Making Some Changes
“It has come to my attention that Voldemort has decided to incorporate help of what he considers to be Dark creatures.”
There was a quiet murmur amongst the people assembled in the room. This didn’t come as a total surprise. It was only a matter of time before Voldemort moved towards those he could easily manipulate. Dark creatures felt as though they were mistreated and many were in most cases. The werewolves got the shaft from the Wizarding world the first chance possible. Vampires wouldn’t exactly jump at the chance to side with the Ministry. It made perfect sense they would side with Voldemort if extended the opportunity.
This only meant trouble for the Order.
“He has yet to make this attempt, but our source can confirm he had mentioned it with complete seriousness.” No one had to ask who Dumbledore’s source was. While no one was ready to trust Snape yet, he had proved able to provide useful information. This was just another piece that may help them defeat their enemy. If anything, it would cut off any potential allies he could make.
The only question was: How exactly would they go about this?
They trusted Dumbledore to have a plan up his sleeve, he always had a plan, but he made no mention of one and he broke the meeting up without another word on the subject. This was extremely curious, but no one said anything about it. Dumbledore would know what to do and when he was ready to make a decision, certainly he would tell the rest of the Order. They had to be ready to respond if they had to.
James, Sirius, Remus and Frank Longbottom sat around the dining table in Sturgis Podmore’s home. Lily was home with Harry, who had been exceptionally cranky the night before and she was doing everything possible to change that. Alice was also home with the Longbottoms’ infant son, Neville. According to Frank, the baby was a crier and they had had a total of ten hours of sleep since the baby was born. Well, Frank had a few more hours under his belt than his wife did. If Neville needed to be fed, Frank could just continue to sleep, pretending to be blissfully unaware of anything.
“Did Peter say he was coming?” Sirius asked Remus.
Remus shrugged, sitting up straighter in his seat. “Dunno. He was still at work when I left, maybe he’ll show up soon?”
“What would the point of that be?” James asked. “The meeting’s basically over.”
“I don’t know,” Remus repeated, with a bit of a snap in his voice. He stood up and pushed his chair in. “I need some air.” And he made his way towards the door.
“How’s he been?” James asked Sirius concernedly. Sirius saw him the most out of any of them and would know the best.
“He’s getting better, not there yet though.”
Outside of Sturgis’s home, Remus sat on the porch bench, his eyes shut as he listened to the night around him. It was warm, a drastic change from the usual cold provided by the continuously breeding Dementors. It had been weeks since his parents had died and, while he was feeling a lot better than he had when it first happened, he still wasn’t there yet. He hoped it would be soon, but he didn’t think it would be. So he immersed himself into his work, did anything to keep his mind from dwelling too closely to his parents and what they must have endured before they died.
“Remus.”
Remus’s eyes snapped open and he looked around and was startled to see Professor Dumbledore had stepped outside as well. The older man took a seat on the bench beside the young man and serenely looked out at the starry sky. “A rare sight, these days, the stars.” He sounded so calm and Remus wondered how that was possible during times like these. Merlin knew he hadn’t felt remotely calm since this war started, since he joined the Order. He would never regret that decision, but he sometimes found himself wondering if the Order would ever win this fight.
“Voldemort is very interested in the werewolves,” Dumbledore went on, bringing his gaze away from the night sky and focusing it on the man sitting beside him.
Remus nodded; he had expected this much. It explained why Dumbledore had followed him outside. Who else better to talk about werewolves than the Order’s resident werewolf?
Dumbledore went on with a hesitancy that Remus had never heard before. “I do not like to ask this of you so soon after your parents’ deaths, yet I do not see another option. We need a spy.”
Remus looked up at the older man. They needed a spy for the werewolves so they may as well ask their werewolf. His voice was resigned. “What would I have to do?” He didn’t have the heart to disagree, to tell Dumbledore he didn’t want to do it. The man had done so much for him; he had given him the chance to become someone. Who was he to turn his back on the Headmaster when he asked for something in return?
“You would not have to infiltrate their ranks unless it became necessary,” Dumbledore explained, wanting to express this point before any other. He would not send someone so young straight into the werewolf’s den, especially when that someone had been raised as a wizard and not shunned as a werewolf. Remus wouldn’t know how to interact with him and until it became vital to the mission, he would merely be an observer. As an observer, he would be able to learn their ways and discover what Voldemort had planned for them. He would report back to Dumbledore.
“So… I would just watch them?” Remus did not allow himself to get his hopes up too easily. Observing was better than infiltrating.
Dumbledore nodded. “No one will know what you’re doing so your cover cannot be revealed accidentally.”
Remus was quiet for a moment, considering the man’s words. “I wouldn’t be able to tell my friends where I’m disappearing to?”
Dumbledore knew how hard this would be for Remus. His friends meant everything to him, now more than ever. Yet Dumbledore also appreciated that Remus seemed to understand this right away. “No, you will not. It is better for all involved if you and I are the only ones who are aware of the situation.”
Ideally, that should work, yet Remus had a feeling the complications that would inevitably arise would only get him in the end. Yet who was he to deny Dumbledore this? “What about Sirius? He’s definitely going to notice when I don’t come home.” And, knowing Sirius, he would ultimately think he’d been murdered or attacked again. If it was the latter, Merlin knew he would send out a bloody search team for him.
“Your living situation will need to be changed.” Dumbledore couldn’t believe he was asking someone to do this “ to uproot his own life for his own needs. He saw no other option. As much as he saw Remus as a wizard and not the creature he became every month, this was one situation where he felt he could be forgiven for thinking that way.
“And my job?” Remus had a strong suspicion this would become a full time mission and that he wouldn’t be around for long stretches of time. He couldn’t very well leave Peter alone at the store, though.
“I am already looking for your replacement.”
Remus exhaled slowly through his teeth. He had been looking for distractions and what better way than to risk your neck by spying on werewolves that would smell wizard in a second? If he blew his cover, he would be dead before anyone knew what happened. That was why he wouldn’t do that; he would keep himself hidden at all costs. He was sure that, after living in the wild, the werewolves’ sense would be better than his ever would be, but he had to help the Order. He had signed up to help protect the Wizarding race and he would do what he had to.
If that meant finding those he tried so hard not to become, he would just have to do it.
Sirius sat on the couch in the flat, watching as his soon to be ex-roommate carried the few boxes of his belongings into the room while he prepared to leave. Sirius couldn’t believe this, he really couldn’t. It had been the morning after the Order meeting in which Dumbledore announced Voldemort was looking towards the Dark creatures that Remus announced he was moving out. He wouldn’t say where he was going; just that Sirius didn’t have to worry. He would be fine on his own; he needed to be on his own.
If he was honest with himself, Sirius couldn’t blame the man. He had been through hell recently and he was probably just trying to cope with what he’d lost.
Then Peter came by to ask why he was quitting his job and Remus barely had a sufficient excuse. It wasn’t as though he could simply say that he had gotten a better one somewhere else. Merlin knew the job he had at Peter’s store would be the best job he would ever have. No one in the right mind would hire a werewolf. The excuse Remus gave was a lame one and he knew it “ that he needed to make some changes in his life to help himself get through his grief. It was such a blatant lie that he was half expecting Peter to hex him on the spot for being such a prat. Remus wouldn’t have held it against him.
Sirius couldn’t help but think something big was happening. What that was, he didn’t know and he knew Remus was not going to tell him what it was. Sirius had a suspicion Dumbledore’s news about the Dark creatures had possibly badly unnerved the man. Was it so bad that he would leave? Anyway, wouldn’t it be better to be among friends? Sirius had thought that, after the man’s breakdown at the church, he would realise that. Still, nothing Sirius said did anything to change the man’s mind. Remus was set and his mind would not be changed.
There was a knock at the door and within moments, James, Lily and Harry were inside the flat. James and Lily saw two boxes set on the floor and turned to Sirius with knowing looks. “He’s really leaving?” James asked quietly.
Sirius nodded. “He won’t say why, just that it’s something he has to do. Hell, he won’t even say where he’s going.”
“Maybe you’ve just got to let him do this,” Lily suggested as she gently rocked Harry in her arms. “He’s been through a lot lately, if he needs to do something to help himself, you should just accept it.”
“And you’re saying you’re happy about him disappearing to Merlin knows where?” Sirius narrowed his eyes dubiously at the woman. Sirius doubted she would be, she treated him as a second child, even if he was just two months younger than she was.
“No, I’m not,” Lily admitted. “But we can’t stop him.”
It wasn’t long before Remus reentered the room with the last of his boxes. He seemed surprised to see the Potters standing in the room, but he shrugged it off and set the box down. He should have known Sirius would have told them he was leaving. “That’s the last of it,” he said uncomfortably. He had been hoping to just get out of here, to not have to bother with the goodbyes. He didn’t have it in him. Now that Lily, James and Harry were here, he knew he was going to have to. He wouldn’t be surprised, or maybe he would be, if Peter suddenly appeared. The man was at work though and he wasn’t exactly keen on speaking to his former employee, at any rate.
“So you’re going to go, then?” Sirius asked unnecessarily.
“Yeah, I should just get going.” Merlin, he felt like the worst friend imaginable. He felt as though he was abandoning them all when, really, he was just trying to help. He was doing the same they were “ he was trying to make a better world for people to live in and, unfortunately, it meant giving up everything that meant the most to him. This home, his job and his friends. “It’s not like you’ll never see me again,” he tried to assure them, though he wondered what the validity behind those words was. “I’ll still be around.” Just not nearly as often as he would like. “Just… just wait for me to contact you, alright?” Dumbledore had been very specific about that. If any contact was to be made with anyone, he had to be the one to initiate it so he wouldn’t be revealed.
“You’re going to be okay?” James asked him concernedly.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine. First chance I get, I’ll let you know how I am.” He had no idea when that would be, but it was the best assurance he could offer them. He knew it wasn’t nearly enough, but it was all he had.
“Do you need help moving your stuff?” Sirius asked.
“No, I’m just going to go.” He felt like he betrayed them all. After everything they had done for him, he felt like a bloody traitor. He felt as if he was a terrible person, even though he knew he was just doing what had to be done. He couldn’t help it. He didn’t want to leave. He didn’t want to walk straight into potential death, but it was something he had long ago accepted. Who knew if he would ever see any of them again? He could die out in the wilderness and it would be ages before they found out. But he was a spy now; this was the risk he had taken.
Looking between the four people assembled in the living room, he merely settled for nodding and saying, “I guess I’ll see you around.”
He didn’t want to be here. He didn’t want to be surrounded by memories of what was now gone. He had had every intention of selling his parents’ home, even if he would find it strange to see someone else live here. It would be strange. He had grown up in this house and to hand it over to someone else, it was bizarre. Yet he was not going to have to do that. He didn’t want to keep it, but Dumbledore had said it would be the perfect place to go. Remus already owned it and his friends were well aware of his unwillingness to return. They wouldn’t come looking for him here. He still didn’t want to be here. He supposed the only consolation was that he wouldn’t be in this cabin long. He would be disappearing into the wilderness until Dumbledore called him back.
Funny that he would rather spy on a group of werewolves than live in his parents’ home. He didn’t know why he thought half of what he did these days.
Remus didn’t even bother unpacking. He had merely gone through the charade for the sake of his friend. If Remus left without taking any of his belongings, it would look even more suspicious than it already did. Sirius was bound to question it. As it was, Remus wouldn’t be here for more than an hour or two. Dumbledore was coming by to tell him exactly what he needed to know and where he needed to go and Remus would be gone. So he was just going to bear it while he could and forget that his mum and dad wouldn’t be coming upstairs into his old bedroom at any moment.
It was odd to see it without all of his pictures covering the wall, his gramophone missing from the dresser. His records were no longer strewn all about the place. It looked far too clean to have once belonged to him. The piano was still downstairs, yet Remus would never play it again. He would just think of his mother, who had gotten it for him as a way to release his anger. He was going to have to sell it eventually, or just leave it there to gather dust. Yet it seemed a shame for it to never be used again. He had loved it as a kid; he may as well give it to another who would love it just the same.
Descending the stairs into the living room, he couldn’t help but be reminded of Christmas during his second year, when Sirius had come over. He laughed one of his first genuine laughs in weeks as he thought about the way his friend had picked on him, and how his mother had only added to it by mentioning that he could sing. Then there was trying to teach Sirius how to play the instrument. Remus didn’t think there was a person with enough patience to accomplish that feat. But it had been fun. It had been simple. Life had been so bloody simple back then and he missed it.
It had been years since anything had been that simple and it was all because of Lord Voldemort and his Death Eaters. If they weren’t around, he and his friends would be able to live the lives they should have had when they graduated. Mr. Pettigrew would still be alive if there was no such thing as Death Eaters. Hell, Remus’s own parents would still be alive if there was no war. But life never went as anyone ever planned it and they had all learned this the hard way. They learned it through death, fighting and destruction.
It wasn’t long before there was a tap on the front door and Remus went to answer it. Dumbledore seemed so out of place in this setting. Dumbledore was a grand and powerful wizard and he was standing in the humblest of homes. It was practically absurd. Remus stepped aside to let the man come further in and locked the door behind him. Merlin, this was really happening. He was really leaving. Dumbledore was here to give him his instructions and he would be off with no idea of when he was coming home. He had no idea when he would see his friends again.
This was for the Order, he knew it. It didn’t mean he wasn’t terrified out of his mind. He was predominantly a wizard. These people he was about to observe “ they were predominantly werewolves. They lived in the wild. They thrived off the wilderness and he barely knew how to function in it. Give him a city and he would be find, put him into the woods and he was be lost. How was he supposed to eat? Well, it was as good a time as any to hone in on his survival skills. He had no choice if he wanted to live out there. Technically, though, he didn’t want to live out there. There was just no other way around it.
Taking a deep, resigned breath, he brought his attention to Professor Dumbledore. “What do I have to do?”
It felt good to be wanted. Peter knew that much. It felt good to be appreciated for the things he did, unlike when he had given his allegiance to the Order of the Phoenix. They didn’t give a damn about the things he did. Here, with the Death Eaters, they seemed to appreciate the things he did for them. Considering he may have just revealed the information Voldemort would need to succeed, he had just about done the most loyal thing any of them could have done. There was a prophecy, Peter knew only a little of it. Severus Snape had delivered that piece of information, but the fool hadn’t heard all of it. He didn’t even offer to ensure that he would provide the information of whose child it was.
There were two children born to two couples that had defied the Dark Lord three times “ Harry Potter and Neville Longbottom.
One of those babies was destined to die. The night James and Lily’s son had been born; Peter had wasted no time in hurrying to the Dark Lord with the information. This would be his greatest accomplishment yet “ the power to end this war. He should have felt guilty about what he had done, yet he didn’t feel so. What had his so-called friends done for him lately? Nothing - that was what. They were all too wrapped up in their own lives. James and Lily barely surfaced out of their flat, spending all their time with the baby. Sirius was a bloody useless friend to begin with and Remus had up and quit his job at the store with no good reason and vanishing into thin air. Needing to make changes in his life, that was bollocks and Peter was disgusted that he had not pointed it out to the man.
Now that he had offered this valuable information to the Dark Lord - that the Potters’ son had indeed been born at the very end of July - Peter would be revered as the greatest Death Eater to exist. Finally he achieved something. He was no longer in the shadow of his friends, taking a back seat to their glory. All through Hogwarts he had been second best. Not even second best, he was fourth best and he would not stand for it any longer. He wasn’t going to hide in the shadows while the others got the fame. He wanted some of it for himself and he would not be denied.
Now he had another piece of information. The Dark Lord had to find the Potters and Peter knew exactly where they could be found. Their tiny little cottage outside of London, they thought it was safe. It wasn’t about to be safe for much longer. Not once Peter divulged this very important bit of information.
It was odd, to be alone in the Dark Lord’s presence. Peter couldn’t deny he was highly intimidated by the man and the presence of the other Death Eaters eased his nerves slightly. Yet they were not here and would not be for some time. Peter wanted the glory, but he did not want to appear as if he was showing off by announcing it in front of his colleagues. The Dark Lord would appreciate his efforts and that was what mattered. He didn’t need everyone else to know. As long as the Dark Lord knew, that was sufficient enough.
“What information do you have for me, Pettigrew?”
Merlin, the man’s icy, indifferent voice still sent chills up Peter’s spine. But he squared his shoulders and tried to appear confident. “My Lord… the Potters, you wish to know where they live, don’t you?”
“Of course I do. They have something that is invaluable to me and the future of the entire Wizarding race. I would like very much to know where they live.”
The grin that crossed Peter’s face was one that had never appeared there before. It was one of a man who truly did not care for his old friends any longer.
“Now, Harry, the key to annoying Mum is to talk, a lot. She hates it when people talk more than necessary, so when you’re old enough, make sure you do that. It’ll be funny. You’ll get to see her face get redder than her hair and sometimes, if you’re lucky, steam will come out of her ears!”
“James, what are you doing?”
“Just teaching our son some important life lessons.”
“Like how to annoy his mother?”
“Those are the most important, I think.” James chuckled as Lily sent him a withering stare that would make any other man cower. James was sitting on the porch of their home, cradling Harry in his arms. He had been teaching his son some of the facts of life, such as annoying his mother and how to torment Slytherins, so he had not noticed his wife appear. “Would you like our son?” James asked, nodding towards the gurgling child in his arms.
“You just want to give him to me because he sounds like he’s about to spit up,” Lily deduced with narrowed eyes.
“Hey, I work in a hospital, I need to be clean.”
“That’s a rubbish excuse, James.” Lily did, however, sit down and relieve her husband of their son. She gently rested Harry’s stomach against her shoulder and lightly patted his back. When Harry let out a tiny burp, James couldn’t help but laugh.
“That, Harry, is how you will repel girls. Unless you find one who’s really cool and doesn’t mind when you burp.”
Lily rolled her eyes, shaking her head at her husband, though she couldn’t keep the tiny grin from appearing. “Don’t worry,” she said to her son. “Your father isn’t usually this ridiculous. He actually does have a brain somewhere in there.”
“And your mother does have a heart, despite what the studies say.”
Lily stood up and carried the baby inside. James didn’t follow them in, letting Lily have some alone time with her son. Instead he looked out at the country stretching before him. Merlin, so many things had changed. He was a father. James had always wanted to be a father, but he had never pictured himself as one at twenty. Yet he was happy, beyond happy, in fact. Despite all the horrible things that happened “ the Lupins dying, his own parents dying, the people scurrying to protect themselves, all of his Order and hospital work “ James was happy. He loved his son, he loved his wife. What was better than that? Maybe his life had been uprooted in many ways, but it was also good in more ways than he knew.
And that was when he saw the figures appearing across the field.
Damn it.
“Lily!” James ran into the house and spotted his wife just getting ready to feed the baby. She looked surprised when she saw her husband’s frantic face. “We’re out of here!”
“James, what’s going on?”
“No time to explain, don’t bring anything, we’re going to Sirius’s.”
The wilderness was exactly as Remus imagined.
A lot of trees, it was disgustingly warm from the summer heat. He supposed he was as prepared as he would ever be. Dumbledore had given him the coordinates to Apparate to. He had been given nothing more than a knapsack of what food he might need before he had to fend for himself. He was allowed his wand, but no change of clothes. Dumbledore wasn’t able to tell him when he might be able to come home and Remus wasn’t going to keep asking. He basically understood that he was only to return if he was in any danger and had to Apparate out of there before things got out of hand.
Merlin, he was scared. The werewolves were adept to these surroundings and Remus had no experience at all. He may as well be a first year in Hogwarts again. He was a first year and this forest was the castle. What he wouldn’t give to actually be a first year again. Life’s biggest problem back then had been a professor who hated his guts. Life had been easy back then. He had been sufficiently happy back then and, right now, he would give anything to feel that again. Yet here he was, in the middle of the woods and about to encounter the werewolves most of the Wizarding society thought he should be. But he wasn’t going to become one of them.
He was an outsider. He would always be an outsider.
With that thought in mind, Remus set off to find the pack and prayed the Merlin he would live to see his friends again. Most of all, he prayed to live to see the end of this war.