Darkness falls.
Darkness is falling, has fallen, still falls, and drags us only deeper into it. They are coming.
I press my back against the cold stone walls. The dry sobs from the next cell make the wall tremble a little, sending shivers throughout my body. These tremors cannot stay the monotonous ice throbbing in my chest. The cold stone is but the beating of my cold stone heart. They are coming.
One hooded figure turns towards me—it has my mother’s face. I laugh.
Did I laugh?
No, she is laughing, she is crying, she is shrieking—I am eight years old, but I have seen her do it before. I know the anger in her eyes as she raises her wand, and I fling myself at tapestry, shielding the name of my favorite cousin as though it were my life.
My blood is on fire—the cold, the cold! I scream as Father pulls me away, reaching my arms out to all I have left of the only one who seemed to understand, who seemed to know what I was feeling—all that’s left—the name on the wall—
My mother’s black cold stone eyes meet mine, a window to her cold stone heart—
“Sirius,” she says, “Sirius Black, see what we do to traitors.”
A flash of light, the name is gone…
I shrink away.
My face burns—cold…cold!—as Bellatrix draws back her hand, the red mark appears on my cheek, and she throws me to the floor.
“You’re no true Black,” she says.
“Leave me alone!” I yell.
Her eyes glow with malice, and she descends on me with fire—fire like ice—in her flashing eyes. “You’re only a first year, Sirius. If you beg the headmaster, he might let you switch to Slytherin. But it won’t make your mother love you. She doesn’t, you know.”
“I hate you!” The words spill from my lips even as I crouch on the floor, and her foot swings into my shoulder, knocking me into the corner…
Please let it pass, please.
I don’t want to remember; please don’t let me remember.
“No!”
My voice reverberates hollowly in the still night. I leap from the motorbike and run through the gate, swinging off its hinges, up the little garden path, to a house that stands no more.
Was I mad?
James my best friend in the entire world…you James are lying a ways away, face down. I run to you, seize your cold stone hand—so cold—why won’t you wake? You won’t ever wake. My fault my fault it’s all my fault—my heart is breaking into a million pieces and flying away, and I will never heal from this, never never never.
Lily, you’ve fallen asleep on the couch again, your long red hair draped over your face. You shouldn’t study so late at night, it’s bad for you—are you crying for me? For your son? We are crying for you, you know…
I’m innocent, I’m innocent—
“Give him to me, Hagrid. I’m his godfather; I’ll take care of him.”
“No, he’s ter go ter his aunt and uncle’s—I promised Dumbledore, see—“
“Let me look at him, at least,” I beg, and Hagrid lowers the bundle of blankets to my level, where their son is—your son is—he looks like you, James, of course he does—with Lily’s eyes—he’ll be like you, you know, fearless and spirited and in love with the world.
“Take the bike, Hagrid, I won’t be needing it anymore.”
It’s my fault, my fault. All my fault—of course it was him, it was him all along, how didn’t I see it? And I am angry at him, angry at myself, and this fury that fills me is all I have. I can only be angry, or else I will be nothing, I must do something—or else…
I can do nothing. Not here.
It wasn’t me.
“You should have known that I’d come for you,” I say quietly. I knew he’d heard. There was blind terror in his face, terror to match the rage like ice that consumes my heart and soul.
He backs away, down the sidewalk, and then bursts out, “Lily and James, Lily and James, how could you, Sirius?”
It’s my fault all my fault you—what is this—
And he is gone, and the street has exploded. My heart is screaming—people are screaming—and it’s gone, everything—everything—is gone and it’s so cold!…Sirius—laugh when you can do nothing else, laugh, laugh…
They can’t see me. I lie down in the shadows and unfold the newspaper clipping again, the clipping of the family with the boy with the rat on his shoulder, the boy who is going to Hogwarts—where their son is—the rat who is missing a toe—and I know why…
“He’s at Hogwarts, he’s at Hogwarts—“
I’m innocent, I’m innocent—
Darkness falls.
Darkness is falling, has fallen, still falls, and only drags us deeper into it. They are coming.
I change in the shadows and go the bars of the cell—the cell—why am I in a cage? I should not be in a cage. I squeeze through the bars—cold stone—no, iron—bars—and feel them coming—the other man’s sobs have quieted—he is going to die—but I am not.
I catch up the newspaper clipping in my mouth. At the end of the corridor there is a wall missing, to make it easier for the guards to come and go. There are many walls missing. It is all cold and stone and silence.
I jump.
Cold—cold—my skin tingles—but the ice in my chest is gone—I hit the water hard, the smell of the sea and the sound of the waves and the chilly embrace of the depths flooding into my being. I am more alive then I have been in months. And I can do something.
“He’s at Hogwarts, he’s at Hogwarts.”
It is a full moon tonight. It shines on the water every which way, making light dance on the surface of the sea, lessening the darkness and showing me the way back to the mainland. It greets me like an old friend. How appropriate.
How could I have not known that he was the traitor, instead of the other? It’s my fault, but I was imprisoned and I was innocent.
I feel my mouth twist into a grin—for the first time in twelve years.
I am coming for you, Peter. I am coming.
Darkness Rises by Pendraegona
Chapter Notes: Sirius Black belongs to J.K. Rowling, and I am only borrowing him, because he is such a fantastic character.
A thousand thanks to my patient beta, harry_victoria!