Remus left the train station not long after Tonks did, her final gestures still stinging him. He knew he had hurt her badly, and that he probably deserved whatever Tonks dished out to him, no matter what the amount of pain, because he knew he had caused her so much more. Now, it was three days after, and Remus was lying on his couch, thinking.
If he was completely honest with himself about how he felt about Tonks, it was that she was the girl he had always dreamed of, regardless of their age difference. She was beautiful, sweet, caring and saw him for who he was on the inside. Sure, she could be very stubborn at times (hadn’t he seen that before?), but her other qualities outweighed that one flaw by so much.
If he kept trying to be sensible, though, he would shove all of those thoughts aside to protect her and keep her safe, keep her out of harm’s way.
But, he thought to himself. Hadn’t she told him that by trying to protect her, he was hurting her? But, wasn’t it better to hurt her by telling her no instead of allowing her to be with him and possibly hurting her physically?
“God, I need to talk to someone,” Remus said quietly to himself. He sat up from where he had been laying. Scratching his head, he checked his tattered watch. It was four forty-five pm. He wondered if Molly would mind if he came by for dinner that night; somehow, he thought she would be fine with it.
He stood up from the couch, a book falling from his lap. He bent down and picked it up, placing it on the tiny coffee table. Stretching, he walked to his room. He went through his messy drawers and grabbed a brown shirt and some old, worn jeans. He changed into these, throwing his dirty clothes onto a pile next to the door. He grabbed a bottle of some cheap cologne and sprayed it on, just to freshen up a bit. Then, he examined his reflection in the old, cracked mirror that sat on his dresser. His hair was a bit messed up, and he had shadow on his chin and lower jaw, but it would have to be fine.
Then, even though it was the middle of summer, he grabbed his jacket, threw it over his shoulder and walked out the door, locked it, then turned on the spot and Disapparated to the Burrow.
When he arrived, he found Ginny and Ron on broomsticks, flying over the orchard and tossing what looked to be a Quaffle back and fourth. Bill and a young blonde “whom Remus thought could only be the girl that Tonks had spoken of-, sat underneath a tree, talking and laughing with each other. At that moment, Remus felt a pang of jealousy, but he ignored it. Bill spotted Remus and stood up, pulling the girl with him, and then walked over to him.
“Hey, Remus,” he said, reaching out and shaking his hand. “How are you?”
“I’m alright,” Remus said, shaking Bill’s hand back. Suddenly, the girl stepped forward, kissing Remus on each cheek and hugging him.
“’Ello,” she said, pulling back. “I’m Fleur; eet eez a pleasure to meet you.”
“It’s nice to meet you, too,” Remus said, trying to ignore the burning sensation he felt where Fleur had kissed him. “My name’s Remus. Are you the woman that Bill is seeing?”
“Yes,” Fleur said, smiling. “’ow did you know zat?”
“Oh, um, Tonks told me,” Remus said, quietly.
“Oh, you know Tonks?” Fleur asked. “I met ‘er a few days ago; she eez very sweet. I believe zat she eez ‘ere right now, as well. ‘elping Mrs. Weasley in ze kitchen.”
Remus stared at Fleur. “She’s here?” he asked.
“Yes,” Fleur answered.
“Helping Mum,” Bill said, looking at Remus quizzically. “Why do you seem so unnerved at that?”
“Do I?” Remus asked. “I’m not.” He had a sick feeling in his stomach, and a sudden urge to leave the Burrow immediately. He fought it down, however, when he heard a shriek from the kitchen and Mrs. Weasley came hurrying out to greet him.
“Remus,” she said, pulling him into a hug. “I didn’t expect to see you here. Nymphadora’s inside, and Fred and George are on their way, as is Arthur. You’re welcome to come inside.” She turned to Bill.
“Could you call Ron and Ginny in? They need to help bring a table outside. It’s too nice to try and squeeze ten people inside today.”
“Sure Mum,” Bill said.
“I’ll come with,” Remus said hurriedly, and before Mrs. Weasley could tell him to stay, he and Bill began walking over to the orchard.
“What’s up with you?” Bill asked, surveying Remus carefully.
“What are you talking about?” Remus asked, rolling up his sleeves to his elbows.
“You looked overly uncomfortable when Fleur mentioned that Tonks is here,” Bill said, “also, when Mum invited you inside. Remus, is there something going on between you and Tonks? She’s been looking more and more stressed these past few days.” He studied Remus, waiting for an answer.
“Bill, did it ever occur to you that I’ve never exactly had a relationship, except once? So, why would I have one now, especially when I’ve grown up quite a bit and become more sensible and realistic?” Remus asked, knowing that was probably the lamest answer he could’ve come up with.
“Okay, that never occurred to me,” Bill answered. “But, if you’ve become more sensible and realistic, wouldn’t that mean you’d possibly be in or even want a relationship with someone?
“No,” Remus answered, knowing what a complete lie this was. “Besides, I couldn’t have a normal relationship, even if I wanted to, because of me being a werewolf. So, I find it better to just stay single and have my friends with me.” He wondered how much longer he could keep this up.
“Well, okay,” Bill said. “I find that odd, but you still haven’t answered the question about Tonks. Just a few days ago, she seemed better than she does today. She’s more reserved and quiet today, and that isn’t like her.”
“Perhaps Sirius’ death is hitting her extra hard today,” Remus said, the now familiar feeling of hating himself settling into the pit of his stomach. “After all, they were cousins, and it was a bit of a shock when I told her the other day.” God, I am absolutely horrible, Remus thought to himself.
“Right, Remus,” Bill said sarcastically. “No offense or anything, but you aren’t that great a liar.” He patted his shoulder. “Now, tell me what the truth is.” They had stopped about twenty feet from the orchard, and could hear Ron and Ginny arguing from somewhere above them.
“Um, well,” Remus began. “I’m not sure that Tonks would want me to say anything.”
“Oh, so you are seeing each other?” Bill asked, crossing his arms and cocking his eyebrow, as if he really knew what was going on.
“No, we are not,” Remus said. “She just… well, I don’t feel much like going into it. Besides, aren’t we supposed to be getting Ginny and Ron?”
“Stop changing the subject,” Bill said flatly. “Now, whether you want to talk or not, I’m going to get it out of you. And, I promise, I won’t tell a soul.”
“But… but,” Remus stuttered. “Oh, fine. But, if Tonks kills me for this, you’re going down with me.”
“Perfectly fine,” Bill said. “I just hope Fleur will be alright. Now, tell me what it is about you and Tonks.”
“Do I honestly have to?” Remus asked; he felt like a little child.
“Remus,” Bill said.
“Fine,” Remus said. “Okay, so Tonks loves me. If I’m honest, I love her, too. But, I can’t be honest, not when I am a bloody werewolf who could cause her so much pain and harm.”
“And you aren’t doing that now?” Bill asked.
“I swear, you and her think along the same lines,” Remus said quietly. “And, I meant physically, not mentally.”
“Remus, you do realise that her mental pain could eventually turn into physical pain, don’t you?” Bill asked.
“Yes, but not as horrible as what I could inflict upon her,” Remus answered. “I know damn well that Tonks would refuse to leave me alone on a night with a full moon.”
“You don’t know that, Remus,” Bill replied. “I’m quite sure that Tonks wouldn’t go that far.”
“Do you know how much she loves me?” Remus asked skeptically. “She’s been in tears about it.”
“Well, she used to like me, if that helps. We dated for a few months,” Bill said.
“Yes, I know!” Remus said, surprising himself at how much the thought of that exasperated him.
“Calm down,” Bill said, chuckling. “Wow, I can see that you do love her. Anyway, if it helps, I can read her easily. Just trust me, she wouldn’t go that far. I’m ninety-five percent sure of it.”
“That’s still not a one hundred percent guarantee of her safety, though,” Remus said.
“But, Remus, there is never a one hundred percent guarantee of anyone’s safety, at least not in this world,” Bill replied. “Come on, you saw that just recently with the battle. You almost lost Tonks. Hell, I could’ve lost my baby brother and sister. Life in general isn’t a one hundred percent guarantee of safety, not at all. If you want to be happy, and if you want her to be happy, then I suggest that you do the right thing and get with her, especially because we don’t know if another war will break out in the next few days.”
“But, I can’t provide for her,” Remus said. “I can’t do a lot of things that any other man could do. I couldn’t adequately protect her from harm. I couldn’t give her the happiness in marriage, if we got that far. I couldn’t give her children. There’s so much that I couldn’t give to her, or do for her.”
“Remus, honest to God, how do you figure all of that?” Bill asked. “For one, she could provide if she had to; she’s an Auror for crying out loud. Their pay is pretty good. You could adequately protect her from harm; what do you think that stick of wood in your pocket is for? Or, you could protect her on the full moon by biting those who come near her.”
“Not funny,” Remus cut in, though he smiled.
“Trust me, if you and Tonks really love each other, you’ll get to marriage,” Bill said, laughing. “I think you do anyway. Besides, you would make her happy just by being there for her. And, as for children, if you don’t want to have kids, then you can adopt a child.”
“I never said I didn’t want kids,” Remus mumbled.
“Then what are you on about?” Bill asked.
“I’m on about possibly passing on my lycanthropy to my possible future children,” Remus answered. “Besides, why are we even discussing children and marriage? Tonks and I aren’t even together!”
“Yeah, but I guarantee that you two will be,” Bill said. He began walking closer to the orchard, forcing Remus to hurry and catch up to him.
“What do you mean that you guarantee that we will be together?” Remus asked. “Does it look like you run our lives?”
“No, I don’t,” Bill replied. “But, just trust me. If you want to be a happy man for once, and if you want her to be happy, then you will. And, don’t deny it Remus, because you know you will.”
“I-” Remus began, but cut off, as they had now reached the orchard and Bill was yelling.
“Oi! Ginny, Ron, come down,” Bill called, shading his eyes from the sunset.
“Why?” Ginny shouted, looking down. “Professor Lupin!” she shouted, flying at top speed down towards Bill and Remus.
“Hello Ginny,” Remus said as she landed smoothly, followed closely by Ron, whose landing wasn’t near as smooth. “Hello Ron.”
“Hey Professor,” Ron said, waving, as Ginny ran up and hugged Remus, who, not expecting this, stepped backwards and almost fell.
“Oh, sorry,” Ginny said, stepping back. “So, Bill, what did we need to get down for anyway? We were having a nice chat about who’s better at keeping, and we were just about to get started on testing it out when you interrupted us.”
“Well, Mum said that you and Ron need to come in and help bring out a table, so that everyone can eat,” Bill answered.
“But why?” Ron asked. “We can squeeze, what, seven people into the kitchen, can’t we?”
“Actually, it’s ten,” Bill said. “Fred and George are on their way over, as is Dad, plus Fleur and Remus, and, oh, Tonks.”
Ginny made an odd huffing sound at the mention of Fleur. Then her face brightened. “Oh, Tonks is here?” she asked enthusiastically.
“Yes, she is,” Bill said, “helping Mum in the kitchen.”
Ron laughed. “Can you imagine Tonks in the kitchen?”
“Ron!” Ginny gasped, slapping his shoulder.
“What?” Ron asked. “She’s so bloody clumsy. I mean, I’m sure she’d drop everything.”
“Now, Ron,” Remus said. “That isn’t entirely fair. Yes, she’s clumsy, but she doesn’t drop everything; she more trips over everything. I’m sure she’s fine in the kitchen.”
Ron mumbled something incoherent, and then began to walk back towards the Burrow. “Come on, Ginny,” he called back over his shoulder.
“See you,” Ginny said, rolling her eyes and following her brother.
“Well,” Bill said. “I suppose we’d better go back to the Burrow as well. Mum’ll probably want us to help set something up.”
“Alright,” Remus said, and he and Bill began walking back up the hill.
“So,” Bill said, trying to get back to their previous conversation. “You are going to get with Tonks, aren’t you?
“Um,” Remus said. “I- I’m not sure.”
“But, you know that you want to.”
“Yes,” Remus answered. Why, oh why does he have to do this to me?
“So, just do it,” Bill said. “You love her, she loves you. Gee, the math isn’t that hard. One lonely and shunned werewolf plus one very lonely and sad Metamorphmagus equals two people who love each other and can’t be lonely. Get the picture?”
“Bill, I’m not three,” Remus said, smiling. “I realise that. But, I’m just worried about hurting her.”
“Okay, don’t we all worry that we will hurt the one we love?” Bill asked.
“You know what I mean,” Remus said.
“Okay, but again with the whole ‘hurting her mentally could eventually hurt her physically anyway’ thing,” Bill said. “Just bloody get with her and make her happy, okay?”
“I’m not going to win this, am I?” Remus asked.
“Nope,” Bill answered. “And, the only way that you can win is if you get with her. So, you might as well just do it, because you know that is what you want.”
“No,” Remus said, and then laughed. “Okay, yes. But that’s not what my stupid head is telling me. My head is telling me that I need to stay away from her and let her find a much more suitable man who could properly love her.”
“Well, your head is wrong,” Bill said, just as they entered the garden. “Trust me on that. Now, I’ve got to go help Fleur with something. Just do the right thing.” He patted Remus’ shoulder, before walking away, leaving Remus standing alone. That is, until Tonks walked over.
Love Keeps Us Together (Sometimes Apart) by DontCallMeNymphadora
Chapter Notes: I'm so sorry it's taken forever to get this one up.
I hope you like it... I do.
I promise, I'm getting back on top of things now... I won't go forever without posting... I will finish this story.