Disappearing Relations
In the weeks following Christmas, the students of Hogwarts began noticing several changes occurring throughout the world they lived in. Lately, the Daily Prophet only seemed to print stories about the tragedies that were taking place everywhere. There was a little boy mauled by a werewolf while on a family vacation. This story, which was written by an infuriated Harry Lupin, only encouraged some folks at the Ministry to draft more anti-werewolf legislation. There were dozens of disappearances, some happening right outside the Ministry’s visitor’s entrance. The Wizarding World was in a constant state of fear. No one could go outside without wondering when it would be their turn to be killed or attacked or kidnapped.
Along with the upsetting changes occurring in the outside world, there were also some welcome changes happening within the castle walls. For years it had been known throughout the school that Lily Evans hated James Potter with a passion. It came as quite a surprise when, in their sixth year, she began tolerating his existence. Now that they were seventh years, most were amazed that she willingly spoke to him now, even went to Hogsmeade on his invitation. It was unheard of that Lily Evans would ever do something like that. She spent half her career at Hogwarts pretending he didn’t exist.
In the area of the seventh years’ homework load, it was reaching such a height that they were all thoroughly terrified of it collapsing on top of them “ figuratively and literally. The seventh years had stacks of books and papers piled up in their dormitories, afraid that if they left out one bit of work, they would not be permitted to graduate. Even tiny, usually understanding Professor Flitwick had become relentless with the amount of wand work he was expecting out of his students. None of the professors seemed to realise their students were all on the edge of nervous breakdowns.
“If I screamed really loudly, would you and Lily murder me, Prongs?” Sirius asked one evening in the common room. The common room was filled with unbearably and obnoxiously loud first, second and third years, all of whom were oblivious to the studying seventh years. The younger students were playing unusually loud rounds of Exploding Snap, running about and just be altogether rude. The seventh years were ready to snap.
James, who was running a hand over his tired face as he tried concentrating on the essay he was writing, shook his head. “No, I’d scream with you. I’m about to go over there and murder them.”
“I don’t think killing students falls under the Head Boy category,” Remus said, jokingly reproachful.
“Stuff it, Moony,” James and Sirius snapped.
Remus’s eyes darted between his two friends before his face split into a smirk. “Well… I am offended.”
James and Sirius rolled their eyes at each other. “He got that from us,” James muttered, planting his face in his hand.
“He’s been hanging out with us for too long.”
“Peter, you’re not going to start saying you’re offended, are you?”
Peter, who was writing furiously across his parchment, said irritably, “No.”
Sirius’s eyes went wide. Peter was strangely upset this evening. Nothing had happened to him for this to happen. At least they didn’t think anything had. “Someone’s got a broomstick stuck up his bum.”
“I do not, Padfoot.”
“What are you four arguing about this time?” The four boys glanced up to see a rather harassed-looking Lily Evans, clutching her book in a vice grip. Clearly the loud, annoying younger students were getting to her as well. It appeared as if her strong grip on her book was the only thing keeping her from swinging it at someone’s head.
“Who stuck a broomstick up Peter’s bum,” Sirius replied before turning to glare daggers at a first year girl who went into a fit of high-pitched giggles. The girl felt Sirius’s glare on her, gave him a nervous glance and instantly ceased laughing.
“Shut up, Sirius!” Peter unexpectedly snapped, causing James and Remus to stare at him in amazement. Peter rarely lost his temper.
Sirius looked shocked as well. “Merlin, Pete, I was just joking.”
“Well, your jokes aren’t funny, so just shut up.” Peter slammed his books closed, gathered up his things and moved to an empty table across the room.
“Since when does he hate my jokes?” Sirius asked, utterly nonplussed. “I really wasn’t trying to be mean to him. Honestly, I wasn’t. He’s known me for seven years now; he should understand my sense of humour.”
“I don’t think he was mad at you, Sirius,” Remus spoke up suddenly, his voice oddly tense.
“What d’you mean?” Sirius and James whipped around and saw Remus was gripping the copy of the Evening Prophet that Peter had been reading earlier. They hadn’t noticed when he was reading it what articles he was reading; they had been busy trying to finish their homework before the professors flunked them all. But, if they were remembering correctly, Peter had been in a good mood before he opened the paper. After that, he had been fairly irritable. Lily knelt down beside Remus and read the paper over his shoulder. She let out a strangled, “oh no,” and covered her mouth with her hand. Sirius and James were instantly kneeling behind Remus and Lily, reading whatever it was that had elicited such responses from their fellow Gryffindors. “Oh, Merlin,” James murmured.
“Poor Peter,” Sirius muttered, stepping back and resuming his seat, utterly stunned.
“Do you think they’ll find him?” Remus asked, setting the paper down, turning it over so he didn’t have to look at the front page.
“I don’t know,” James said quietly, shaking his head before placing his forehead in his hands. “Peter must think they won’t. Why else would he be so upset?”
“Why Peter’s dad?” Lily asked, utterly horrified. She didn’t know Mr. Pettigrew, but she could never picture him being someone another would want to harm.
Remus shrugged. “I… Remember the summer before our fifth year?” he said unexpectedly, looking at James and Sirius.
They both nodded, their brows furrowed. “What about it?” James asked.
“Our dads “ well, yours, mine and Peter’s “ they were talking about people named Mad Eye and Fabian and Gideon. They were going to the Lovegoods’ because they thought something was going on. They obviously thought something bad was going to happen, they thought they were going to be fighting someone. Were they fighting Voldemort?”
“How do you see that?” Sirius asked quickly, oddly thrown by this statement.
“Maybe not necessarily him, but they thought they were going to fight someone, didn’t they? And our mums wouldn’t tell us anything about it; they didn’t want us to know what was going on.”
“But why would you think it had anything to do with Voldemort?” Sirius pressed further, a small hint of anger appearing in his voice.
“Because Mr. Pettigrew’s gone missing and no one can figure out why it would be him of all people. He’s never done anything to hurt anyone, so why would someone want to hurt him?”
“We don’t know he’s been hurt,” Sirius replied tersely. Why was Remus jumping to conclusions?
Remus’s eyes darted from Sirius to James to Lily and back to Sirius. His gaze hardened. Why was Sirius being so defensive? “What’s with you?” he asked.
“Nothing, Remus. You just jump to the conclusion that it has to be Voldemort and his Death Eaters every time something bad happens.”
“Because every time something bad does happen it's Voldemort and his Death Eaters causing it. Shall I run through the list for you?”
“Just shut the hell up, Moony!”
“Sirius,” James snapped warningly. Sirius was crossing the line badly.
Now it was time for Sirius to turn on James. “Going to his defence again, are you, Prongs?”
“You’re being a prat to him, Sirius. Now what’s your problem?”
Sirius bit down hard on his lip. He really wasn’t mad at Remus, yet he had to take his anger out on someone. It was just that every time he heard something about Death Eater activities, he couldn’t help but think of Regulus. His little brother was throwing his life away, running around with those maniacs and Sirius couldn’t stand it. He couldn’t do anything to change his brother’s life path, no matter how much he wished he could. Regulus would never listen to him. He had yet to tell his friends what had happened in Diagon Alley, to whom he had spoken. He had to do it now, but he didn’t want to say it in front of Lily.
“Can we…?” he began, glancing pointedly at Lily, who instantly understood his meaning.
“I’ve got to go ask Alice about something anyway,” she said, collecting her things and disappearing up the stairs into the dormitories.
Once Lily was gone, James and Remus rounded on Sirius. “Okay, Padfoot, what’s the matter?” James asked concernedly.
It took Sirius a long moment before he was able to say anything. When he finally found his voice, it was low and tense. “Do you remember what happened in Diagon Alley over the summer?”
“Of course, how can we forget?”
“I… I kind of… ran into someone I know.”
Remus raised his eyebrows. “You mean… you mean you knew one of the Death Eaters?” His face paled when Sirius reluctantly nodded. “Who?”
Sirius laughed hollowly. “Take a guess.”
“Regulus,” James surmised at once. “But… we always suspected he was up to no good. I just… I guess I never thought he’d actually go through with it.”
“Neither did I.”
Remus folded his arms across his chest and frowned at his friend. “Have you tried talking to him about it?”
“I did right before Christmas, he wouldn’t hear it. He said I lost any right to convince him of anything the moment I ran away from home.”
James let out an angry sound. “He needs to get over that and move on with his life. It wasn’t like the two of you were best friends, anyway. I - I didn’t mean it like that.”
“I know. You’re right, we weren’t friends or anything, but he’s still my brother. Whether or not we get along, I don’t want him to do anything stupid and he goes and does this.”
“You know you can’t control his actions,” James reminded him. He hated seeing his best friend beating himself up over choices that Regulus willingly made. As much as he hated to admit it, Regulus was sixteen and well within his rights to make his own decisions, as horrible as they were. Try as he might, there was nothing Sirius could do to change anything.
“In some cases, I wish I could.” Sirius took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. Turning to Remus, he said sincerely, “I’m sorry I took it out on you. I just hate the idea that my brother could be one of the people behind what happened to Peter’s dad.”
Remus shrugged off Sirius’s apology, he needn’t have done so. Remus wasn’t mad at him. He stood up and gestured for his friends to do the same. He looked towards the table Peter had moved to earlier and discovered he was gone. He must have gone upstairs. “We’ve got to go talk to Peter.” James and Sirius didn’t hesitate to get up as well and follow Remus up to the dormitories.
What could they say to make Peter feel better, though? It was one thing to give Lily their condolences after her parents died; at least she knew their fate. But Mr. Pettigrew was missing and no one knew what was happening to him. The article had said that he had supposedly been snatched somewhere between Diagon Alley and their home in London. Mr. Pettigrew had been looking for a new job in the alley. Clearly that must have been what he was doing there. Poor Peter. The boys didn’t even want to think of what would happen if they never found him. Peter wouldn’t be able to handle it, they knew that much.
When they entered the dormitory, it was to see Peter leaning on the windowsill, glaring out onto the darkened grounds. James, Sirius and Remus hated to see him like that, completely lost and probably so confused about why it had to be his father. They stood in the doorway for a long time, glancing uncertainly at each other several times before Sirius lightly pushed Remus towards Peter.
Remus, narrowing his eyes over his shoulder at Sirius, cautiously approached his friend. “Peter?” he said quietly.
Peter looked over his shoulder for a quick second before returning his attention to the window, acting as if he hadn’t heard Remus.
“Peter, do you… do you want to talk about it at all?”
“Not really, no.” Peter propped his elbows up on the sill and rested his chin in his hands.
“Why didn’t you tell us, Pete?” Sirius asked, stepping further into the room. “I wouldn’t have said anything mean to you if I knew what happened.”
“So you wouldn’t be mean to me if you knew I was upset?” Peter snapped, tearing his gaze away from the window to narrow his eyes dangerously at Sirius.
“No! Merlin, no, Peter. I was just joking, but I didn’t know you’d take it so badly. You should’ve just told us.”
Peter’s eyes swiveled back to the window again. “Yeah, well, I didn’t want to.”
Now it was James’s turn to step forward and give it a try. He didn’t understand why Peter had become so defensive all of the sudden. “We’re your friends, Peter. Don’t we tell each other what’s bothering us?”
“Do we?” Peter questioned harshly, rounding on the three, who each took a small step back as Peter took a fast step forward.
“Peter?” Remus asked anxiously. They rarely saw Peter get so angry and he didn’t like it.
“You three tell each other everything, not me. You keep me out of everything.”
“What?” the three said, each echoing the other’s shock. Was this what was bothering Peter? They didn’t neglect to tell him things to make him mad.
“Remember last year, Remus?” Peter snarled, rounding on his friend, using the tiny difference in height to his advantage. Remus certainly looked like he felt much smaller than he really was. “Finely kept threatening you, didn’t he? He wanted you to do something you weren’t comfortable with and that was what he wanted me to convince you of. I asked you what was going on, I asked you a few times actually. I thought you of all people would be honest with me, but I was wrong. You wouldn’t tell me what it was.”
“I didn’t want you to worry!” Remus didn’t realise they had offended Peter so much when they neglected to tell him exactly what Professor Finely was doing. It had happened months ago. They didn’t know it still bothered him.
“So you keep me in the dark and that only makes me worry more.”
“I’m sorry, Pete. I didn’t think you’d be that upset over it.”
Peter ignored Remus’s apology and instead moved on to Sirius. “And what about you, Padfoot? In Diagon Alley, I saw you talking to one of the Death Eaters like you knew him and when I asked you about it, you told me to mind my own business.”
Sirius defended himself reasonably. “I don’t think I said it like that.”
“It doesn’t matter. I’m sure you told them.” Peter jerked an angry thumb at Remus and James, both of whom had their mouths hanging slightly open.
“I didn’t tell them until about five minutes ago!”
“But you still told them before you told me.”
“Peter, I didn’t tell anyone because I feel guilty!”
“What do you have to feel guilty about?” Peter couldn’t understand why Sirius, of all people, would feel guilty about his father being abducted by a bunch of Death Eaters. It wasn’t as though he was one of them. He wasn’t running around hurting other people just for the hell of it. Well, not anymore.
“Because my brother might have been one of the maniacs who dragged your dad away, that’s what I feel guilty about. That’s who I was talking to in Diagon Alley, my brother. My brother’s a Death Eater, Wormtail. How do you think I feel? I feel awful because he might’ve hurt your dad! I’d never want anyone to do that to him because your dad’s a good person and he doesn’t deserve this! So quit jumping down our throats! You’re upset, I understand that and I’m sure they do too.” James and Remus didn’t hesitate to nod. “But don’t take it out on us.”
Peter stood in his place silently, his gaze dropping to the floor. He couldn’t help yelling at the three of them. Every bitter thought he’d ever had, every bitter feeling, was just bursting to the surface and he wasn’t going to try to keep them inside anymore. He wasn’t going to take back what he said. He had wanted them all to know that for a long time. He was tired of being pushed into the shadows like he didn’t matter. He didn’t know if they did it on purpose, but even if they didn’t, he didn’t like it.
“Why didn’t you tell us?” James asked after a long time. His voice was pleading. He just wanted to know why Peter would keep the news about his dad a secret. “You know we would just want to help you.”
“My mum didn’t even tell me,” Peter choked out finally. “I had to read about it in the bloody newspaper!”
“Your mum is probably too… too shocked to write just yet,” Remus offered. He knew it had been difficult for his father to write to him when his grandparents had died. It was the only time Remus had ever seen his father’s handwriting so illegible and his sentences so incoherent. Not everyone was able to just up and write heartbreaking news. “I’m sure you’ll get a letter from her soon.”
There was a muscle jumping rapidly in Peter’s jaw. He folded his arms across his chest and looked away from his friends. He was getting himself into a right state and he didn’t want them seeing it. After the way he had just lost it, he didn’t want them to see him lose it again. They already thought he was weak; he didn’t need to prove it any more. “Why did it have to be my dad?” he finally said, his voice nothing more than a sad squeak.
James sighed and shrugged. “I dunno, Peter. It’s not fair that it was him.”
“Was it really Voldemort? Does he really want to… does he really want to hurt my dad?”
Remus swallowed with difficulty. “I… it may… it may have something to do with that.” At the confused and startled look on Peter’s face, he began to explain what he had told James and Sirius earlier. Peter easily remembered the night their fathers had hurried to the Lovegood house, worried about the commotion that had really been nothing at all, just Xeno messing around with a potion of his father’s. There could be no other explanation other than their fathers were doing something to fight. Even old Mr. Potter was doing something. That had to have been why the Death Eaters took Mr. Pettigrew.
“So they take my dad? Just mine? Why not yours, Remus?” Peter snapped harshly before dropping his mouth open in horror, staring at the hurt look on his friend’s face.
“Nice to see you have my dad’s well-being at heart, thanks, Peter,” Remus commented coldly. He knew Peter was upset, but no one would ever say something like that about his father. He wouldn’t allow it.
“I didn’t mean it like that, I’m sorry.” Peter’s face was bright red as he turned to James for support, but James was wearing an expression similar to Remus’s.
“You could’ve said the same thing about my dad, Peter.” He dropped his hands to his sides and shook his head slowly. “We know you’re upset, but don’t say things like that.”
“I know I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry.” He looked pleadingly between James and Remus, both of whom nodded, knowing Peter was letting his anger get the best of him. “I just… I can’t believe this is happening. Why did this happen?”
“It’s been happening since we were eleven, Peter,” Sirius said, his disgust at the state of the world evident in his tone. “Everything has just been going on behind the scenes; it never really affected any of us directly. Now that it has… what are we going to do?”
“What do you mean?”
“We’re not letting these people get away with what they’ve done, are we?” Sirius looked between his friends as if he was waiting for one of them to shout ‘hear, hear!’ When none of them did, he said, “Come on, you’re saying you wouldn’t dream of fighting these people?”
“How would we do that?” Remus asked. He would fight anyone who dared hurt any of his friends or their families, but he didn’t know how. Unless… Their parents knew how to fight. Their parents were the ones fighting it, or at least they were trying to. “D’you mean we’d have to ask our dads?”
Sirius nodded, glad Remus had gotten it. “Your dad and James’s know what to do. They’re doing something. They are other people involved!”
“Sirius, be realistic,” James cut in. “We’re students! What can we do?”
“James, are you being serious? We’re students and look what we have done! We managed to become Animagi at age fifteen! We’re at the top of our class. You’re Head Boy and Remus is a Prefect. We’ve done more than most. What makes you think we wouldn’t be able to fight?”
“Because this is different than school. This is real life; this is taking on someone who has more power than we could ever hope to have.”
“But if there are others fighting-”
“We don’t know that for sure.”
“Your dads are doing something! There are other people involved.”
“Sirius,” Remus began slowly. “We’re still just students; even if we knew exactly what it was our dads were doing… we’re just kids compared to them.”
“So you mean you don’t want to fight?”
“Of course I do! You know I do. It’s just… we’re students, Sirius.”
Sirius shook his head at Remus and instead rounded on Peter. If anyone would want to fight those maniacs right now, it would be Peter. “You, Peter? You have more of a reason than any of us. What do you say?”
Peter did not answer right away. In truth, he didn’t want to fight Voldemort and his Death Eaters. They had already taken his father, probably hurt him already. Peter didn’t want to end up like that. Besides, he wasn’t strong enough to fight them, not smart enough. He knew James and Remus would fight, no matter how much they protested that they were still students. He knew once they were out of school, those two would be thinking just like Sirius. But he didn’t want to fight. He was never a fighter and he never would be. Taking a shaky breath, he nodded. “I… I would fight them.”
Sirius nodded and raised his eyebrows at James and Remus. “You know we would, Sirius,” James said sincerely. He turned to Peter, whose face was a dark red with an effort to keep himself under control. “I’m so sorry, Peter.”
“Me too,” Remus said. The last thing he would ever want for his friend was this. No one deserved this. Even after what Peter had said to him and James, he only wanted Mr. Pettigrew to be alright. He could just imagine opening up the Daily Prophet and finding a follow-up article about Mr. Pettigrew… saying his body had been found with the Dark Mark hanging over it. The very thought made him want to be violently ill.
Peter’s mouth twitched. “Thanks,” he said thickly. He swayed from side to side for a moment before saying, “Excuse me,” and hurrying out of the room.
“I can’t believe this,” James muttered, turning away from his friends to wipe his eyes on the back of his hand.
“Me neither,” Sirius said, his face tinged red, stalking over to his bed and dropping down on it. “Why Mr. Pettigrew?”
“I don’t know,” Remus said, sitting down beside Sirius. He was the only one with dry eyes, but his face was riddled with sadness.
James crossed the room and sat down on the other side of Sirius. “You were serious when you said you wanted to do something about it?”
Sirius nodded. “Yes. Were you two serious when you said there wasn’t anything some students could do?”
James and Remus conceded. “But we won’t be students for much longer,” Remus pointed out. “We’re graduating in a few months.”
“So we’re agreed then? When the time comes, we’re going to do whatever we can to fight them?”
James and Remus did not hesitate. “Agreed.”