Dear Journal, Thursday, 7 June
Today was uneventful- as usual, except that the verges of war have finally broken through the walls of safety here at Hogwarts. Though it is dangerous, I sneaked out of the common dormitories, where we were moved after the events of last year, regardless of House, to strengthen the argued saying "safety in numbers". I happen to know that there is no safety in numbers in war- if you let your guard down in large group it could end up as a massacre.
Death Eaters finally got in- we are still confounded as to how- and raided the Great Hall during our last feast. Fearful of another large scale attack on the Hogwarts Express, the Headmistress McGonagall has arranged for us all to stay here unless our parents come to fetch us.
The "Prophet" has declared 117 deaths since Monday; all murdered by the miserable, deplorable, maleficent, revolting, obscene, foul, wretched followers of that accursed creature we are forced to call "Voldemort". As if his ideals weren't bad enough, he's commanded we place the title "Lord" in front of his name. I am still finding it difficult to believe that he was, at a time, human, as he is more than less so now. People wonder why he is the way he is; namely, evil. Some think he had a bad childhood; drunk father, disloyal mother, older siblings that never stopped picking on him, bullied by kids at school….the list goes on. Others believe that he was simply born evil. My own theory, however, isn't quite as sympathetic as most. In fact, mine is quite unforgiving. It seems to me that he discovered evil and embraced it, seduced by the unbearable thought of letting selfish desires float by on a passing wind. No matter, that parasitic spawns of cowardice and power-lust have consumed him and the rest of us are left to destroy him.
Poor Harry, everyone's looking to him to end this misery. Some people are with him, others against him, most just want to lock themselves away in a world that is untouched by reality and forever unchanging. If only there was such place to go to in times like these. Even if such a place did exist, it still wouldn't do any good.
Harry hasn't been the same since fifth year. I am still unaware of the events that took place, but I am most certain that whatever happened was so excruciatingly painful for him, and personal, that he will not be pressed in any way to reveal them to one such as me. I weep for him sometimes and I pray for his safety every night and every morning. Though he is not as close to me as he is to Hermione and Ron, he is still one of my friends, of which there are few.
The days pass slowly; breakfast, lunch, tea, dinner, sleep….. the same routine every day. I spend most of my time in the Astronomy Tower now, contemplating the outcome of this war. I know of the prophecy- I accidentally overheard Harry and Ron discussing in a deserted hallway last year. It's either one or the other; Harry or Voldemort. But I am pressed to believe that it could mean both of them will have to die in order to end this madness. It will break my heart if this is so, but I know it would be best to hope that Harry comes out alive in the end. But until that time, I can only pray, watch, and hope that it is so.
Painfully I think of how many more entries I will make in this journal. Will I still be filling its blank pages with my passing thoughts and queries, or will I fall victim to this war in the middle of a sentence as I sit here, exposed to the world? Will I fail in battle, my body left among the thousands of other lifeless corpses left to rot under the bloody sky? I know not and I dare not think on it too much.
The lake is stirring ever so slightly this evening. I think even the Giant Squid must know of the turmoil that so maliciously splatters the sky. It's solitude must be either bliss or painful. To be alone for so long, to be feared for so long, must be hard. But to be able to feel everything around you without interference must be most enlightening. I am excited by the idea of living invisibly. I would be able to hear and see everything, learn everything, and never be stopped or questioned or disturbed by the world. But I know I could not do such a thing. Despite my humble liking for solitude, I enjoy the company of people, even if they don't notice me.
The sky is quite lovely tonight- it is rare that I have the privilege of looking upon the stars. Usually the clouds cover the sky in an ominous blanked of suppressed anger. I am waiting for the day it rains since we are in a drought at the moment. The earth had become dry as our hopes, mimicking our human feelings towards this damned war. Oh dang it I just cursed in my journal….oh well, it's not like I actually said it out loud (though there are a few things I would like to say to the 'oh-so-powerful' Dark Lord himself that would require language that is less than civil).From my spot here under the tree I can feel the summer breeze sweep lazily by as if it were sighing heavily in response to the pre-war anxiety that we have all been feeling as of late. It has been a pleasant evening out, pleasant thoughts not withstanding.
I fear it is time for me to return to the confines of a bloodbath waiting to happen. Should I wake tomorrow at sunrise to find that we've all been murdered in our sleep I would argue with the Headmistress to place us back into proper Houses, or at least scatter ourselves amongst the many rooms of the castle. But since we would be dead at that point, I doubt it would make any difference.
~J.G.