“Hello Mrs. Tonks, we’re your new neighbors, the Stewart’s.
I remembered that day like it was yesterday. It’s been fifteen years. The resemblance was uncanny, but I welcomed the strangers in without question. They had moved to the area from London because of “financial difficulties”, but that was no matter to me.
Barnabus, or Barney as we all called him, was a middle-aged Ministry worker “ the Department of Magical Law Enforcement and ready for retirement. His young son, Silas, had just gotten married to a young school-friend of his named Mildred, and they had all moved in to a cozy cottage together in order to help care for his father.
I sat back in my chair to remember that first coming together of our families.
I had ushered them in, disbelief etched over my face. This was my family staring so happily back at me. No, your family is dead. These people just happen to look like them “ it’s only a coincidence.
“Is “ is there something wrong, Mrs. Tonks?” The young girl gazed at me concernedly, setting down a tin of cookies on a side table.
I felt faint, much like I had at the funeral all those years ago. They slapped me into a chair, and brought me a glass of water.
“It’s nothing. I’m sorry I’m being so silly. It’s just “ you look so much like my daughter and son-in-law, Remus and Nymphadora. And you, Sir - you look so much like my husband, Ted Tonks.” I said breathlessly, holding a hand to my head.
At last, my prayers had been answered. Here were some people who I knew would take care of me. They were NOT my family, I kept convincing myself, so I mustn’t pretend as thought they were “ no one could replace them, but at least I could look into their eyes and see a reflection of my past, and that was more comforting than anything.
“We’re sorry we startled yeh,” replied the elder man with a gruff voice, “I’m Barnabus Stewart, and this is me son, Silas, and ‘is wife, Millie.”
“I’m pleased to meet all of you.” I said quietly and truthfully I was.
“Where are your family members, if I may be so rude to inquire, Mrs. Tonks? I daresay I’d love to meet a man who resembles me so, as you’ve said.” asked the young man in a curious tone. He was more polished than his father, I deduced, probably the evidence of good schooling.
“They died three years ago. Voldemort.” Was all I could say. What could you say to strangers, who had no idea the pain you’d gone through, no matter how nice?
“Oh, I’m so sorry.” Replied the young man softly. I saw his wife exchange a glare with him “ it looked so much like my daughter after hearing someone call her “Nymphadora” instead of her preferred name, Tonks, that a small chuckle escaped me.
“Please, take no mind to me. I’d like you to meet my grandson, Teddy.”
The holidays took on a whole new meaning after that. We took turns hosting quaint Christmas gatherings at our adjacent houses. Even though the Stewart’s could never completely fill the gap I continued to feel, I no longer felt alone.
There was completeness about them “ an infectious happiness that made you want to forget every hardship you had ever faced and just live. They took every setback with a smile and roll-up of the sleeves; nothing could ever break their hold for one another.
They taught me to embrace what I had instead of dwelling on what I had lost. Sure, there would be times where I couldn’t forget, where it would be okay to be frustrated, but if I kept glancing back to the past, I would never make progress for the future.
As we gathered around the table for a large, Christmas dinner, I felt a sense of this-is-what-should-have-been. Me slaving away in the kitchen all day to have my entire family come over to enjoy it. I would have greeted little Teddy as my grandson, instead of my assumed “son”, and exclaimed how big he had gotten. I’d call Ted in from the shed, where he liked to tinker. I say to Dora and Remus of how good they were keeping up, and probably congratulate them as they prepared to welcome their second or third child into the world. That is how it should have been. Here it was fifteen odd years later and I still remembered them like they had only stepped foot in the house yesterday.
It was not meant to be, I continually reminded myself. I’d have to remember that if I ever wanted to put this whole thing behind me.
Teddy was in his sixth-year at Hogwarts. He’d been sorted into Gryffindor, like his mother, his first-year. I remember how he had written the very next day just to let me know. His second year he made the house Quidditch team “ Chaser. I should have known, he was always such a good flyer. He made prefect his fifth-year, like his father before him, and I told him I couldn’t be more proud. I always knew he was a clever boy, and he surprised me by excelling in all his subjects, and receiving seven O.W.L.’s.
He tells me that young James Potter had just started school at Hogwarts, so he has been hanging around the Potter’s place more often. Its fine by me of course, the lad knew Teddy’s father well “ in fact, he was more a father to Harry than he ever was to Teddy. Harry’s second son Albus is to start next year.
I never let Teddy forget his parents. I remember the day (the day I knew was inevitable) when he finally asked me about them. It was a week before he was scheduled to leave for Hogwarts and we were in Diagon Alley getting his supplies.
“Nana, you never told me when my Mum and Dad were coming back from their trip “ there never coming back, are they?”
“No, dear. Your mother and father died at the hands of a madman “ Voldemort. He took away many people’s loved ones, including Uncle Harry.”
He was quiet after that, and I couldn’t blame him. What I had just told him was something an eleven-year-old should never have to hear. Boys his aged were supposed to go to Quidditch matches with their dads, or listen to a bed-time story from their Mum, not visiting a lonely gravesite ever year at Christmas.
I’m sorry, honey. I know I should have told you sooner “ and I admit, I could have come up with a better reason for their not being here, but I wanted to protect you.”
Teddy came back from Hogwarts for Christmas break this year, looking more and more like his father than ever. He still had the Metamorphmagic traits inherited from my daughter “ but his hair was mousy-brown today, instead of the usually blue or purple.
As usual, Millie was seated in my living room, knitting a small blue sweater “ the couple was expecting their eighth child. She was more lined than the young girl that had shown up on my doorstep, but she always reminded me of the daughter I had lost. Would she have been stitching her own baby clothes in that very same chair?
Barnabus came in, wrapped in heavy furs against the cold, and planted a kiss on his daughter-in-law’s cheek as she sat knitting. Would Ted have done such a thing to his own daughter had he still been alive? Would I be the elderly grandmother sitting peacefully in a chair, rocking the next grandchild to sleep, instead of what I’d become?
Stop. You can’t think like this anymore. Its past “ let it go. You’ll drive yourself crazy with all this madness. It never would have been, you must believe that. They died because it was their destiny “ everyone has one and you know that.
Silas appeared around dinnertime, hidden behind a large, bushy tree. I was too old now to be able to get one in myself “ in fact, I felt more of my age than ever. There was a creak in my knees, and my fingers were becoming stiff. I tried brewing my self old wives’ tale potions, but they only did so much.
“Brought the tree, Mrs. Tonks, I hope you like it well enough.” He said huskily.
“It’s a lovely tree, Silas, thank you.” I said tiredly.
Teddy said then that he had decided to spend a few nights at the Potter’s house. I didn’t want to begrudge the fact that he had made some new friends at school, but I felt the protective side of me lash out.
“You’ll be back in time for Christmas, won’t you dear?” I said harshly.
“Yes, Nana, I’ll be back.”
What was I kidding myself? I couldn’t keep the lad locked up in my clutches forever. What was I going to do when Teddy left Hogwarts, and started his own life? I’d be alone again.
You won’t be alone, Andromeda. You have the Stewart’s. You have the Stewart’s and all their little ones. You can still be the grandmother to them as you never were to Teddy.
As I watched Millie stitching away in the chair across from me I realized that the cycle of life never ended. It was a continuing wheel of birth, growing up, adulthood, and death. The Stewart’s weren’t going anywhere “ I knew that much. And the house would always be filled with the next generation’s children.
The loss I had suffered was just a fragment of the past now. As long as someone was left for me to love, and for someone to love me, I would never be unhappy. I could always remember.