crazy, and accept the fact that I don’t want to have boyfriends?” she repeated, particularly to her mum. They all nodded, Molly lastly, and Ginny smiled broadly. “Thank-you,” she said.
“Oh, come here, dear,” Molly said, reaching out for her daughter and pulling her into a hug.
Ginny sat down at the kitchen table and mostly just listened to the conversations everyone had over breakfast. Fred and George told stories of their little rascals and their wives constant troubles keeping the houses under control. Molly and Arthur mostly chided Fred and George on their antics while Ron and Hermione bickered over when and where they should bring the kids for fun over the weekend. Ginny simply smiled a true smile for the first time in five years, knowing everything would be okay and that it was okay to be happy with the family she loved so much.
Missing You by wilbur
Chapter Notes: Ok, mugglenet is still having troubles with my story...it's really hard to keep in contact with these people! So...if you like the first chapter here, just email me at glitrgirl123@aol.com subject HARRY POTTER and I will send you the rest of the story directly...