As Lily boarded the train, Petunia stared angrily at her sister. Though she had denied it, and insisted Lily was wrong, she still wanted to go to Hogwarts - more than anything. Who were these wizards to decide that they, and only they, could do magic? Who were they to choose Lily and not her? Rage gushed through her like an ocean through a small canal.
The train whistled, and Petunia noticed that her parents were momentarily distracted with waving goodbye to Lily. In that instant, a thought occurred to her, a wild, crazy thought. It did not occur to Petunia that she had no luggage with her, or that she lacked a train ticket. All that mattered was that the train was about to leave, and Petunia would make sure she left with it.
She scooted onto it just as the wheels began to move. With a look behind her, Petunia saw her parents looking for her curiously. Let them look, she thought miserably.
Struggling down the aisle, Petunia tried to avoid the gaze of others around her. She felt like an intruder, and lowered her face so it would not be completely visible. What she needed was a place to hide, at least until they arrived at Hogwarts. Then she would find a way into the building and insist that the people in charge had forgotten to add her name to the list. Maybe once she was situated, she could borrow some of Lily’s clothes until her parents sent her own.
She was nearly to the end of the aisle when she saw the Snape kid. He was wearing black robes that matched his messy black hair, and he was peering into compartments, probably looking for Lily. He finally slid into one, and following suit, Petunia jumped into the one next to it. Alone and starting to feel afraid, Petunia forgot her anger towards her sister, and decided that it would be best to be as close to her as possible without being detected.
The train ride was long and uneventful. Nobody had joined her compartment. Petunia stared out the window for the majority of it, planning her life at Hogwarts. Naturally, once she learned magic, she would prove herself to be better at it than any of the other children, especially Lily.
But after a time the lonely compartment was immensely boring, and this was not helped by the loud roars of laughter from the compartment next door. One of the voices sounded like James’, Lily’s old friend. So apparently he was a wizard, too. Was everyone but her magical?
Petunia’s stomach was roaring with hunger. A trolley had come by, but the food had looked nasty and potentially dangerous. Besides, she had no money. Hopefully there would be food at the school. For now, however, Petunia could do nothing except sit back and wait.
~*~
There was a crash in the corridor and voices yelling loudly. Petunia was still in her compartment, though everyone else was leaving. She figured it would be best to get off the train alone. Peering into the corridor, she noticed that Snape had dropped his trunk in the corridor, and several pairs of trainers and a couple books were scattered across the floor. Petunia scoffed and watched Snape urge Lily to go on without him. He was probably dying from embarrassment.
When Snape and Petunia were the last people on the train, Petunia made her decision. She emerged from her compartment, trying to smile politely. She realized that she might need a bit of help soon. “Hey, Severus,” she said in her smoothest voice.
Severus looked up, alarmed. When he saw who was talking to him, his eyes narrowed. “Petunia, what are you doing here? The headmaster told you that you couldn’t come! And you’ve made Lily miserable with how you treated her. They’ll send you back, you know. You don’t belong here…” He closed his trunk with a snap and heaved it off the ground.
Offended, Petunia took on a defensive manner. “I’m sorry, I hadn’t meant to make Lily mad at you for showing her the letter. And I’ve thought it through - they can’t send me back once I’ve proven that I can do magic.” None of this was technically true, but Petunia was quite oblivious to the truth at the moment.
Suddenly, a thought occurred to her. “And just think of how happy Lily will be when she sees me. And if you help me get up to the school, she’ll be so pleased with you. We’re like best friends and she’s been so sad that I won’t be coming with her. I won’t be able to sneak in alone.”
~*~
The shabby castle looked like a joke. It was covered in vines, and the stone walls were crumbling, making it possibly the least appealing place for a human gathering, let alone a school. The originally white stone had faded quickly into gray, and large pieces of debris covered the lawn. Pinned to the gate was a large sign that read: Keep Out. Dangerous Building. It was written like graffiti and it hung loosely. On the whole, it was not a pleasant sight.
Petunia stared at the large castle in disgust. This was where wizards went to learn? Maybe she didn’t want to go here anymore; after all, if the outside was this bad, what was the inside like?
A tap on the shoulder made Petunia jump; she suddenly remembered she was not alone on the Hogsmeade train platform. Severus Snape, the boy next door, was leaning slightly from the weight of his trunk, and smiling broadly. Ew.
Snape and Petunia had apparently missed any form of transportation up to the looming castle, so they grudgingly trudged up the dirt path. It was a long walk, and the harsh wind was not helping. Petunia kept tripping on overgrown weeds, but Snape seemed to be walking easily, despite his heavy trunk. Petunia had worried about the danger sign on the gate, but had not said anything. She didn’t want to look afraid.
Snape, on the other hand, seemed to be oddly excited to be walking towards the run-down castle. He had at once agreed to help Petunia after she had mentioned Lily. She had always thought that boy had a thing for her sister, but now she would have to keep an eye on him.
Finally, they reached the huge front door, which had another danger sign on it. Feeling that she could no longer hold back a growing sense of uneasiness, she turned to Snape. “Don’t you find it a bit odd that this castle hasn’t been used in centuries? And that sign “ I don’t think someone put that there by accident,” she said, her voice quivering slightly.
Snape looked up at her strangely. “A sign?” He sneered at her. “Are you imagining things, Petunia?” He continued to stare at her as though she had just suggested the world was a cube. He quickly dismissed it though, and brought up the topic that Petunia had been hoping to avoid. “So I think maybe you should skip the feast, you don’t want to make a big deal in front of everyone when they don’t call your name for the Sorting. Just hide out in an empty classroom and follow Lily and me to the Slytherin common room afterwards. Then tomorrow you can tell the teachers that they forgot to add you to the class list or something.”
Petunia considered this. It seemed like a good idea to her, but it also brought up another problem. “But Severus, I’m going to be older than everyone else in our classes. Will I have to lie about my age?”
“I guess so, Petunia,” Snape said dismissively, and together they pulled open the crumbling doors.
~*~
The inside was no better than the outside. A chandelier lay on the floor, glittering crystals splayed across the tiles. A large staircase extended magnificently, or it would have, had it not been for the several missing steps and broken railing. Weeds poked their heads through cracks in the structure. But somehow, from the attached hall, came the loud voices of hundreds of students.
Snape slipped quietly into a line of waiting first years that extended to the open doors of the hall. This left Petunia to find an empty classroom, which turned out to be an easy task. The classroom she found was dusty and had several upturned desks. The windows were cracked and gushes of wind were periodically blowing through them.
Petunia shivered. She wanted to be in the hall eating with the other students. She wanted to be Sorted into a house and complain to her friends about the dirty state of this place. And she needed to go to the bathroom.
After searching through the halls, Petunia found a lavatory relatively close by. It was in disgusting condition, and Petunia was worried that all the bathrooms would be like this one. When she was done, she exited and started looking for her classroom again. Unfortunately, she ran into trouble.
A tall, imposing lady almost knocked into her. She looked down at Petunia from beneath her glasses. “Excuse me, what are you doing outside the Great Hall? The students’ bathroom is located there.”
Petunia struggled for words. “Oh, I’m… I’m sorry, ma’am. I’m new here.”
The woman continued to look down at her, now a little confused. “I see. What was your name again? I don’t remember seeing you among the other first years. And where are your school robes? You know they are school policy.”
Uh oh. “Petunia Evans, ma’am. Well, I missed the transportation up to the school, you see, so I had to walk, and then I couldn’t find where everyone was. But my sister, Lily Evans, she has school robes that I was hoping to borrow. I, erm, lost mine.” It was the truth, but also a lame excuse.
“I was not aware Miss Evans had a sister. Unless…” Her eyes widened. “Miss Evans, you have some explaining to do,” she said, emphasizing the last word with an awful finality.
~*~
Petunia could not be at Hogwarts. It simply was not believable to Lily, who stood stunned and speechless in the Great Hall. Hadn’t she given up the idea? Looking back, Lily realized that her sister had been so furious on the train platform, that a second reaction would have seemed the best solution to Petunia, at least at the time.
The atmosphere was tense here; both McGonagall and Petunia seemed to be waiting for Lily to speak, so finally, she crossed the threshold and faced her sister.
“Hey, Tuny!” Her voice was far too bright for the situation, and Lily knew it. “I got you some Chocolate Frogs on the train ride. They’re really excellent; Sev showed me how to eat them and…” She trailed off, casting around for something to say. Anything might raise her sister’s emotions, and Lily wasn’t keen to remind her that she was not allowed at Hogwarts.
Petunia, after a moment’s hesitation, looked up and simply shook her head. In life, everyone will give up at something. Petunia knew no one will ever win everything they come across, even if they appear to do so. Inside there will always be defeat. The sense of hopelessness felt in this condition is unsurpassed by any emotion, except for perhaps its equivalent, which is passion.
But now, Petunia felt nothing but despair as she stared into her sister’s eyes. It had finally dawned on her that she would never belong here with magical wands and words.
Lily understood this, and felt an urge to reach out to Petunia. Lily knew what it felt like not to belong. But in the end, after one has experienced such distress from absolute failure, all they can do is pull back from any kind hand, and hope they will heal on their own.
So Lily stayed where she was. She answered McGonagall’s harsh questions with denial of any formal knowledge. She watched McGonagall march away with Petunia, knowing that her sister would soon be gone from the castle. Only when she was alone, did she begin to cry.
Exactly That by YourWildestDreams
Chapter Notes: Thanks to my beta from here onwards, Melissa / solemnlyswear_x!