September 1st
Today, I was given a diary. I’m not sure why, but I was. I was stood on the platform, and my mum started to cry, and she pressed this into my hand. It was a small, leather bound book, and it was you, my diary. I promised her I’d write in it every day, but for some reason that just brought more of her tears. She said she was proud of me and that compelled me to cry also. But I didn’t. After all, I am in the fifth year now, and a prefect! I think this is very exciting but James and Sirius disagree. Sirius says that this will crush the small amount of credibility that I actually have, which is very little, but I’m not pleased for me; I’m pleased for Mum. I don’t think that my fellow Marauders would understand this, but I do far more for her than for myself.
When I was very young, I was bitten by a werewolf. I don’t remember much about it, except a sense of sudden pain, and a feeling that I was going to die. I didn’t, of course, though sometimes I wonder if it would’ve been better if I had, because every full moon, I transform. My mum locks me in the spare room. I go mental in there, I tear chunks out of the walls, the furniture, and, if there’s nothing else, myself. It upsets her, which is why, when I was eleven, we were so glad that I was to go to Hogwarts. We had been so worried that I would be rejected, despite having magic, because of my lycanthropy. Lycanthropy. It sounds like a disease. It is a disease, in a way. A disease that, though I try to keep it hidden, gets the better of me every full moon.
My dad's the wizard, Mum's a muggle. She finds having a werewolf son really hard to cope with, because my father didn't tell her he was a wizard until after Fenrir Greyback had, well...
The beginning of term banquet was exceptionally delicious; the house elves have excelled themselves once again. Nearly Headless Nick was sat there staring at the plates, and looking sad, and so was Mary McDonald. Mary is on a diet, and quite frankly, I can see why. Sirius does a rather funny impression of her, which is very mean, but Sirius doesn’t seem to be bothered about things like that. He is most insensitive.
September 2nd
Today, we received our timetables. All the Marauders are in the same class! We always are, but every year we’re afraid they’ll split us up. They don’t, but still.
We had Potions today, and Slughorn was practically falling over himself with joy at Severus’ knowledge. It was like watching a fat blackbird drooling over a slimy worm before eating it. Sadly, Slughorn did not eat Severus, which was my bad luck, as Snape tried to put Levicorpus on me on the way to charms because I corrected one of his comments. Luckily, Lily Evans was there with a shield charm to stop me being raised into the air so the whole world could see my underwear. I am now eternally indebted to her, and I told her this. She smiled, shook her head and said “Remus Lupin, you are weird!” She said it in a friendly sort of way, but I’ve been thinking, what if I am weird? I’m certainly different to everyone else.
September 3rd
It’s official. I’m weird. And deformed also. Everyone, all the boys in my year (apart from Peter, but Peter doesn’t count), are taller than me, and older. Not actually older, but older in appearance and they have more muscles and they’re all interested in girls. Which I’m not. None of this applies to me. What’s even worse is that you’d think running round an enclosed space once a month would give you muscles, but no, it doesn’t, not if you’re like me. It’s just… I’m just deformed! I hope I am overreacting, I think I will have a word with Madame Pomefrey, just to be sure.
Had a word with Madame Pomfrey. She said had my parents talked to me about growing up? I assured her that they had, well and truly, told me all about growing up. She didn’t believe me; she thought that I just didn’t want the talk. Got given the talk anyway. Went away feeling even more convinced of my deformity.
Found my fellow Marauders (apart from Peter) in the library, which is quite unusual for them. Turned out that they were spying on Lily Evans and her friends. James was staring longingly at Lily, and Sirius was rolling his eyes and telling him to just go and ask her out. To prove his point, he went straight in and asked out Pamela Brown. She said yes, of course. They all want to go out with Sirius, really. He is like a magnet for reasonably attractive females. I am a magnet for nothing really, maybe I am an opposite of a magnet for something, but I digress.
James wasn’t convinced, so Sirius dragged me forward, and asked out Flavia for me. She blushed as red as a blonde tomato, and said “Ooh, yes!” in a very giggly sort of way, and then ran out of the room. Yes, really, she actually ran. This is very worrying. I now have a girlfriend that I do not want. I can’t just dump her, that would be really unkind, but I don’t like her, and certainly not in the way I’m supposed to. She’s not very interesting for a start. I had to talk to her all of today, and all she talks about is what some famous person or other says, and what they haven’t said, and what she thinks that they might say, and what she’d say to them.
Tonight, we’re going to stay up until midnight, and then we’re going to run down to the kitchens, grab some food (some meaning as much as we and a team of ten house elves can carry) and then we will have a celebration feast. Sirius says it’s a celebration of his first girlfriend this term, I say it’s a perfect opportunity for me and James to drown our sorrows in a glass of Butterbeer, and Wormtail hasn’t said. I think he probably wants to celebrate the fact that Marie Davenport said hi to him today but I wouldn’t want to be mean.
September 4th
I had to spend all of today talking to Flavia. And she blushed and giggled, and giggled and blushed, and I had to sit there, lapping it all up. She even made me help her with her Charms work, and expected me to actually do her Transfiguration homework for her. I have been working like a slave, and Sirius and James have been sat near me laughing all the way through.
Well, Sirius wasn’t laughing all of the while, half the time he was off snogging Pamela. And when I say snogging, what I mean was Pamela tried to suck his face off. I heard him saying to James that he was certain that his jaw was at least 2 inches further forward, and Pamela Brown must have half at least of his saliva in her big gob. This means that she will soon be dumped, and Sirius will find another love of his life to take her place, but Sirius is fickle like that.
James and Sirius tell me to dump Flavia if I don’t like her. I think that Sirius is being most unfair to Flavia, to say this when he was the one who asked her out for me. When I said this he just shrugged and said it was only for a joke, besides Flavia’s really annoying. I said I was well aware of the fact. For some reason this made him laugh like a hyperactive hyena.
When dinner finished I told Flavia that I had a headache and I went off to study in the library. She looked sulky. I think she wants me to kiss her like Sirius and Pamela. I really don’t want to, so I think that this headache may last a little longer than planned.
September 5th
Today the scariest thing happened. I was walking down the corridor and I heard Flavia’s voice. I pretended not to hear her but she ran to me and grabbed my hand. I was very quite, I didn’t want another attempt at intelligent conversation with her, but when there was nobody near us, she tried to snog me. Properly, as well. I let go of her hand and ran. I think that I moved so fast she accidentally kissed the wall.
In History of Magic I managed to grab a seat next to Peter and James before Flavia came. She glared at me and sat down next to Mary, deliberately not looking at me. I felt really bad, but I Know I would have felt worse if I’d had to kiss her.
Normally, I would have taken notes, but today there had been exceptional circumstances, so I recounted my tale to Peter and James instead. I told them what happened and James let out aloud snort of laughter and everyone except Professor BInns turned to stare at us. We continued the conversation in whispers.
“Why didn’t you kiss her?” asked Peter, who was genuinely confused by my actions. I explained that I didn’t consider it an altruistic act when I did not care for her. Peter looked blank. I re-explained it. He still looked blank. I gave up.
Flavia is still not talking to me. As I said to James, it would be offensive if it wasn’t such a refreshing break. Someone once said that you don’t know what you’re missing until it’s gone. And now I know what I’m missing, and I am so much better off without it.
September 6th
I can’t believe it! Flavia has dumped me! And just when I was going to dump her! And now she’s spreading a variety of rumours about me, which everyone now knows about. I was very despondent and unresponsive today, which led to McGonagall pulling me aside after lesson and asking me if there was a problem at home or in school perhaps? I said there wasn’t. She didn’t believe me.
September 7th
Why does nobody believe me about anything? McGonagall didn’t believe me, Madame Pomfrey didn’t, and now, nobody believes that I was going to dump Flavia before she dumped me. I am not untrustworthy; I never fib, so why do people assume I am lying when I’m not?
On top of this, it’s nearly full moon. I feel tired, and I’ve been trying to get some sleep because I know that I’m in for a good few sleepless nights. Sadly, Charms is not a good relaxing opportunity and I nearly got detention for accidentally falling asleep. Ten points were taken from Gryffindor, and Peter, Sirius and James teased me about it for the rest of the day. It isn’t often that I get points taken, you see.
Flavia is still spreading rumours, but luckily everyone has stopped believing her, so at least I don’t have mental turmoil on top of everything. I think I will go and do my Charms work in the library.
Fell asleep in library. Instead of chasing me out like she would any other student, Madame Pince went up to me and asked if there was anything wrong at home? Or at school? I am getting sick of this. I reconfirmed that there wasn’t, but she looked doubtful, so she let me eat my chocolate at the back of the library.
The Remus Lupin Diaries, aged 15 and a bit... by The Dog Star
Chapter Notes: Disclaimer: This is not mine. Damn.