My grandmum died when I was six. I remember Mum telling me to wear my black dress to the funeral, and I didn’t question it at the time. Papa was so upset “ I think that was the only time I saw him cry. When we arrived at the funeral, it was drearier than I had anticipated. Everyone there was sad and wearing black; all my cousins, aunts, uncles, and lots of other people I didn’t know. I was sad, too, since I knew that ‘dead’ meant you didn’t get to see that person again. I started to cry.
“Oh, it’s alright, Cho,” Mum said to me, clearly fighting her own tears. “Don’t cry “ you should be happy for Grandmum. She’s in a better place now.” Sniffling, I asked why we were supposed to be happy. It didn’t make any sense.
“Because Grandmum isn’t in pain anymore “ remember how sick she was? Now she can be happy again, and be with your Grandfather,” she told me.
“Then why is everyone so sad?” I asked her, wiping the tears that were dripping onto my little black dress.
“We’re sad for ourselves, Cho. Grandmum gets to be happy, but we’re sad because we won’t get to see her for a long time. We’re really mourning our own loss… but we should be happy for Grandmum.”
Well, needless to say I hardly understood this at the time. I remained more confused than ever as we went and sat down while an old wizard and some other people talked about Grandmum. I don’t remember much else about the funeral, and it didn’t bother me for very long afterwards. After a few years Grandmum became just a picture and a memory, and Papa got back to normal after a while, too. I was too young to really understand what he was going through “ I didn’t know what it was like to lose someone special. For the next nine years the only form of loss I would feel was when my toad died when I was nine. And even then, the owl I got two years later more than made up for it. My fifth year, however, changed all that in an instant.
It was early that year when I met him. In between Charms and Divination, I think it was, my bag split and sent my books flying everywhere. And there he was, handing me One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi. Not exactly romantic, I know; but it was Cedric’s smile that caught my attention, followed closely by how kind he was. He was two years older than me, but right from the beginning I had to admit he was handsome. After that incident we seemed to meet up in all sorts of places, and I felt an odd sensation in my stomach every time his eyes met mine. I would never have guessed he was feeling the same way.
Surprised as I was when he asked me to the Yule Ball later that year, I eagerly accepted. Yes, I’d also noticed Harry Potter seemed to be catching my eye as well, but he was a year younger than me and I wasn’t sure if I would get another date. I had no reason to turn Cedric down. I felt terrible when Harry asked me to the Ball a few days later, but I couldn’t just dump Cedric. I ended up being glad I didn’t “ Cedric proved to be a wonderful date.
We danced most of the night and had a brilliant time. I met some of his friends and laughed a lot, and the entire night it felt like I was walking on air. I didn’t even mind starting the dance in front of half the school, simply because Cedric seemed so relaxed. He had a sort of calming effect over me, and I couldn’t help but smile when we were together. By the end of the night he had won my heart “ I hadn’t even thought about Harry. Cedric became all I could think about, especially when he kissed me goodnight.
When he asked me to go on another date with him a couple days later, you couldn’t imagine my joy. Cedric and I became inseparable. I had had crushes in years past, but nothing like this could compare. I gave him my whole heart, and couldn’t have felt more at ease in his arms. We started seeing each other at meal times, in between almost every class, and most of our free time was spent together. Of course, as the second task grew near he was busy a lot of the time, so our time together was restrained. I didn’t mind too much; I knew how much he wanted to win the Cup for Hufflepuff. That was another thing I loved about him “ he wanted the glory for Hufflepuff more than he wanted it for himself. I really admired that in him.
When Professor McGonagall summoned me to her office the night before the second task, I had no idea what to expect. When she told us we were to be put to sleep and tied up at the bottom of the lake (in a completely safe way, of course), I was surprisingly alright with it. I knew Cedric would get to me as fast as he could… and besides, it sounded a lot like being rescued by your Prince Charming. As long as Cedric would be there to take me back to the surface, I was content.
And of course, I was right “ I was completely unaware of everything until I found myself treading water, with Cedric’s arm clenched tightly around my waist. We found out he was the first to return, and only a minute outside the time limit, too. I was so proud of him “ I knew he would do well. He told me later he was afraid of not making it to me in time, since he had no idea what would happen to me if it took him longer than an hour to get me to the surface. I remember the way he held me tight as he told me he would never have let anything happen to me. If only I could have promised him the same.
Everything about Cedric and I just clicked, as if we were two matching pieces of a puzzle. When it was time for the last task, I was worried for him, but I knew he would be fantastic. I helped him practice spell after spell as that fateful night approached, but I had my own exams to be worried about. Even so, I wanted him to do well, so I stayed up with him when he would let me and helped with everything I could. When the day of the task finally came, I was the only one who could tell he was nervous. On the outside, he was cool, calm and collected “ but I could see the anxiousness in his eyes. His parents showed up that morning, and Cedric introduced us at lunch. They were nice people, though Mr. Diggory was a little too proud of Cedric, as he never stopped talking about how Cedric was certain to win… in a voice loud enough for the entire table to hear.
I don’t remember my exams at all, only that I had trouble concentrating every time Cedric crossed my mind. We ate dinner together despite being from separate houses, and his parents were there as well. As I look back, I wish I could remember more of that dinner. I can’t remember what we talked about, or if his parents seemed to like me, or what I ate. All I remember is that was the last time I saw his smile, felt his arm around my waist “ the last time he gripped my hand as Dumbledore asked the champions to make their way to the Quidditch field. It was the last time he would embrace his parents, the last time I would feel his lips on mine. It was the last time I would see him alive.
When the rest of the school was allowed to leave for the Quidditch field, I politely said goodbye to the Diggorys and met up with my friends. They were all smiles and assured me Cedric would do wonderfully, but of course I already knew that. Or at least, I thought I did. We took our seats and my eyes found Cedric, but I knew he couldn’t see me through the crowd. He wasn’t looking, either “ he had to be completely focused. I applauded loudly for him when Bagman announced his and Harry’s names, silently wishing him good luck. I watched him race into the maze and out of sight, shortly followed by the remaining contestants.
The band played for a bit and then fell silent. The crowd murmured quietly, and every once and a while a shout or bang could be heard. I must have been wringing my hands the entire time. The stands fell silent in anxious anticipation when a high-pitched scream pierced the night, but nothing else happened for a good twenty minutes. Then there were yells, which I could have sworn were Cedric’s. More muffled shouts and a few minutes later, red sparks erupted over a point in the maze, which caused everyone to gasp. I was terrified as one of the professors went to collect the distressed champion, and was immensely relieved to see it was Victor Krum who was levitated unconscious from the maze. My anxiousness only heightened from there, however; I could only imagine the horrors Cedric and the rest were facing. We waited for what seemed like forever “ for about an hour things seemed eerily silent.
People were just starting to think something had gone wrong when there was a flash, and two people appeared, slamming into the ground. The crowd screamed in delight; I stood up to see along with everyone else, and for a moment was thrilled. It was Cedric and Harry, lying face-first in the grass, neither of them moving as Dumbledore and the Minister hurried over, followed by the other teachers. I stood on tip-toe, anxiously craning to see Cedric stand up, grinning brightly with the Cup in hand… but it never came. The crowd was reduced to worried murmurs, until those terrible, terrible words started circulating; “Diggory’s dead.”
People began screaming in horror instead of delight, and I went numb. No, no, there’s a mistake; Cedric can’t possibly be dead… I thought fearfully, not noticing I was now holding my breath. Fudge started yelling that he was injured, and I stood motionless as I saw his father run over, while Harry was half-carried toward the castle by Professor Moody. And then Mr. Diggory let out a cry so terrible I knew it was true “ Cedric was dead.
I gasped and for a moment swayed on the spot, unable to move and feeling like I was going to throw up. Students had their hands clasped to their mouths in horror, and my friends were comforting me, telling me it wasn’t true… but I didn’t hear them. Tears blurred my vision as I suddenly regained feeling in my legs and rushed out of the stands, pushing past anyone in my way. His mother got there shortly before I did and was pale with horror, and I soon pushed past the teachers toward him. I don’t remember McGonagall trying to hold me back; I don’t remember the faces of everyone around me… I just remember seeing him there, lying limply with his hysterical parents crouched over his lifeless form.
Everything after that was a blur “ I screamed and cried while Professor McGonagall tried to calm me. I think my friends took over from there… they led me way from his body, saying I shouldn’t have to see. We eventually got away from the crowd, and it was then I realized how black the night seemed to have become. Before it was all lit up by wands and torches, but now it seemed to be even darker and drearier than before. The world couldn’t possibly have any light left with Cedric gone.
The next few days did not exist for me. The school talked, wondered and mourned, while I stayed in my dormitory and cried. My friends tried to comfort me but, my grief was beyond consolation. I had given Cedric my whole heart, and now it felt like that part of me died along with him - leaving a gaping black hole of nothingness.
My friends finally convinced me to get out of bed for the leaving feast by telling me that Dumbledore would probably say something about Cedric. I admit I wasn’t eager, but my desire to know the truth of what happened made me agree. I showered and brushed my hair, and looked for something to wear. Opening my trunk, I found all my robes were black. How fitting “ I couldn’t think of wearing anything brighter. Brightness meant happiness, and there was no happiness left for me now.
As I looked in the mirror, I realized there were soft black circles under my red eyes. It was also the first time I noticed my hair was as black as my robes. My pale face stood out drastically, so I half-heartedly put on make-up. Both my mascara and eye-liner were black as well.
Now I’m walking into the Great Hall with a heavy heart, knowing that only a few days earlier Cedric would have been beside me. The colors of the individual houses are gone, replaced with that color of mourning: black. I sit down in my usual spot with my friends, and remember what my mother told me years ago. It wasn’t the dead we were sad for “ we were sad for ourselves. We wore black because any other color showed happiness. The gloom and emptiness of our hearts was reflected in that darkest color.
Only now do I understand why people wear black to funerals.
Why We Wear Black by x_GinnyPotter_x
Chapter Notes: I'd like to thank my dad for beta'ing this, actually! Enjoy!