Okay, I keep finding this thing in the strangest of places. To think that someone might discover what I’ve written! By know all of this has become very personal, so I should lock this in my trunk after I’m done.
A couple nights ago Harry came up to the Gryffindor tower during dinner. I had been skipping dinner a lot lately to catch up on my homework that I had been too upset to do after Seamus, well, you know. Thankfully, I am pretty much over him now. I figure that it has all been said and done and I can’t change the past no matter how I feel about it. When Harry came upstairs I was in the girls’ dormitory doing homework on my bed.
“Hermione?” I heard his familiar voice call out.
“Yes?” I called back.
“I’ve brought you some food. You know, you can’t starve yourself up there,” Harry said.
“I’m doing my homework, Harry,” I answered back. “You could learn a thing or two from me, you know, instead of saving it for the last minute.”
“Hermione, you still need to eat though,” Harry said.
It was true, actually. I was feeling quite famished. “What have you brought?” I asked curiously.
“Spaghetti with meatballs, your favorite,” Harry called. “Now come down here!”
I closed my Ancient Runes book and put my ink and quill in my school bag. I walked down to find Harry standing at the foot of the stairs. Sure enough, he was holding a plate of spaghetti and meatballs. He handed it to me with a fork.
“How did you manage to not get caught with this?” I asked him. “I appreciate this, Harry, but imagine if Filch caught you. You all ready get in enough trouble around here.”
He shrugged. “I guess no one was paying attention. Besides, it’s only spaghetti. Hermione, after this, do you want to go on a walk outside? Maybe we can talk.”
I looked at him. “Let’s go now. I can bring my food with me.” I put down the plate to put on my cloak. I buckled the silver fasten and shoved my wand into my pocket. I picked up the plate again and we made our way outside. It was a bit nippy for early October. I saw Ginny walking with someone who looked suspiciously like Draco, but she was too caught up in conversation to notice me, so I didn’t say anything. I shivered and then looked at Harry.
“So what did you want to talk about?” I questioned.
“Well,” Harry said. “It’s more of what you want to talk about. If you wanted to talk about Seamus, I just wanted to let you know that I’m here to listen.”
I twirled a strand of spaghetti around my fork. “Maybe we should start on a subject that’s not so…hard to talk about.”
Harry grinned. “Well, first of all, I’d like to say that I’m happy you’re even out here. I was afraid that you would have rather done some more of your homework.” Harry looked sideways at me. “Was that homework that you’re missing?”
I grinned sheepishly. “Erm, no…”
Harry mock sighed and said, “Just as I suspected.”
“So what about you?” I asked. “Excited for the first quidditch match of the year?”
Harry nodded. “I reckon the team will do really well. I’ve seen Hufflepuff’s new seeker, and he’s not all that great. A bit slow if you ask me.”
“Well that’s good news. Hopefully Gryffindor will keep the cup. Professor McGonagall is rather attached to it.”
“I’ve noticed,” Harry laughed.
There was an awkward pause as I ate some more of my spaghetti. “Oh, I might as well get on with it,” I said exasperated. “Yes, I was upset about Seamus, but no, I’m not still upset.”
“That’s a good thing,” Harry said. “Are you mad at Parvati?”
“No, actually. Someone told me that she was tricked…and that it wasn’t only Parvati that Seamus…erm…did something with.”
“How did you get over him so quickly?”
“Well I figure that there’s no sense in wasting time thinking about him. I can’t give him that satisfaction and I can’t change what has happened all ready. I feel like there’s not really anything left to think about.”
“Well, that’s very mature of you, Hermione,” Harry said, sounding a bit impressed. “So you’re not upset at all?”
“No…” I said trailing off. “But whenever the picture of Parvati and Seamus in the broom closet pops into my mind, it still upsets me,” I said softly. “Whenever I think about how Seamus hurt me…it still, well, hurts,” I said softly as I gazed off into the outline of the mountain range in the distance. If only I could disappear to there. Then I wouldn’t have to deal with anyone.
“Oh Merlin,” Harry said quietly. “It hurts me so much when I see you hurting. I just wish I could make it better.” He draped his arm around my shoulders and touched my arm.
Part of my mouth curved up into a smile. “Actually, Harry,” I began. “You have made it a lot better for me. Remember the night you comforted me in the common room the day that I found Seamus?”
Harry nodded.
“Well that helped me so much to remind me that I will never be alone when things turn ugly and that there will always be you to talk to when I’m upset. I smile knowing that I would do the exact same for you as well. That’s what best friends are for.” I looked to the side to see Hagrid’s hut. His lights were out; probably because he was at dinner. I looked to his garden to see that he was all ready growing pumpkins for Halloween.
“I’m glad you know that, Hermione.”
“Look,” I said pointing. “Hagrid has his pumpkins growing all ready.”
Harry turned in the direction I was pointing in and laughed. “Shame we can’t go visit him right now. Maybe another time.”
I agreed as I finished my plate of spaghetti. We then continued to talk about all kinds of things until we were back at the castle again.
“It was nice of you to bring me this,” I said, referring to the now empty plate of spaghetti. “And it was also nice to talk. Good night,” I said.
“Aren’t you going up to the common room?” Harry asked.
“Not yet, I’m going to go drop this plate off in the kitchens,” I said.
“Okay then,” he said. “Night, Hermione.”
With that I went off to the kitchens with an undeniably weird feeling in my stomach. At first I thought I was hungry, but then I realized that I had just eaten. Maybe it just doesn’t matter. It was probably nerves again…but I still can’t figure out what I was nervous about.
When I reached the kitchens, I gave the plate and silverware to a house elf (poor things!) and then made my way up to the Gryffindor tower. There was, of course, no one around. When I climbed through the portrait hole, I saw Ginny sitting in the common room looking like she was waiting for someone.
“Hey, Gin,” I said cheerfully.
“Hey Hermione, is it okay if I talk to you?”
“Well we’re talking now, aren’t we?”
“You know what I mean.”
“Okay, sure. What about?”
“Well I kind of found out that Seamus-”
“-went out with several other girls behind my back besides Parvati?” I said, finishing her question.
She stared at me. “How did you find out?”
“Well, Parvati told Lavender who told Susan who told Justin who told Hannah who told…well I don’t think how I found out matters,” I laughed.
“Parvati didn’t do anything to hurt you on purpose,” she added. “She got tricked.”
“I guessed correctly again,” I said as I sat down beside her.
“Well aren’t you on top of things,” she laughed. “So Ron told me that you’re all ready over Seamus?”
I nodded.
Ginny grinned and looked relieved. “Good, because I was worrying about you.”
There was a pause, as Ginny looked like she wanted to say something.
“So is that all you wanted to talk about?”
“Not really,” Ginny said as she looked around and then lowered her voice. “What would you say if…if I told you I was friends with…erm…Malfoy?” she said saying the last part very carefully.
Even though what she said startled me, I didn’t let in on. “I would say that I wouldn’t be surprised after I saw you two outside together not to long ago.”
“Well that’s because I was kicked off of the quidditch field.”
“What?!”
“No, a teacher didn’t kick me off, the Slytherin team captain did. They were having practice or something I suppose,” she said.
“Oh, I see.”
“This probably sounds really strange, but Draco is actually civil when I’m around him. He doesn’t make fun of me or bring up you guys or anything. He just seems normal. Do you think I should just go along with it?”
I thought about it. What harm could there be, right? I then nodded. “I really think you should Ginny. Who knows? This could be our first step to school unification.”
“Are you sure about this?”
I nodded quickly. “Yes,” I said. “I really want you to reach out, Ginny. I think that if we want to win this war that’s starting, then our school’s houses should all be unified.” I paused. “Have you ever heard of the saying ‘United we stand; divided we fall’?”
Ginny nodded.
“Well it’s kind of like that.”
“Hermione?” she asked.
“Yes?”
“When do you think the war will start?”
I paused again and then answered, “I’m betting it’s really soon.”
She bit her lip. “I’m really scared, Hermione. Especially for Harry.”
My stomach churned at the thought. “So am I…so am I,” I said quietly.
“One more thing before I go to bed, Hermione,” Ginny said with the tips of her ears turning pink.
“Yes?”
“You won’t…you won’t tell Harry and Ron what I told you about Draco, right? They would never let me live it down.”
I laughed. “Okay, but you’re going to have to tell them sometime. Especially if we want them to get along with him.”
“I know that,” Ginny said grinning. “But just not right now, you know?”
“Okay,” I said, and with that, we both went to bed.
I thought it was odd that I was talking about the war just the other night, when the next day, it was in the Daily Prophet.
Harry, Ron, Ginny, and I were sitting at the Gryffindor table, eating breakfast, when the Owl Post arrived. One of the Daily Prophet owls dropped off the paper for me, and I dropped my spoon when I read the headline, “Death Eaters Escape Azkaban.” I quickly skimmed the article and found out that all of the Death Eaters that were captured last year escaped Azkaban late last night. As I thought about it, I wondered if Voldemort went there himself to set them free. I quickly showed Harry, Ginny, and Ron the article, and their reactions were very similar to mine.
“Bloody hell!” Ron said. “So is this the beginning, then?”
“The beginning of what?” Ginny asked.
“The war,” he responded.
Harry looked uneasy. “I think so,” he said.
“Just to think,” Ron said, “Malfoy’s father has been let out. I bet he’ll be leaving the school at any time to follow in his father’s footsteps,” he said, disgusted.
“No he won’t,” Ginny said quickly, receiving strange stares from Ron and Harry. “Erm…what I mean is…”
“What she means is,” I began for her, “is that he might stay because he…he…he wants to finish the year,” I ended lamely.
Ginny nodded. Harry and Ron both looked at each other and shrugged, but left the subject alone.
Around us, we could hear other murmurs about the article from all of the tables. Students were pointing at the article, showing it to everyone who hadn’t seen it yet. I decided to work on my Potions assignment as I stood up.
“I’m going to the library to work on that Potions essay,” I said, getting up.
Harry got up as well. “Do you think you could help me with that, Hermione?”
“Sure,” I responded as I slung my schoolbag on my shoulder.
We made our way up to the library, discussing the possible things that could have happened last night. Harry suggested that maybe the dementors set them free, since at least some of them were obviously in league with him after what happened at Privet Drive. That was actually quite possible.
After some time after we entered the library, Harry and I had been getting some real progress. After a few minutes, Harry hadn’t spoken a word. I looked up from my parchment to see that he was staring off into space, drumming his fingers on the arm of the chair.
I put down my quill and said, “Harry, what are you thinking about right now?”
He looked startled, as his mind reentered the library. “Right now?” he echoed.
I nodded.
“Well I’m kind of nervous about the quidditch match tomorrow,” he said awkwardly.
“I thought you said that you weren’t nervous about it yesterday.”
“Oh, did I? Well then, I guess it’s because of that article. It’s kind of scary knowing that the war is starting, you know?”
I nodded again. That’s true. It must be even worse for Harry, since he is on the top of Voldemort’s kill list. I looked up at Harry, and there was still a pained expression on his face.
“Harry?” I said as I touched his hand. “Is there anything else you want to talk about?”
His riveting green eyes locked on mine, and then I could indeed see that there was something else that he wanted to talk about. The way he looked at me made me feel light and dizzy. That was strange.
“I know this might sound stupid…since it was almost a year ago…but I’m still thinking about Sirius…you know, it was my fault that he got killed…” he said, trailing off and looking away.
“Harry, it’s okay…of course it wasn’t your fault. We all would’ve done the same thing.”
“No, not you,” he said. “You would have checked again. You would have made sure that he wasn’t there because you’re smart, and I just went in there blindly.”
“It’s still not your fault,” I said reassuringly. “You’re not the one who killed him. Bellatrix did that.”
“I as good as killed him!” Harry exclaimed as he got a glare from Madam Pince. “Besides, if that doesn’t make me a murderer, I’ll have to become one after this war. Well, murder or be murdered.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked, surprised.
“Remember the prophecy Voldemort was after? Well, that prophecy was given to Dumbledore, and he told me what it said. The end part was pretty clear. To end this…thing, either Voldemort will have to kill me, or I will have to kill him. I don’t want to become a murderer,” he said.
My mouth dropped open. I wonder why he didn’t tell me before. “Does Ron know this?”
Harry hung his head. “No. I always change subjects when he brings up last year. He doesn’t try to talk about it much anymore now that he knows it makes me…uncomfortable.” He paused. “I don’t want to become a murderer, Hermione. But I don’t want to be killed either.”
“Don’t think of it as murder,” I said as I put a stopper on the ink bottle. “Think of all of the people he’s killed and all of the havoc he’s caused here. You’ll be doing a service, and most definitely not a murder.”
Harry looked at me as the bell rang. “Thanks for that, Hermione,” he said as he picked up my hand and squeezed it. There he held it for a while then gave me a boyish grin and then gathered his books. My stomach felt like it had tied itself in a knot.
“That?” This time I was the one who echoed.
“Yes. That,” he said with a smile as he made his way to Divination as I made my way to Ancient Runes.
I knew what ‘that’ meant, but somehow I felt that Harry too had given me a ‘that’ to think about, even if right know I can’t imagine what ‘that’ is. I know that sounds crazy and bizarre and I might not even understand what I meant as I read back on it.
“You too,” I called back.
Harry gave me a confused look.
“You know, thanks for ‘that.’” I said.
Harry raised an eyebrow and shook his head. “Sometimes you are really strange, Hermione,” he said as he left with a laugh.
- H. Granger