Author’s Note: In this chapter, James does not go to the library.
Potential Death By Spherical Snow
“Ready…aim…FIRE!”
It was the epic snow battle to top all snow battles before it. It was a wet, white war to make all other wars kneel before it. It was a coming-of-age for those young men and women who proved themselves to be of noble aim and courageous heart in the face of potential death by spherical snow. It was torment for those who had joined in the beginning, but were now cowering in fright as the battle became fiercer. For everyone in between, it was a fantastic day spent out on the castle grounds, freezing, perhaps, but also having to time of their lives.
It was what it was: a massive snowball fight.
“DUCK!” Remus yelled. He launched himself at Peter to pull him down out of harm’s way as a massive amount of snowballs soared straight for Peter’s head. The snowballs missed them, but they ended up toppling right into a snowdrift that had formed in the middle of the Gryffindor snow fort. Remus extracted himself from the drift then lent a hand to Peter. “Sorry about that, mate,” he panted.
Behind them, Sirius and James were laughing so hard that they didn’t even notice the two meteor-like snowballs heading straight for them. James was hit in the shoulder, but Sirius took one right to the face. Sirius was hit so hard he actually fell over himself. As James ran off to seek revenge on the Ravenclaw boy whose snowball had hit him, a group of about a dozen girls swooped down on Sirius.
“Are you okay, Sirius?”
“Let me help you.”
“Let me help you, Sirius.”
“Where does it hurt?”
Sirius patted his cheek where the snowball had hit him. “He hurts a bit right here,” he said, with a handsome grimace of imaginary pain. “Maybe if you ladies were to kiss it, it would hurt a bit less.”
The girls broke into a chorus of high-pitched giggles and started taking turns kissing Sirius’s cheek. Remus snorted; only a boy who looked like Sirius Black could get away with a line that cheesy.
“Lupin!” someone behind him shouted. Remus took the hint and ducked just in time to avoid a new massive hail of snowballs.
“Thanks, Hayden,” Remus called, straightening up to smile at his savior, Roy Hayden, his fellow third-year. Hayden gave Remus a quick wave before rushing away to throw snowballs towards the Hufflepuff fort.
Remus started to gather some snow to make his own snowball. Not far away, Sirius was still surrounded by giggling girls.
“Come on ladies, up you get!” shouted sixth-year Greg Bennet, who was acting as leader of the Gryffindor forces, trying to shoo the girls back up to the offensive line. “Black is fine. We need more people out in the field!”
“Oh shut it, Bennet,” Sirius said. Bennet stormed away. A few girls followed, but some still had to get in their kiss. Last in the kiss queue was Delangela Narkin. “Not you, Narcosis,” Sirius said.
“Oh, don’t worry, Black,” Delangela said. “I’m not here to kiss you.” She smacked him across the face. “That was for that amusing little trick you played on me yesterday!” she shouted and stalked off.
“That was harsh,” said Remus, offering a hand to help Sirius off the ground.
“Well, he kind of deserved it,” said James, reappearing at Remus’s shoulder. “Did you hear what he did to her yesterday?”
“Do I want to hear?” Remus asked.
“Probably not,” said James.
“Potter! We need you back out in front!” Bennet called.
“Alright, alright, keep your pants on, I’m coming!” James called back. He dashed away.
“Where’d Peter get to?” Sirius asked.
Remus looked around. “I’m not sure.”
“Let’s rejoin the fight,” Sirius said.
“I’m right behind you,” said Remus. They ran back to the front of the fort to lob snowballs over the wall. Remus was debating whether he should tell Sirius that he had lipstick smudges on his cheek or let Sirius go through the rest of the battle with “Very Berry” war paint. The latter was more tempting.
They had a great view of the warfare from their position at the front of the fort. The Gryffindor fortress was closest to the castle. Just to the south, closer to the lake, was the headquarters of the Ravenclaw snow forces. To the northwest was the Hufflepuff hideout. Remus observed that the three massive forts form an almost perfect equilateral triangle, then mentally hit himself for thinking about math on a Sunday when he wasn’t even doing homework. He also observed that Slytherin House still had a total representation of zero. The Slytherins, it appeared, considered themselves above snowball wars with members of other Houses, but, as James had pointed out earlier, no one from the other Houses really wanted the Slytherins there anyway.
Sirius, Remus, James, and Peter had been out in the battle from the very beginning a few hours ago, when it had only been a tiny snowball fight. It had escalated far beyond expectations, and the Marauders were loving every minute of it. The only trouble was, where in the beginning Gryffindor had held a strong lead, Ravenclaw was pulling farther and farther ahead with each passing minute.
“How you guys holding up?” James asked, sprinting up to join them.
The words were barely out of his mouth when Greg Bennet appeared behind him, followed closely by James’s Quidditch captain, Henry Brian.
“It’s no good,” Brian was saying to Bennet. “They’re to well organized. We can only hold then off for so long. I think it’s only a matter of time before Hufflepuff caves, and then Ravenclaw can use its full force to take us down too. We need a new plan.”
“Maybe we should just surrender now,” Bennet sighed.
“Gryffindors don’t surrender,” James said firmly to Brian and Bennet.
“Potter, in case you haven’t noticed, it’s only a matter of time before we get creamed,” said Bennet. “We should just quit now with good grace before Ravenclaw can humiliate us to badly.”
“Gryffindors don’t take the easy way out,” James said. “Gryffindors are brave. Gryffindors fight ‘til last man is down!”
“That’s very nice sentiment, James,” Brian said. “But unless you have any suggestions as to how we can turn the battle in our favor…”
“We could form an alliance with Hufflepuff,” James said. “You were right with what you said before: Ravenclaw will crush Hufflepuff and then come for us. Neither of us can take on Ravenclaw individually, but we would be stronger if we joined together.”
“You know what, Potter,” said Bennet, “that idea’s not half bad.”
“Of course it’s not,” said James. “I came up with it.”
Henry Brian rolled his eyes. He had, of course, dealt with James's, ah, “big-headed tendencies” in Quidditch practice, but he never ceased to be amazed at just how far James would go to compliment himself. “So we’ll do it then?” Brian asked Bennet. “We’ll join up with Hufflepuff?”
Bennet sighed again. “Well, I guess we don’t have much choice.”
“How do we go about this then?” Brian asked Bennet. It was James, however, who answered him.
“We send envoys,” James explained. “We send a couple of guys over to Hufflepuff, and they can offer our proposition.”
“Okay, but who should we send?” Brian asked.
“I’ll go,” James said.
“No, Potter, we need you,” Bennet said. “You’re one of our best men. We can’t afford to spare you.”
“Well, in that case, send Remus,” James said. “His aim is truly pathetic.”
“You know, the thing I like most about being friends with you, James, is the wonders you do for my self-esteem,” said Remus.
“But,” James continued, “while his aim might be lousy, he’s good talking compromise and stuff.”
“Okay, Lupin, you go,” Bennet said.
“By myself?”
“I’ll go with you,” Sirius offered. “I’ll help you persuade Hufflepuff. I’m told I can be quite charming.” He flashed a wide smile.
Brian snorted. Bennet rolled his eyes. “Fine, Black,” Bennet said, “you and Lupin go. Make sure no one sees you crossing the no-man's land; you’ll be buried alive in snowballs if they do. And try not to get yourselves taken hostage either. I don’t need to be sparing more men to go get you out of trouble, okay?”
“Trouble?” Sirius asked, his eyes wide and innocent. “Oh no, of course not. We’d never get into trouble.” And with that, he and Remus headed off, leaving Brian to snort again, Bennet to recommence barking orders, and James to laugh so hard he nearly peed himself.
Instead of crossing right through the no-man’s land, Remus and Sirius decided to circle around to the back of the Hufflepuff, taking a longer but safer route, as neither of them had any desire to be buried alive in snowballs. The untouched snow was up to their waists, so they pulled out their wands to melt themselves a path, ducking low behind the walls of the path to ensure extra protection.
Hufflepuff was crumbling. Most of their forces seemed to have fled back to the castle to sip hot chocolate in front of their common room fire. The remaining forces were falling to the vicious snow warfare of Ravenclaw. No attacks were coming from the Gryffindor fort. Apparently, Bennet and Brian had passed on the message that they were attempting an alliance.
As they approached, Remus and Sirius stowed their wands and prepared to enter peacefully.
“GRYFFINDOR INVASION!”
They had been spotted. Crap.
“We come in peace!” Remus shouted as fifty or so Hufflepuffs raised snowballs, ready to fire straight at him and Sirius. The two Gryffindors held up their hands in a gesture of surrender.
“Yeah right!” shouted a fourth-year girl.
“No, we really do come in peace,” Sirius assured her.
“SPIES!”
“SNEAKS!”
“ENEMIES!”
Crap.
“What’s going on here?” A tall seventh-year boy with dark hair was pushing his way though the sea of Hufflepuffs with their snowballs at the ready. “What are you doing? We’re supposed to be fighting Ravenclaw, not…” He broke off as he spotted Sirius and Remus.
“We come in peace!” Remus repeated.
“What are you doing here?” the dark-haired seventh-year asked him and Sirius.
“We want to speak to your leader,” Remus said.
“What is this?” asked a sixth year wielding a particularly large snowball. “A bad sci-fi film?”
“Hold your fire,” the dark-haired seventh-year instructed his fellow Hufflepuffs. Turning back to the Gryffindors he said, “I’m captaining these forces, you may speak with me.”
“Okay,” Sirius said.
“You lot,” the dark-haired seventh year addressed the Hufflepuffs again, “take those snowballs and go back to fighting Ravenclaw.”
“Can’t we just throw one or two of them at Black?”
“NOW!”
With a few disappointed looks and a little grumbling, the Hufflepuffs turned away from Remus and Sirius and returned to the defense against Ravenclaw. The dark-haired seventh year approached.
“Who are you?” he asked.
“Sirius Black and Remus Lupin,” Sirius said, indicating himself and Remus respectively.
“Justin Iustus,” the seventh-year introduced himself.
“Pleasure to meet-“ Remus began.
“What do you want?” Justin Iustus interrupted.
“We’ve come to offer you an alliance,” Remus said.
“An alliance?” Justin asked.
“That’s right,” said Sirius. “We want to form an alliance between Gryffindor and Hufflepuff and use the joined power to crush Ravenclaw to a pulp.”
“Figuratively speaking, of course,” Remus added.
“Were we?” Sirius asked him.
“Yes,” Remus said. “So what do you think?” he asked Justin.
Justin was frowning. “I don’t know…” he said. “It doesn’t seem very fair.”
“Beg pardon?” Sirius asked.
“You guys call it an alliance, but isn’t it just ganging up on Ravenclaw?” Justin asked.
“Well…yeah,” said Sirius. “That’s sort of the point.”
“I don’t think so,” Justin said.
“You don’t think what?” Remus asked.
“I don’t think that will work for us. The alliance, it doesn’t seem fair to Ravenclaw.”
“Who gives a rat’s fart about what’s fair for Ravenclaw?!” Sirius exploded. “You’re getting creamed, Iustus. Soon we will be too. Don’t you want to win?”
“I’d rather go down in a fair fight than win in and unfair one,” Justin said simply.
“Then you’re a prat!”
“What Sirius means to say,” Remus cut in before Sirius could continue, “is that it’s not cheating for us to form an alliance against Ravenclaw. It’s just another way to play the game. You can hardly say that it’s fair that most of your House has headed back inside. And it wouldn’t really be fair to the rest of your House who stayed to fight if you let them get crushed.”
“If we go down, we’ll go down know we played a fair game,” Justin said.
“If you go down?” Sirius said. “Justin, mate, open your eyes!”
“We appreciate the thought you put into this plan, but our answer is going to have to be no thank you.” Justin walked away.
“But…” Sirius began.
“Come on, Sirius, it’s over,” said Remus. “Let’s go back to our own fort.”
“I’m not giving up that easy,” Sirius said stubbornly. “I think we should ask the rest of the Hufflepuffs what they think.”
“In case you’ve forgotten,” Remus said, “the rest of the Hufflepuffs wanted to pelt us with snowballs.”
“Oh yeah.”
“Let’s get out of here.”
Remus and Sirius turned around and headed back through the path they had made coming over, Sirius muttering all the way about stupid Hufflepuffs being too “fair” and “just” for their own damn good.
Greg Bennet and Henry Brian were not impressed.
“We tried,” Sirius explained. “But that Iustus bloke just kept saying it would be unfair to Ravenclaw. Finally, it was like, ‘Alright, if you enjoy getting creamed…’.”
“That doesn’t really surprise me,” Brian said wearily. “Justin Iustus has always been a bit to just for his own good.”
“That’s what I said,” Sirius told him.
“So what do we do now?” Bennet asked.
“Don’t ask me,” Brian said. “James Potter was the brains behind this operation.”
“And we’re so surprised it failed…” Bennet muttered.
“Hey! That’s my friend you’re talking about!” Sirius shouted.
“Yeah, well, your friend’s an idiot!” Bennet shouted back.
“You’re an idiot!” Sirius retorted.
“You’re a bigger idiot!” Bennet countered.
“Your face is an idiot!” Sirius roared.
“That doesn’t make any sense!”
“Your face doesn’t make any sense!”
“OI! There’s a war going on!” Brian bellowed. “Do ladies think you could find another time to argue this point?”
“Watch it, Brian,” Bennet spat. “You may be Quidditch Captain, but I’m heading these operations and you have no authority to tell me what to do!”
“Only because you put yourself in charge!” Sirius pointed out loudly.
“Yeah,” Brian said, “nobody died and made you leader, Bennet. And with you in charge, it’s small wonder that we’re losing!”
I’m just going to back away slowly now and hope they don’t eat me, Remus thought. He edged stealthily away from the argument; no one noticed him leave. I should find James. He is, after all, the brains behind this operation. And so, turning his back on Sirius, Brian, and Bennet just in time to miss Bennet taking a swing at Brian and Sirius blasting Bennet with his wand, Remus set out in search of James.
James, it transpired, had usurped Bennet’s position as leader of the troops when Bennet and Brian had left to talk to Remus and Sirius, so when Remus found him, he was at the front lines bellowing orders to the other Gryffindors. Remus was rather impressed; even the older students, some of them seventh years, had fallen under James’s command. James seemed to be doing a rather better job than Bennet. He was yelling quite a lot, but his yells had a more team-spirit rallying tone than Bennet’s harsh demands. Spotting Remus, James made his way through the crowd toward his friend, still yelling orders and advice to all those around.
“So, is Hufflepuff in?” James asked without preamble.
“Nope.”
“Why not?”
“The short version? They’re too just for their own damn good.”
“YOU!” James bellowed suddenly, making Remus start. “Take those snowballs to the east side!” James instructed a group of second years. “We need more ammunition there!” Then he turned calmly back to Remus asked, “Sorry, what were you saying?”
“Hufflepuff thinks it’s unfair to gang up on Ravenclaw.”
“Merlin. I bet Ravenclaw would have taken the deal. Those Hufflepuffs are just a little too-“
“Hey wait! That’s an idea!” Remus interrupted.
“What’s an idea?”
“We join forces with Ravenclaw,” Remus explained.
James eyed him thoughtfully. “You know what, Remus, that’s not a bad idea.”
“Will you come with me to their fort then?” Remus asked.
“I can’t,” James said. “I’ve got to stay here and command the troops. What happened to Sirius?”
“He was detained.”
“Detained? By Hufflepuff?”
“By his own stupidity. Coupled with the stupidity of Bennet and Brian.”
“I see.”
Remus sighed. “I’ll find someone else. If Bennet and Brian ever make it back over here, tell them the new plan, will you?”
“Sure thing,” James said. “Good luck!” And with that, he ran back and started ordering the troops again.
Remus turned on the spot, surveying the Gryffindors for a new partner in crime. If he could just find Peter or Roy Hayden. Or even one of the girls, like Lily Evans or Lara Coote; they were both pretty nice. He made his way back from the front of the fort, searching the crowds, and finally found himself facing Sirius and Henry Brian, who seemed to be arguing, though not violently. Bennet was nowhere in sight. Cautiously, Remus approached them.
“Fid my node!” Brian said. He was attempting to use his hands to stem the flow of blood issuing from both his nostrils. Sirius was being very sympathetic.
“You want me to fid your node? Well sure, Henry, as soon as I learn what a node is and how to fid it.”
“I dead fid my node!”
“Yes, I heard you the first three times. Fid your node.”
“Nod fuddy!” Brian roared.
“I’m just yanking your wand, mate. I know you said fix your nose.”
“Good, den fid id.”
“Me? I’m only a third-year, I don’t know how to mend broken noses.”
Brian glared at him. “Den fide domeone!”
“You find me to find a dumb one?” Sirius asked.
Fortunately for both Brian and Sirius, at this point one of Brian’s older friends had spotted the dilemma and come to intervene. With one spell Brian’s friend fixed his nose and with a second cleaned up all the blood. It seemed safe for Remus to move nearer now.
Sirius and Brian were a little taken aback by the idea of forming an alliance with Ravenclaw, but were open to it nonetheless. Brian seriously doubted Ravenclaw would accept the offer because they really didn’t need any help to defeat Hufflepuff. Sirius was convinced that he could win them over with his charm. Remus and Brian shared a joint eye-roll.
Remus asked if they should tell Bennet about the plan.
“Bennet is no longer concerned with this fight,” Brian said cryptically.
Not wanting to know much in the way of details about Greg Bennet’s fate at the hands of Brian and Sirius, Remus asked no more questions about Bennet and simply asked Brian if he would like to accompany them to the Ravenclaw fort. Brian declined, so Sirius and Remus set off on their own to the other side of the Gryffindor fort closer to the Ravenclaws.
Halfway across, they heard someone calling their names
“Remus! Sirius! There you guys are!” Peter yelled, jogging towards them.
“Pete!” Sirius exclaimed. “Where the hell have you been?”
“Making snowballs,” Peter panted. “Where are you going?”
“The Ravenclaw fort,” said Remus.
“Why?”
“We’ll explain along the way,” said Sirius.
They were about to set off again, when someone just behind them let out a cry of pain. Turning, they saw Delangela Narkin removing one of her gloves and wincing.
“Delangela,” Remus said, moving towards her. Sirius and Peter followed rather reluctantly. “Delangela, what’s wrong?”
Delangela looked up at him from her hand, her eyes starting to glisten with tears. Then she whined, as melodramatically as was possible, “I think I broke a nail!”
Remus blinked at her. It had to be a joke. “Seriously?” he asked her.
“Well, it really hurts,” Delangela said with a careful combination of tearfulness and defensiveness.
“Oh for the love of Merlin,” Sirius muttered, taking Remus by the upper arm and steering him away from the blond mountain of crazy with her ruined manicure and towards the edge of the fort. Once there, Remus pulled out his wand again to melt a path, and the three boys made their way stealthily toward the Ravenclaw fort. Along the way, Sirius filled Peter in on the happenings at Hufflepuff and the plans for Ravenclaw.
Their arrival at Ravenclaw went similarly to their one at Hufflepuff. Remus had barely stowed his wand away again when…
“GRYFFINDORS!”
“GET ‘UM!”
Crap. Again.
“We come in peace!” Remus and Sirius shouted together.
“Please don’t hurt me!” Peter squealed, covering his head with his arms and cowering.
“They’ve come to spy on us!” one Ravenclaw girl yelled.
“Let’s bury their heads in the snow,” said another, drawing her wand.
Fast as lightening, Sirius was armed as well. “Stop! Stop!” Remus yelled, grabbing Sirius’s wrist as he raised his wand and holding a hand out toward the girl. “We came to talk, not to fight.”
“Oh, so you’ve come to surrender, is that it?” the girl sneered. “Are you giving up?”
“No,” said Sirius, who had lowered his wand at Remus’s encouragement but had not put it away. “We’re not surrendering.”
“Then why are you here?” the first girl asked.
“We’re not talking to you,” Sirius said. “Who’s in charge around here?”
“Jensen,” the first girl said.
“And where can we find this Jensen bloke?” Sirius asked.
The two Ravenclaws exchanged a small smirk. “We’ll take you there,” the second girl said.
Remus wasn’t at all sure that he trusted the two girls, but they didn’t really have other options, so they followed the girls across the fort. The Ravenclaws they passed were working so hard and under such strict control, nobody even seemed to have time to waste glancing at them as they walked by.
When they reached what seemed to be the center of the operation, they found a group of seventh years having a hurried tactics discussion. One of their escorts hailed their captain.
“Hey, Jensen!”
The seventh years turned to look at them. Remus swallowed; they all looked rather intimidating grouped together. Two of them left the group to meet the Gryffindors; one, a rather heavyset boy, the other, a girl with a light brown braid running the length of her back. When she reached them, the girl raised a very carefully scalped eyebrow. “Gryffindors?” she asked.
“Apparently so,” said the heavyset boy.
“They said they wanted to speak with Jensen,” one of the girls accompanying the Gryffindors told the seventh years.
“We do,” Remus confirmed.
The girl with the brown braid folded her arms and considered to boys carefully. “Go on then,” she said.
Sirius gave the girl a slightly patronizing look. “We wanted to speak to Jensen,” he said pointedly. He turned to the heavyset boy. “We’re told he’s the one in charge.”
A smirk appeared on the boy’s face that was not unlike the one the two girls had exchanged earlier when Sirius had first asked them to take them to Jensen. “I’m not Jensen,” he told Sirius.
Sirius looked around. “Then who is?”
“I am,” the girl with the brown braid said coldly. “Medea Jensen, at your service.”
Oops. Remus racked his mind for something to say to gloss over Sirius mistake, but Sirius was already way ahead of him.
“You’re the one in charge here?” he asked Medea Jensen.
“Yes,” she answered.
“But…” Sirius stuttered, “but you’re a girl.”
Oh why, Sirius? Why?
“Are you implying that girls can’t captain snowball wars?” she asked dangerously.
“Not as well as boys can “ ow!” Sirius rubbed his side where Remus had poked him.
“Please ignore my friend,” Remus said to Medea Jensen. “He’s taken one to many snowballs to the head today I’m afraid.”
“Clearly,” Medea said dryly.
“We came to talk to you about forming an alliance against Hufflepuff,” Remus explained.
“An alliance against Hufflepuff?” Medea asked, raising one eyebrow again.
“That’s right,” Remus said.
“Why?” she asked.
“So we can beat them,” Remus said.
“Duh,” Sirius added.
“Please stop talking,” Remus implored Sirius.
“Why would we want to form an alliance with you?” The heavyset boy asked. “We can beat them without your help.”
“Ahhh…” said Remus. That had been what Brian had said they would say. Remus didn’t actually have an answer.
“So you can beat them faster,” Peter suggested. He looked more than a little intimidated by Medea and her friend, but at Remus’s encouraging nod, he continued, “It’s getting dark. If we don’t end this soon we’ll have end with no winner. Wouldn’t you rather end it with a victory?”
“Yeah,” Remus said, picking up on Peter’s idea. “This snowball fight has been too exciting to end in a stalemate.”
“They make a good point,” the boy said, turning to Medea. “It is getting dark. The teachers aren’t going to let us stay out here much longer before the come out and start shepherding everyone back inside. Maybe we should consider it.”
Medea, however, didn’t look very impressed. She still had her arms folded and was surveying Remus so closely she might have been trying to read his mind.
“You offered this deal to Hufflepuff first, didn’t you?” she asked.
Spooky. “Did you just do Legilimency?” Remus asked her, more than a little unnerved.
“Do what?” Sirius asked. Remus ignored him. He could explain that later.
“No, I didn’t,” Medea said, though she did look slightly impressed that Remus knew what Legilimency was. “It’s just not that hard to figure out what’s going on here. You went to Hufflepuff to try to get them to help you gang up on us, but they turned you down so you’ve come here instead.”
They’d been caught, so Remus decided that they might as well just come clean. “Yes. You’re right. We went to them first.”
This seemed to amuse Medea. “So, tell me. Why did they turn you down?”
“They said it wouldn’t be fair,” Remus said.
“Not they,” Sirius corrected. “Just their mighty great prat of a leader.”
“Justin Iustus, right?” Medea asked.
Now that’s just creepy. “How did you…” Remus began.
“Lucky guess,” Medea said shortly. “So let’s get this straight. You went to Hufflepuff to offer an alliance. They refused out fairness to us. Now you’re going behind Hufflepuff’s back to come to us and form an alliance against them because turned you down because they want to play fair. Is that the general picture here?”
“Well…yeah,” Remus said, suddenly feeling very small.
“We thought you’d know better and take it because Ravenclaws are supposed to be smart,” said Sirius.
“Even the girls?” Medea asked him with an icy look.
“Yes,” Remus said, before Sirius could have the chance to say something stupid again. “The girls as much if not more so than the boys.”
“Sucking up now?” Medea asked. “You know,” she mused, “there seem to be a lot of House stereotypes going round today. The Ravenclaws are smart, have the best strategy, and are winning. The Hufflepuffs are losing and are too soft to know a good offer from Gryffindor when they hear one.” She paused, with the expression of one savoring a good insult on her face, which could mean nothing good. She was about to get her revenge for Sirius’s comments earlier. This is why is why you didn’t mess with girls. “But the Gryffindors,” she continued, “I would have expected you to be back at your fort fighting valiantly even though you know the battle is lost. But you’re not. Instead, you’re hatching cunning schemes to form alliances and sucking up to achieve your ends. Now those don’t sound very much like Gryffindor qualities…” she trailed off with a small, poisonous smile.
Any Gryffindor would have been offended by what Medea Jensen had just insinuated, but no one more so than one of the Gryffindors standing before her. “Oh you’d better watch who you’re calling a Slytherin!” Sirius shouted raising his wand.
Medea didn’t even bother to draw her own but simply eyed Sirius with smug amusement. “I suppose if the name fits. You’re a Black, if I’m not mistaken.”
“Yes. And I’m a Gryffindor.”
“Perhaps,” Medea said. “But we all know that, with a few exceptions like Justin Iustus, nobody really fits into their House stereotypes perfectly. Just because someone is dropped into one House doesn’t mean they can’t retain the qualities of another House.
“Why you…”
“Sirius! No!” Remus said, grabbing the back of Sirius’s jacket as he started toward Medea. “Put you’re wand away, please, we’re not here to duel!”
“Did you here what she said to me?” Sirius growled, trying to throw Remus off.
“She’s just trying to wind you up,” Remus said. He raised his eyebrows at Peter, who took the hint and helped him hold back Sirius. “She’s just saying it to get at you. It’s payback for you being a sexist git earlier.”
“No one talks to me like that and gets away with it,” Sirius said dangerously.
“Oh give it a rest, Black,” Medea said, still smiling smugly. “You’re friend’s right. I’m just getting my revenge via verbal assault. It happens to be a female specialty. No need to get your knickers in a bundle.”
“This isn’t getting us anywhere,” Medea’s friend said impatiently. “If we’re going to take down Hufflepuff, we’ve got to get moving. And you lot need to get back to your own fort to spread to word,” he said to Sirius, Remus, and Peter.
“Sorry, what?” asked Remus, still holding Sirius back.
“Go “ back “ to “ your “ fort,” Medea said slowly and clearly. “You need to tell your captain we’ve accept your offer.”
“But…wait…you have?” Remus stuttered. “Why? How? When did that happen?”
“Just now,” Medea said.
Remus was thoroughly confused. “But you were insulting us just now…”
“Yes,” Medea said matter-of-factly.
“Then why…”
“Because,” Medea said, “you forget one thing, Gryffindor-boy-whose-name-I-never-bothered-to-ask: what it all boils down to in the end is that we, unlike Hufflepuff, are smart enough to know a good offer when it is presented to us, and apart from that, any other factors” “ her eyes flicked to Sirius and back “ “don’t really matter. Run along now.”
“Okay,” said Remus, who had finally relinquished his precautionary grip on Sirius. “Give us ten or fifteen minutes to get back and spread the word. Then we’ll give you the signal and we can all storm Hufflepuff.”
“What’s the signal?” Medea asked.
“How about a whole bunch of Gryffindors starting to storm toward Hufflepuff?” Remus suggested.
“Works for me,” said Medea.
As Remus, Sirius, and Peter started to make there way back to the other side of the fort closer to Gryffindor, Remus called back to Medea, “And my name is Remus, by the way.”
“Remus? Really? That’s a stupid name,” she called back.
“So is Medea,” he retorted.
Medea laughed. “It’s Greek,” she called to him. “Funnily enough, it means ‘cunning’.” And with that, she turned away and began shouting orders at the Ravenclaws in a very Bennet-esk way.
Remus, Sirius, and Peter returned to the Gryffindor fort. Once there, they sought out James, filled him in on the plan, and then spent the next ten minutes running around informing every other Gryffindor in the fort. They all busied themselves making snowballs until James organized them into lines. Remus, Peter, and Sirius were right in front.
“Ready…set…CHARGE!” James yelled.
With many various loud, indiscriminate war cries, the mass of Gryffindors swarmed forward, out of the fort and into the no-man’s land. Seconds later, a roar went up from the Ravenclaw fort, and Ravenclaws began to escape from behind their fort and surge into the field as well. The groups collided in the center, but no one stopped to chat. Instead, the two Houses joined together into a massive crowd and went straight for the Hufflepuffs. The crowd reached the remains of the ever-crumbling Hufflepuff fort and attacked, sending Hufflepuffs running in every direction as they fled from potential death by spherical snow. James and Medea were still yelling themselves hoarse, but no one could hear them, because everyone else was yelling as well.
It was over in less than seven minutes. Most of the Hufflepuffs had retreated back to the castle. Justin Iustus surrendered on behalf of all those remaining. It was over. Gryffindor and Ravenclaw had won. But most importantly, Gryffindor had won.
Most everyone went inside after the battle, but Remus, Sirius, Peter, and James decided to stay and enjoy the last bit of their weekend out in the snow before facing a week’s worth of lessons in the confinement of the castle. Together, they waded out across the grounds through the deep snow looking for a shallow patch, which they found in the shadow of one of the towers. The ankle-deep snow was much more manageable for the third-year boys. Dust was falling now, and they knew that they only had a limited amount of time before they had to return to Gryffindor Tower or risk being caught out after hours (not that they were truly bothered “ it was just something to note). James half-heartedly suggested that they build a snow-wizard, but they were all exhausted from the snowball fight and finally just collapsed backward to lie in the snow.
“Well, this is a lovely victory party,” James commented.
“If you want to light sparklers and run around singing some sort of victory song, knock yourself out,” Sirius said. “But I’m wiped.”
“Me too,” said Peter. “And I have snow in places I didn’t even know I had.”
“It’s not just me then?” Sirius asked.
“You guys are weird.” James propped himself up on his elbows to survey his friends. “Remus, what are you doing?”
Remus, who had been moving his arms up and down and his legs in and out, stopped. “I’m making a snow angel.”
“Why?” Peter asked, propping himself up like James.
Remus shrugged and started moving his arms and legs again. “Just because.”
“Good enough reason for me,” said James. He laid himself back down in the snow and started making a snow angel of his own.
“I wanna make one!” Peter said. “How do you do it?”
“You just move your arms and legs to make the wings and skirt,” Remus said.
“Duh,” James added in his ever-sensitive manner.
“Like this?” Peter asked, lying back and imitating James and Remus’s movements.
James sat up to examine Peter’s work. “Congratulations, you’ve mastered snow-angel-making 101. Next on your to-do list, master advanced Animagi magic.”
“Well, that shouldn’t be to difficult,” Peter said, rolling his eyes.
Remus sat up too. “You know, Peter, you don’t have to do this if you think too hard for you…”
“No one asked for your input, Remus,” James interrupted.
“Aren’t you going to make a snow angel, Sirius?” Peter asked.
“I don’t do skirts,” Sirius said shortly.
“Neither do we,” James pointed out, “but that doesn’t stop us from making snow angels.”
“Why do snow angels have to be girls anyway?” Sirius asked.
“They don’t have to be,” Remus said. “You can make yours a bloke.”
“A bloke in a skirt?” Sirius asked.
“It doesn’t have to be a skirt,” Remus said impatiently. “It can be…billowing robes.”
“Do they wear robes in Heaven?” Sirius asked.
“No idea,” Remus said. “Not that it would make much difference to you, Sirius.” James and Peter laughed.
“I wouldn’t be so high and mighty if I were you,” Sirius told Remus. “Do they even let werewolves into Heaven?”
“I’m not sure,” said Remus.
“You don’t sound too concerned.”
“Nothing I can do about it if they don’t.”
“Who even says there’s a heaven anyway?” James asked.
“There might not be,” Remus said. “You can’t know what’s coming in the afterlife.”
“So then why does it matter?” James asked.
“It matters because if there is something like a heaven in the afterlife, it would be nice to know what sort of attire the angels wear, so Sirius can make his snow angel without picturing himself in drag,” said Remus.
“Well, at least there’s a point to this conversation,” said James.
“Who says angels are even real?” Peter asked.
“Oi. It doesn’t matter,” said James. “Just make your damn angel already, Sirius.”
“I don’t think I will, thanks.”
“Come on, you know you want to, all the cool kids are doing it,” James said.
“If all the ‘cool kids’ decided to jump off the Astronomy Tower would you do it?” Sirius asked him.
“Depends, what’s the weather like?” James asked.
“I’m getting cold,” Remus said.
“Yeah,” said Peter. “Can we go in now?”
“But Sirius still has to make his snow angel,” James said.
“If you’re waiting for me to make my snow angel before you go in, you will be waiting a very long time, mate.”
“Fine,” James said. “Let’s just go in then.” They stood, Remus, Peter, and James being careful not to mess up their angels as they did. As the other boys brushed snow off of themselves, James pulled out his wand and pointed it at the Sirius shaped indent in the snow. Seeing what he was doing, the other three gathered around to admire James’s work.
“Ha ha,” Sirius said sarcastically. “Very funny James.”
“I think it’s funny,” Peter giggled.
“Seconded,” said Remus, grinning.
James had used his wand to draw in the snow around Sirius’s imprint. He had added two small horns on Sirius head and a long tail with a forked end poking out from behind. As they watched, James and his final detail: a pitchfork in Sirius’s hand.
“There,” James said, finishing the pitchfork with a flourish of his wand and standing back to admire his art. “I think I did a good job. The likeness is uncanny, isn’t it?”
“Eerily so,” said Peter.
“Let’s head in,” Remus said. And so, the four boys started to make their way around the castle to the front doors, James using his wand to melt them an easier path through them an easier path through the snow.
“Cheer up, Sirius,” James said as they walked. “It was only a joke.”
“I know,” Sirius said. “And it could have been a lot worse too. I thought maybe you were going to draw a skirt on me.”
“Of course! Why didn’t I think of that?” James asked, turning around and making like he was intending to go back before Remus and Sirius grabbed him by his jacket and pulled him back. “Never mind,” James said, walking in the correct direction again. “I’ll come back and do it tomorrow.”
“We have lessons tomorrow,” Remus reminded him.
“Tomorrow evening then.”
“You know when we should come out again…” Peter began.
“When?” Remus asked.
“Next Sunday night,” said Peter.
“I can’t then, Peter,” said Remus. “That’s full moon.”
“I know,” Peter said, smirking slightly. “That’s why I want to come out. I want to see if your snow angel turns into a snow-wolf.”
James and Sirius laughed. Remus shoved Peter “ playfully not meanly “ but apparently a little to hard. For the second time that evening, Peter toppled over sideways into a large snowdrift. Sirius and James laughed even harder as the watched Peter struggle to get back on his feet. Finally, James and Remus reached into the snowdrift, and together they managed to get Peter on his feet again.
“Sorry about that, Pete,” Remus said, though he was chuckling a little himself.
Peter let out a high-pitched squeal of pain.
“Peter, what is it?” James asked, slightly alarmed.
Peter was holding his right hand out in front of his, his left hand around his right wrist, gazing at his gloved fingers with a pained expression.
“Pete, what’s wrong?” Sirius asked.
And then Peter cried, in a very good imitation of Delangela’s shrill whine, “Ahhh! I think I broke a nail!”
The others blinked. Then, as one, they and Peter all burst into laughter. It took a long while for them to stop. Even James, who hadn’t been there for the original, could appreciate the joke. When they were finished, they continued on their way. And together, the four Gryffindors entered the castle and made their way to the common room to celebrate their victory and commemorate a wonderful day spent out in the snow.
*This chapter was brought to you by the makers of Very Berry Lipstick. Doubles as war paint. For external use only.
Author's Notes: Thanks to Fiona for helping me with my chronic hyphen abandonment. Also, thanks to My Main Man Matt for bugging me to finish this chapter and get it posted. ;)
Reviews are always appreciated!