“Now remember, James, don’t even dare touch your hair.”
“And don’t curse people, either.”
“Study more. Make sure you take notes in class.”
A thick crowd covered Platform Nine and Three-quarters as the Marauders debriefed James for their seventh year at Hogwarts. The entire summer had been spent preparing him to meet Lily again after the summer break. Ever since she had told James that he had no chance with her until he deflated his head, they had been hard at work doing just that. Now, James was overwhelmed with last minute reminders and tips.
“Would you please do your best to fix that hair?” Sirius begged, clearly stressed. “You can borrow my Sleekeazy’s Hair Potion. It might help.”
“Never mind the hair,” Peter told Sirius, before turning to James and adding, “You really should stop pushing other kids around and bragging about your Quidditch skills. Not that you aren’t incredible, but… Lily doesn’t take it well.”
Remus nodded, agreeing with Peter. “Yes, definitely, but don’t forget to work hard in school. Girls don’t appreciate slackers.”
“Yes, yes. You’ve told me all this before, mates,” James reminded his friends. He continued to stare around the platform for some trace of the girl the entire scheme had been for. Practicing a completely new attitude all summer for Lily Evans had made James anxious to see her face again.
“You’ll never spot her in all of this, James,” Remus pointed out, waving a hand at the commotion around them. “Come on, we should probably get a compartment.” Remus waved at Sirius and Peter to follow him and turned toward the immense, scarlet train. He checked to see if James was following. He wasn’t.
As soon as the other Marauders had turned away, James had spotted her. Her dark, red hair seemed to shine with the light of the station lamps. Her green eyes danced as she laughed along with a friend. For some reason, his stomach did an odd sort of somersault.
The next second, Lily had vanished again, melting easily into the crowd. Sirius grabbed James’ arm and pulled him toward the train. Resignedly, James gave up and dragged his trunk after his friends.
~
As soon as the luggage was all stored away, Remus and James left for the prefect meeting at the front of the train. They walked in silence. Remus, it seemed, was not particularly keen on discussing James’ personal life. James didn’t mind, since he felt the same way.
When they finally arrived, James was not surprised to see Lily waiting by the door. She was a natural choice for Head Girl. A gleaming badge was pinned to the robes she had already put on. James was still dressed as a Muggle, his own badge in his pocket.
“Hello, Evans,” James greeted, trying to be polite. Remus wisely entered the compartment and left the two alone in the hall.
Lily folded her arms and replied, “If you don’t mind, I’m about to start a meeting as soon as the Head Boy finally shows up.”
“Head Boy?” James couldn’t help but smirk.
“Yes. He’s late.” Lily stared coldly back at him.
“Oh. I’m sorry.”
Suspicious, she narrowed her eyes. “For what?”
His smirk widened into a bright smile. “Well, for keeping you waiting, of course.” He elbowed past her into the compartment as her jaw dropped in shock and horror.
“Shall we start, then?” he asked. Snapping her mouth shut and grinding her teeth, Lily followed behind him.
~
He didn’t see Lily again until their first class together. Transfiguration seemed harder than normal that day, maybe due to the fact that James couldn’t help but notice how the sunlight streamed in from the windows and reflected off of Lily’s hair, giving her a glorious halo.
Sitting next to James, Remus nudged him with an elbow. “Take some notes,” he hissed under his breath.
Reluctantly, James picked up his quill and fought to focus on what McGonagall was lecturing. He leaned over to Sirius and whispered, “If I stare at Lily, pinch me, okay?”
A wide grin spread across his friend’s face and a glint appeared in Sirius’ eyes that James was hardly comfortable with. Shrugging off the bad premonition, James glanced over at Remus’ notes and was depressed to see that Remus had already covered an entire piece of parchment. He looked back to his own blank parchment and sighed heavily. A few minutes later, a sharp pain in James’ forearm pulled his eyes away from Lily. He still had no notes.
“This is actually pretty fun,” Sirius mused, trying to pinch James again.
~
For the following weeks, James only saw Lily from a distance. Occasionally, he talked to her, but solely for the purpose of arranging prefect night patrols. Lily usually kept these discussions as short and seldom as possible. He would sometimes see her in the halls and never could help but wave. She pretended not to notice, but James knew that she saw him every time.
Every single class he shared with Lily, he spent by openly staring at the back of her head. This resulted in a constantly sore arm from Sirius’ pinches. Once in a while, Remus’ elbow reminded James to take notes. After a few minutes of hard concentration on the teacher, however, James would always resort to his previous form of operation (despite painful pinches).
Sometimes he wondered if his friends were really trying to rehabilitate him from his apparent obsession with Lily. Sirius assured him that backing off would actually draw her to him. James failed to see how this would work, but one Charms lesson changed his opinion.
It was just like any other day. James had no idea what Professor Flitwick was lecturing, being too busy watching Lily. That’s how he noticed when her hair shifted. It was such a slight movement that at first he thought he had only imagined it. Then, a pair of green eyes glanced over her shoulder. Instantly, they connected with James’ own. The eyes sparkled with an inner glint that transfixed him. All too soon, Lily suddenly turned her head again. James stared at her back, wishing that the connection had lasted longer.
Later, he wondered what Lily had been thinking when she looked at him. James hoped that he hadn’t annoyed her. Yet her eyes hadn’t seemed angry. He had seen those green eyes filled with fire enough times to recognize when she was upset. But what if she was? James didn’t enjoy thinking about it. The next time he talked to Sirius, he informed him to use something a little more powerful than a pinch.
In Transfiguration the next day, James seized his foot, holding back a scream. Beside James, Sirius sniggered.
“Sorry, mate, but you did say something more powerful.”
~
“What’s the purpose of Boomslang skin in Polyjuice potion?” James asked.
Sirius shrugged. “How would I know?” He turned the page of Quidditch Through the Ages and kept reading.
Peter looked up from his Herbology homework.
“Are you doing that Potions essay, then?”
James nodded.
“In that case, can I copy you when you’re done?”
“I guess that means you don’t know, either.” Sighing, James glanced out a window. Rain splattered against the glass. “Where’s Moony when you need him?”
“Oh, you know, just visiting his tragically ill mother, again.” Sirius shot James a meaningful look over the top of his book. So, James glanced around the room again, looking for someone who might have actually taken notes during Advanced Potions. Only one fellow student stood out. James weighed the chances and decided to ask her. Sirius noticed and rolled his eyes as he saw James head towards Lily.
She sat in a corner with a couple of friends, chatting about who-knows-what. James walked up to stand by her chair and tapped her on the shoulder. Her conversation immediately ceased and the other two girls sat in hushed silence as Lily stared up at the interruption. “What is it that you want, Potter?”
Effortlessly, James faked calm. The exhilaration of hearing her voice again, no matter how cold or cruel, made him feel like he was flying his broomstick. But he ignored it, for now, and replied, “You’re good with Potions, Evans. I have a question for you.” He stopped, but Lily did not respond. “What is Boomslang skin used for in a Polyjuice Potion?”
Her eyes darted across his face, analyzing any signs of mischief. Evidently, she found nothing for she soon answered, “The Boomslang stabilizes the acidity and alkalinity for when you add in the next ingredient.” James’ face was blank. With a slight touch of humor, she continued, “It keeps the potion from blowing up in your face.” One of her friends tried to hide a chuckle behind her hand.
“Ah. Well, thanks for the help.” As calmly as he could, James turned and walked back to Sirius and Peter.
~
Potions the next day was harder than usual. He shook his head, trying to clear his mind. With a deep breath he studied the directions on the chalkboard once again. What step was he even on? James couldn’t remember.
A small, paper ball distracted him as it landed on his desk. Wondering whom it might be from, James smoothed out the paper. He jerked his head up in time to see Lily turn back around.
“Your potion needs more moonstone,” the note read in an elegant script. “Add another teaspoonful and stir once counterclockwise. It should turn a light blue.”
Confused, he added the moonstone and stirred his potion. Immediately, the potion changed to a pale blue. James looked up again, but Lily was looking the other way.
~
The Marauders got up from the Gryffindor table to leave for the Quidditch pitch early. Today was the big game between Gryffindor and Slytherin. Unfortunately, now in early November, it was raining again. As they passed the Slytherin table, the Slytherin team stood up to leave as well.
“Ready to be crushed, Potter?” shouted Mulciber, one of the players. Snape sat nearby, grinning maliciously. James stiffened and itched to pull out his wand like Sirius already had. It took all his resolve to not retort.
“I can’t wait to see you fall off your broom, Black,” one of the Beaters added. “Better watch out for my Bludgers.”
Sirius jerked forward, wand at the ready. “You'd better watch it!”
Instinctively, James threw out a hand to hold his friend back. Sirius’ eyes were murderous. “Let’s go. It’s not worth it.” James looked around the hall. Many students and even a few teachers were watching them now. James, Remus, and Peter helped lead Sirius out of the Great Hall, the Slytherins sneering at their backs.
~
A roar of noise deafened James’ ears. The crowd in the Gryffindor common room mimicked their lion mascot perfectly. People surged towards the Gryffindor Quidditch team, a flood of appreciation and gratitude.
James was caught up in the crowd, when he suddenly looked behind him. Some sort of special perception, specific radar built just for her, noticed the girl standing there.
She didn’t immediately look him in the eyes, but said, “Nice game, Potter.” Lily’s voice hadn’t softened a fraction. James didn’t care; he was too baffled to notice. Lily looked up, searching his face for a reaction. Hesitant, she finally added, “You played well.”
His traitorous hand itched to touch his hair, but James resisted and reminded himself to be modest. “It was a team effort, really. Our Seeker only caught the snitch at the perfect time.”
He guessed his answer hadn’t been expected from her confused expression. A split second later it was gone and Lily disappeared into the crowd.
~
Night was so dark. Even with the light from the stars and moon, it was always dark. James decided he didn’t like it, but he stared at the ceiling of the Great Hall anyway.
“I didn’t know you were taking Astronomy this year, Prongs,” Sirius teased. He tried to follow James' gaze, but saw nothing special.
“Thinking about Lily?” Remus asked from across the table. James didn’t respond. It had been a week since he last talked to Lily, but that had been only for his Head Boy duty.
“He is,” Peter answered for him. “The deep yearning and desire for her floods his eyes,” he added dramatically. “His only wish is to hold her in his arms and touch his lips to hers. Such pain it is to be parted! Forever, deep into the ages, he shall think only of his one… true… love.”
“Shut up, Peter,” James finally managed to say, but a small smile was pulling at the corners of his mouth. He looked back down to the table and poked the pile of mashed potatoes on his plate. So far, they had been untouched.
“I keep telling you,” Sirius put in, “there are plenty of other girls in this school, yet you chase the only one who would rather hex you. Are you sure you feel alright?”
“Listen to Sirius. It just doesn’t make sense, Prongs. She doesn’t like you. She’s told you enough times. Can’t you take a hint?” Remus chuckled as if he was only teasing, but his eyes betrayed the sincerity of the question.
James turned away from Remus and stared down the long dinner table. Lily sat ten seats away. Her friend Cora Wrenfrow walked over from the Hufflepuff table and sat down next to her. Lily greeted her friend enthusiastically and they jumped into conversation. James simply watched, unable to take his eyes away, when suddenly Cora glanced directly at James. As if it hadn’t even happened, she looked away and was again talking to Lily.
Just as Sirius was about to jinx James for staring, James spun around to face the other Marauders.
“It’s time,” James announced.
“What?” Peter blurted. “What do you mean?”
“Time for what, James?” Remus asked, apprehensive.
“It’s time to ask her,” James simply said and stood up from his seat.
Sirius rolled his eyes and speared a piece of steak with his fork. “Your funeral. I hope you have some Boomslang skin.”
James didn’t hear him, but had already begun to walk down the length of the table. Knots twisted into his stomach. Frantic thoughts invaded his mind. He tried to take deep breaths to calm himself. What should he say? What if Lily says no? What if he ruins everything? Suddenly, all the months of hard work to change Lily’s view of him seemed futile and useless.
All too soon, James was there. His feet had quickened in his anxiety and now he was quickly approaching where Lily sat talking to Cora. Her green eyes glimmered with the light of the evening candles. Unexpectedly, James felt a sudden wave of peace. He, James Potter, was a Gryffindor. If he could be brave enough to run alongside a werewolf at the full moon, he could be brave enough for Lily. With one last stride, James stepped up to Lily. The red head tilted up, those inspiring green eyes looking into James’ own and James thought that her eyes were kinder and lovelier than he had ever seen them. A kind of lightness filled him until he felt like he could fly unaided by his broomstick.
“Yes?” spoke that voice from his dreams.
James wasn’t confident that he could speak anymore. His throat had closed and for a moment he stood there, speechless. Then, after another slow breath of air, he managed to say, “Hello, Evans.”
Lily nodded back in reply. James took it as a signal to go on. “You know that huge Transfiguration test next week? I was wondering… hoping… if you would study with me tomorrow.”
Out of the corner of James’ eye, a grin appeared on Cora’s face. Lily, however, was studying James with a keen eye. She betrayed no emotion on her features, sitting completely still and expressionless. James waited in anticipation, his heart beating faster each second.
Lily turned her head to Cora, her face still blank. “Actually, Cora invited me to help her with an important project tomorrow night.” Cora huffed and looked away. The green eyes turned on James again. She hesitated, while James held his breath. In a softer voice, she added, “But… what about Friday?”
The tension and stress immediately released James. His shoulders fell and his face relaxed, breaking into a wide smile. “Doing homework on a Friday?”
“Why not?” A hint of a smirk pulled at the corners of Lily’s mouth.
“Well, in that case… I’d love to. After dinner in the library?”
“That’d be fine.”
There was a new spring in James’ step when he walked back to his astonished friends.
~
The snow-white quill in Lily’s hand scribbled a sentence down on the yellow parchment. She looked back to her Transfiguration textbook, scanning the opened page for any details she might have missed. Spotting something, she turned back to her notes and added a few details to remember for the upcoming test.
James sat nearby in a wooden chair attempting to memorize Gamp’s Law of Elemental Transfiguration. He was also trying to maintain calm while sitting next to Lily. He reviewed the tips he had learned in the summer. Listen to what she says. Be polite. Don’t mention Snape. Leave your hair alone. But most importantly”
“So, Potter, the Christmas Hogsmeade trip is next week.” Lily’s voice cut through James’ thoughts. Rereading her notes for errors, she didn’t even look up as she continued, “Are you going to go?” She laid it flat on the table, smoothing out the creases.
“Oh, well, Sirius and I are going to visit Zonko’s to… uh… I’ve got some Christmas shopping to do. Peter said that he needs a new pair of earmuffs. His last ones were getting old, so he threw them away. Remus will want a nice, new book, I suppose. I’ll probably get Sirius something at Zonko’s when he’s not looking. I need to stop to buy some Honeydukes chocolate for my mom. It’s her favorite. And Dad… I was thinking about getting him a new watch…” Suddenly, James stopped. Don’t talk about yourself all the time! “Er… are you going?”
Lily sighed. “Most of my friends are going to just hang out at the Three Broomsticks for the day. Personally, I don’t like sitting around all day talking. If I go to Hogsmeade, I’ll want to visit the shops and walk about. Cora, on the other hand, says she expects to be staying inside all weekend because her teachers have been hinting at an extra load of homework before Christmas break. So, all in all, I’m not sure what I’ll be doing really.” She was still looking down at her parchment, but James noticed that she wasn’t reading. Her eyes had stopped moving and a glassy effect had taken hold. Lily bit her lip in thought. “But I guess if the right person asked… I might just go with that person instead.”
During the summer, Sirius had been quite firm about one rule in particular. “But most importantly, James, do not ask her out on any dates. If you want to prove to her that you’re different, then you’ve got to let her go first. Let her warm up to you and then and only then can you try for a date. Got it?”
After Sirius’ little speech, James had asked when he would know that she had ‘warmed up’. Sirius smirked. “You’ll know, mate. Trust me. You’ll know.”
Nervously grinning, James shifted in his chair. This was the moment. It had to be. He watched as Lily flipped through the pages of her Transfiguration book. She started to mess with the paper littering the table, shuffling through them absentmindedly, almost as if she were… stalling for time. James knew this was it, now or never. He reached up a hand, about to ruffle his hair out of habit, and suddenly stopped. It dropped back down to his side. Flobberworms flopped in his stomach, squirming uncomfortably. The only time he had ever felt this anxious was the first time he ever asked Lily on a date. Merlin knows that didn’t end well. James gulped. “Would you go with me?”
Instantly, Lily’s busy hands froze. Her head lifted to look James in the eyes. To James, it almost seemed as if the rising Lord Voldemort had now managed to stop time itself. The silence of the library was deafening and Lily was motionless as she stared at James.
Suddenly the spell was broken and the corners of Lily’s mouth shyly curved up. She was smiling. A small smile, yes, but a smile nevertheless. Relieved, James let out the breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding.
“Like… a date?” Lily wondered.
Catching on, James could remember this conversation from two years ago. But this time would be different. Lily was smiling. Leaning forward, James cautiously responded, “Sure. If you want it to be.”
The shy smile stretched wider until she was beaming. Her face glowed with a radiance he had never seen before. Nodding only slightly, she whispered, “That would be nice, James.”
A heavy weight seemed to lift off of James’ shoulders. Relief washed over him in waves. “Brilliant,” he agreed brightly. Lily smiled in return and a warm silence enveloped them. It was like when the sun appears, serene and beautiful, after a storm, lighting the world… and lighting James’ life.
AN: Just like James, I can’t grow unless someone tells me what needs to change. If you don’t like my writing, then give me some constructive criticism. If you DO like my writing, then tell me that I’m doing well so I don’t mess it up. : D
The Light of His Life by The Scribbler
Chapter Notes: Thanks to my betas, LucillaJoanna and Kathyhermy123! YOU GUYS ROCK!