Wind rushed over a small house, slamming snowflakes into the windowpanes. The trees and shrubs were coated with layers of ice, and snow blanketed the entire yard. It was turning out to be a furious winter and had already seen its share of blistering cold weather.
But inside it was always warm and merry. The fire burned constantly and filled the house with contentment and joy. After all, it was young Harry’s first Christmas, so even in these dark and dangerous times, some happiness could still be found in the season.
Lily Potter held her tiny baby in her arms as she rocked in a cozy chair. Harry was restless, for the wind that howled like wolves was frightening him.
“There, there,” said James as he gently patted his son’s head. He offered Lily the bowl of roasted chestnuts, fresh off the fire, and then took some for himself. The rich aroma reminded her of Christmases long past “ before the war, before being afraid.
“These are delicious, dear,” Lily said as she crunched on a chestnut. She closed her eyes and smiled in contentment (a rare occurrence in a time of war), as the chestnut warmed her from the inside out.
“Yeah, amazing I learned to cook something without burning it! And how about some nice hot chocolate to go with it?” James asked.
Harry opened his eyes wider and cooed at his dad.
“Not for you, little fella,” James said, laughing. “Only plain boring milk for you.”
He left his seat on the couch and went to the kitchen to warm some milk for the hot chocolate, leaving Lily alone in the sitting room. The crackling fire illuminated their cheerfully decorated Christmas tree, the stockings that hung above the fireplace, and the Christmas greeting cards from friends and family that hung on the opposite wall. So far they had received a card from every friend, but not the one Lily most wanted.
James returned with two mugs of creamy hot chocolate with mini marshmallows melting on the surface. Lily sipped slowly, being careful not to spill any of it on the dozing baby.
But the sight of the cards on the wall shifted her calm thoughts away from the warm drink he held and to that of her long-time friend. She had to ask James about the missing card.
“Have we not received a card from Severus this year?” she asked, her eyes clearly emanating sadness.
“Lily, he’s a Death Ea””
“You don’t know that! It’s just a rumor. He was one of my closest friends!” she interrupted him. “He sent a card last year…and it’s already Christmas Eve. Surely it would have arrived by now.”
“I don’t think so,” James answered, trying his best to sound convincing. “I mean I haven’t seen one. I would have put it up on the wall with the others if we’d gotten one.”
The only way James knew how to protect Lily was to keep her apart from Severus, and to do that he had to lie. It pained him to be untruthful to his wife, but it had to be done. James knew the rumors about Severus and wouldn’t put Lily in danger on a mere chance that Severus wasn’t a Death Eater.
Lily sighed and looked down at Harry, gently rubbing his cheek. “He used to be my best friend. I don’t know how he could have gone so wrong.” She then looked to James and implored him to search the house for the card. “I know we must have received one. It’s just lost, that’s all. You will find it, won’t you?”
As much as he distrusted Severus Snape, he loved his wife even more, and so could never refuse anything she asked. He got up and took his hot chocolate with him to “search” in all likely places for the missing card.
James knew very well what had become of the card, because he was the one who had hidden it. But he knew that if he returned too quickly Lily would suspect his dishonesty, so James decided to take as long as possible in his pursuit and pretended to search each room in turn.
After James had been gone nearly fifteen minutes on his quest for the card, there was a loud pop in the hallway. Lily immediately put Harry in his crib and went to see who could be calling at such an hour on Christmas Eve.
“Severus!” she gasped. “Is it you?”
Even in the dimly lit entranceway, Lily knew her friend when she saw him. But he had changed, somehow. He looked older now, tired, and desperate.
“You know who it is,” Severus said unwaveringly.
He moved towards her so that they were not a foot apart, and looked down into her eyes.
“Won’t you please come in? James is looking for something, actually, so…” Lily felt she had to assure her friend that her husband wasn’t around just to put him at ease.
They walked into the sitting room but didn’t sit; Lily was too surprised at Severus’s sudden appearance, and Severus was more inclined to stand, anyway. The fire radiated its heat and soon made Severus’s trembling hands hot and sweaty.
“Severus, it’s good to see you. It’s been a long time,” Lily said, not knowing how else to open a conversation.
“Too long,” he answered, a hint of bitterness in his voice.
What Lily wanted to ask was why he hadn’t told her he was coming. Unexpected visits “ especially in the middle of a war “ are not usually happy occasions, and she was curious and worried to know his purpose. But outright asking why a friend from the past had called seemed too blunt and offensive. So Lily just stood and gazed upward into his black eyes that flickered and glowed with the light of the fire.
“If I had no respect for you, I could read your mind right now,” Severus said. “But it might just be easier for you to tell me what you’re thinking.”
Lily’s cheeks grew pink in her embarrassment. “I’m sorry… It’s just that I never got a card. It’s not even that because Christmas cards aren’t such a big deal, but maybe it’s because I haven’t heard from you in such a long time. I started to think “ ”
“I became a Death Eater? Turned on you and wanted you out of my life? No, I think it was you who wanted me out of your life.”
“That isn’t true!” Lily said hastily. “You know me; you know I wouldn’t think like that.”
“You married one who does, so who’s to say you haven’t changed in all these months?” Severus challenged.
“Oh, Severus, stop it. I love my husband but I am not him. I have a will and mind of my own, and I have friends of my own.”
“Is that why you never answered my letter?”
Lily was taken aback and looked at him in confusion. She had never received a letter from Severus.
James’s breath caught in his throat as soon as he saw the expression on Lily’s face. He had been lurking just around the corner, hiding in the shadows of the hallway to eavesdrop.
“I never got a letter,” Lily said.
“It was actually a Christmas card, and inside I informed you that I wished to see you, and to reply by owl to confirm. Since I would never accuse your beloved husband of deceitfulness, I suppose it could have been lost in the post. Many owls going astray of their journeys through these rough blizzards, I hear.” The sarcasm dripped from every word he uttered. “Or you could always ask James to turn out his pockets. I’m sure he’d do anything for you.”
Nobody could ever accuse Severus of stupidity. He knew exactly why Lily hadn’t gotten his letter “ because it was securely tucked in James’s pocket.
Finally Lily was obliged to sit on the couch, for her head pounded with anger and disappointment. She had no proof of James’s capability to do such a hateful thing, and yet she couldn’t put it past his hostility towards Severus to do everything possible to keep him away.
“Oh, goodness…” She slumped over and rested her head in her hands, now close to tears. The two men who meant the most to her in life were determined to dislike each other, but all it really did was hurt Lily.
“I’ll speak to him about the card later,” Lily said, sitting up straight and holding back her tears. “It’s Christmas Eve, after all.”
“Yes, a season of joy and merriment. Let me dance in celebration,” Severus said in his monotone voice. “I’m sure you’re having a wonderful holiday with your cozy little house and your perfect husband and your baby…”
James knew what he needed to do, but he felt ashamed that he lied to his wife and treated Severus so unjustly. Severus Snape might not be the most desirable companion in the world, but he deserved respect that James never gave him.
“It’s not been the best Christmas season I’ve seen, but we do have our reasons to be glad. The war hasn’t been easy, but we’ve survived the best we can,” she said to Severus, who was now sitting on the couch beside her. “And I’ve missed my friends. One in particular.”
Severus’s face showed no emotion, but inside his heart was pounding. To think that Lily still cared for him even after marrying an arrogant prat who hated him, having a child to look after, and rumors of his true allegiance abound was astonishing. She was the only friend he had ever known, the only person he had truly loved.
“I’m so sorry that you had to wait so long, Severus. You must have been anxious and hurt that you didn’t hear back from me,” Lily said, feeling again on the verge of tears. “You know I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you.”
Lily reached out and put her hand on his, warming her cold fingers. Several seconds passed in which Severus said nothing. He debated if he should tell Lily how he truly felt, and finally found the right words.
“I love you so much, I would wait for you forever,” Severus said, looking straight into Lily’s eyes. He leaned in swiftly and gave her a kiss. It was over before Lily even knew what was happening. “I know you won’t leave him, but I had to tell you.”
James’s ears grew hot and he clenched his jaw as he watched Severus kiss his wife. He wanted nothing more than to leap out and punch the git in the face. Fortunately he was still too afraid to come out of the shadows and admit his wrongdoing.
“Severus!” Lily shouted, unable to control her reaction. “I’m a married woman! You can’t just waltz in here, acting bitter about your life, and then tell me you love me and kiss me!” She was now standing with her hands on her hips and a fiery look in her eyes.
Severus took it with as much courage as he could muster. He knew it was against his better judgment and that he deserved her scolding, but he hoped it would have ended differently. Lily didn’t know what it was like to be alone, especially at Christmas.v
“I understand what you’re feeling and I know it must be very hard, but please be reasonable. You’re my friend and I want us to always be friends,” Lily continued, her voice calmer now.
To James’s relief Severus soon stood and confessed that he had to leave at once. Only when James and Lily were alone would he be able to admit the horrible thing he did.
“I’m sorry for upsetting you. I’ll go home and let you and James get back to your happy lives.”
“Don’t be like that, Severus. I accept your apology and now it’s over. As my friend, you’re welcome to stay and spend Christmas with us. Please say you’ll stay.”
Severus almost gave in to her pleading expression, when the sound of the midnight church bells broke him from his trance.
“I came only to see you, Lily, and now I have. Merry Christmas.”
He Disapparated just moments later, and Lily fell limply back into her seat on the couch. What an ordeal! And to find out that James might have caused such a miscommunication…
“Lily,” James said, as he walked into the sitting room. He had heard Severus talking with his wife, but the visitor was gone before he entered.
“I have something to tell you.”
James paused and looked to Lily’s face for any hint of forgiveness, because surely she realized what he was about to say. Lily waited.
“It’s about what Severus said about the card. Yes, I was listening, and I’m sorry. Anyway, I found the card…in my sock drawer.” His face hung and his eyes were downcast like a child about to be scolded.
“Oh, James, how could you?” Lily asked, tears dripping down her cheeks.
For a while James couldn’t speak, he was so ashamed. He just kept shaking his head and handed over the card.
“I was never fond of all of your friends, either, but at least I respected them. I never would have thought you could do something like this.”
James apologized as sincerely as he could, knowing he had jeopardized his wife’s trust in him.
Lily wasn’t going to forgive him just yet; she wanted to make sure he realized the full extent of what his behavior had done. “It’s Christmas! It’s a time to think about others and be glad for all our gifts in life, yet you seem to only think of yourself,” she chastised him.
James turned to watch the flames of the fire slowly die out.
“I know, Lily, and I’m so eternally sorry. I thought I was protecting you in a way,” he confessed. “And after I read his card I just…I got a little jealous. Then when I was…spying…I saw him kiss you. I’m so sorry.”
“I know you still suspect he’s working for You-Know-Who, and since we can’t disprove it, I guess that excuse is valid. But being jealous of Severus? You have no reason to be jealous. You’re the man I married, James. You won your prize. Severus has only one friend in the world and you nearly robbed him of that this year.”
She hadn’t meant to be hard on him, for she really did understand why he did it, but the words spilled right out. A man as lonely and dejected as Severus should have been allowed at least the smallest bit of happiness.
“You might not be able to trust me again, and Severus surely won’t, but maybe I can help make it right,” James said. “I’ll invite him for Christmas dinner tomorrow. I'll tell him I'm sorry for being so prejudiced against him, and I'll try to actually make friends with him because he means so much to you. He can't possibly be that bad if the two of you were friends for so long. I'll do it to keep Christmas spirit alive for all of us.”
“Thank you, though I’m sure he won’t come,” Lily replied. “But please do invite him. You owe him that much.”
James went at once to scrawl a letter to Severus to atone for his remorse. His wife’s words struck him deeply, and he began to see Severus in a slightly different light than before. James knew that he could put their differences aside to talk and try to make things right. They each deserved a chance to reconcile.
Lily, meanwhile, sat to read Severus’s original letter. The Christmas card displayed a single, simple pine tree covered in snow. Inside was blank, except for the words that Severus had written by hand.
Dearest Lily,
I can’t tell you why I have been gone so long, only that it has been torture being away from you. Albus tells me that you are well, and I am glad to hear it. I live day to day only because of you. This season is bitter for those of us who have no one to comfort us. If I had not the thought of you, I would have given up long ago.
I am back briefly from my assignment but could be called back on a moment’s notice. I intend to visit at your earliest convenience (minding that James isn’t around) so please respond by post when you will have me.
Always,
Severus
His words played over again in Lily’s mind. If I had not the thought of you, I would have given up long ago. It was just as plain as saying he loved her and needed her. In all their years of friendship, Severus had never stated plainly his affections, though she had often suspected it.
But her heart was taken, now. It was a sad thought that she could never give Severus what he most desired. She could never truly save him from a broken heart.
The only thought that kept her heart from breaking completely was that she knew that she would always be his friend. She would always be there to comfort him “ when he would allow her to “ and talk to him and invite him over for Christmas dinners and even ordinary dinners. Lily hoped that maybe he and James could set aside their deep-seeded mistrust and resentment towards each other and be civil. If there was ever a chance of such a miracle occurring, Christmastime was the season for it.
With that tiny ray of hope, Lily closed the card and put it in her pocket.
“Maybe he’ll come,” Lily said to herself. “And if not this Christmas, then maybe next Christmas or the next, or the next. Friends who love each other should be together on Christmas, and I believe we will be. Someday.”