A Man Uncertain
The home of Peter Pettigrew was lit by dozens of magically lit torches. They created a medieval style that was consistent throughout the house.
The little man sat on his tough, crimson couch staring into the blue and red fire.
“Let me ask you a question, Pettigrew. Which side has more soldiers? Which side has access to more? Which side’s soldiers come pre-trained and which side must spend tireless months training them?”
Severus’s words bit at Peter’s mind like a mosquito stuck in his skull.
Attempting to convince him self, he returned saying, “Yes, but which side has had more losses?”
Snape didn’t miss a beat. “Of course we’ve had more losses, but if you put in terms of a loss of lives verses number of lives to loose ratio, we’ve lost a much smaller percentage.”
“Just because you’re stronger doesn’t make you better.”
“Don’t be stupid. You’re just spitting out the words that your three”you call them friends, I think”have put in your head.
They’re not useful to our cause. You are. They know it and they are jealous. They realize that if you join us, you can reach a much higher status than they and that when they’re all dead, you’ll be living in luxury.”
“I know the difference between right and wrong, Snape!” Peter shrieked his voice cracking.
Snape smiled again. “There is only power and those too weak to use it. You have one week and I’ll be back here. Don’t think that running away will help you. You know the Dark Lord is smarter than you. Your friends do not have much time left. Bear that in mind.”
Peter trembled as Snape turned on his heel and disappeared with a resounding pop.
Peter looked at the clock which reinforced the fact that he only had minutes to make a decision. When his greasy haired ex-schoolmate would pop into his living room, would he be in it or not?
He held onto his large head as the same thoughts that he had contemplated for the past week passed back and forth.
Voldemort (although he would never call him that when speaking) was bound to win the war. Members of the Order were being knocked off weekly. Important members.
Pettigrew knew that if men like John Kimmle, Deputy Director of the Auror Division at the Ministry of Magic could be killed, he certainly would not be safe. He did not have nearly as much arrogance as James did.
I can’t actually think I’m going to live through this if I stay in the Order. His antistrophe told him.
But, you know what’s right. You’ll die eventually anyway. He thought in response.
He then debated further that This is the only way to prove yourself.
Well, that was definitely true.
He looked back up at the ornate clock above the fire place. 8 o’clock.
Damn! What could he possibly do? The Death Eaters were sure to find him if he tried to run away. He was so going to die.
James and Sirius don’t care enough about me to protect me. And Moony? They can just get me during a full moon.
Peter groaned. The clock was ticking. Literally.
Besides, equilibrium dictates that even if a tyrant does take power, he can’t rule forever. He’ll be overthrown. Whether I’m with him or not just decides how long I live.
Peter liked this argument until a picture of Lilly Potter holding her new-born suddenly swam to the surface of his thoughts.
He groaned again. Couldn’t she just go away?
Damn it!
He took a deep breath as he fingered a letter that he had in his lap.
Almost against his own will, he slowly unfolded it and read it for, what seemed like, the billionth time.
Dear Pete,
I haven’t seen you in what seems like forever James and I were wondering if we could catch up with you. Tomorrow, maybe? The three broomsticks?
I’ll bring baby Harry along (already three moths old!). I don’t think tomorrow’s full moon, so if he’s available, we’ll bring Remus along too. Sirius is on a mission in Berlin right now, but when he returns I’m sure we can all finally get together again.
Anyway, Harry’s crying so I have to run.
We miss you.
With love,
Lilly.
Wormtail cursed himself for reading the letter as he felt another wave of guilt wash over him along with a river of nausea.
How could he help kill that beautiful head of hair beneath which such an amazing set of emerald green eyes were set? How could he be her bane along with the bane of her entire family?
The people in question were his life long friends. He couldn’t betray them.
Even if he should.
Torn between Lilly and Life, he made a decision, but only with five eighths of his heart.
He got up, stretching for a moment, forcing himself not to look at the clock in fear that it would drive him back to square one. He turned quickly and ran up the stairs. He needed to pack fast if he was going to disappear. He reached his bedroom.
Leaving the oak door open, he stepped inside, conjured a travel bag out of midair and pointed his wand at his dresser, muttering an incantation.
The drawers pulled themselves out and emptied their contents into the bag before dropping on his bed in a heap.
Pocketing his wand, he grasped the two drawstrings of the bag and pulled as hard as he could.
He didn’t hear the faint pop in the living room.
I’m doing the right thing. He assured himself. Lilly, James, and Moony will protect me.
Finally the drawstrings went far enough that he could tie them.
He pulled out his wand. He would shrink the bag, stick it in his pocket and apparate to Godric’s Hollow where he would tell James the truth and beg for their help.
At that moment though, he felt himself lift off the ground and thrown into a wall as his wand slipped from his grasp.
“Not going anywhere, are we?” Severus asked his lips curling into a grin.
Peter trembled. “N-N-No.”
Snape pointed his wand at Wormtail’s chest. “I told you I’d be back. I take it you have decided on death?”
Wormtail shook his head. This was not how he had expected it would happen.
“Well, then” continued Snape, “let’s do this slowly. I think the Cruciatus Curse will do.”
Wormtail shrieked pitifully without thinking. “Wait! Wait. Just- just wait."
Snape didn’t lower his wand but stared down at Wormtail.
"I'll do it," Peter whispered, acting against his own will for the second time that night.
“You will pledge yourself to the Dark Lord?”
Peter whimpered. “Yes.”
Snape stepped towards him. Peter cringed with every step. He spoke to him in a harsh, evil tone. “You don't sound very confident and if I'm going to mark you- well, once the sign is on your arm, you have made a covenant with the Dark Lord. You understand?”
Peter nodded, his sweat mixing with his tears so that Snape couldn’t differentiate between them.
As Snape rolled up Wormtail’s brown sleeve to apply his wand, thoughts purged through the little man’s mind.
I’m doing the right thing. The choice was death or this. You, Lilly, would have done the same thing. I swear I will never do anything to hurt you or Harry. I swear.
Snape’s hand held Wormtail’s trembling arm steady.
He was going to kill me and there was nothing I could do to stop him except join him. Please, Lilly, forgive me.
As the last true tear drop Wormtail would ever shed fell to the dusty floor beneath him, purging it of the little white particles beneath, he felt a terrible sting on his forearm.
“Welcome to the Dark Lord’s inner circle.”