Lillian should have been paying better attention during Friday’s Potions and Defense Against the Dark Arts classes, but she just couldn’t tear her focus from the mystery of Severus Snape. She repeated the few clues they had over and over in her mind.
One: Snape was a student at Hogwarts, the same year as Remus Lupin, James Potter, and Sirius Black.
Then the memory of her short conversation with Jamie crept into her thoughts. He had said he knew James Potter, incredible as it may seem. If Jamie wasn’t exhibiting signs of schizophrenia and did indeed have some connection to Potter, could he have known Severus Snape as well? Would it even be possible?
Lillian brushed the thought away before she had time to consider asking Jamie her burning questions. There was no way he could be involved with her predicament… She continued silently rehearsing her list.
Two: Snape hated annual picture day and looked eternally sour in every picture ever taken of him.
Three: He was a professor at Hogwarts. He taught Neville Longbottom.
Four: His career was short-lived. Several years as Potions professor, one year as Defense professor, and then murdered. By whom? No telling.
Five: He was gifted in Potions. He defaced a textbook with insightful additions to the potions’ ingredients and processes. Apparently the book was dangerous.
Beyond that, Lillian had nothing.
She opened her Potions text and read the publication page for the umpteenth time, looking for anything that might help her, but to no avail. Lillian resisted the urge to rip out a few pages and crumple then loudly to take out her frustration of the unknown.
“Are you okay?” Severn whispered. “Your knuckles are white.”
“Oh, yeah…” Lillian replied, coming out of her revelry. She didn’t realize she had been clenching the book so hard.
She looked at the clock that hung on the wall behind Professor Waldorf. Four o’clock. Just one more hour of torturous class time left until she was free for an entire weekend.
The only problem with was that with every passing hour, the due date for the research project approached ever more closely.
“Come on, you need a break,” Severn greeted Lillian early Saturday morning.
Lillian was sitting on a couch in the common room, reading over the notes Severn had taken from their conversation with Professor Longbottom in case she had missed something. So far her efforts were fruitless.
Wait! There was the answer!
“Had portrait in headmaster’s office. Still there???”
The moment she read Severn’s meticulous note she remembered Professor Longbottom saying they could talk to Snape in his portrait “ that is if they could find it. Lillian’s mind began reeling with a plan of how to find the portrait and what to say when she finally did…
“Hey, did you hear me? I said come on and let’s go down to breakfast. You’ll drive yourself mad if you keep up your dead-end research like that,” Severn said, half-joking, half really wishing she would hurry up and come down to the Great Hall with him, because he was starving.
Severn gently pulled on Lillian’s sleeve, urging her toward the door. He would have loved to just entwine his fingers with hers and lead her out that way, but his self-consciousness and fear of rejection still hindered him from making any moves that went beyond their platonic friendship. Even after their close encounter in the Restricted Section, Severn wasn’t convinced of her affection.
“A day out in Hogsmeade will do you good,” he said, noting Lillian’s hesitation to leave her problematic schoolwork.
“Easy for you to say. You’re almost done with your project. I’m still stuck with a bitter professor who scribbled in a book that is now banned to students and then was murdered and fell off the face of the earth!” she rambled, her voice becoming ever more high-pitched and hysterical as she spoke.
Lillian was a dedicated student and hated to fall short of her full potential on assignments, but how was she to avoid it this time? Hogsmeade did not sound like a good idea right now. Play before work was surely a disaster in the making.
“Don’t worry, we’ll figure it out,” Severn said soothingly.
He turned to face her and put his hands on her arms, comforting her by his touch. Severn could see tears fill up but Lillian looked away from him before they could fall.
“I’m just so lost. What if I never find the answer?”
Defying his fear of intimacy, Severn was now hugging her tenderly, with Lillian’s cheek resting upon his shoulder. She held Severn around his waist and felt his hands running timidly through her hair.
Lillian thought Severn must know this wasn’t just about a research project, because he had never hugged her that way in all their years of friendship. The best part was that Severn needed no explanation. He didn’t ask what she meant by ‘finding the answer,’ nor did he dismiss her concerns as the simple ambitions of an over-achiever. It seemed to her that Severn just knew that her need to know ran deeper than it appeared on the surface.
Severn couldn’t boast to know exactly what Lillian was thinking or feeling as they embraced; he was occupied enough trying to plan his next words and actions so that it happened naturally and perfectly. Underneath his outward contentment in spending time with Lillian, his hidden feelings “ suppressed by years of doubt “ had always created a constant barrier around Severn’s heart. His need to be perfect in her eyes sometimes prevented him from letting his guard down and being entirely honest with Lillian.
But today was different. Something had changed.
As the day wore on, Severn found it easier than ever to be emotionally comfortable with Lillian. Even amidst Lillian’s stress about finding out the truth about Severus Snape, Severn felt truly at ease. Perhaps it was her vulnerability that had exposed his own feelings and made it okay for him to do so. Whatever the reason, the chilly day in Hogsmeade was warmer than any Severn could remember.
After an hour of perusing around Hogsmeade’s many shops, Severn and Lillian occupied a table for two at The Three Broomsticks, which had retained its name though the ownership had changed hands decades ago. Madam Lightfoot, the current owner and operator, was reputed to be an even better cook than the former. True or not, any Hogwarts student who visited Madam Lightfoot’s would be willing to bet on it.
“Mmm, this is so good,” Lillian said, sipping the first butterbeer she had tasted in months. “I’m glad we came out today.”
“Me too. You seem to be feeling a little better,” Severn replied tenderly.
He shifted and felt something brush lightly against his leg. It could have just been the table leg, but then it moved slightly and settled back to its contact with his calf. Severn realized that it had to be Lillian’s foot; she must have crossed her legs and needed more room…or had accidentally-on-purpose shifted positions to be closer to him.
Severn’s stomach fluttered and he couldn’t decide if he should keep his position or give Lillian the room she wanted. However, Lillian’s face showed no realization of this subtle touch, and his nervous excitement began to wane.
“A little, but I think more shopping might make me completely better,” she said, laughing as Severn rolled his eyes playfully.
Severn wasn’t very fond of idly wandering aisles of shops or searching for the best deals on clothing, and he could care less whether shoes were brown or black, heeled or peep-toe. But it made Lillian happy, and that was all that mattered.
They put on their outer cloaks, gloves and scarves, and headed out into the wind of March. The temperature seemed to have dropped considerably since they had ducked into The Three Broomsticks for lunch nearly an hour ago. It hardly seemed like so much time had passed.
The fiercely cold wind bit at Lillian’s nose and made her shiver, despite her layers of clothing. Lillian began walking closer to Severn until she was finally pushing her side right up against Severn for warmth. They began to walk faster to escape the blistering weather, but Severn was half tempted to slow down and keep Lillian beside him that much longer.
“So where exactly are we going?” Severn asked, though not exactly complaining as they continued to walk side by side.
Lillian was obviously deep in her own thoughts because she didn’t respond to Severn’s question. She had put her left hand into Severn’s pocket and he felt his face blushing hot against the bitter wind. Lillian rubbed her icy hand against his to create some heat, seemingly willing Severn to grasp it in return, but Severn couldn’t find the courage to return her advances.
Before they knew it, Severn and Lillian found themselves standing on the top of a hill overlooking a dilapidated shack. Chills ran down Severn’s spine when he saw the shack, but he chalked it up to the weather.
They had wandered past every shop in Hogsmeade and out into the uninhabited edge of the town. They stood, alone, together.
Lillian, still with her hand in Severn’s pocket, turned to face him. Her cheeks were rosy from the cold and her breath made a wisp of fog when she spoke.
“Severn,” Lillian said, so soft it was almost a whisper.
She stopped there, almost as if she hadn’t fully planned what to say next. Her hazel eyes gazed upward and got lost in his dark brown ones.
All the while, Severn was mustering up the nerve to open his heart. He had been so guarded about this feeling that all these years later it was hard to let it out. “There’s a reason she never said yes to Jamie,” he said mentally. “It’s possible that the reason is you. Look at her “ she’s begging you to say something. Say something, you idiot!”
“I…ca”” Severn choked off his own words of defeat and swallowed hard, regaining his control. He couldn’t allow himself to tell her “I can’t.”
He felt Lillian’s fingers running over his, gently, methodically, attempting to stabilize her own racing pulse as well as calm her nervous friend.
“It’s okay,” Lillian said, reassuring him. In that one simple sentence Lillian managed to convey to Severn every meaning she intended: It’s okay to be nervous; it’s okay to open up; it’s okay to love me.
Suddenly it seemed like every conversation, every special moment they had shared, was rushing back to him. Years of even the most serious talks paled in comparison to what he was about to tell her this time.
“You’re my best friend,” he said, his other hand now cupping her cheek. “And I couldn’t bear for you to be with anyone except me. I love you, Lillian.”
After the words left his mouth, Severn felt like the weight of a hundred years’ worth of regret had lifted from his shoulders. He knew he had just altered the course of his life and changed his fate forever.
Without saying another word, Lillian rose up on her toes and connected her parted lips with Severn’s. She felt her chest beating wildly as she kissed Severn deeper, moaning reflexively as Severn’s hand on her back pulled her closer to him. They parted for a mere second before meeting their lips again, this time brave enough to explore each other more thoroughly.
They parted reluctantly but remained within inches of each other, panting from the rush of emotion and release of sexual tension.
“I know you do,” she said breathlessly. Lillian barely finished saying “I love you, too,” before her open mouth had recaptured Severn’s thin but irresistible lips. Her free hand found its way to the back of Severn’s neck and held him close as his tongue slid across hers.
But their blissful moment was short-lived. Without warning a harsh and unwelcome voice sounded from behind them. They hadn’t heard anyone approach, enamored as they had been in each other’s embrace.
Whatever heartbreak or jealousy Jamie must have been feeling upon seeing the object of his affection being ravaged by his loathed enemy, he showed nothing but contempt and ridicule.
“Lovely day for a snog-fest, isn’t it? Interesting friends-with-benefits deal you got going on here, Severn. I must say I’m rather impressed “ although if I were you I’d be a bit embarrassed that I could only get a girl to kiss me on the outskirts of a small town, where no one could see and her denial would be easy,” Jamie said, glaring at Severn the whole time. He didn’t even acknowledge Lillian’s presence.
“We are not friends with benefits,” Lillian barked through gritted teeth.
“Oh, I understand completely. I won’t say a word about it to anyone, but only for your sake,” he said mockingly. “I would hate to ruin your reputation.”
Severn drew his wand in an instant and held it up to Jamie’s neck.
“Don’t say another fucking word,” Severn threatened.
“Stop it, both of you!” Lillian shouted.
Jamie had drawn his wand as well and both boys looked as if they would love nothing more than to curse each other into smithereens. They both wanted to listen to Lillian and be in her good graces, but they also couldn’t trust each other. Neither could be the first to withdraw from the challenge.
“Lillian loves me, and that’s the truth,” Severn said, poking the tip of his wand into Jamie’s flesh. “Now leave us be or you’ll regret you ever interfered.”
Jamie smirked cockily, unwilling to admit his defeat in the quest for Lillian’s heart.
“Tell you what. I’ll fight you for her. Just you and me, right now, no wands.”
“Jamie, you’re crazy!” Lillian yelled. “Stop all of this nonsense at once!”
Lillian watched the two boys put their wands away. Jamie curled his hands into fists but Severn was unsure about the ensuing conflict.
Severn couldn’t just walk away and let Lillian think he wouldn’t be protective of her, but the angry look in Lillian’s eyes told him that fighting was not the way to end his dispute with Jamie. He and Lillian had just shared the most perfect moment, the culmination of years’ worth of unspoken love, and now it was ruined by an arrogant, self-deserving prat who couldn’t handle being outdone by someone who was decidedly ‘beneath’ him.
Lillian marched briskly across the sloping terrain, absent-mindedly heading toward the crooked shack. She could hear footsteps behind her and hoped they belonged to Severn, but she didn’t turn to check until she had nearly entered the run-down old house.
“Is this the lovely dream home you and that sniveling creep will be sharing after your oh-so-happy marriage?” Jamie taunted, unable to hide his bitterness at losing her to Severn.
He stepped onto the creaking wood panels of the porch, avoiding spots where slats of wood were missing, and peered in through the windows where panes of glass must have been.
Severn had just approached, yet he stayed much farther away from the shack than either Jamie or Lillian. Something about it made him uneasy.
“What’s the matter, Severn? Scared of the old haunted Shrieking Shack? It’s just a myth, you know. I pwomise nothing bad will happen to you…and even if it did, Lillian is here to save you,” Jamie ridiculed, stepping past the doorway and into the main room of the shack.
“Shut the hell up, Jamie! I have had enough of your hatefulness, your need to put others down to make yourself feel better, and most of all, your downright obliviousness!” Lillian shouted, absolutely livid.
Severn was shocked that she had let her temper go out of control, but he rather enjoyed that Jamie was getting his.
“Can’t you see that I am NOT interested in you?” she continued, hoping to put a stop to Jamie’s advances once and for all. “Perhaps there was one time when I thought you mightn’t be that bad, and every now and then you surprise me with your sensitivity “ like the other night when you mentioned James Potter “ but then you always, always revert back to that same selfish and immature nuisance! You will never change, and I for one could care less. Just stay away from me and leave Severn and me alone!”
Severn wanted to go to her, to wrap his arm around her shoulder and calm her down, but he couldn’t make his feet move any closer. It was like an invisible force field surrounded the shack that kept him at a certain distance. A feeling deep in his gut refused to let him go any nearer. That place was trouble, full of bad memories that Severn couldn’t recall.
Instead of going towards her, Severn backed up several paces and held out his hand, beckoning her to join him. Severn saw Jamie’s outline standing perfectly still inside the shack. Jamie watched Lillian the whole time she retreated into the arms of his enemy.
The short winter day was already coming to an end as the sun dipped ever closer to the horizon. Most of Hogwarts’ students were still enjoying the freedom and entertainment of Hogsmeade, but Severn and Lillian decided they had had enough of the cold little town for one day.