The fire was burning brightly, illuminating the entire room. But somehow, the girl sitting on the sofa in front of the fire was in the shadows. She was curled up on the couch, a lone tear sliding down her cheek.
“Lily? You down here?” asked a slightly harried voice.
The corner of Lily’s mouth twisted up in a slight smile. It was Sarah, the mother hen of the seventh year students. “Yes, I’m coming up soon, Sarah. Don’t worry.”
“Alright, but for the sake of my sanity, you better hurry. We’ve got roast chestnuts that Anna got as an early Christmas present. Anna and Carla are trying to warm them up, but they keep catching on fire. I’m going to go insane if you don’t help them soon,” Sarah called. Lily heard her running up the stairs back towards their dormitory.
Lily looked at the fire, which was framed by several merry Christmas stockings. “How happy you look, little Christmas stockings,” she whispered, “surrounded by all your friends. All of you right here, together forever.”
Her voice rose slightly and became laced with bitterness. “I bet you’re good friends. I bet none of you would leave for a month and not send any indication of whether or not you’re alive!”
Lily turned and buried her face in the arm of the sofa to muffle her sobs. Slowly, her sobs subsided to hiccups. She eventually sat up and wiped her eyes. “Buck up, Lily,” she muttered to herself. She listened to the silence for a moment, but soon dissolved into fresh tears. “The bells! Oh, Merlin, the bells!”
James and Lily ran down a hill, laughing. James pulled ahead, then quickly turned around and caught Lily in his arms. He kissed her, and she slowly pulled away, giggling.
“Why are we out here again?” asked Lily, pushing James’ hair out of his eyes. “It’s half past eleven and we’ve got classes tomorrow.”
“We’re out here because it’s a gorgeous night. The moon’s nearly full, all the stars are out, and as Heads, we can go anywhere we want,” James whispered into Lily’s ear, hugging her tightly. He gently pulled her down on the ground, lay down beside her, and the couple began looking at the night sky.
In what felt like seconds, but was in reality quite a long time, they heard church bells ringing. “It sounds so sad, James,” Lily murmured, “like someone’s dying.”
“Don’t think of it that way, Lily,” James said, burying his face in her hair. “Twelve rings. It’s saying goodbye to yesterday and hello to today.”
“Hello, today,” Lily muttered sleepily.
“Hello, today. I’ll tell you what, Lily. If I ever have to leave you, listen for the bells. I’ll always come back when the bells ring.”
“Where are you, James?” Lily asked bitterly. “The bells are ringing, and you aren’t here. You promised that-”
“I’d always be here when the bells ring.”
The sentence was said so quietly, so lovingly, so familiarly that Lily questioned whether or not she had even heard it. She slowly sat up and turned around to face the person she most wanted to see.
“James!” she yelped as she vaulted over the couch and into James’ waiting arms. She hugged him fiercely as she breathed in his boy smell and felt the comforting warmth of his arms around her. After several long moments, she pulled away and slapped him as hard as she could.
“Hey! What was that for?” James asked indignantly, holding his face.
Lily curled her hands into fists and began hitting every inch of James she could reach with as much strength as her little body could muster. She punched and pummeled and even pinched in an attempt to hurt James, but he seemed not to feel anything, as if she was merely an annoying fly buzzing around him.
“You leave for a month and expect me to welcome you back with open arms? No questions asked? Are you kidding me? You didn’t send a note, a Christmas card, any indication of whether you were alive or dead, for Merlin’s sake!” she screamed as she tried her hardest to hurt James.
James grabbed her wrists and held tight. “Lily, listen to me,” he said urgently. “Please, just listen to me.”
Lily looked up at him, her emerald eyes full of loathing. “Never,” she hissed, trying to tug her wrists out of his grasp.
“James!” Lily heard from behind her. “You’re back! Why didn’t you owl? I would’ve gone down to the kitchens and got food.”
“Not now, Sirius,” James said pointedly, gritting his teeth in frustration. He never took his eyes off Lily.
“What?” Sirius clattered down the stairs. “James, why won’t you- Oh. Hi, Lily. Didn’t see you there.”
“And if he will let go of me, you won’t see me any more!” Lily snarled.
“Well… er, I’ll just go…”
“LILY!” shrieked a hysterical Sarah as she ran down the stairs. “They’ve set the curtains on fire trying to get those blasted chestnuts warm and I can’t remember the charm to get it out! You’ve got to come help me, please, or- James! You’re back! D’you know- never mind, you’re busy, Sirius, do you know the charm, please say yes or we’ll have no curtains and-”
“It’s ‘Aguamenti’, Sarah. Bring them down when they’re out, I’ll help you fix them,” Sirius quickly replied.
Sarah quickly ran back up the stairs. She was gone only for seconds, but during those few seconds the tension between Lily and James grew and stretched until it threatened to envelop the entire room. Sirius walked around nervously, determinedly staring at the walls to avoid looking at the two glaring Heads. When Sarah came running down the stairs once more, Sirius grabbed her arm and bolted up the stairs to the boy’s dormitory.
“Please, Lily, just listen to me. I promise I’ll explain everything, but you have to promise to sit and listen to me,” he begged.
“I don’t want to listen to you, you cruel, uninformative boy, but I have no choice,” Lily seethed, glancing not-so-subtly at her wrists, still incased in James’ hands. She experimentally tugged a few more times, but James’ grip was strong.
“My dad died last month.”
Lily immediately stopped trying to pull free. “Oh, Merlin, James. I’m so sorry,” she said softly. She slowly moved closer to him and, as his grip slackened, gave him a hug, letting her sorrow for him show. They stayed like that for many minutes, not moving, not speaking. James was the first to break the silence.
“It’s not like I didn’t expect this to happen,” he muttered into Lily’s hair, “but I thought I’d be out of school by that time. When I first got the owl, it was such a shock…”
“I know… I know,” Lily murmured, soothingly rubbing James’ back. “Come on, James, let’s go sit down.”
Together, they staggered to the couch, James furiously swiping at his face with the back of his hand. “I haven’t… I couldn’t… Sirius doesn’t know yet,” he choked out. “He… Dad was… Dad was practically his father. How… How do I tell him? How do I say that the man who acted as his father for years is dead?”
Lily felt her heart break for James and Sirius. She didn’t know what to do. When her mother had died over the summer in an automobile accident, nothing anyone had said had made her feel any better. Her mother was gone and nobody could change that. Suddenly, a memory came to her.
“Lily?”
“What, Petunia?”
Petunia’s hollow voice came floating through the door. “We’re going to the funeral home now. The wake starts in two hours. Don’t be late.”
“I won’t be,” Lily lied. She was lying on her bed. She hadn’t taken a shower, brushed her teeth, or even gotten dressed yet. She didn’t think she could face any more friends and family hugging her and saying what a wonderful person her mother was.
Mum washuman, Lily thought angrily. She had a temper, she was very particular, and she was very stubborn. But all they concentrate on are the times when she was funny, or kind, or brave, or anything else positive. They make her sound like some sort of angel, not like Mum.
Several loud knocks on the door invaded Lily’s cocoon of thought. “Lily! You have not answered ANY of my letters, young lady, and if you do not open the door THIS INSTANT I will come in without your permission!”
“Go away, Sarah,” she muttered, turning over and burying her face into a pillow.
“NOW!” Sarah shrieked.
“NO!” Lily bellowed back.
“I am counting to THREE, missy, and if this door isn’t open by then I’ll blast it open!” Sarah screeched.
“GO AWAY!” Lily roared before burying her face in the pillow.
“One… Two…” Sarah counted threateningly. “Three! Okay, you asked for it! Deprimo!” Smoke filled the room from the explosion that blasted Lily’s door to smithereens. Sarah stomped in and yanked Lily upright. Lily slapped away Sarah’s hands and flopped back onto her bed.
“I’m not in the mood for you, Sarah,” Lily muttered into her pillow.
“Too bad. You’re stuck with me. Just listen for a second. Yes, your mum’s dead. Yes, your sister is horrible. And YES, you have friends who love you and care about you. Lily, Anna and Carla have been calling me every day freaking out because you won’t answer their owls or your phone. And they’re powerless because they’re in America with their families. And you know what? They aren’t the only ones who’ve been owling you. I have, and Remus has, and James has, and a bunch of other people have too because they keep owling ME when you don’t respond.
“Lily, why are you so afraid to have a friend to lean on?” Sarah asked quietly.
“Because my mother’s dead. I don’t want anyone to tell me they’re sorry and they know how I feel because they don’t know how I feel. They don’t know at all.”
“Oh, Lily,” Sarah said softly, pulling her friend into a hug. The two sat there for nearly an hour, not speaking, just being comforted by each other’s presence.
So Lily didn’t say anything. She sat there with James and wiped away the tears that were finally falling down his cheeks. She rubbed his backs and sat there with him until dawn broke. And finally, James looked up at Lily and smiled.
Lily grinned back, leaned over, and whispered in his ear, “Happy Christmas, James.”
Surviving Christmas Eve by hermione210
Chapter Notes: As always, cookies and other assorted goodies to my most fabulous beta, Katie / harrypotterfangirl21. Hope you enjoy!