Questionable Interests
As the weeks wore on, Sirius did all he could to avoid Regulus. It wasn’t terribly difficult, as their paths hardly ever crossed. But, on the occasions when they did, Sirius made sure he could not see his brother. During meals at the Great Hall, Sirius sat on the side of the table that did not face the Slytherin table. He knew he and Regulus were both on the third floor when Sirius had Transfiguration, so he drew out a new route for him and his friends to take. His friends did not argue about this, they knew Sirius needed time to process what he had learned about his brother. Though, because of this, it took them some time to get used to travelling in the new part of the corridor. James and Peter had been filled in by Remus on what had occurred the night they had not been there. It didn’t really surprise the two what had happened, although they would not mention that to Sirius.
Sirius had become touchy about anything involving his family. Any mention of Regulus, his mother, his father, Narcissa, Lucius, Bellatrix… anyone who was a member of the immediate or extended Black Family was an avoidable topic. In fact, the only way his family could make him smile was when he heard that his cousin, Andromeda, had had a daughter. She hadn’t just had the baby; Nymphadora Tonks was almost a year old, but the news had been kept out of his reach by his mother and father. Andromeda was a disappointment. They did not wish to admit that Nymphadora was part of their family, nor was her father, Ted, a Muggle-born. The only reason Sirius had even heard of it was when he read an article in the Daily Prophet about Ted Tonks speaking out against the harsh treatment of Muggle-borns. It had quickly mentioned the members of his family.
Professor Handlin had returned to school, looking exhausted but otherwise happy. He refused pointblank to tell his students what he had been up to, and they knew better than to ask him after the fifty third time. He picked up with their lessons as though he had not been absent for a week. Throughout his lessons, the students whispered theories to each other about their professor’s whereabouts, voicing suspicions as to what he had been doing. Some students, the more dubious Slytherins, ventured that, whatever it was, it was illegal. No one dared to believe this. Despite the overall oddness of the disappearance, they doubted Professor Handlin would ever take part in illegalities.
As for the boys, they were investing their time and energy in the nights they spent in the Room of Requirement, trying desperately to complete their Patronuses. James’s was perfected; they had discovered that it was a stag. So he helped Sirius and Peter. Sirius had gotten it with only a little help from James and they had seen that his Patronus was a dog. Remus offered help as well, mostly with Peter, as he had the most patience out of the group. Sirius could achieve his Patronus; he was only having trouble keeping the shield long enough. Peter was having difficulty producing even a wisp of anything. His frustration was showing extensively, to the point where he had hurled his wand across the room, sending sparks with it that ignited the hem of James’s robes on fire.
“Watch it!” James snapped, stepping on the flames in an attempt to extinguish them.
“Sorry,” Peter moaned miserably, aiding James in putting out the flames. When the fire was out and the only source of smoke was from the charred remains of the ends of James’s robes, Peter retrieved his wand. “I’m hopeless.”
“No, you’re not!” Remus said encouragingly. “You just need to focus! You get distracted too easily.”
“Well, I’m sorry if I can’t focus on just one thing!”
“Don’t get mad at him, Peter,” James warned.
“Just think of something happy!” Remus instructed, ignoring the snap Peter had sent at him.
“How am I supposed to do that?”
“People manage it when there are hundreds of Dementors around them, it’s possible.”
“We can’t all be Remus Lupin and get them on the first try.”
“Merlin.” Remus slapped a hand to his forehead. “I’m just trying to help you!”
“I don’t need your help!”
“Yes, you do,” Sirius muttered under his breath.
“Then make a Patronus!”
Peter opened his mouth and closed it. “What?”
“You don’t need my help, show me you don’t!”
“I don’t know how to!”
“We’re not leaving until you produce a Patronus, so do it.” Remus settled himself in his chair, gesturing for Sirius and James to do the same. Peter stared at them in disbelief. “Come on, Pete. You said you don’t need our help, prove it.”
Peter couldn’t believe them. They were actually going to sit there until he produced a Patronus? They would be sitting there forever then, because he couldn’t do it. But, looking at the expectant faces of his friends, he knew he had no choice. He should at least try. He poised his wand and screwed his eyes shut, trying to find one truly happy memory. He remembered when he was about to turn eleven and thought, for the longest time, that he would not receive his Hogwarts letter. Then, shortly before his birthday, he saw a Barn Owl hovering outside his kitchen window. The feelings he felt were ineffable. If that wasn’t a happy memory, he didn’t know what was.
“EXPECTO PATRONUM!”
A jet out silver flew out of the point of Peter’s wand and formed, for the quickest of moments, the shape of a rat. The rat vanished, but it had been there. He had done it. He glanced at his friends, who were grinning at the spot where the Patronus had been.
Remus stood up, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. “What was it you were saying about not being able to do it?”
Now that each boy was able to produce a Patronus, their task was to find the hairs of the creatures they would turn into. Finding Sirius’s was easy enough; they would simply take the hairs from Remus’s dog. Over the summer Remus would pull the hairs off the Labrador’s back and keep them safe for Sirius. Sirius could help Peter out with the rat hairs; Grimmauld Place was notorious for rats. Peter had to admit, he was slightly baffled, not to mention revolted, as to why his Patronus was a rat. He couldn’t understand why. James was the one that no one could help. They had no idea where they could get stag hairs. When they had all the hairs they would add them to the potion, which James and Sirius would get working on straightaway. Remus had offered to help, an offer that was quickly shot down. They didn’t want it blowing up. James and Sirius decided that the most he could do was gather the materials, Peter would help him with that.
March brought with it the early beginnings of spring. The skies, clouded from the winter, could now been seen blue through the white puffs drifting across. The snow had all but cleared up, something which elated the Care of Magical Creatures classes. The students were now taking their homework outside to do, rather than be stuck in the castle common rooms. The boys took to sitting under the beech tree by the lake to study, read, or to simply be lazy. They were occasionally joined by the Giant Squid, who would propel itself in their general vicinity. One day in early March the boys could be found sitting under the tree.
“Quick, give me a ten letter word for genius and insanity that starts with a D,” Sirius said, holding up the crossword puzzle in the Daily Prophet.
“Dumbledore,” Peter supplied, twirling a fallen leaf around between his thumb and index finger. Sirius laughed and wrote in the name.
“I think you have an obsession with these crosswords, Sirius,” James observed. “It’s almost as bad as your obsession with food.”
“Stuff it.” Sirius folded up the paper and pocketed it. He stood up, grinning, and flexed his right arm. “At least I’m not fat.”
“How do we know?”
“Do I look fat?”
“Not when you’ve got all those robes on. For all we know, you could wear those things Muggle queens wear to hide that they’re fat. What are they called?” He looked at Remus and Peter for help.
“Corsets,” Remus said sleepily, his eyes shut and his head leaning against the tree trunk. The full moon was the next day and he was feeling the effects of it already.
“Yeah, those things.”
Sirius sat down again. “You’re calling me a girl?”
“No, we were just saying that you might dress like one. If you’ve got anything you need to tell us, Sirius, you know we won’t judge.”
“Bug off, git.”
James’s retort was cut off by a violent sneeze from Remus. “Tomorrow’s going to be fun, isn’t it?”
“Loads,” Remus said. “Bones breaking, claws coming out of my hands, hair growing where it shouldn’t be. Yeah, it’ll be the time of my life.”
“Too bad it has to be right before your birthday,” Peter said sympathetically.
“As long as it’s not on my birthday, I don’t care.”
“Has that ever happened before?” Sirius inquired.
“Not yet. The year I was bitten, there was one on my birthday. But I was bitten in April.” He opened his eyes and looked at his friends. “I hope it never happens.” He inhaled sharply as his head received a painful twinge. He stood up and picked up the book he had been leafing through earlier. “I’m going up to the castle.”
The boys nodded. “See you later, then,” Sirius added.
Remus trekked up the grass towards the giant oak double doors. His head was swimming; he just wanted to lie down. But he had homework to do, he had to write a letter to his parents, and he had a tutoring session with Lily. Why hadn’t he thought to cancel that? He knew he was getting sicker earlier than the day of the full moon. He should have told Lily he couldn’t make it. Groaning at his idiocy, he squinted at his watch and saw that it was almost time for him to meet her in the dungeons. Veering off his intended path to Gryffindor Tower, Remus descended the cold stone steps into the drafty dungeon.
When he approached Slughorn’s classroom, he could just make out Lily’s voice. She seemed to be talking to someone, and, unless his ears were cheating him, this person was Severus Snape. Remus knew Lily was friends with Snape, a fact that disgusted, mystified and horrified James. Remus couldn’t help but wonder sometimes how the Gryffindor and the Slytherin were friends; they seemed so different. Then again, that may have been the very reason that they got along. He shrugged it off and tapped lightly on the door. He saw that Lily and Snape were sitting at one of the desks bent over an open book.
Lily glanced up when she heard the knock. “Hullo, Remus,” she said pleasantly.
“Hey, Lily,” he replied, setting his book down on one of the vacant desks and sitting down. “Snape,” he acknowledged as an afterthought. He didn’t need Lily in a bad mood because he had ignored her friend.
“Lupin,” Snape responded curtly.
“Are you feeling alright?” Lily was observing Remus closely now that he had come into the light. “You’re looking pale.”
Remus smiled slightly. “I always look pale, Lily.”
Lily allowed herself a small grin. “Well, worse than always.”
“Just feeling a little nauseous.” This was true; his stomach was raging a storm that he could not sail through for much longer. He saw Snape was watching him, as if he saw right through his lie. He hoped that Snape was not planning on staying. His potion-concocting abilities always seemed to worsen when the Slytherin was around. He attributed this to the fact that Snape was his first partner in Potions and they had not come off for the better.
“Severus was just showing me an easier way to make the Shrinking Solution,” Lily explained, gesturing down to the open book.
Remus pretended to look intrigued. “Really?”
Lily nodded eagerly. “I thought we’d try it. The only way you ever made a really good Shrinking Solution was doing it by accident, so maybe this might help.”
“Yeah… sure… let’s give it a try.”
Snape hovered in the background throughout most of the lesson, speaking only when Lily had a question about his instructions. Remus knew he was going to have a hard time concentrating and the presence of Snape was not easing this. Lily sensed something was wrong and casually asked Snape to get something she had left in the hallway, thinking this would make Remus feel better. It did only faintly. When Snape returned, Remus had made no more progress.
“You can do this,” Lily said bracingly.
“I’m trying,” Remus muttered, forehead in hand. He was having a difficult time keeping his mind straight. “My hands are just shaking a bit.” He had accidentally decapitated a caterpillar.
“Your hands are shaking a lot to me,” Snape pointed out as he was stacking some books onto Slughorn’s shelf.
Remus was very much tempted to tell Snape that no one had asked his opinion, but refrained from doing so.
Lily bit her lip. “Maybe we should call it a night. You don’t look good.”
“I’m fine, just tired.”
Lily looked as if she was doing it against her better judgement by allowing him to continue. Sighing, she uncorked a flask and handed it to Remus to measure. He peered at the measurements he had etched out on the cup he was pouring it into, unaware that he was seeing double. The liquid dripped over the edges and onto the table, where it promptly burnt a hole through the countertop. Lily jumped back as the liquid made a beeline towards the sleeves of her robes, disintegrating the table on its way. Remus jerked up when he saw this.
“Sorry,” he moaned, waving his wand to vanish the substance. This, however, did nothing to alleviate the situation.
“I’ll do it,” Snape said, whipping out his wand and waving it at the desk. The liquid vanished immediately. “Reparo!” The holes in the desk mended together.
Lily hopped off her stool. “You should go get some rest,” she told Remus. “You’re too sick to be working.”
“I can do it, it’s not that hard.”
“It’s not hard, and you could do it if you were feeling better.”
Remus considered arguing again, but his head was telling him that it wanted to lie down on his pillow. Resigning in defeat, he nodded. “Fine, we’ll just try again next week. Sorry I wasted your time.”
Lily frowned sympathetically. “You didn’t waste my time. Do you want me to walk up to the common room with you?”
“No, I’ll just go now. See you later.” He slung his bag over his shoulder and clutched his book to his chest. It was only when he was out the door that he heard Snape speak to Lily.
“I wonder what’s wrong with him.” His voice didn’t sound concerned, as Lily’s had. It sounded curious, a little too curious. Remus froze; he didn’t want Snape wondering about his condition.
“He’s ill,” Lily replied simply. “It happens.”
“He seems to be ill a lot more than normal.” There was a pause in which Remus was sure Lily had given Snape a warning look. “It happens every month, Lily. Don’t you think that’s a bit unusual?”
“I don’t think it’s any of our business.”
“You must wonder about it.”
“Not as much as you do, apparently.”
“Have you ever asked him about it? You talk to him enough for him to tell you a bit about it.”
“I have asked him; all he would tell me is that it’s been happening for a long time. He wouldn’t tell me what it was and I won’t ask until he’s ready to tell me.”
“It’s odd, every month it happens.”
Lily sounded exasperated. “What do you suspect, Severus?”
“There are only a few illnesses that happen once a month and some of them aren’t even illnesses.”
There was a long pause in which Remus strained to hear any sign that the two were still talking. Snape was trying to figure it out; he was smart enough to realise what the symptoms meant. He couldn’t have his condition in the hands of that boy. Who knew how long it would be before Snape used it to his advantage? He felt his headache increase at the thought of what would happen.
“I don’t think it’s any of our business.” Remus was thankful for the air of finality in Lily’s voice. He was even more thankful for the fact that Snape seemed to respect her enough to listen.
“Well, I’ll be going to the common room, then.”
Remus ran into the shadows as Snape exited the dungeon. He waited until Snape was well out of sight before continuing up to the Entrance Hall. As he was climbing the marble staircase a pain shot through his skull, rendering his mind dizzy and his eyes blurry. Clutching his head in his hands, he sank to the floor and waited for the pain to abate.
Through the haze in his ears, Remus heard a voice from above him. “You were listening, weren’t you?” It was Lily, on her way back to Gryffindor Tower.
Remus didn’t even bother to feel guilty. “It was me you were talking about.”
“He was just wondering, I don’t think-”
“Stop defending him. I don’t want people wondering what happens to me. You know that.”
“I don’t think he meant anything by it.”
Remus bit his lip, refraining from saying what he was thinking. “Tell him to stop thinking about it, will you?”
“I will, okay?” She sat down beside him. “Your head hurts, doesn’t it?”
“A bit, yeah.”
“You should see Madam Pomfrey about it.”
“I’m used to it.”
“I’ve noticed… you’ve been getting sicker this year than any other. Is there any reason or-”
“I’m just getting older, that’s it.” He rubbed his temples and stood up. “I’m going to bed.”
“Hold on,” Lily said, standing up with him. “I’ll walk with you.”
The two walked in silence the path to Gryffindor Tower. Remus could tell that Lily was still thinking about what could have been making him sick. He wished she wouldn’t. It was true that he held no grudge against the girl; he wasn’t ready to let her know any more than she already did. James, Sirius and Peter were different; he spent all of his time with them. They were bound to find out. The most he spent with Lily lately was the tutoring sessions. She was a good person, he knew that, but he just didn’t want her to know yet. She would know that he was a werewolf one day, but not one day too soon.
They arrived at the portrait of the Fat Lady and saw she was hosting dinner with her friend Violet and Sir Cadogan. They were talking loudly and laughing boisterously, holding their bellies as they chuckled at a joke unknown to the two Gryffindors. Neither Lily nor Remus could make themselves heard over the laughter and Lily ended up shouting so deafeningly that the knight drew his sword, thinking that someone was attempting to break into the tower. When he saw that it was only two students, he relaxed and Lily uttered the password. Remus bid Lily goodnight and made his way up to the boys’ dormitory, while she went in the opposite direction to the girls’.
When Remus entered the dormitory he saw his roommates sitting on Peter’s bed, bending over a copy of the Daily Prophet that Sirius had been using earlier to do the crosswords. He sat down on his own bed and rolled over so he was facing them.
“What are you looking at?”
The four boys jerked their heads up, clearly they had not heard anyone come in. “Some article,” Frank answered, his eyes roving the pages.
“No one’s died again, have they?”
James shook his head. “Nope. Actually, it’s about some singer who was doing cartwheels on the bar counter at the Leaky Cauldron.”
A flicker of a smile crossed Remus’s face. “Interesting.”
“Here.” Sirius tossed the newspaper over. “They got pictures.”
Remus sat up, turned the paper over and saw a black and white shot of a middle-aged woman doing cartwheels over the bar in the Leaky Cauldron. Tom, the innkeeper, was standing just at the edge of the frame, watching with mingled curiosity, hilarity and fear. “Why was she doing that?”
“Too much Firewhiskey,” Peter replied.
“Figures.” Remus tossed the paper back over and Frank caught it between his hands. He lay back down on his pillow and shut his eyes.
“How was tutoring with Lily?” James asked, knowing that that was where Remus had gone if he had not gone straight to the dormitory.
“Fine.” He didn’t want to tell them that Snape had been there and was starting to wonder about Remus’s monthly disappearances. He didn’t want to worry them. They were happy sitting there, discussing drunken singers making fools out of themselves. Who was he to ruin that? Rolling over onto his stomach, he allowed himself to be lulled away to sleep.