My name is Sirius Black. I’m talented, handsome and brave. But no one cares about that right now. The truth is different, much more different. I’m twenty years old and I’m scared. I’m not scared of asking a girl out or that I’ll receive detention along with my fellow Marauders. No. I’m no longer the funny Sirius who could laugh and joke at everything. I’m scared because death roves everywhere; I’m scared because the entire world is in danger. I’m terrified, because everything is getting out of control and everything is such a mess. And I don’t mean that I’m losing control over my life, but that everyone has. Everything is out of control in the Ministry too “ the Aurors are dying every day. Every day you could read in the Daily Prophet about the ones that had left their families to become murderers. They’re so many that you could never manage to read all the names. But I do, always. I just want to be sure that all I know is safe.
This afternoon Dumbledore asked me to visit him in Hogwarts. He told me how he had told the Potters to use the Fidelius Charm. I checked if there was anybody after me, I locked my house and made my way to Godric’s Hollow. These days if you want you and your loved ones to be safe you need to be very, very careful, just as much as Moody probably. Yeah, that takes the fun out of life, but what else could we do? James and Lily already knew that I would come, Dumbledore had told them. Of course, he always plans everything in advance. They invited me in the living room and we started talking. As I was sitting there, I couldn’t help but ask myself, if Harry, the innocent baby in my best mate’s hands of whom I’m godfather and who I love more than anything in this world, should live in these dark times.
“Sirius?” James looked at me. “What are you thinking about?” he asked me uncertainly. He was just as scared as Lily. For God’s sake, they had a son and just wanted him to be safe.
“He’ll know that’s me,” I whispered. “James, You-Know-Who won’t need that much time to find out that I’m the Secret Keeper.”
James found himself out of words. He gave Harry to Lily, who was listening to us, without saying a word and looked at me in a serious manner.
“I know,” he nodded desperately and started walking around the room. He looked so confused and scared that I started to walk around with him. It was so hard in these times to stay calm, when at the same time we felt so weak.
“What do you suggest then?” He looked at me with the hope that I could help him. I stayed silent for a few minutes and I was trying to find a solution. But I wasn’t such a genius and I couldn’t really find the right answer to all our questions.
“Choose somebody else,” I said at last. Even before James could asked me who, I added, “Peter. Choose Peter.”
“Wormtail?” He looked surprised and shook his head. “That’s not a good idea, Padfoot. Peter is not…”
”He acts stupid sometimes,” I interrupted. It was not the best time, though. “He really is not as clever as you and me, but, James…why not?”
My friend didn’t answer for a few moments. I thought that he was thinking what would happen, if he really chose Peter.
“No,” he said firmly.
“But…”
“No!” He refused to listen to me.
A very confusing silence fell. I didn’t want to fight with James, especially not today, but at least I should say something.
“That was just an idea, I thought that Voldemort would never think that it could be Peter,” I said calmly.
James stopped his walking and sat on the sofa next to Lily.
“James,” she said carefully. “I think he has a point.”
James turned to look at his wife and then he looked back at me. He closed his eyes.
“Fine.”
I saw how pale his face was, already sweated from concern and my eyes filled with tears. My friend was so desperate, as we all were. All the hope, as it seemed, was gone. I knew it and so did Lily and James. All the three of us were feeling as if a great storm was coming.
“I’m going to ask Peter this evening,” my friend murmured.
I nodded and then I remembered that Remus would come tonight too. Lily and James had invited us all to a dinner, as they actually often did.
“Are we going to tell Moony?” I asked. He didn’t answer again. I hated to see him like this. I even preferred to be anywhere, but not here right now.
James bit his lips and his eyes darkened. We all knew very well that there was a traitor between us. From everything we knew, and I hated to even think it, but it could even be Remus. It could be anyone. It’s horrible to think that one of the friends with whom you have shared a dormitory for seven years could sell you to Voldemort now.
“No.” He said it very sadly, but firmly. He was probably feeling just like me “ it was disgusting that I couldn’t tell something so important to one of my friends.
It was already dinner time. Peter came and soon after that Remus came too. He looked tired, the full moon was approaching, but he did his best not to look depressed. We all did that, there was no other choice.
“Dumbledore told me about the Fidelius Charm,” Remus said sadly as we were eating. We all looked at him surprised. I wondered why he was saying it, he was always very careful of what he was saying “ how could he be so sure that we all knew what he was talking about?
“Dumbledore told me that you all know,” he continued as though he had read my thoughts. “That’s why I came last “ he wanted to see me.”
James and I looked at each other. I knew that he was not feeling well; he hated to talk about this.
“Would you like some more pudding?” Peter interrupted him. Good boy. He was tactful and always knew how and when to change the topic.
As we were eating Lily’s delicious desert, I looked at James again and he looked at me too. We were both thinking the same “ it’s good that Dumbledore had told Remus about the Charm. That meant we could believe him. But I could see in James’ eyes that he had decided not to tell him about the change.
It was still early in the evening when Remus told us, he would go “ he needed his rest. He said goodbye to us and apologized, as always, that he wouldn’t be able to see us for a week. We all knew what happened every month. And if one of us could take his place and save him the pain we would do it without another thought. But we couldn’t.
He hugged Lily, James and Peter and then turned to me.
“I’ll walk you out,” I suggested, taking my coat. It was very cold out there. James, Lily and Peter stood next to the warm fire in the fireplace.
I opened the door, trying to be very quiet, because Harry was sleeping. As we walked outside I looked at Remus. His face was very concerned just like mine. We both wondered for a moment and then I embraced him strongly. He was like a brother to me, he always was. I hated myself for suspecting him, for letting him go. I hated myself for what I thought was a betrayal. I wanted so much for him to be able to stay with us like in Hogwarts or just to stay with him when he was transforming. ‘Stay with him,’ said a voice in my head. But I couldn’t, just now I needed to be with James. With James, Lily and Harry.
I so wanted to tell him about the change that we would make with the Fidelius Charm. It’s not right not to tell him. How would I react, if my friends didn’t tell me something so important? I would go crazy, I was sure.
But I couldn’t say a word. Not a damn word.
Remus shook my hand and went to his old magic car he had bought from a wizard the year before.
“Good night, Moony,” I murmured. I felt sick, as though something bad would happen soon. “See you soon.” I waved at him.
The words rang deep within me. ‘See you soon.’
How could I have known back then, had I told him about Peter I wouldn’t go to Azkaban? How could I have known that these last three words, so innocently said, would live in me forever?
That “soon” was not so soon after all.
“Soon” turned out to be, in fact, twelve long years…
See You Soon by MissLupinMarauder
Chapter Notes: Here it is, my first one-shot. I really love that one so I hope you'll like it to and please please review!!!
Sirius’ POV