Alexis scoops up a shell and hurls it into the sea. Her footsteps leave small patterns in the sand and I find myself trying to step onto the little in the imprints like I used to do to my father. As the distance between each step gets smaller I give up and sit down. The camera thumps against my chest. I take it in my hands again and raise it to my eyes. Her shadowy outline is all I see on the plain coastline. I lay back on the ground, letting the sand climb into my hair.
“Père, look what I found!” cries Alexis and I sit up as she tears over. She carries over a tiny starfish in her hand. “Look at all its pretty colours, Père! Can we keep him?” I laugh a little: she doesn’t understand that it will die if we take it. I shake my head at her. She throws the little starfish back into the sea without a second thought and gallops away down the coast line. I lay back again to look at the fading stars.
“Are you sure?” I whisper in the spare moment she isn’t kissing my mouth. She stops kissing me and looks me straight in the eyes. Who am I kidding”I know she is more sure about this than I am. But she’s only fifteen. How could I even consider this? I love her”that is no question”but do I give myself to her in this broken state? Is it right that she has me, broken, miserable me, when she could be with anyone she chooses? With all of the things that could go wrong, I’m tempted to tell her that we should stop. But she’s so beautiful tonight. The way her hair is glinting off of her pale bare shoulders. Her eyes twinkle as she kisses my doubts away.
“I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t sure, Dennis.”
“But what if”,”
She smothers the thought with her lips. This bed is suddenly far too small. I push her off of me and get out of bed. She looks up at me with those pretty blue eyes, her sleeve sliding off one shoulder. She’s confused, upset… She knows why I can’t have this happiness”I’ve told her why not. Why can’t she understand? I’m just as broken as she is by this simple action. I love her so much, but this is the wrong place, and the wrong time. And I’ve run out of excuses.
She looks away from me as I move in close again, ready to try this. She’s hiding tears, I can tell. “I’m sorry, Gabrielle. This should be special with you, and my bedroom isn’t special. Do you understand?” She nods as I pull her into my arms. She mumbles something into my arm, something I don’t catch.
“What?”
“It may not be special. But it’s what I want,” she clarifies, letting herself be held by me. I kiss her again, and I scoop her up in my arms. I carry her out of the door and out of my apartment and into the twilight. I have no idea where I’m going. I just know that she is going to get better than my matchbox apartment. She leans her head against my chest. I decide on the park. Under the stars is far better than my little room.
I set her down in the grass. The full moon’s light brightens her skin and for another moment, I try and fail to figure out why she chose me. Sure I’ve filled out a bit over the years, but I’m still not much. I kiss her on the neck and give myself up to this moment and this choice to let go of the pain for a little while.
She’s just so beautiful.
A scream. My little girl’s scream. I stand up and draw my wand. “Alexis?” I call. I call again louder, more frantically. She may not even be able to answer. “Alexis!”
“Poor little boy, can’t even save his own brother, let alone his pretty little girl.” I turn to the cold voice that wakes me up at night. Amycus Carrow. Alexis whimpers behind the hand that covers her mouth.
“I’m going to get you out of this, sweetie, everything is going to be okay,” I murmur gently, trying to reassure her that everything is okay. A mad chuckle and Amycus raises his wand from her throat to point it at me.
“Tell that to Alecto,” he screeches, “CRUCIO!”
God, what do I do? I can’t find him anywhere. He’s the only reason I came back to this place. But you would know all about that wouldn’t you? If you’re so omnipresent, can you tell me where he is? I slip past another hall and around another corner. He has to be here somewhere. But I don’t know where he went.
I’m about to cry with the stupid hopelessness of this task. How could I imagine it would be possible to find Collin in the middle of a battleground in a huge castle? Mum will kill him when she finds out he ran into the middle of a war. She'll kill me if she finds out I went to find him. If I can find him.
I want to run through the halls, calling his name, but my sense of self preservation tells that would be dangerous and stupid. I can’t summon the courage to speak anyway. But suddenly there he is, fighting Alecto Carrow, struggling for dominance. “Colin!” I cry happily. I’ve found him, I’ve found my brother! I don’t need to worry anymore: I can take him home and we can all be one big happy family again. Louisa can pester us and we can play on our brooms and mum can yell at us for not being better Christians. Father can lift his eyebrow at her and sneak us sweets behind her back. I'm so caught up in the fantasies that I nearly forget where we are.
“Dennis?” he calls, “Why didn’t you leave with the others?” His concentration is breaking now that he realises I’m here. “Dennis get out of here!” He screams at me as Alecto hurls another spell at his head. I duck into an alcove to avoid it. After a moment I ignore his order and step out from my hiding space, my wand raised at Alecto. This is my fatal mistake. In my hurry to help, I don’t realise that his fight is no longer about doing what’s right as he wanted it to be. He’s only protecting me now. Another spell lashes out and slams him against a wall.
“So, Colin, what would you do if I broke your brother a little bit before I killed you?” the hag screams to Colin as he tries to raise himself up.
“No!” he cries out when the Cruciatus curse strikes me for the first time.
It hurts so much I can hardly feel the pain. I’m tempted to let myself just shut down. If I’m dead, at least I wont be feeling the daggers shoving deeply into the skin. But through the constant throbs of it, I can see Colin as he watches me thrash on the floor. He's crying and I don't know why. Frustration? Anger? It makes anything that the old woman can do to me seem pale in comparison. Is he mad because I didn't listen? Or because I took this away from him? Which is worse? I don’t know how long the pain goes on for: maybe for a few minutes, maybe ten seconds. But then the pain is gone. I live on short ragged breaths, stolen seconds. I am gasping to get air into my lungs faster. I twitch slightly, compulsively. I pray for the tremors to stop.
And then it is my turn to watch. Watch as she steps over my body. Watch as she raises her wand to the space between Colin’s eyes. I can barely move with the pain but I have to help him. I have to do something. I raise my wand at her, I have to do something. Colin is too brave to die. He can’t die. God wont let him die. Will he?
“Avada Kedavra.”
The spell rushes past her, but I don’t mean it. You have to mean the Unforgivable spells. And I’m no killer. I may hate her in this moment but I am not strong enough to kill her to save him. She turns around, and looks at me again. A slight trickle of blood runs down her face, but otherwise she is no worse for the wear. She cackles again. My heart stops beating as she raises her wand once more in my direction.
“Your little brother obviously hasn’t learned his lesson,” Alecto whispers theatrically to Colin, “Should I teach him how to properly perform the spell?”
“No,” he breathes, realising the implication. He scrambles to his feet.
“Avada Keda””
“NO!” screams Colin, using the last of his strength to push her off balance. The spell goes high, but now her eyes are set on the boy who denied her my death. I am too late to save him. I can’t move. I just can’t move. I am so tired. I just want to sleep.
Colin looks straight up at the woman standing over him. There isn’t a glimmer of fear on his young features. Have to save him. Spell. Something. Anything. Save. Colin. The bright green light. Colin.
She’s killed him. Colin is dead because I came for him.
“Avada Kedavra,” I whisper.
It wont bring him back. I know that.
Nor will it make me feel better.
But this time I mean it.
I am a killer.
I knew Amycus would come for me some day. But why today? Why the one day I had someone important with me? Is it because I had her with me? Or did he simply find me at the wrong time? I lay panting in the sand. I look up at the stars. Anything but the thought that my daughter had to witness an Unforgivable. That she'll have to watch this. I’ve lost. I can’t fight back.
“I wonder if your mummy is home. Uncle Amycus will have great fun with her,” he tells her. He’s goading me I realise, and it’s working. With a grunt I roll onto my feet. I move in a couple steps closer and he points his wand at me again.
“No,” I manage to get out before another curse strikes me down. My mind runs to anywhere that isn’t in this body.
“But I thought we were careful.”
“I know.”
“But”,”
“I’m sure of it, Dennis.”
“Don’t get rid of her Gabrielle. I wont let you raise her on your own.”
“Stop it your hurting him,” cries my baby girl as I struggle to my feet again. I don’t say anything. I just get closer to him. He just laughs and knocks me off my feet again. This time I can’t get up. It hurts to much. Alexis needs me to fight for her, but I can’t. Frustrated tears form in my eyes as I struggle to rise again. I can’t move. I can’t save her.
When he sees that I can no longer move, he puts her down. She runs over to me. Lays her head on my chest. This is just like last time. He’s going to kill us both if I don’t move. But I can’t move. I can barely breathe, let alone defeat him. “Père you have to wake up,” she cries. I can barely feel the tears slowly soaking through my shirt. I want to, I really do. I want to save her, but I cant.
I have to. But I’m so weak. He comes and stands over us. Will he kill her and make me watch? Or will he kil me first? He raises the wand again. He’s pointing it at her. A wicked smile dances across his face. The same one his sister had on hers as she struck down a seventeen year old boy. I’ll be too late again, I realise. She’ll die. But I can’t let that happen. She’s staring defiantly up at him.
“Avada”,” he starts.
“Well if it’s not blue than what is it?” I ask at last.
He ponders for a moment.
“White. Blinding white. Because the waters make you clean.”
“NO!” I shout, overcoming the pain to leap up. My fist crashes across his face in an uppercut and I don't waste a second in knocking him to the ground. I hit him again and again. Alexis will not be hurt by him. Cannot. I hit him until he no longer responds to my punches. “You won’t hurt them, not ever,” I cry. My hands are still acting against him. He’s dead, but I can’t stop. I’m can't tell if I'm weak or strong. I’m crying. I didn't mean to kill the man. I didn't want to lose control. I was weak, but I was strong enough to save her. I feel a tiny hand on my back. I stop hitting him, but I'm still crying. A strong man shouldn't cry should he?
“He can’t hurt us anymore.” My hands stop. I look back at her tiny face. She has her mother’s worry lines. She hugs me. I don’t want to touch her with these bloodstained hands. I can't soil her like that. She hugs the pain away for a moment, but then takes my protesting hand. She stands my up and walks me to the sea.
"Get clean, Père," she says. She walks in to the water, pulling me with her. Her little hands rob mine of the blood.
I was strong enough to save her.
And that is all that matters.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning to sail my ship.
-Louisa May Alcott
Beyond the Sea by Emily_the_Poet
Chapter Notes: I don't know why this chapter turned out the way it did. It just really took hold of me and did not let go. I've enjoyed this peek into Dennis's life.
Chapter Endnotes: *sniffle* I don't want it to end.... But it must. It would get really old if I had a neverending story. I hope you all caught the random jumps into the past. And I hope I did Colin's death justice. Could you please let me know if you found anything lacking? Much love to Laceymoibella and Angela Prongs for being very supportive and giving me confidence in the story.