Disclaimer: Of course I’m not Jo, these are her characters not mine…
Ron, Hermione, and Ginny sighed as they forlornly watched Harry through the kitchen window. He had arrived nearly a month before and barely strung three words together. After Cedric’s death Harry had been different. He was much quicker to anger and the weight of the experience had devoured what little innocence he still found within. It was difficult and they worried for him, but somehow they had gotten through to him. That lost and confused Harry had nothing on the new Harry. They tried to imagine the pain he was feeling, having lost three people he loved so dearly to Voldemort; they tried to understand the full guilt he must be feeling, having fallen prey to Voldemort’s trick, yet no matter how horrible they felt, it could not match Harry’s pain. He was in a world of his own. Most days he spent sitting under the big oak staring into space; some he could be found locked in his room for entire days, oblivious to their attempts to reach him. He felt miserable, guilty, overwhelmed of course, but there was something more -- Harry was hiding something, but what they did not know, and as more and more days passed they began to worry how to penetrate his foreign world, how to comfort this stranger.
“This is ridiculous -- he has to snap out of it,” sighed Hermione. Ron stood up and began pacing nervously.
“But what can we do? He won’t listen, he doesn’t even look at us!” Ron slouched down in his chair, shoulders slumping, thoroughly defeated, “There’s just got to be something…” Ginny finally took her eyes off Harry and glanced at her two friends. Hermione crossed her arms on the table and lay her head down conquered; Ron was staring at his uneaten sandwich looking sick -- it was bad enough that Harry wasn’t eating, but they were all so miserable they couldn’t eat either, and for Ron, that was something. Well, Hermione and Ron may have been out of tricks but Ginny was far from surrendering. She had always loved him, admittedly or not, and she knew she always would. He had survived so much already, he had risked, and nearly given, his life for her in the Chamber, and she refused to let him down now when he needed her most.
That night while the others slumbered peacefully, Ginny lay awake quietly listening for the sound she heard every night. Slowly she heard a door creak, then footsteps down the stairs around the one that creaks, across the living room, through the kitchen and out the back door. She waited a minute and then stealthily followed. As expected, she found Harry sitting at the same tree unaware of everything around him.
“Harry…” He didn’t move but she knew he heard because his jaw tightened slowly. “Harry I know you’re hiding something, something titanic, but you’ve got to trust us. Every single person in that house loves you and is losing their mind trying to think of a way to reach you. You can’t alienate yourself from us! I know the guilt you are feeling is unbearable, but Harry it was not your fault…” She looked up hopefully but the only change was the gradual whitening of Harry’s knuckles as he clutched them together. They were both silent for so long Ginny feared he had drifted off into his own world again when suddenly he whispered,
“I was so stupid. I ignored everyone, and because of it he died.” Ginny silently gasped a sigh of relief…he had spoken, and now she determined not to leave until it was out.
“He died for the Order, Harry! He died bravely fighting for a cause he believed in so passionately, so fervently that he was willing to give his life for it. He knew the dangers but he chose to come, to fight, to risk his life. You did not make him do anything.” Harry suddenly looked at her with fiery eyes, and she saw the anger and pain flooding his soul.
“It doesn’t matter how fancy you try spin it “ I went to the Department of Mysteries, I led him and everyone I love into danger, and then he died. Everyone says they want to talk, to listen, that they understand…BUT NOONE UNDERSTANDS!” Harry was yelling now.
“I do.”
“NO YOU DON’T!”
“Yes I do!” He sighed and gazed back into the distance, “Harry, after I opened the Chamber do you have any idea the guilt I dragged along with me every day?! After what happened I was a mess, I could barely get myself out of bed every morning. All I could think was that I could have killed half the school…all because I was a silly little girl, with silly little girl problems. But you know what I’ve realized? It wasn’t my fault! It was Voldemort’s fault.” Harry glanced at her suddenly, surprised to hear her so blatantly use Voldemort’s name, but looked away painfully as he saw a single tear roll down her precious cheek… “Voldemort used me just like he used you, Harry. I understand, but you cannot blame yourself for Sirius. I know what he meant to you, but I also know what you meant to him. He was brave and noble and I know he would die a thousand times more for the Order, for your parents, for you if he could, because he loved you with all his heart…” Harry looked at her, really looked at her for the first time all summer. She calmly met his eyes and in them he found a quiet strength that amazed him; he wasn’t looking into the eyes of Ron’s baby sister, he was looking into the warm brown eyes of Ginny Weasley, his friend and the only one who could reach him when he was at rock bottom. He took in everything she said, and for the first time since his return from Hogwarts he closed his eyes and a tear trickled down his cheek. Before he knew it he was sobbing and finally had a solid and refreshing cry. Ginny rocked him and he slowly relaxed against her body. As Harry began to calm, he wondered at Ginny. When had she grown from Ron’s little sister to the woman sitting in the dirt in the middle of the night comforting him as he wept. He marveled at how safe he felt, how loved, and simply…content. They sat silently for a while, not speaking, but understanding one another.
“Ginny,” he whispered, “I need to tell you something…the secret I’ve been hiding…I-I can tell you now…” he sat up and met Ginny’s eyes, equally red and wet, “Ginny…I know what the prophecy said.” He shook his head as she looked at him confused and started to open her mouth, “I know, it smashed, but Dumbledore told me…after…” he paused but collected himself, “Either I kill Voldemort…” he took a shuddering breath, “…or no one does. It’s murder or be murdered Gin.” Both were silent contemplating what he had just admitted.
Ginny took in what he had said and unconsciously found his hand, squeezing it tightly. But again Ginny Weasley surprised him that night. She didn’t cry out, “Oh but there must be another way!” or look at him any differently. After a pensive moment she hardly appeared afraid. She simply sighed, looked him in the eyes, and softly caressed his face with her hand, “Harry I will fight by your side to the end.”
And she did.
please please take a second and write me a review...This is my first fic ever and i'd really appreciate all the advice or whatever you want to say...good, bad, and ugly....