Taxicab Conversations
James Potter trudged out of his house and into the almost deserted street one night, earning him wary and curious looks from passersby. It was dark, even with the streetlights on, which didn’t comfort James one bit. He had gone out in hopes that a bite a fresh air would dull the pain he was feeling a little, but instead, it only seemed to have intensified, all the hurt and pain of six years piling up inside him into a terrific crescendo and was threatening to overwhelm him. It was the summer after his sixth year, the warm night air surrounding him, but instead he felt cold inside.
He walked almost mindlessly from street to street, his pace light and brisk, but his heart dull and heavy. Whoever could see him, be it friend or stranger, would know that he was suffering. His slumped shoulders, the missing mischievous spark in his melancholy dark brown eyes, the way he walked, were all indicators that this was so. James was indeed suffering, not necessarily from a broken heart, but rather from a decision.
For he had just decided to halt his pursuit of his six-year crush, Lily Evans.
The voice in his head that had once been his drive to pursuing her was now oddly silent. It was the same voice that perked up whenever he felt discouraged, or whenever he was thinking of leaving Evans alone, urging him not to give up, to keep on trying to conquer Evans’ heart. Well, he’d been trying all right-for six years! And yet she’d never give him the time of day. In fact, she hated him, or if wasn’t so, merely disliked him immensely. Maybe if he’d made a better impression on her back when they first met at the train station, he wouldn’t have gained her immediate enmity. Then maybe, if she had gotten to know the other side of him that he seldom showed, she would have understood and gradually had grown to like him-if not as a boyfriend, but at least a friend. That would’ve been better than having to suffer her rejection every time he asked her out.
But then again, maybe it wasn’t likely. Perhaps James never had a chance with Lily. He remembered what he once was, an arrogant, prank-loving, mischievous first year, not at all Lily’s cup of tea. But he’d been enchanted by her the second he saw her. It may not have been love at first sight, but it was most definitely a crush, which grew into an obsession, which grew into…what? James didn’t know what his present feeling toward Lily was. All he knew that from the moment he’d met her she had been-and still is, as a matter of fact-the most beautiful girl he’d ever saw in his whole life.
And so began The Pursuit, as he had begun to call those six years of chasing Lily. He would come up to her, ask her out, she would yell at him and reject him, or vice versa. And so it went, like a vicious cycle, never-stopping, never-ending…and then he’d just made the decision to break that cycle.
James thought about the reasons he had for pursuing her. Was it because she was beautiful, with her dark red hair and captivating emerald green eyes? That was definitely part of the reason, but mostly because he had liked everything about her. As the years went sailing by in the usual whirlwind of color, he began to know Lily, know about her habits, her temperament, her countenances, practically everything from the most mundane to the most interesting. And he found, to his amazement, that he loved every single one of her quirks and weaknesses. Her smiles, her frowns, her ups, her downs, the way there appeared a tiny line in the bridge of her nose whenever she was thinking very hard on something, and even her temper, which had been directed one too many times in James’ direction.
Which was indeed strange, because Lily was as docile as a lamb in the presence of her friends and acquaintances. Whereas with him, she would flare up at the slightest provocation. It was as if she just couldn’t control herself whenever James was nearby. Even when dealing with her enemies, Lily wouldn’t blink an eye at any insults they would throw at her, would just stay as cool as a cucumber. And James knew who her friends, enemies, even brief acquaintances were by simply looking at Lily’s eyes. Her revealing emerald green would flash when she was angry, sparkle when she was happy, and glitters when she’s sad, etc. If James wanted to know how Lily was feeling, he would simply look at her eyes.
James mentally shook his head. She was driving him crazy, which was not at all an unusual occurrence nowadays. If only she knew how much she meant to him. What had started out as an adolescent crush deepened and ripened over the years into something deeper, stronger, more complex…love.
James stopped in his tracks. Muggles eyed him suspiciously as they walked past, but James didn’t notice them. Yes…he did love her. He just didn’t realize it until now. For how long had he loved her? Bah, it didn’t matter now; he would still stick to his decision to stop bothering her. Really, what was the point of suffering from an unrequited love if Lily wouldn’t reciprocate it? What was the point of pining away for a love that would never be? Exactly. So even though it was hurting inside, though his heart was slowly breaking easily like glass, he’d forget about her…through time. Don’t they say that time heals all wounds? Well, now he’ll experience it first-hand, and see if it’s true.
James decided to go to Sirius’ apartment to tell him about his decision. He’d be pleased, and so would the other Marauders. Sirius, Remus, and Peter had been telling him to stop chasing Evans, though Remus was a bit more hopeful than the others, which was not really saying much.
But the real question was how to get there. He was too emotionally drained to Apparate, and would more than likely splinch himself. He didn’t feel like going by Floo Powder and it would cause him a lot more than a handful of detentions if he set up an unauthorized Portkey. A thought struck him just then-maybe he’d use one of those black Muggle transportations, the what-do-you-call-’ems…taxicabs! Yes, why not? His parents had insisted when he was young to ride in cars, buses, and the like. He hadn’t liked it when he was young, but now he was glad of it.
James looked at the passing cars, spotting the black cabs easily. James put two fingers in his mouth whistled loudly at one, having learned the technique at his cousin Natalie’s insistence. A battered, old taxicab stopped where he was and James gratefully got in.
“Where to, mate?” the driver asked him.
James told him the address.
“It might take a while to get there, mate,” the driver told him, scratching his chin. “You sure you want to go there?”
“I’m sure,” James answered, his tone flat.
The cab driver looked at him curiously, but then shrugged as the cab started going.
James was silent, brooding. Normally, when he was trying to hide the fact that he was sad, he would act normal among his friends (well, normal for him), but the pain of his decision was still so raw and fresh inside that he couldn’t muster the energy to pretend to be happy or nonchalant. So he simply stayed silent.
But the cab driver, apparently, had other ideas. Looking at James in his rear view mirror, he asked, “Why are you so quiet, eh? Dame got your tongue?”
James, who had been looking vaguely out the window, turned to look at the driver in surprise. The driver was short and portly, with faded tawny hair and friendly brown eyes.
“Er-well, yes and no,” James replied awkwardly. “It’s kind of hard to explain.”
“Try me,” the driver said heartily. “I’ve been told I’m a good listener. Besides, it ain’t healthy to stuff all your feelings inside-I heard it on some television show or something.”
James had no idea what a television was, but something about the driver compelled James to tell him his problem.
“Have you ever fallen in love?” James asked hesitantly.
“Yep.”
“Have you ever loved her with all your heart and soul?”
“Yep.”
“Have they never requited your love?”
“Yep.”
“Have you ever thought of giving them up?”
“Yep. Did it too. Was without a doubt the worse mistake I’ve made in me bloody life.”
The cab driver glanced at him briefly before turning to the road. “You, er, got a special lady in mind?”
“Yes,” James answered, surprised. “I met her in my first year at Hog-at my school. She was the most beautiful girl I’d ever met. Lily has long, flowing red hair and the most enchanting green eyes, the kind that you get lost into…” James trailed off, picturing Lily in his mind’s eye. His heart throbbed painfully.
“Sounds like she’s quite a beauty.” The driver chuckled good-naturedly. “She-Lily, is it?-reminds me of Isabella.”
“Isabella?” James was curious.
“My one true love,” the driver said sadly. “She didn’t look like your lady though, but she was most definitely beautiful. Dark skin, black silky hair, and sapphire eyes. Exotic, but beautiful. When I first met her, I was immediately smitten.”
“Like I was with Lily.” James smiled at the irony.
“Yup. Anyways, my feelings for her grew over the years. Only one problem: she didn’t like me.”
“That’s strange,” James mused.
“What?”
“Lily doesn’t like me either,” James explained, sighing hopelessly. “In fact, I’d go as far as to say she hates me. I annoy her, you see. She calls me arrogant, rude, big headed, and…well, you get the idea.”’
The driver tsked sympathetically. “Took that bad of a liking to you, huh?”
James nodded dejectedly.
“Well, Isabella’s feelings for me was a lot worse, I’m sure. But I was persistent and kept at it. Fat lot of good it did; she constantly spurned my affections.
“And then one day, I decide to give her up. What was the point in chasing her if I knew she would never like me the way I wanted her to like me? And so I let her go and stopped chasing her and asking her out, even though I still loved her. While I drank my sorrow away, I found out, from Isabella herself, that she was engaged to be married-to my worst enemy.” At this, the driver’s cheerful face darkened.
James was shocked. An unbidden image of Lily in a wedding gown getting married to that greasy slime ball, Severus Snape in a tuxedo came. He almost choked, feeling repulsed.
“Yes, I know.” The driver nodded understandingly, sensing James’ disgust. “It still gives me the shivers, even to this very day. Anyways, one day, many years later, I bumped into Isabella again, and she looked even more beautiful with age. We talked-cordially, for once-and I found out that she had made a family with her husband. Showed me the pictures and all. Cute tykes-they took after their mother, of course. And then out of the blue, at the end of our conversation, she remarked, ‘You know, I had liked you for ages. I just didn’t want to admit it to myself, because it would’ve been like admitting defeat. I was so close to breaking, you know, to finally confess my feelings for you, but then you stopped chasing me and I figured that you didn’t like me anymore. So I moved on.’”
“I was shocked. Isabella simply smiled, kissed me on the cheek, and left. And with that, she walked out of my life-permanently.”
The driver took out a handkerchief from his pocket and blew on it, noisily. He put it back in his pocket, and sighed, immersed in his reminisces. James was silent, mulling over what the driver had said. At some point, the driver came out of his reverie, shaking his head slightly.
“Well, never mind about me, eh?” The driver glanced at James. “What about you, lad?”
“Uncannily like your story,” James answered slowly. “Lily Evans has been my crush for six years. I’ve never felt any felling as-as intense as what I feel for Lily. But Lily has never corresponded my feelings ever. I love her. I realize it now. But Lily hates me as much as I love her, if that’s even possible.” He gave a humorless chuckle. “You see, when I’m with her, I can’t help acting like a prat. And I also ask her out almost every day at school, for that matter.
“But now…I’m thinking of giving her up. I mean, it’s just like you said, what is the point? She’s never going to like me, and I’ll waste my time trying to convince her otherwise.”
The cab driver was silent for a few seconds. “How long have you decided this?”
“Just now.”
“Then there’s still time,” the driver muttered, almost to himself.
“What?” James was confused.
“Listen to me, lad,” the driver told him gravely. “If you do this, you’re going to regret it the rest of your life. Look at me; I did the exact same thing you’re thinking of doing it, and I’ve regretted it ever since. I still feel, even after all these years, that my life would be a helluva lot different if I kept pursuing Isabella.”
“Isabella is different than Lily,” James protested. “You might’ve had a chance with her, but not me with Lily. She won’t even give me the chance to prove I’m not as arrogant as she claims-”
“Then change your behavior around her,” interrupted the driver calmly. “Act around her like the way you act around me or your friends.”
“I don’t know if it will work,” James said skeptically, but he could feel hope rising unwillingly inside him.
“I don’t either,” the driver admitted. “But it’s worth a shot. It’s better to have tried and failed than not to strive to succeed. At least if you have tried to win her heart and failed, you at least have the assurance that she won’t love you and never will. But if you don’t try to, you’ll be left with the doubt your entire life. It is the doubt that kills you, you know.”
“Yes,” James said suddenly. “That’s true.”
“And then someday, doesn’t matter if it’s a few months or a few years later, you’ll see her married to some stupid braggart, or worse, your rival or enemy, like what happened to me.”
James tried not think about Snape and Lily, but involuntarily shuddered at the very idea of it.
“Yeah, I know.” The driver nodded wisely. “Not a pleasant sight to behold.”
“Yes, especially if the one she’s marrying is a greasy slimeball,” muttered James darkly.
The driver, hearing this, burst out laughing. “That bad, is he, your enemy?” he asked, still chuckling from residual amusement.
James nodded fervently.
“So, you’re going to take my advice or no?” the driver asked.
James thought on Lily and felt the familiar firm resolve settle in his heart. “Yes,” he announced proudly. “I’m going to win Lily’s heart or die trying.”
“Brilliant, mate!” the driver exclaimed, clasping him on the back. “Well, here we are: Tipton Lane, like you said. What’s the address again?”
James was startled; he’d almost forgotten that he was going to visit Sirius.
“Never mind,” James said quickly, knowing that the driver won’t find the house. “I’ll just walk there. Thanks for the advice.”
“No problem, mate,” chuckled the driver. “It’s not everyday I change a decision that might affect a person’s whole life.”
James chuckled, but then stopped. “Oh-I don’t have any money,” he confessed.
The driver waved a dismissive hand. “Nah, no problem, it’s on me,” he said easily. “Oh, and hey, the name’s Jake, what’s yours?”
“James,” said James.
“Well, good luck, James,” the driver said as James got out of the cab. As he drove away, James could’ve sworn he heard, “Hope you get your lady!”
“…And that’s the last time I’ve ever saw the bloke again.” Jake finished his tale proudly to the dark-haired passenger in the back seat. Twenty years have passed since that conversation, and Jake was still a measly cab driver. “Say, where did you say you wanted to go again?”
“Erm…Ottery St. Catchpole,” the passenger answered vaguely. “Er, what did you say his name was again? You know, the passenger that you were telling me about?”
“James,” Jake replied. “He didn’t tell me his last name though.” He paused, and then looked at his passenger through his rear view mirror. “Say, you look almost exactly like him-you cousins, or something?”
“No, I’m his son,” the passenger answered carefully. “My name’s Harry.”
The driver was shocked at first, but after looking at his passenger’s black hair and green eyes, he chuckled. “So he finally got the girl in the end, eh?”
A/N: Ta da!! Please review, even if you hated it! Just don't be harsh, all right?
Taxicab Conversations by cto10121
Chapter Notes: A/N: Finally! After waiting for so long, my one-shot finally came through! Yes, I know it is a tad unrealistic that James would travel by taxicab, but hey, I had to make it like that! Oh, and since this was written before Deathly Hallows, it does not have any spoilers.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and I am not JK Rowling. I am merely a lowly teenager filled with dreams of becoming an author and who worships the ground Rowling walks upon. Gee, I'm rather feeling suicidal now...