Birthdays, Preparations and Banshees
Remus returned from the Hospital Wing after three days, looking far skinnier than they remembered, but otherwise healthy. He was greeted rather cautiously by his roommates, who seemed afraid that he may still be ill and, therefore, irritable. When he assured them numerous times that he was fine, they eased up and told him what he had missed. Though he had been restored to what was perfect health for him, he still did not partake in any of his friends’ schemes. Unlike the first time, however, they were not perturbed by this and let Remus live with his decision. He knew what was best for him. Who were they to make him change his mind?
The moment was drawing ever nearer with the passing of each month. They had chosen the month of June to execute their long awaited prank, figuring that the opportune time would be before the exams began. Jacob Finley, Julie Kramer and Andy Green had their N.E.W.T examinations to worry about, so the first years would take over as May turned to June. They spent so much time in the library that the teachers even began to think that they were up to no good, though they made no effort to stop them. The first years had a suspicion that the professors, apart from Crane that is, knew what they were doing and did not object in the slightest.
As for their classes, the workload increased tenfold with the passing months. Their homework, which had never been light, was now reaching such levels that the students were close to having nervous breakdowns. Peter, who had never before expressed any feelings about his work and did it without complaint, was now found furiously scribbling away at his work, a worried, panicked expression on his face. The same could be said for Remus, who was not suffering as much as Peter, but could still not get by an exam without a good amount of studying. It was no surprise when Remus and Peter began getting fed up with James and Sirius, who did not study a bit and yet passed their examinations with flying colours. In fact, the subject of their first real arguement was because James and Sirius were being particularly loud in the dormitory while Remus and Peter were attempting to study.
“Can you two keep it down?” Remus asked politely, at first. He had his index fingers plugged in his ears in a desperate attempt to rid his mind of any excess noise.
James and Sirius, who were busy playing a rowdy match of Exploding Snap, did not seem to hear him.
“Yeah, seriously,” Peter added, looking up from his History of Magic homework. Their request went unnoticed as James swore noisily when his cards exploded in his face. The room was now filled with Sirius’s raucous laughter and James’s groans of annoyance.
“Guys, can you please keep it down?” Remus repeated, more forcefully this time.
Still they did not seem to hear him and, if anything, their volume increased.
“Merlin, shut up already!”
James and Sirius finally seemed to have heard him and rounded on him, wearing bemused looks.
“Well,” Sirius said huffily, “someone’s got a broomstick stuck up their bum.” James choked on his laugh and sputtered out a few coughs.
“I have not, you’re just being obnoxious,” Remus snarled angrily. Peter, who very much agreed with Remus, nodded furiously.
“‘Obnoxious’ he says,” James said in a voice that sounded like he was observing a creature in a zoo. “Well, if we’re being so obnoxious why don’t you just study downstairs?”
“You think it’s better down there?” Peter asked incredulously. The common room was just as bad as the dormitory.
“This is our room, we can be just as loud as we want,” Sirius proclaimed, purposely raising his voice.
“This is our room too and we have the right to study up here,” Remus proclaimed in a voice harshly mimicking Sirius’s.
“Yeah, why don’t you study for a change?” Peter questioned fiercely.
“We don’t have to!” Sirius and James said together. “We know all that rubbish,” Sirius furthered.
“Well if you’re so smart you’d let those of us with lesser intelligence study,” Peter huffed sardonically.
“Maybe we will,” James snapped. “Then maybe the two of you will actually pass a test.” Before either Remus or Peter could respond, James and Sirius slammed the dormitory shut and went down into the common room.
But they got over the fight within a week and chose to pretend that it never happened. As January turned quietly into February Remus vanished once more to visit his sick mother. When he returned he looked very much like he did when he had his stomach virus. His roommates, however, made no mention of this; they were keen on avoiding any more rows. James and Sirius now knew better than to being rudely loud when their roommates were studying. While Peter, Remus and Frank (who was also easily distracted by noise when studying) were poring over their notes, Sirius and James would sit in the background and do some more research for their prank.
They received the necessary fireworks after the February Hogsmeade trip. Jacob, Julie and Andy arrived in the common room with two crates of Dr. Filibuster’s fireworks. They stowed them away under Frank’s bed, as Frank was the least likely person to be harbouring any contraband. They just had to be careful to not let the conditions in the room get warm enough to ignite them and, in result, blow up Frank’s bed, especially if he was in it. James, Sirius, Peter and Frank spent a good amount of time, when they had no homework, looking up more spells, trying to find something that James described as “the clincher.” They didn’t find anything overly helpful, but that didn’t stop them from looking.
The snow that February brought melted into slush as March arrived, bringing large amounts of rain. March dawned quietly enough. On the first, James, Sirius and Peter were taking advantage of Remus’s absence to discuss what they were going to do on their friend’s birthday, which fell on the tenth. They talked about it in Charms class while Professor Flitwick, who had still not recovered his normally cheerful disposition, walked about the classroom, assisting his students.
“What should we get him?” Sirius asked, poking his wand hopelessly at the frog he was supposed to be levitating.
“You’re doing it wrong, Sirius,” Peter said.
Sirius chose to ignore this and voiced his question again.
James shrugged. “What does he want?”
“I dunno. You already got him that photo album. He’s been filling it up with all his old pictures.”
“Those weird pictures that don’t move?” Peter said, levitating his frog in the air.
“They’re not weird. They’re the pictures that Muggles take,” James corrected. “He doesn’t know how to make the potion that makes them move, and I guess his dad doesn’t either.”
“There’s an idea.”
“What, Sirius?”
“We can probably ask Slughorn to teach us how to make it. Slughorn loves us; he’d do anything we asked him to.”
And so they did. The boys snuck down to the dungeons that day and asked Professor Slughorn if he could teach them. There was a price, of course. James and Sirius, who had been successfully avoiding going to any of Slughorn’s gatherings, had to promise to attend the next one. James and Sirius would rather drink poison than attend a party with Professor Slughorn’s favourite students (a group that included Severus Snape), but they knew that it would be worth it in the end. Or they at least hoped that Remus would realise the pains they had gone through when it came time for their birthdays.
Remus loved his present and instantly took out his camera so he would have pictures to develop in the potion. He was up late into the night (as he had managed to somehow use the entire roll of film that day) developing the pictures and watching as they moved about in their frames. He grinned to himself as he thought about the “horrors” his friends had gone through in order to get him this present, James and Sirius, at least. Peter was dubbed to be the lucky one as he managed to avoid going to a Slug Club party. They would be attending it the next night and there were rumors that Professor Slughorn had gotten a Chaser from the Chudley Cannons to go. That thought made his friends think the party may be a little bearable; even though neither of them were the biggest Chudley Cannons fans.
The wet weather in March grew to be so bad that all outside classes and activities (which miraculously included Quidditch) were cancelled. A week after Remus’s birthday the Gryffindor first years were sitting in a secluded portion of an empty classroom during break, talking in hushed voices. They had sent Remus off to find Jacob and his two friends.
“I don’t think June is a good idea for the prank,” Peter was saying when Remus appeared with Jacob, Julie and Andy.
“Why not?” Julie asked, folding her arms across her chest and looking rather disconcerted. Everything they had planned was set for June.
“Because it’ll be easier for you guys, you won’t have your N.E.W.Ts to worry about.”
“Yes we will.”
“No, listen, Andy,” Peter continued, looking at Green. “Yeah, you’ll have them coming up but it’s a lot easier than just us first years trying to pull it off without you.”
The seventh years were silent before Jacob said slowly, “He’s right, you know. We can make it a lot better probably if we pull it off earlier.”
“When are we going to do it?” Alice Gordon asked, looking up from the library book she was poring over.
“Well, April’s too early,” Sirius surmised thoughtfully. “March is already half over.”
“That leaves May then, doesn’t it?” James said, looking over at his friend. “We’ll have to get moving faster.”
“Yeah, we thought we had at least a month more,” Lily said, circling a helpful looking spell in her Charms textbook.
“Well, we have to study either way. Right, Jake, Julie?” Andy reminded them.
“Which means we’ll need more help,” Frank said, cracking his knuckles loudly. “I mean, if you guys are going to be studying, we can’t stop you from doing it.”
They all nodded in agreement. Now they faced another problem, true there were six Gryffindor first years who were going to be working on the project; Jacob, Julie and Andy held the bulk of the work because they were the oldest. They easily had more knowledge about how to go about everything. They were going to be the ones to initiate the spell that set off all the others, they were going to be the ones who set off the fireworks, and they alone knew how to perform the majority of the spells. They were going to sneak into Crane’s classroom in the middle of the night before and plant everything.
“I’ll help,” said a hesitant, and completely unexpected, voice.
“What?” James said, shaking his head, clear that he had heard wrong. “I thought you wanted to stay out of it, Remus?”
Remus looked rather startled himself. The truth was that he felt left out of everything, even if it had been his own decision. He was always curious about the inner workings of Operation Get Crane Back and he had no better opportunity than the one that was presenting itself at that moment. He shrugged at James and sat down on the floor, leaning against the couch.
“I dunno,” he said quietly. “I want to help.” He looked up at the group, as if expecting them to shoot down his offer and say that it was far too late. Instead, they smiled and welcomed him into the plan.
Now that they had another member they seventh years began teaching him the spells they were going to do. Remus, though he did not get them as quickly as James or Sirius, was working hard to master them in order to make up for the times when he had just sat there, uninvolved. Within a few days he had mastered the spell that would start all the others. It was a difficult one and took nearly five hours one day for him to even get part of it. They had tested it by performing a simple Leg Locker Curse on James. Remus had to say the incantation for the spell that timed the others and then say the incantation for the jinx. It sounded simple enough, but he had to have the time down to the exact second. So, at exactly the fiftieth second of the thirteen minute of the eighteenth hour of the twentieth day of March of the year 1972, James’s legs became locked together, he overbalanced, and toppled backwards onto his bed.
March twenty seventh marked James’s twelfth birthday. He had gone noticeably out of his way to remind his friends, repeatedly and nonstop, of this particular event. They knew what he was really angling at; he wanted them to buy him a gift. Sirius and Remus had fun with this, mocking James and telling him that they couldn’t possibly afford to buy him a nice present. He would have to settle for a pair of old socks. James, though he knew they were joking, did not take kindly to their mockery and increased his amount of pestering. Sirius, Remus and Peter therefore spent a good amount of time, when James was not around, thinking of what they could get him. Remus mentioned that his mother was an excellent at sewing and would be happy to sew something for James. They decided on having Mrs. Lupin knitting him a red jumper lined with gold and embellished with the Gryffindor lion. They presented James with the gift on the morning of the twenty seventh and James was more than thrilled.
March faded decidedly into April and three of the five Gryffindor first year boys were once again thinking of a birthday present. Sirius’s birthday fell on April tenth and, for once in his life, he was actually looking forward to it. When his birthday was celebrated at home it always turned into a stuffy and formal affair. Sirius was always inclined to hide out in his room like he did on Christmas Eve. However, on his birthday it was expected, or more accurately demanded, that he be there with his parents’ guests. His friends couldn’t actually throw a party; the funds were not easily accessible. But they could make it fun for him, give him a nice gift and maybe willingly let him steal their homework.
It was not at all difficult for them to think up a gift for Sirius. He had been mercilessly hinting at them since the beginning of the month that he would like a box of every prank item imaginable. James knew that they sold a deluxe package of pranks at Zonko’s Joke Shop in Hogsmeade. The problem was that the seventh years, whom they would have gone to, did not have another Hogsmeade trip until after Sirius’s birthday. Peter, whose father worked in the Post Office, offered to get it for them when Peter asked.
On the morning of the tenth Sirius was violently jerked out of sleep by the obnoxiously loud singing of James, Remus, and Peter. Sirius sleepily sat up, rubbing his eyes, and gazed at his friends, knowing that they had officially lost their minds. But when Peter threw down the brightly wrapped birthday present Sirius lost all thoughts of telling them off. He tore the wrapping paper and let out a cheer of delight when he saw the contents. He eagerly sorted through them and his eyes fell upon the box of Dungbombs. He grinned maliciously and looked up at his friends.
“Uh oh,” Peter said, knowing that look all too well.
“You know how you were saying we needed something else for our prank, James?” Sirius asked, the grin still plastered across his face. James nodded, unsure of what Sirius was getting at. “Why don’t we slip a few of these into Crane’s morning coffee?” He shook the bag of Dungbombs. Recently Crane had taken to drinking coffee in front of them while he taught; it always smelled rather disgusting, so Crane probably wouldn’t notice the difference.
“That’s disgusting, Sirius,” Remus said, his face scrunched up in revulsion.
“So is Crane.”
“Yeah… well, you’re going to be the one doing that.”
“Gladly.”
Sirius’s idea of the Dungbomb in Crane’s coffee was still not what James was thinking. It would no doubt be effective, and disgusting as Remus so appropriately pointed out, but it would not be enough to drive Crane out of the school. If anything, it would drive him to give anyone he saw detention. True it would only be a class of Slytherins, but it would be unfair to them. He vaguely remembered Frank telling them that he had heard that the job of Defence Against the Dark Arts professor was cursed. Crane, naturally, would be too proud to admit that he may be afraid of this. But if they played it up… made it convincing…
“So what exactly are we going to do?” Jacob asked the next morning at breakfast. The group was sitting at the end of the Gryffindor table, farthest away from the teachers. James had just revealed his idea, which was accepted wholeheartedly. They now had the task of thinking up a good story.
“Why did the other professors leave again?” James asked impatiently. They were getting somewhere at last; surely this would drive Crane away if they pulled it off.
“One got sick,” Jacob said.
“Another retired,” Julie replied.
“And the other one ran off with a banshee,” Andy said, a smile playing on his lips.
“How’d that happen, anyway?” Lily asked interestedly.
Jacob smiled reminiscently. “We all knew something was going on. He’d been acting really oddly, more than usual.”
“I’ll say,” Julie continued. “He always had this really dopey smile on his face. We thought he’d found a really beautiful woman or something.”
“I don’t think we expected him to find a banshee,” Andy said, grimacing at the thought.
“Anyway,” Jacob went on. “Dumbledore wasn’t very happy about it, and he hardly gets mad about anything.”
“I think it was the only time anyone ever saw him confused,” Julia chortled.
“The whole Entrance Hall just watched him try to figure out what to do,” Andy said, his shoulders shaking as he chuckled.
“We actually got a glimpse of the banshee.”
“Didn’t she scream?” Alice asked, leaning forward intently.
“The professor had the decency to put a Silencing Charm on her,” Jacob said. “She wanted to scream badly.”
“How’d they even meet?” James asked.
“Hog’s Head,” the three seventh years replied simply. The Hog’s Head answered James’s question very accurately; the gamekeeper, Hagrid, always said that you would meet a lot of strange folks there.
“Anyway,” Julie went on. “First Dumbledore tried explaining that Unter, that was his name, was taking things way too far. Dumbledore’s not prejudice, but he was worried about Unter’s safety, dunno why, but he was. Then he got mad and actually yelled that it wasn’t natural, what they were doing.”
“Unter wasn’t exactly natural,” Jacob muttered into his porridge. The professor was infamous for his strange behaviours, which often included chirping loudly and unexpectedly. It was only a matter of time before he did something really crazy. “So, everyone was crowded into the Entrance Hall, watching Dumbledore and Unter. They looked like they were going to start dueling. Or at least Unter did.”
“That would’ve been interesting,” Andy said, stabbing at a piece of bacon. “The two of them started yelling at each other. We couldn’t even understand what they were saying, sounded like a big mess. It was so strange; none of us had ever seen Dumbledore yell.”
“I think Unter did pull out his wand,” Julie said, rubbing her chin.
Jacob said, “Anyway, Unter and the banshee made this big exit. He waved his wand really complicated like and two big birds came swooping down on him and the banshee and they disappeared out through the front doors. He was crazy, but he wasn’t stupid.”
The first years said nothing; they simply stared at the older students, their mouths hanging open. Why couldn’t Crane have been delusional like this man and left the school like that? James was the first person to recover from his silence; he stood up just as the bell rang.
“Well, we’ll get back to this later, then?”