The next week proved to be a wonderful one for Remus and Tonks; they spent at least some time in each other’s company every day, and Tonks managed to introduce Remus to movies as well.
“They’re really good,” she said. “Basically, it’s as if you would have a Wizard photo, only it’s a lot longer than that, and there is sound.”
“And did your did your dad introduce you to this as well?” Remus asked.
“Of course,” Tonks said. “When I was a little girl, he said he wanted to show me something that Muggles did, and this was one of them; I’m really quite glad that Granddad and Grandma were Muggles… it gave me a whole new world to be involved in!”
“Well, you’re lucky then,” Remus said. “Even though my Mum was a Muggle, we still didn’t get to do all of this. I’m supposing that this is all really as fun as you say?”
“Honestly, it is,” Tonks answered. “Of course, there have been some truly sucky movies in the past, but this one is all action and romance, so I think we’ll be fine on this one.”
It turned out, the movie had actually been quite terrible, and so, for the next few days, Tonks and Remus stuck to either of their flats talking or going out to restaurants together.
But, on the seventh day of their relationship, Remus was woken up by a tapping on his window. Rubbing his eyes sleepily, he got up, stretched and walked over to the window. He was puzzled by what this could be, because he didn’t take the Prophet; there was really nothing of interest, at least that he didn’t really already know about, these days.
He opened the window, which made a creaking noise from being shut for many years, and in flew a tawny owl; Remus thought it looked like one of the owls from Hogwarts, though he wasn’t quite sure. The owl stuck its leg out, and Remus untied the letter attached to it with fumbling hands. When he tore it off, the owl fluttered back out the window, and Remus sat on his bed, examining the envelope he held in his hand; it had his name and address scrawled on the front in writing that he thought he recognised from two years previously, while employed at Hogwarts.
Sitting down on his bed, Remus slit the envelope where it was sealed, a piece of parchment falling onto the bed. He picked it up and read it through, his eyebrows furrowing together with each line. When he finished, he dropped the letter back onto the bed, placing his head in his hands and rubbing his temples. Why did Dumbledore have to do this to him now, of all times?
He picked up the letter again, reading it through once more:
Remus,
I have a mission that only you can complete for the Order. It is dangerous, and no doubt will be difficult, but I have faith in you. Remus, I need you to play spy for the Order amongst the werewolves underground. Convince them that you are on Voldemort’s side, for that is the side that the vast majority of them favor; their leader is Fenrir Greyback.
Here, Remus gasped; though he’d read it once already, it hadn’t registered with him before. He forced his eyes back to the page.
You will need to keep your cover hidden, not letting any of them, especially Fenrir, so much as even think that you are on any side other than Voldemort’s. I have complete trust and faith in you, Remus, and I do not, even for a second, think that you are at all incapable of this. If you agree to this, I will need you to be ready in four days time, and after that, not a second can be wasted. If not, then you will remain here, if you wish, but I urge you to consider this, Remus, as it could help us with so much in the end. Please send word with this owl.
Albus Dumbledore
Suddenly, there was another tap at the window, and the owl flew back in, apparently remembering what it was supposed to do. Remus went through his bedside drawer and found a spare piece of parchment and a pen, scrawling a quick I accept this, Albus onto it, then tying it around the owl’s leg, sending it into the morning light. Then, he collapsed back onto his bed, rubbing his temples again, wondering how that inconvenient little owl could’ve just turned his nearly perfect life into what could only be a whirlwind of turmoil.
Stretching, Remus got up and got dressed. Not caring much for breakfast or other necessities at the moment, he threw his shoes on, then turned on the spot and Disapparated to Tonks’ flat, praying that she was at home. He knocked on her door, but heard nothing from inside, nothing falling over and crashing down, so he could only suppose that she was at work today.
Muttering under his breath, he instead chose to Disapparate to the Weasleys’, where maybe Bill would be available to talk to. He didn’t know exactly how this could help him, but Bill had already gotten him through one rough aspect of his life, why not see if he could ease at least some of how difficult this one was?
When he arrived, he found Bill reading a book under the same tree where he and Tonks had gotten together the last week; Bill looked up from it when he heard the crack.
“Remus,” he said, closing the book and dropping it onto the ground, coming over and clapping him on the back. “How’re things going between you and Tonks?”
“Um, that’s what I want to talk to you about, Bill,” Remus said, grimacing.
“Oh, no,” Bill said, shaking his head. “You’ve already hurt her, haven’t you? God, Remus, anyone who didn’t know you would think that you take pleasure in hurting this poor girl.”
The words stung Remus, and he restrained from hitting Bill. “How could you think that?” he asked, almost in a whisper. “Do you really think that, for even a second, I want to hurt her?”
“No, of course not,” Bill said, holding up his hands. “I was just saying that-”
“Can you just listen, please Bill?” Remus asked in a semi-exasperated voice, sighing. Bill nodded, sitting down at the table. Remus took the seat across from him.
“All right, Remus,” Bill said, surveying him. “What is it this time, if you haven’t broken her heart again?”
Remus sighed again. “That’s just it; I’m going to have to break her heart again, but not for the same reasons.” He wondered if he should tell Bill, then decided that he could, since Bill was in the Order. “Dumbledore wants me to play spy for the Order with the werewolves.”
Bill opened his mouth in silent shock. “Th-there’s no way that Dumbledore would want you to put yourself in that much danger,” he said skeptically.
“If you need the proof, then here’s the letter,” Remus said, taking the envelope from his pocket and flipping it across to Bill, who slid it open, pulled out the note, and read, his brow furrowing together the farther down he read. When he was finished, he tossed the letter to Remus, asking, “What the hell is Dumbledore playing at?”
All Remus could do is shrug, because he honestly didn’t have any idea either. Bill continued.
“So, basically, Dumbledore wants you to commit suicide?” Bill asked, enraged. “Because, in my opinion, sending you to be a spy with the werewolf who turned you into one himself is just asking you to get yourself killed.”
“It’s for the Order, though, Bill,” Remus said, sighing. “I don’t think Dumbledore would intentionally get me killed; he’s such a great man, and was the reason I was actually able to get a job.”
“Well, I don’t think that you should do it,” Bill said. “That’s my opinion; oh, and I’m sure that it will be Tonks’ as well.”
“Well,” Remus said, sighing once more. “I’ve already sent a letter back saying I would accept this-”
“So send another one, and say you can’t, that something came up!” Bill said furiously. “Don’t you see, this is only going to hurt Tonks even deeper and worse, far worse, than she already is?”
“Bill,” Remus said, his voice full of emotion. “Do you really think that I wish to hurt Tonks any more than I have already? I wouldn’t dream of it, if it weren’t for this. Dumbledore needs me to do something for him, and I can’t refuse it; besides, Tonks is in the Order, she’ll understand.”
“So that’s it?” Bill asked, looking at Remus, a mixture of curiosity, pity and anger on his face. “She’ll understand because she’s in the Order? Sure, her head will understand… but, do you honestly think that her heart will? That’s what will hurt her, Remus. She’s intelligent; she’ll understand why you’ve got to leave, but only in her head. In her heart, she’ll never understand it. Even then, she may just fake having to see why, Remus. Haven’t you learned by now that Tonks follows her heart much more than her head? Even if you were in front of her, transformed, dangerous, she wouldn’t listen to the sensible part of her mind. She would listen to her heart, and walk towards you as if you were an innocent puppy.”
Remus flinched at the thought, realising that Bill was right. “I’ve still got to do this,” he said, keeping his voice calm, controlled. “I- I know it will hurt her; it hurts me just to know that I’ll be breaking her all over again, when her heart is just barely repaired as it is.” When my heart is barely happy to be beating, as well, he added in his head.
“Then, don’t do it,” Bill said, shrugging his shoulders. “You never swore your life over to Dumbledore, did you? You never swore to him that you would kill yourself on his behalf.”
Remus wished it could only be that easy, to just stay at home, content as he was. “Look, Bill,” he said, quietly. “I have to do this. If it ends up protecting Tonks in the long run, then that’s good, isn’t it? And, no, of course I didn’t sign my life off to Dumbledore, but the Order is to protect the Wizarding World… and, the Muggle World, really. When I signed up, I knew it would be dangerous. But, I also knew how many people I would be helping, and I thought it would be a good thing to go against Voldemort. Not to mention, he killed one of my best friends. If me playing spy for the Order will help in any way to protect Tonks, then I will do it, no matter what the pain.”
“Wow,” Bill said, looking at Remus incredulously. “You’re absolutely insane. I can’t believe that you’re going to give up what you have with Tonks and just leave, for who knows how long, to go live with werewolves, who not only live underground and away from civilization, but their leader is the reason that you are a werewolf. Not to mention, doesn’t it scare you that they don’t exactly associate with, forgive me, normal humans, and that when they do, it is likely to attack them?” He raised an eyebrow at Remus, the look of incredulity still on his face.
“Bill,” Remus said, trying to think of a way to dissuade his opinion. “Can you look at it this way, do you think?” Bill folded his hands and sat back; Remus continued. “What if Dumbledore asked you to do something “ anything - for the Order, and you knew that if you consented to do it, whatever it was would end up protecting Fleur and your family in the long run? Would you just sit back and do nothing, just act as if you can’t do something because of your own personal gain, not the world? Bill, could you truly do that? And, wouldn’t Fleur understand as well? I’m sure she wouldn’t ask you to just sit at home. She’d probably want you to do what you had to do, even if it hurt her.” When Bill said nothing, Remus went on.
“Look Bill,” he said, sighing. “I’m trying to get you to see my point of view on this. Obviously, you aren’t going to. So, flat out, Bill, this is my choice; I’ve already decided that I’m going to spy, and not just for Dumbledore, but for the Order, for Tonks. I know it’s going to hurt both Tonks and myself. It will probably be my own personal Hell, and I know it will be for Tonks… unless she finds someone else.” He clenched his teeth together as he said this, and a dead look appeared in his eyes as he tried to imagine Tonks, happy, smiling and laughing, with someone younger, richer and better than himself; it hurt too much to even think about it.
“Don’t you get it?” Bill asked, a smug look on his face, finally speaking. “She won’t find someone else; ever. She’s dead-set in love with you, no matter what it is that you do. You could break her heart a thousand times over, and she’d still love you. That’s the one thing you don’t ever have to worry about, though knowing you, you’re liable to do that anyway.”
“Thanks, Bill,” Remus said sarcastically.
“Well,” Bill said. “I guess you’re dead-set on doing this then.” He spoke it as a statement, looking at Remus imploringly.
Remus nodded solemnly. “Yes,” he said. “Especially if it could help the ones I love, in the long run, no matter what happens to me.”
“Okay, then,” Bill said. “Good luck then. I do hope you enjoy Hell.”
“That’s nice of you,” Remus muttered, standing up. “And, I still don’t know when I’ll be leaving, so, I’m not in Hell yet.”
“Oh, I didn’t mean the werewolves, as of now,” Bill said, placing a hand on Remus’ shoulder. “I meant Tonks. You’re in for a wonderful time, tonight. I hope you have fun.” He clapped Remus’ shoulder and walked into the Burrow, leaving Remus dreading what he had to do even more than he already was.
Love Keeps Us Together (Sometimes Apart) by DontCallMeNymphadora
Chapter Notes: Remus finds out Dumbledore wants him to play spy for the Order by living with the Werewolves....
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