As the Gryffindors excitedly ate breakfast all around him, Neville looked nervously towards the Ravenclaw table. Luna was chewing on a strip of bacon, seemingly oblivious to the Ravenclaw girls chattering away around her. Many of them had shoved their textbooks in the place of their plates and were sipping pumpkin juice casually as they studied. How they could be so calm, he could not imagine. Although Neville was relieved that they’d gotten revenge upon Malfoy and his goons, they still had Snape to deal with later that afternoon in Potions.
“Not today,” Neville muttered shakily as he stared at the back of Luna’s blonde head. “Don’t start with him today…”
Suddenly, Neville noticed a pair of blue eyes looking right at him. It was Flora, a close friend of Luna’s, with hair nearly as blonde. She gave Neville a cheerful wave, causing him to blush madly and turn back round in his seat.
“What’s the matter, Harry?” chirped a girl named Juniper as she slid into the seat next to him. “You’re almost as red as Malfoy!”
It was true. The moment Harry had seen the Gryffindor girls come in with their robes all bearing the fiery words “Potter is Hotter”, he’d suddenly become quite interested in his breakfast plate.
“I’m fine,” Harry stammered, his glasses fogging slightly.
“Lucky,” Ron said bitterly, elbowing his green-eyed friend. “You don’t see any girls with blazing dedications to my good looks, do you?”
“I would do it,” Juniper interrupted, “but my robes are already marked, you see.” As she stood and turned to go back to her seat, the words “Hunky Potter” blazed on the back of her robes. Harry immediately began wiping his glasses on his sleeve again, blushing lightly.
“You’re a girl,” Ron said pointedly to Hermione, catching her slightly off guard. “Give me some publicity, will you?”
Hermione, too, was beginning to blush. “Ronald, you say I’m a girl like it’s a recent condition!”
“You’re robes aren’t marked, either,” Ron continued, ignoring her.
“Well, maybe I- I think it’s become a rather silly trend,” Hermione stammered, “and you’d have me be a walking billboard for you? What on Earth would I write? Perhaps ‘Ron wouldn’t know a girl if she hit him in the face’!”
Ron leaned backwards, cringing. “Well don’t write that, it’s terrible! Makes me sound thick!”
Hermione growled as she rose from her seat and stormed out of the hall. Harry put his sleeve over his mouth, trying to hide his laughter. Ron looked at him scornfully, and then turned around to look over at the Ravenclaw table. He bit his lip, searching the long table with his eyes.
“Oi, Demi!” Ron called, waving at a pretty brunette. Demi said something to her fellow Ravenclaws before walking over nonchalantly.
“Transfer from Beauxbatons,” Ron whispered excitedly. Harry groaned.
“’Allo, Ronald!” Demi said cheerfully as she took a seat. “Good morning! ‘Ow are you?”
“Demi,” Ron said with a charming smile, “don’t you have Runes after breakfast with Hermione?”
“Oui, I seet behind her,” Demi replied.
Ron smirked as he picked his book-bag off the ground and began rummaging through it.
“Ever heard of Truth or Dare?” Ron asked as he scribbled fervently on a piece of parchment. Demi leaned forward to peek at the paper with a curious smile playing on her lips.
•
At the Ravenclaw table, Luna’s housemates were abuzz with rumours. Ever since the many confrontations with Snape about his possible Vampirism, Luna had become an unlikely hero.
“What’s the news, Luna?” asked an unusual girl with one green eye and one brown. “I heard you have something new planned for old Snape!” All the other girls fell into a hush.
“I’ve given it some thought, and I believe the professor is quite troubled.”
“By what?”
“His face, of course.” This incited a round of laughs, but Luna remained quite serious as she pulled thoughtfully on one of her earrings. They looked an awful lot like bumblebees.
“It’s quite common,” Luna said somberly. “With such an unfortunate complexion, his self-esteem suffers. The same thing happened with my Uncle Trumbull. Of course, we all call him Uncle Pigsnout. ”
The girls all looked at each other in uneasy silence.
“Luna,” Taylor asked, trying not to grin, “what exactly are you going to do to his face?”
•
Draco, Crabbe and Goyle each fumed silently in adjacent beds up in the hospital wing. The Gryffindors only had to bear green faces, but these boys had drunk some sort of potion in their pumpkin juice. The Shady Crimson that Hermione picked had worked its way down their thirsty throats, and the bright red color was evenly distributed all over the three Slytherins’ bodies. Even Draco’s trademark platinum hair was bright red.
“I look like a sodding Weasley!” He hissed, crossing his arms. “Where’s the bloody antidote?” He glared at Madame Pomfrey, who was diligently stirring a large cauldron. The contents smelled exactly like glue.
“Oh dear,” she said to herself, wringing her hands on her apron. “I’m out of sapsucker root. I’ll have to see Professor Snape, but I’ll be back shortly. Do stay here!” With that, she hurried out the door.
“Like I’d ever leave, looking like this!” Draco yelled to no one in particular. “I want this red off immediately!”
Suddenly, a Ravenclaw girl in a bed across the room began to chuckle to herself.
“Think this is funny, do you?” Draco demanded, his pitch rising. “Stop laughing, you little tart!”
“My name is Hilda,” the girl replied, tucking a strand of dirty blonde hair behind her ear. “I can’t believe how dense you are!”
Draco balled up his fists.
“What are you waiting for?” Hilda continued. “Madame Pomfrey was about to tell you before she ran out. All you have to do is drink that potion,” Hilda said as she gestured toward the simmering cauldron with a bandaged arm, “and you’ll be back to your normal coloring immediately!”
Draco narrowed his eyes. “Is that so?”
Hilda nodded, making her most innocent face. “It’s true. I’m studying to become a Healer, you know.”
Draco leapt from his bed immediately and ran to the cauldron. The liquid inside it had the smell, consistency, and colouring of paste. He turned back to see Crabbe and Goyle staring at him with dumbstruck curiosity. Draco grabbed a small cup from the counter and dipped it into the cauldron. With his eyes clenched tight, he took two giant swigs of the stuff before tossing the gooey cup the floor.
Draco whined a little, clutching his belly in disgust. “I’m still sodding red, and I think I might be sick!”
At that moment, Madame Pomfrey opened the door with a gasp, dropping her jar of Sapsucker root to the floor.
“My boy, you didn’t drink it, did you?” Madame Pomfrey said with a horrified tremble.
Before he could answer, Hilda began cackling maniacally from her bed. She’d picked the luckiest time ever to be sent to the hospital wing.
•
Meanwhile, Hermione was just leaving Runes with her books clutched to her chest. She felt particularly warm and hoped she’d settled into a better mood since her argument with Ron. As she smiled to herself, she noticed many of the students in the halls were smiling back at her.
“Mother was right,” Hermione thought to herself, “confidence is contagious. Smile and the world smiles with you!”
Suddenly, a startlingly pretty Chinese girl named Ji-Hyun ran up to Hermione, nearly knocking her down.
“I’m so glad it’s finally happened,” she rambled excitedly. “We’ve all kind of known, and I know I’ve been rooting for you two. It’s been obvious, hasn’t it? We all just think it’s so terribly sweet. And how brave of you! I knew there was a reason you were in Gryffindor instead of with us in Ravenclaw. Nerves of steel, you! Cheers!”
“Erm… thanks, Ji-Hyun!” Hermione said politely. She shook her head in puzzlement and continued down the halls to her next class. Written on the back of her robes in fiery lettering were these words:
Ron Weasley’s got the
cutest bum in the school!
•
When Hermione entered the Potions classroom, Ron had to slap his hand over Harry’s mouth to stifle the laughter. As Hermione obliviously took her seat next to Neville, Ron leaned back and admired the handiwork blazing on the back of Hermione’s robes.
“I can’t believe Demi did it,” Harry whispered.
“She sits behind ‘Mione in Runes, so she could cast Califuego on her robes without her even noticing!”
Several more students entered the classroom, chuckling to themselves. Hermione didn’t notice, as she was deep in conversation with Neville. Luna walked in as well, her earrings buzzing lightly. A few moments later, a tall, dark-haired girl named Kanksha walked up to Hermione and leaned on her desk.
“I have to say I quite agree with you,” Kanksha said loudly, giving Ron a quick, flirtatious look. Kanksha stood up, leaving Hermione quite puzzled, and tossed her long black hair as she walked back to her seat.
Ron’s jaw dropped, his eyes glazing over.
“Kanksha likes my bum!”
Before Harry could respond, Snape burst into the classroom, black robes flowing behind him. He stopped in his tracks, however, just behind Hermione’s row.
“Miss Granger,” he said behind clenched teeth, “This is not an appropriate time or place to show your compliments to Mr. Weasley’s… physique.” Snape smirked at that last word, turned on his heel, and walked to the head of the class. Hermione stood up and took her robe off and held it before her, surrounded by snickering. As she read the emblazoned words, the classroom burst into laughter once again. She turned slowly, looking Ron dead in the eyes. He sunk into his chair with a whimper.
“You’re in for it now,” Harry whispered with a grin.
Hermione laid her robes across her desk, revealing a button-up white shirt and grey skirt. As she took her seat, she noticed a light humming that hadn’t occurred to her before. She turned to look for the source of the noise, and noticed most everyone was looking at Luna. There, from her ears, hung a pair of fuzzy bumblebees. As the class fell silent, the buzzing seemed ever louder.
Snape, who was writing on the blackboard, stopped mid-sentence and turned to face the class.
“What is that noise…” he hissed, looking around the room. Luna promptly raised her hand.
Snape stalked towards her, grimacing. Everyone in the room was practically biting their knuckles.
“I don’t know what’s gotten into you all today,” Snape said witheringly, “but this ridiculousness ends now. No more fiery robes, no more giggling, and certainly no more of that.” Snape pointed at Luna’s left ear, where the bee was buzzing round and round.
“Remove them immediately,” Snape hissed.
“It’s rather hard,” Luna explained. “They are bees, you know.”
Snape moved to grab the bee in his hand, but Luna threw her head back just in time. The two bees hanging from her ears bounced lightly, humming dizzily.
“Careful!” Luna said, furrowing her brow.
Beside her, a girl named Kristen with big blue eyes hidden behind modest glasses was leaning away from Luna and her bumblebees.
“Do it,” she hissed. “Go on, or… or he’ll anger your earrings!”
Luna cocked her head slightly in concentration and pointed her wand right at Snape’s greasy hook nose.
“Scourgify!”
Luna's Truth or Dare by Hutchinson
Chapter Notes: Thanks and appreciation to the unending patience of Colores!