For a minute, I thought that I was in heaven. The shops along the street seemed to sparkle with all the trinkets displayed in their windows. I racked my brain for a time when Diagon Ally seemed to glitter. I was 19. I suddenly looked down, and saw the young, fit body of my teenage years. I reached up and felt my face. Smooth, not a wrinkle on it. And if I had to guess, I bet my hair was the sleek white-blonde it used to be, without a single frizzed, grey hair on it.
Then I caught sight of her. I remembered her from my youth. She had perfectly tan skin, shiny brown hair, chocolate brown eyes, and was as beautiful as ever. I smiled when I thought of how she first looked when I met her. Frizzed hair, large front teeth, and all the other problems of an eleven year old.
Then it turned out to only be a dream
It must be a dream, I thought. One that I don’t want to wake up from. I followed her down the street, pushing other people out of my way. Everything seemed to be in slow-motion, and she turned around and smiled, and I tried to go faster. I recognized all the faces of the other people I passed, but couldn’t think of their names, her included.
She went away and then I took a different path
I remember the face
But I cant recall the name
Now I wonder how whatsername has been
She had disappeared from my sight by now, and I stood in the crowded street of my fantasy, unaware of anything and everything going around me, only feeling the heartache of losing her yet again, except it was ten times worst than what I experienced in real life forty-one years ago. Because for a few glorious minutes I thought I could have her again, and that the mistake I made back then wouldn’t matter. The course of my life would have changed for the better.
Did she ever marry old what's his face?
I made a point to burn all of the photographs
She went away and then I took a different path
I remember the face
But I cant recall the name
Now I wonder how whatsername has been
Now a different memory floated to the front of my mind. I could see her flawless face clearly, her eyes red and tears gently flowing down her cheeks. “He’s dead,” she managed to choke out, before burying her face into my robes. I remember him. Not particularly good-looking. I have no idea what she saw in him, but he was killed by a Death Eater. I knew I should be sad, but I couldn’t help but smile in spite of myself. He was gone, and there was absolutely nothing standing in my way. Expect my own stupidity. I foolishly let other people get in the way of my happiness.
The recollection of my father’s face, a mixed emotion of anger, disapproval, and embarrassment sent a chill down my spine, even though he was long dead. His mouth was moving, but I couldn’t recall much of what he was saying, maybe because I wasn’t bothering to listen. All I gathered were the words, “betrayal of blood” and “Mudblood”, at which point I hurriedly agreed just to escape his penetrating stare, only to find that I myself was being betrayed when she suddenly ran out of the Mansion, sobbing heavily after forcibly having to sit and listen to my father’s harsh words and my convincing conformity. I caught sight my father’s satisfied smirk before chasing her out into the rain to find that she was gone.
It seems like forever ago
Remember, whatever
It seems like forever ago
Once I had found her, her eyes were swollen from her tears, which were still falling uncontrollably. I told her over and over again that I hadn’t meant a single word I said to my father, but that didn’t matter to her. What mattered to her was the fact that I had said those things at all. If I really loved her, I would have defended her and not cave into such pressure, no matter what the source. She said that I was ashamed and embarrassed of her. My expression was shocked and confused. And when I grabbed her arm to tell her how wrong she was and how much I do love her, all she said was “Just let me go” before freeing her arm and storming out, and I realized that I had lost her. Forever.
In my mind
She's in my head
I must confess
The regrets are useless
In my mind
She's in my head
From so long ago
The time I was with her had passed all too quickly. Forever I had to wait to have her, and once I did, it seemed like only a matter of minutes and she had vanished. Forever it seemed to take for me to finally be able to move on and accept the fact that she wasn’t coming back, and now forever it will be once more for me to try and forget.
I wish that we could have spent more time together. I regret letting her go, even thought regrets will get me nowhere. Wishing that she was with me is not going to make it so, but I know very well that now that she’s in my mind she’s not going to leave it.
If my memory serves me right
I'll never turn back time
Forgetting you, but not the time
It was so long ago, and should be insignificant, but I wouldn’t change those memories for the world. I closed my eyes and pictured her beautiful, innocent face in my mind, and wished that she was still with me, when the name suddenly came to me, and I spoke it aloud, as if it would bring her closer to me.
“Hermione.”