Can’t always be the Hero
“Hey, Remus, would you mind locking the place up tonight?”
“Sure, no problem. Going somewhere?”
“To my mum’s. I haven’t seen her since James and Lily’s wedding.”
Remus finished cleaning the silver novelty owl and set it on its appropriate place on the shelf. He had forgotten that Peter hadn’t seen much of his mother lately and he didn’t have to mind closing up the shop on his own so Peter could see her. Maggie Pettigrew must have missed her son a lot. This also reminded Remus that he should go visit his parents sometime soon. He had been there two weeks ago when it was his mum’s birthday, but not since. And his parents had asked him not to be a stranger when he moved out. That was the last thing he wanted to do, especially after everything his parents had done for him.
“When’s the next full moon?” Peter asked suddenly, dropping the level of his voice. So far he had been able to deal with Remus disappearing for a day or two for his transformation. But Christmas was coming soon and, if the previous year was any indication, the store would be extremely busy and he would need all the help he could manage. He couldn’t deal with being an employee short. He knew Remus couldn’t control this, but it didn’t mean Peter had to be happy when he had to do twice the work because his only employee was too sick to do anything. He had hired Remus out of pity and a desire to shut Sirius up, as Sirius had droned on incessantly about all the times Remus had helped him out and he should do the same.
“In a few days, on the eleventh,” Remus told him, pulling a rag out of his pocket and dusting off one of the top shelves.
“You ever think they’ll find something to cure it?” Peter found that he did not ask this question so much for his friend’s well-being as he did for that of his shop. If there was something to cure Remus of his Lycanthropy, even make it a little more bearable so he wouldn’t have to miss work, it could only benefit Peter’s shop.
Remus shrugged. He’d gotten his hopes up too many times when he was younger to really care, anymore. “Who knows? I’ll probably be long gone by the time that happens.” Stuffing the rag in his pocket, he turned again to Peter. “If you want to get going to your mum’s, I’ll be fine here on my own.”
Peter nodded. “Thanks.” Grabbing his coat, he bid Remus goodnight and stepped out into the darkening night. Remus was a good worker, Peter couldn’t deny that. But what got to him was that Remus did become bloody useless when the full moon was close. And Sirius was no help either. He would come in and try to convince Peter to let his roommate off early. Peter wasn’t having that. He had a shop to run and he wasn’t letting his friend’s illness get in the way of that. It wasn’t Peter’s fault that Remus became a monster once a month; it had been Remus’s decision to go out in the middle of the night when he was a kid.
Peter walked through Hogsmeade, ignoring the passersby around him. That was something he had been doing a lot of lately “ ignoring people, refusing to make eye contact. Who knew who these people were? With his luck, they would be Death Eaters who would recognise him from fights with the Order and they would murder him on the spot. That was another thing “ he was sick of being in the Order. He had never wanted to be in it in the first place. James, Sirius and Remus had dragged him into it. He had had no say in it, and he doubted they would care if he told them that.
He was so stupid for allowing this to happen. They may have had death wishes, but he didn’t. He wasn’t a fool like they were.
He wanted out. Peter didn’t want to be a part of it anymore. He didn’t like having to rely on the Order for his safety and he certainly didn’t like being at the mercy of the Death Eaters. Maybe they weren’t so wrong in what they did. They were just trying to make a point, weren’t they? Maybe Peter didn’t necessarily like that they’d hurt people, but didn’t some of them bring it upon themselves by getting in the way? Though there was the unbidden voice in the back of his mind that reminded him of his father’s fate.
That must have been a fluke. Peter had to dismiss it as a fluke. That could be the only explanation for his father’s death. Peter could never imagine his father deserving to be killed. Not John Pettigrew. He was smart; he would know when to back off and let nature run its course. He wouldn’t get in the way and die because of it.
And Peter didn’t deserve to die either. He didn’t deserve to have his life threatened because of the decisions the people he called his friends make for him. If they cared about him at all, they would have consulted him instead of just assuming he would want to jump right into the battle. He didn’t want to fight anymore. He thought that should have been obvious after the fight in Diagon Alley, but apparently his friends were for denser than he could have ever imagined. Peter Pettigrew wasn’t going to just be another casualty of this war. Not if he could help it.
“Duck!”
There were several shouts as something exploded overhead, debris raining on the witches and wizards running about the ground below. Alastor Moody had shouted for the villagers to duck, shield themselves from the falling debris. A wall of a two-story house had been blasted open, and not much time passed when a hole was blasted into a wall on the first story. It was with horror that the Order saw the Death Eaters begin to swarm inside. If there was a family in there, Merlin knew what horrific tactics the Death Eaters would resort to.
Images of Marlene McKinnon flashed through their minds. She had been home when the Death Eaters had come calling and she had died not long after. There was no way they were letting that happen a second time, especially to a family that didn’t even know what was happening.
“Where’s Peter?” Sirius shouted over the noise when he came upon Remus, who had just stomped on the hem of his robes, stamping out the flames that had caught there. There was a gash on Remus’s left cheek that was steadily dripping blood and his robes were singed and dirty. Sirius’s own face was ashen and covered with soot, as well as a bruise swelling under his right eye. His eyes were wide with worry. He couldn’t remember seeing Peter anywhere and prayed that the man was okay.
“I don’t know,” Remus replied, ducking and pushing Sirius down with him as a spell went flying over their heads. Kneeling on the ground, he added, “I haven’t seen him. Maybe he isn’t here!”
Sirius swore. As much as he didn’t want Peter to get hurt, the prat should have been here. This was what the Order was supposed to do. Why did Peter keep forgetting that? When there were more shouts coming from all around them, Sirius knew they had to split up. “Be careful, mate,” he told Remus. “See you at home.” That was said with the faint hope that they would both make it home. During the past few fights with these menaces, Sirius was beginning to doubt if they’d all make it through this war alive. Despite the sentiments he had presented at Lily and James’s wedding, he wasn’t sure they would all be able to get through this.
The world was falling to shambles and they had front row seats to it.
Lily Potter couldn’t find her husband. James had been standing beside her right when the explosion happened and, when the smoke cleared, he was gone. Why did he keep doing this to her? Disappearing in the middle of battles like this. First in Diagon Alley when he had proposed to her and run off, and now this! It didn’t help that she had something important to tell him. She had wanted to tell him earlier when they were home, but then they’d gotten the call to Apparate to this village and she hadn’t gotten the chance.
Merlin, what she had to tell him was important. It was life-altering! Hell, she shouldn’t have even been here right now. It wasn’t safe for her.
At the sight of a Death Eater making a beeline for her, Lily drew up her wand and shouted, “Stupefy!” The cloaked figure collapsed backwards, his body landing with a satisfying thud on the pavement. This gave Lily a moment’s reprieve before there was another explosion too close to her for her liking. She had to find James. She had to tell him her news. She didn’t care if they were in the middle of a battle, he needed to know. Or maybe she should wait until the fight was over. She wouldn’t put it past James to drop into a dead faint.
“Lily, you can’t just stand here!”
Lily whipped around and saw Dorcas Meadows hurrying towards her. Dorcas’s face was grey and sweaty; a splotch of blood stained the front of her robes. Lily couldn’t help but wonder whose blood that was. The older woman instantly grabbed her by the wrist and dragged her out of danger’s path.
“Have you seen James?” Lily asked Dorcas frantically.
“He was going after some mutant last time I saw,” Dorcas replied breathlessly, her eyes lit with rage. Lily didn’t have to ask what the woman meant by a mutant. James was fighting a Death Eater. She wouldn’t be relieved by knowing what he was doing. He was still in danger, but at least she knew someone had seen him. “There were children in that building the Death Eaters just blasted apart.”
Lily’s heart sank and her fury increased tenfold. Why did the Death Eaters have to keep going after children? Didn’t they know the quickest way to instill the fury of a woman was to go after a child? “There were children?” she repeated shakily. The use of past tense wasn’t helping matters.
“They’re still there,” Dorcas assured her. “We’re going to get them out. I’ll be damned if anymore children die because of those bastards.”
Lily ran after Dorcas, sliding on the ground and nearly falling to her feet. When she glanced back to see what it was she had slipped on, she saw the red pool staining the ground, streaks of it covering the path she had just slid in. She nearly retched at the sight of the blood, even more so when she saw it was an elderly woman who was lying closest to the pool of it, her right leg ripped open. But Lily had to forget about it. As cruel and callous as it sounded, she had to forget about the injured woman and focus on saving those children before they met a similar fate.
They didn’t want this to be a repeat of what happened in Diagon Alley, where they had seen too many dead children for their liking.
Dorcas and Lily sprinted into the building, noticing the thick clouds of smoke filling the rooms at once. They both coughed before Dorcas had the presence of mind to cast the Bubble-Head Charm over them so they could breathe. The Death Eaters hadn’t gotten much of a head start and the two Order members caught up with them in no time. But before Lily could run after the cowards, she spotted a frightened little boy hiding behind an overturned table. Her motherly instincts instantly overtaking her, and they were stronger than ever, she hurried over to the boy. “Run outside now,” she told him. “There’s a man with long black hair, he’ll help you, just shout for Padfoot.” She had described Sirius to him, knowing Sirius would abandon whatever fight he was in to help a child.
The little boy stared at her as if he wasn’t uncertain whether or not he should listen to her. Good, Lily thought fiercely; he didn’t trust people too easily. That wasn’t something any of them could afford to do these days “ give their trust so easily. But soon the boy decided that Lily looked like someone he could listen to and he ran. When she was certain he was gone, Lily ran back to help Dorcas, who had already found a Death Eater to take on. “Stupefy!” Lily shouted, waving her wand towards a masked figure that had raised his wand at her. The spell was deflected, unfortunately, and the jet of light slammed into a wooden beam, causing it to crack in two.
Sweet Merlin, Lily prayed the ceiling wouldn’t give way.
James Potter had lost sight of his wife. When the explosion went off, he couldn’t find anyone through the smoke. He thought he had seen the back of Gideon’s (or maybe it was Fabian’s) head for a moment before the Prewitt ran off. He couldn’t even find Sirius or Remus. He didn’t even know if Peter was here. He wanted nothing more than to see a familiar face, someone to let him know he wasn’t suddenly completely alone here. But he couldn’t see any of the Order and it looked like, for the moment, he was completely alone here.
And the idea terrified him more than he would ever admit.
If he was alone, no one would think twice when a Death Eater came after him. James was just a Healer; it was people like Sirius who were the best at fighting the Death Eaters. People like Sirius, Moody, Frank and Alice “ they were all Aurors. This was their job. It was James’s job to heal the injured, but that didn’t mean he was going to stop fighting. There would only be more injured to heal if he did. This was something that was important to him “ the freedom of his friends, the people of the Wizarding World. He would do whatever it took to make sure they had that freedom.
But that didn’t mean he wasn’t bloody terrified.
It was then that he saw an unmistakable flash of red rush past him. Lily. Thank Merlin! If she was able to run, it meant she hadn’t been hurt badly, if she was hurt at all. Without waiting, James darted after her. She was heading towards the building that had been blasted apart and, unless he was mistaken, that was Dorcas with her. The woman had been fierce ever since Benjy died. She had been disgusted by the way he had been killed and would do anything to avenge his death. James was almost afraid to know just what lengths she would go to. James made his way towards the house and was completely unaware of the Stunning Spell shot at him from behind. He remained unaware of it, even when his face met the ground.
Pain, horribly wet pain.
James was lying face down on a cold, wooden surface. His nose was searing with unbearable pain and blood was dripping down his face. Gagging slightly, he spat the red substance out of his mouth and wearily picked himself up. He was in a cold, dark room and he had a strong suspicion this was the place he had been running towards earlier. What scared him even more was that it was horrible quiet, an eerie sort of quiet. The kind of quiet that only came in nightmares “ nightmares that ended in the worst possible way right before the dreamer woke up. Sweet Merlin, his head hurt badly.
“Ah, you’re awake.”
James’s blood went cold. He knew that voice; he had heard it only once before but it was only too recognizable. It was the kind of voice a person couldn’t forget no matter how hard they tried. This wasn’t good… he was alone in an unfamiliar place with Lord Voldemort. So much for a happy life with his wife… James instantly went on his guard. He groped for his wand, which was mercifully lying next to him. He wouldn’t have been surprised if Voldemort had taken his wand. Perhaps he wanted to fight fairly. His grip on the wand was tight and his arm remarkably steady, considering the way his nerves were jangling inside of him. He scrambled to his feet, knowing he was vulnerable if he remained lying on the floor.
“If you haven’t realised yet, Potter, we have visitors.”
James hadn’t realised it and now that he did, he felt ill. Lily and Dorcas were in the room as well, both pale as ghosts. No, no, Merlin¸ no. Lily couldn’t be here. Not his wife. Not her. Was this how long they would get to be married? For barely two months before it was all taken away from them? And Dorcas… Dorcas wasn’t young, but she wasn’t old either. No, none of them should have been here, at the mercy of this maniac, the cause behind this whole war.
“Let them leave,” James snarled, astonished that his voice could remain so steady when he felt like being violently sick. Hopefully that said something to Voldemort. James wasn’t about to be taken down easily. “They haven’t done anything, leave them alone!”
“James,” Lily said warningly. She was not about to let her husband offer himself up for the kill just to save her. This wouldn’t be how it ended.
“Quiet!” Voldemort snapped. He hadn’t allowed the Mudblood to speak. What gave her the right to think she was allowed to?
James started forward as Voldemort raised his wand, in the same instance that Dorcas did as well. Voldemort let them come forward; he welcomed it, actually. He had plans for all of them and it would be so much more helpful if they were closer to him. Of course, their distance didn’t matter, but it would be so much more satisfying to see them writhing in pain close up, to really see the lights leave their eyes.
“James, get out of here,” Dorcas hissed, her eyes darting to the young man for a moment before darting back to their adversary. James was too young; he had just started living his life. This wasn’t his battle to fight. This shouldn’t be his battle to fight. He was a bloody child compared to the rest of them! “Take Lily and just go.”
James was horrified that the idea was appealing to him. It shouldn’t have been; he was a fighter and so was Lily. He really did just want to go. He just wanted to take Lily and run like Dorcas told him to, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t leave Dorcas here alone. No one could take on Voldemort alone and come out of it to tell the tale. No matter how powerful Dorcas was, she wasn’t powerful enough.
“Isn’t this sentimental?” Voldemort sneered. “You two are the ones I want; I have no need for her.” When James and Lily saw Voldemort was looking at Dorcas, they protectively blocked her. She wasn’t going to be a causality of the fight just because she wasn’t needed. “Standing in front of her will do nothing to save her life.” With one simple, horribly simple, wave of his wand, Lily and James were sent flying back in opposite directions.
“Dorcas!” Lily shouted as the woman rushed at Voldemort, the fury emanating from her. She tried to pick herself up, but Voldemort casually sent a Full-Body Bind at her and one at James, just in case. Voldemort had no doubt that if he hurt the wife, the husband would be after him in a second. Both Lily’s and James’s heads were spinning; so much that they couldn’t even stop the spells mentally. They could do nothing except watch with still eyes as Dorcas tried to take on arguably the most powerful, most evil wizard of their time.
Dorcas was a fighter as well, but she wasn’t enough of a fighter to win this. She knew it from the moment she rushed at the monster. But she was going to put up the best fight she could. She wasn’t giving Voldemort the satisfaction of killing her like he had killing Marlene and Benjy. They were two good, courageous people and hadn’t deserved their fates. They were caught off guard, hadn’t had the chance to defend themselves. Voldemort may not have killed them personally, but he had ordered it and he wasn’t going to get away with it. Not while she was here and able to do something about it.
“Crucio!” Voldemort snarled and Dorcas just avoided the spell, allowing it to crash into a wooden beam behind her. The beam cracked in half, though it managed to stay together by a single splinter.
Dorcas was fuming. The Unforgivables were the worst spells a wizard could cast and it had been sent at her, could have gone wide and hit James or Lily, both of whom were defenceless. She rushed again at Voldemort, shooting off every spell she could think of, regardless of whether or not she had learned them in her first year at Hogwarts. But Voldemort deflected them all so easily, as if he barely had to try. She wasn’t a poor, unskilled witch by any means. Voldemort was just too bloody good at this. It was unsettling.
And she was disarmed. She had been disarmed. No sooner had she been disarmed, she was knocked off her feet with Voldemort’s wand jammed into her throat.
“You interfered. You didn’t have to die. You could have left, but you chose to meddle and you’re not going to leave her.” Voldemort’s voice was a deadly whisper and quite possibly the last thing she would ever hear. Dorcas was scared, but she wouldn’t show it. She wouldn’t give Voldemort the satisfaction of seeing her fear. That would not be the last thing he saw. She knew it was coming. She knew before he even said it. She knew she was going to die.
She didn’t even hear the words as the life left her body.
There was silence as Dorcas fell limply back against the floor. The silence was only broken by the shout of rage from James as the Full Body Bind finally broke. He flung himself up and rushed towards Voldemort, intent on ripping the monster apart. He didn’t need his wand, he could use his fists. He doubted Voldemort knew how to fight with his fists.
“You don’t have to do this, Potter,” Voldemort spat, disgusted that the man would stoop to something as pathetic as Muggle dueling. “You don’t have to die if you just realise the winning side, the side that will let you and your wife live.”
The spell had lifted from Lily as well and she held her wand steady, pointing at the murderer. There were visible tears in her eyes. Dorcas was gone. She had seen the light leave Dorcas’s eyes. And here Voldemort was, offering them the chance to live, but at what price? Sacrificing all their values just to save their own lives. They would never do that, not after Dorcas had just died defending them and what she believed in.
“We’ve told you once before,” James hissed furiously. “We’re never going to do it. We’re NEVER going to do it.” James wanted to kill him; he wanted to kill this sorry excuse for a human, if that’s what he even was.
James flung himself towards the head Death Eater, resorting to using his fists. It was only when there was a deafening blast that the fight stopped.
“Where am I?”
“St. Mungo’s. You’ve been out for hours. It’s tomorrow.”
James’s vision was badly blurred. Very slowly, the white room came into focus, as well as the red haired woman who sat beside him. Lily’s face was whiter than he remembered as she stared at him, though the relief evident in her eyes. There were bruises and cuts that had already been treated marring her pretty face, but she was there, alive. James couldn’t remember much about what occurred in the building after he went after Voldemort. There was a blast, he knew that much… and there was a blinding pain. “W-what happened?”
Lily’s breathing was unsteady. The Healers had told her James would be okay, but she wouldn’t believe it until she saw him open his eyes. Charles had come in earlier to check on him, sickness and worry etched into every line on his old face. He refused to treat his own son, saying he’d die first than do that, but he had to check on him, regardless. “The Death Eaters didn’t know Voldemort was inside the building and were blowing it up, one of the explosions caught you just at your legs.”
It was then that James recognised the heavy weight pressing down on him were his legs. They were bandaged so much that James didn’t want to know what they looked like underneath. He imagined whatever was in his stomach wouldn’t remain in there if he looked. Shaking his head, he closed his eyes for a moment as a wave of nausea hit him. When he it passed, he finally said, “I’m sorry; I shouldn’t have acted like that in there.”
He had wanted to save Dorcas. The woman shouldn’t have died and he felt responsible for it. Voldemort didn’t need her, so she was disposed. It wasn’t right! James knew he wouldn’t always be able to save people, but he wanted to. Dorcas was a good woman and it had enraged James to see her kill like that.
“You were upset.” James’s behaviour was understandable. He was upset; he had just watched someone die. Most of all, it was someone he had called a friend. Of course he wanted to kill the person who did it and she didn’t doubt that he wouldn’t actually kill Voldemort. The thought frightened her a bit, but she couldn’t deny she had felt the same way. That frightened her even more. “I… I made sure that our side got Dorcas…”
James sat up a little straighter. “Where is she now?”
“Remus and Fabian Apparated here with her. They’re waiting to find out when the Healers will release her to her family.” Lily took another unsteady breath. She had lost one of her friends and had almost lost her husband. James could have been killed instead of just having badly burned legs. He wouldn’t be able to walk for a few days, that was all. He would be okay. He was so lucky. He could have died! He could have died without knowing what Lily wanted to tell him.
“James, I need to tell you something.”
The urgency in Lily’s voice had James sit up so quickly that he winced horribly. “What is it? You’re not hurt, are you?” She didn’t look hurt other than the bruises and cuts, but he couldn’t see everything. What if the blast had gotten her as well? But if she was hurt, why wasn’t she lying in a bed? No, that couldn’t be it; it was something else.
“James, do you remember that night a few weeks ago, when we went to the Three Broomsticks for dinner?”
James barely had to think to recall what night she had been talking about. It had been a wonderful night, starting with dinner and ending in an entirely different way, a way that led back to their flat. Of course he would remember that. “Of course I do, Lily.”
“I went to the Healers and they told me…” Lily took a deep breath. After everything that happened the previous day, this wonderful news worried her. How could she possibly do this when the world was going straight to hell right before her eyes? “James, I’m pregnant.” It took one full second for James to drop back onto his pillows in a dead faint.