A Hypothetical Harry Potter Book 7 by Abif

Summary: The story begins a few weeks after the end of Half-Blood Prince, when Harry is back at the Dursleys' once again, waking up Uncle Vernon from his favorite golfing dream. On escaping from the Dursleys', he finds that Hogwarts is open again and decides to return there after all, but only to find himself face-to-face with both Snape and Voldemort much sooner than he thinks! Through the course of the story, Harry will meet the most mysterious DADA teacher yet, learn the truth of the misunderstanding that took place on the lightning-struck tower, and discover that there really is a little more to Petunia that meets the eye, all the while with references to the amorphous Deathly Hallows.

This is meant to be a humorous rendition of what could happen in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. It is intended to be a parody rather than a serious prediction of what happens next.
Ratings: 3rd-5th Years [ - ]
Category: Humor Fics
Characters: None
Warnings: Alternate Universe
Challenge:
Serie: None
Chapters: 8 Completed?: No
Wordcount: 18204 Viewcount: 41319
Published on: 07/16/07 Updated On: 12/22/09

1. McGonogall and the Muggles by Abif [ - ] (2554 words)
I had already written a completed story of eight chapters and an epilogue (of course without knowing what will actually happen in Deathly Hallows) before I looked up how to post it. I had not realized that only one chapter can be submitted at a time, so unfortunately, it seems likely that the whole thing will not be posted until long after Deathly Hallows comes out.
2. From Under the Bed by Abif [ - ] (1936 words)

3. The Best Birthday by Abif [ - ] (2600 words)
This is the third chapter of a story that was written in its entirety before the release of book 7. None of the plot has been or will be changed since book 7 was released.
4. The New Neville by Abif [ - ] (2246 words)

5. Hagrid's Happiest Fantasy by Abif [ - ] (2384 words)
This chapter contains an allusion to Winnie The Pooh, by A. A. Milne.
6. R. A. B. by Abif [ - ] (2615 words)

7. Dumbledore's Demonstration by Abif [ - ] (2368 words)

8. The Deathly Hallows by Abif [ - ] (1501 words)
So, this is my first submission in over two years! If you see this, chances are that you don't remember the rest of the story, and should read the first seven chapters in order for it to make any sense.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and am only writing this humorous "alternative" to the seventh book as a parody, trying to imitate JKR's writing style but being far less meticulous in terms of plot!

I wrote the original version of this story in its entirety, including eight chapters and an epilogue, shortly prior to the release of Deathly Hallows. The chapters were submitted one by one all the way through fall of 2007, until Chapter 8 was rejected. I was too swamped with other things at the time to think about rewriting it, and didn't get around to it until now. So I've made major changes to Chapter 8 and minor changes to the epilogue following it; I did my best not to let my knowledge of the actual book 7 influence anything. I think that this version of Chapter 8 has a more appropriate tone and less randomness. However, being the climactic chapter of the whole story, it is a little abrupt and has a somewhat darker sense of humor.

Note: I can't see anymore how to attach "warnings" to this chapter, but it is definitely AU and includes more than one character death.