To Love and Live by LilaBear
Chapter Notes: Sorry about the crazy-long wait! I did submit Chap 4 before but it got rejected, and I just abandoned the story for a while because I was so ticked off at the inconsistencies in moderators' requirements. (ie. x y z might be acceptable by one mod but another requires a b c). Hopefully this one works! :)
The group had bound all the unconscious Death Eaters in small groups, placing silencing charms on them and confiscating all their wands. The Order members gathered back together, their faces drawn.
“Casualties,” Harry whispered. He looked around the group. “We have people missing. We have to know what happened. Colin’s not here.”
“George,” Fred choked. “George, Bill, Charlie… they’re not here either.”
Remus looked around tiredly. “Moody. Kingsley.”
Harry shook at the idea of the undefeatable Moody and Shacklebolt lying dead on the ground.
“Luna,” Hermione whispered.
“Marietta,” Marcus added, closing his eyes. Harry and Neville flinched at the name. Arthur surveyed the group.
“Does anyone know what happened to anybody else? We need to get cracking and look for them. It would help if we knew where to look.”
Harry looked sideways at Neville, his face pale in the moonlight. Neville licked his lips nervously.
“Marietta…” he stumbled over his words, “Marietta was killed by Bellatrix. Her… her body is over behind that tombstone,” he added, pointing.
Marcus and Anthony grew pale and looked at each other in horror. Remus and Arthur put an arm around each young man in comfort. Arthur looked up again.
“Anyone else?”
“I don’t think Bill’s dead,” Harry spoke up, shuddering at the memory. “Voldemort put the Cruciatus curse on him, I think he’s strong enough to have survived it… he shouldn’t be too far from Marietta.”
Remus nodded sharply at Arthur and Tonks, who Apparated to the other end of the graveyard in search of Bill. Neville spoke up again.
“I saw Kingsley get knocked out when a curse threw him into a headstone. I don’t know if he’s dead or not… I can’t remember where we were.”
Before anyone could say anything, Marcus pulled away from Remus and flew into a frenzy, searching for his uncle. Remus looked around the group again.
“If nobody knows anything else, I suggest we get searching,” he said quietly. “Please do it in pairs… who knows what might be hiding in these trees.”
Ron and Harry set off together, after making sure Hermione was safe in Anthony’s presence.
“Lumos,” Harry whispered, holding his wand in front of him. Ron followed suit as they searched in and out between the gravestones. Ron heard a moan from behind a gargoyle-topped headstone and leapt around the stone, his wand at the ready. He froze upon seeing the owner of the moan.
“Harry… Harry, it’s Colin, I found Colin!” he exclaimed.
Harry let out a laugh of relief as he ran to join his friend. He knelt down beside the younger boy, and helped him sit up. He conjured a glass of water which Colin drank gratefully.
“Colin,” Harry said. “Colin, what happened to you? We need to know.”
Colin frowned as he racked his brain, trying to remember.
“I’m not entirely sure,” he answered. “But I remember hitting this stone with my head… I guess a relatively harmless spell threw me off balance. Apart from a very sore head, I feel pretty OK.” He looked up sharply. “Voldemort, where is he? I heard his voice. He… he had Bill, I didn’t-“ Ron broke him off.
“Voldemort’s dead.”
An incredible laugh softly escaped Colin’s lips. "Dead? Dead, for good?”
Harry nodded. “Dead, for good.”
Colin tipped his head back and let out a laugh. “You did it, Harry! Dead, for good? Has that sunk in yet? Voldemort’s dead! VOLDEMORT’S DEAD! He's not coming back, Harry! You did it!” Ron and Harry grinned at Colin’s enthusiasm, before bringing his attention back to themselves.
“Colin, we need to know if you saw anyone… anyone get killed, or knocked out, or something. A number of people are still missing.”
The grin fell off Colin’s face.
“Have… did you… who are…” he licked his lips and started again. “Have you found Charlie?” Harry and Ron shook their heads. Colin closed his eyes in pain and pulled himself to his feet. He swayed for a moment as the blood rushed to his brain, but then his head cleared. “I know where he is.”
Colin began leading Harry and Ron away from the gargoyle-headstone, before pausing and turning back to face them.
“Ron… Harry… you need to be prepared. I don’t think Charlie will be alive.”
Ron blanched and Harry shook.
“Why?” Harry said in a low voice.
“Bellatrix… she sent a curse of some sort at your backs while you were tending to Marietta, I think. Charlie… Charlie jumped in front of her… I don’t know what the curse was, but he collapsed on the ground, not moving… it didn’t look like he was breathing.”
Ron sucked in a breath. “We still need to find him.”
~*~
Half an hour later, a tired, bedraggled group sat along a hallway in St Mungo’s, unable to sleep. Harry was weary to the bone but could still feel the adrenaline surging through his body. His physical exhaustion was outweighed by his emotional and mental state of over-drive. Voldemort was dead. Dead. Charlie was dead. Harry wanted to cry. He wanted to scream, but he felt nothing. He looked at Ron and Hermione, who both appeared to be in the same state as he was, except he could make out dried trails of tears down Hermione’s cheeks. He looked down at Ron’s leg, surprised he hadn’t been admitted too. He remembered Tonks and Hermione bandaging his legs before they’d Apparated to St Mungos; Ron had now pulled his cloak over his legs, obviously hiding his bandages from the Healers rushing around them.
They sat up with a jolt when a couple of CRACKS emanated from the end of the hallway and they looked around, just in time to see Arthur with Molly and Ginny come running frantically down the hallway.
“Bill, where’s my Bill?” Molly asked shrilly, surveying the group and not seeing him there. “Fred, George, Charlie, where are they??” Molly was close to hysterics. Ginny was fighting back tears but fought to remain calm around her mother. Arthur wrapped his arms around Molly.
“Molly, you need to calm down before we can explain what’s happened.”
Molly took a few deep breaths and sat on a chair beside Tonks. She was terrified. She saw the look of sorrow on Tonks’ face. That poor, precious girl. She looked at her youngest son and his friends- they looked exhausted to the bone, and she thought they had aged at least five years in the last year. She looked back towards her husband and noticed him looking in Lupin’s direction. She turned to face Remus, filling with dread when she saw his facial expression.
The group shifted to look at Arthur and Molly. Arthur looked up at Remus, a pleading look on his face. Remus grimaced. It was clear Arthur didn’t want to give his wife any more bad news. Remus sighed and knelt down beside Tonks, looking across at Molly.
“Molly, I won’t beat around the bush,” he said quietly. “Charlie died when he jumped in front of a curse that had been sent in Ron and Harry’s direction.”
Molly let out a wail of heartbreak and buried her face in her husband’s shoulder. Ginny and Ron were shaking as tears poured down their faces, and Harry wasn’t in much better condition. He looked up to see a Healer hovering anxiously in the background, clearly with news to tell, but not wanting to interrupt. Harry ignored her for now, knowing this had to be done. Remus continued.
“Bill’s unconscious, but very much alive,” he said. “He was hit with a Cruciatus curse when he got distracted by Marietta’s death… he was cursed by Voldemort.”
Molly let out another wail, approaching hysterics.
“He’s a strong boy, Molly. He will pull through. Harry, myself and Kingsley have all been victims of the same curse before… Bill will be ok, Molly.”
Molly drew a few shuddering breaths, nodding. She couldn’t stand the thought. Her poor, precious Bill, in so much agony he’d passed out and been hospitalised. Oh, that boy. How had they gotten into a situation where her boy was being tortured with such horrible curses?
“George and Fred have also been admitted to hospital. George’s arm will need a lot of work and attention- it got pretty messed up during the battle- but apart from his arm, he’s ok,” Remus continued. “Fred broke his wrist, although I have a feeling that was from tripping over some broken stone rather than being hit by a curse of some sort.”
A smile tugged at Ginny’s and Ron’s mouths at that. Molly hiccupped as she fought to calm herself down. They would be ok. The Weasleys would pull together. Charlie was gone; yes. But as she listened to the stories around her, she realised she could have easily lost two or more sons in the battle.
“Remus, dear,” she said. “Who else is hurt?”
Remus sighed, clearly not enjoying his current role. “Marietta’s dead. Kingsley and Luna are both unconscious. We don’t know what spells they were hit with. Moody had a severe concussion but appears ok otherwise. Colin was knocked out and has been admitted with other possible head injuries and a partially dislocated shoulder.”
Harry and Ron glanced at each other before surveying the group before them. Further explanation wasn’t necessary. Anthony had cuts across his face and a black eye. Marcus nursed a bandaged knee, and Harry knew Tonks had multiple slashes across her back. Remus was limping and Hermione's left wrist was sprained, with bruises the whole way down her arm. Molly’s heart broke as she took the scene in. These poor children. They were hardly older than her baby girl. Molly shook with grief as tears spilled down her cheeks, unable to take it in. Trained Aurors should have been in that graveyard. Not young people, not even turned 21.
Suddenly Harry frowned.
“Where’s Snape?” he asked.
“Snape’s a bit of a lone ranger,” Arthur answered, looking up. “He comes when he’s needed but doesn’t hang around. That shouldn’t surprise you, Harry.”
Harry nodded, almost disappointed. He had been hoping to see if the humanity displayed by Snape during the battle was possible in any other circumstances. He shifted his attention to Ginny who had found a seat a few feet away from the group, and sat down beside her.
Without reaching to touch her, he asked quietly, “Are you ok, Ginny?”
Ginny didn’t move. She blinked before drawing a shuddering breath and leaning against the backrest of her chair. She wiped her eyes and nodded.
“I’m ok. I want to see Bill, though.”
Harry stood up and offered her his hand. She grasped it and he pulled her up out of her chair before reluctantly releasing her again. He turned to tap Ron on the shoulder, saying, “We’re going to pay Bill a visit. You in?” Ron nodded and followed them down the hall.
Once inside the room, Harry found a chair a few feet from the bed, giving Ginny and Ron room to sit by Bill’s side. He leant forward, bringing his head to rest in his hands, his eyes closed. No, a voice said inside his head. Don’t hide from this view. What if you’d finished Voldemort off in the Department of Mysteries? What if he’d never escaped? He wouldn’t have come across your loved ones in that graveyard. Harry flinched when he realized it was true. He looked up at the unconscious form of Bill lying on the bed before him.
Voldemort’s dead, Harry told himself. He can’t do this to anyone else.
Bit late for Charlie, isn’t it?
Charlie didn’t have to die! That curse was for me!
Wouldn’t have been a curse there in the first place if Voldemort had been finished off at the Department of Mysteries, would there?
Harry scrunched up his eyes in frustration.
It was either me or him. If I’d killed myself at the Department of Mysteries just to kill him, he would have survived on his horcruxes. I’d be dead and he’d be alive. No-one else could kill him except me. That’s what Trelawney’s prophecy said.
You still could have killed him. Made him one horcrux weaker. Given you the advantage on your horcrux search.
I didn’t know about the horcruxes then!
All the more reason for you to have killed him then. Charlie and Marietta are dead because he was still alive tonight.
“Aargh! Shut UP!” Harry yelled, jumping out of his chair and kicking it.
Ginny and Ron looked up, alarmed. Harry hardly gave them a sideways look before racing out of the room and down through the halls, before ending up at a window, looking down to the dark street below. He shoved his hands deep inside his pockets, glaring at the soft rain that had started. He leant forward, bringing his forehead to rest against the cold glass. He sunk to his knees, his body shaking with sobs. The laughter he’d shared with the twins just the day before was forgotten. He remembered Charlie, just yesterday, telling them where the graveyard was. Did Charlie have any idea he was directing them to his death? Just yesterday. It seemed an age away.
Harry felt a small hand on his shoulder.
“Harry?” It was Ginny. Harry recoiled, pushing her away from him. He furiously wiped at his eyes.
“Get away,” he choked out, curling up against the window. Ginny brought a hand to her mouth, looking at him through her own tears.
“Harry,” she whispered. “You can’t bear this on your own.”
Harry shook his head vehemently. “Not you,” he said. “Not you. Your brother is dead because I didn’t kill Voldemort earlier. If you hang round me, my mood will just pull you down further. Get away from me.”
Ginny sat on the floor a few feet away from him, on the other side of the window. Her heart broke as she watched Harry refuse to let her help. She fought the feeling of rejection as she reached out to Harry. She hesitantly reached a hand out and placed it on his knee.
“Harry… there was no way in the world you could have killed Voldemort any earlier than tonight. Voldemort would still be alive and wreaking death and destruction if it weren’t for you,” she said. She hesitated, then continued. “I could have been killed tomorrow. Remus could have been killed next week. Luna could have been killed next year… if you hadn’t killed Voldemort tonight.”
“That doesn’t help!” Harry yelled. “That doesn’t help Charlie, does it? It doesn’t help Marietta! It doesn’t help Sirius!”
“It helps everyone else!” Ginny yelled back. “It helps Tonks, Moody, Kingsley, who have dedicated their lives to Voldemort’s destruction! It helps Mum and Dad focus on raising their kids and not being afraid that any more will be taken away by a power-hungry dark wizard! It helps me knowing I can have a safe, normal life!” Ginny’s eyes blazed at Harry.
Harry licked his lips, now a little uncertain. But Ginny wasn’t finished.
“You’re not the only one involved here, Harry,” she said. Her voice softened. “I understand, Harry. You know you’re the only one who could defeat him, and felt responsible that any minute he was left alive was your fault because you hadn’t fulfilled your job yet. But it’s not that simple! You might have been the one destined to finish him off, but it’s not always in your control!” She grabbed both his hands, bringing his eyes up to meet hers. “It took cooperation, Harry. Hermione, Ron, Bill, Dad, Marcus, Colin, everyone, everyone played a part Harry. You couldn’t get to your destination without people getting you there. You weren’t responsible for everything involved in Voldemort’s destruction. You were simply the one who ultimately had to kill him.”
Harry looked into Ginny’s pleading eyes.
“Please, please don’t blame yourself for things out of your control,” she whispered.
Harry stared at her, amazed. What had he done to deserve her support like this? He sniffled and fought back tears as Charlie’s face swam back into view. He thought of those lying in hospital beds, out to the world. Bill, Luna, Moody, Shacklebolt… Harry’s body shook again as exhaustion and grief overcame him and tears poured down his face. He looked back into Ginny’s face, mirroring his own emotions. She leant forward and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him closer to her, and he collapsed forward, burying his face in her shoulder. She sat back against the wall, kissing the top of Harry’s head as they both cried for the people they’d lost.