Haley’s Obnoxious Show Tune Du Jour
I thought home was all I'd ever want
My attic all I'd ever need.
Now nothing feels the way it was before
And I don't know how to proceed.
I only know I'm meant for something more
I've got to know if I can be
Astonishing!”
-- “Astonishing,” from Little Women the Musical
Well, sitting, waiting, reading, all of that… I’d just finished writing up my last lovely journal entry for you, when suddenly, there was an ear-splitting ‘crack!’ outside the front door, accompanied by a rather softer, more muffled-sounding noise. I didn’t even blink. There had been more Apparitions in the Potter house that day than at any respectable haunted house.
“It’s them! It’s them!” cried Holly, racing to the front door and jumping up and down.
“He’s not the same one who you thought was going to try and kill her, is he?” said Jonathan. He looked a bit let-down when he was hastily informed otherwise, but his face brightened up when Haley and B.C. burst exuberantly through the door.
They were holding hands and carrying thin suitcases, both wearing the eager, giddy, and shiny-faced expressions that I’d seen on Ivy and Ted in less complicated times. My slightly hazy memory of B.C. hadn’t failed me”he looked just as I remembered him, with the same pleasant but unremarkable face, like Wolfgang’s but softer, more rounded, and without that sparkle of charisma and mischief that made his brother so interesting to look at.
“Hi, everyone!” squealed Haley, looking like she was going to explode from excitement. “Oh my gosh! I got married, can you believe it?” She hugged me with bone-crushing force for someone so tiny. “Auggggh, I missed you guys!” she clapped her hands together and made her rounds, hugging everyone else.
B.C. smiled warmly. One of the first things I’d really noticed about him when I first met him was that he had a very reassuring smile. It came in handy now. “I hope you weren’t too worried,” he said softly. “I didn’t even think that you might get me confused with my brother. I really should have thought of that.” He turned to Uncle Harry. “You must be Haley’s dad. It’s nice to finally meet you after hearing so much about you.” He shook Harry’s hand. “If I did have any ill intentions, I’d think twice knowing I’d have to deal with the Head Auror for the Ministry.”
I stared in amazement as he moved on to Aunt Ginny, commented on her resemblance to Haley, and gave her a hug. This was not the B.C. Quinn I remembered. This guy was a charmer. The few times I’d met B.C., he’d been quiet and self-effacing and barely said more than a few sentences. He’d even known to comment on Uncle Harry’s position as Head Auror rather than mentioning the whole Chosen One business, which never failed to get people on his good side.
“So, fill me in!” I said. “What… exactly happened here? It’s been months.”
Haley giggled, sitting down on the sofa with B.C. and curling up against him with her arms around his neck. “Oh, wow, I almost forgot! I never even gave you any of the details! Well, when we got the venue for the show, we were getting programs and marquees and everything ready, and I realized that the name I use in my first professional show has got to be the one that I use for the rest of my career, you know? So I figured we should get married before we did any of that stuff so I could be Haley Quinn in time.”
Wow, that was exactly the kind of logic I’d expect from Haley. Breathtakingly ridiculous.
B.C. grabbed Haley’s hand and stroked it with his thumb. “I promise it wasn’t as reckless as she’s making it all sound,” he added gently. “I knew I wanted to marry her, so I asked her, and then she said, ‘Let’s go do it now,’ and when I asked her why all the rush, she said the thing about the name on the marquees. And I figured, there’s no harm in going ahead and getting married, since we knew we wanted to anyway, so we did.” He ran a hand bashfully through his curly brown hair.
“I don’t know if you heard any rumors that I’m not responsible with money and things, but Wolfgang is… confused. I’ve never been in debt. I do lend a lot of money to my brother and other people, but I play piano for three churches, and I give private lessons and I play at weddings and receptions and things. I’m definitely not rich, but I’ve never had to starve, either.”
“Yeah, I can see that,” I blurted. Eesh. Did I really say that? That was a bit tactless, even for me.
B.C. just laughed and said, “Yeah, food and me go way back. Exercise and me still have to get to know each other better.”
“No… I meant that… that… er, you obviously don’t have to go hungry if you can afford nice clothes like you’re wearing,” I said lamely, gesturing at his shiny shoes, tailored trousers, crisp white shirt, and the neat waistcoat he had on, which was weird and old-fashioned, but suited him nonetheless.
B.C. gave me his reassuring smile again. “Well, I’m glad you like my clothes, at least,” he said. “It’s the nicest thing I had to get married in. Sorry I misunderstood you, but I guess I’m just used to Anatoly’s jokes, especially since Haley says you have a lot in common.”
“What?” I demanded.
“You know,” said Haley. “You’re both really… blunt. And moody. And hilarious. And stubborn.”
“And predictably unpredictable,” added Jordan, who could predict a lot of things.
Gnnnrgh. Just because I shared a few personality traits with Anatoly Capshaw didn’t mean that we were at all alike. As ‘moody’ as I could be, I would definitely never talk like I thought I was from the nineteenth century, dress like I thought I was a Beatle, or move like I thought I was a fairy princess.
“So, how exactly did Jordan find you?” asked my mother.
Haley and B.C. shared a smile, the kind that comes with inside jokes. “We’d just gotten our room,” explained Haley, giggling a little, “and we were settling in, and then the door turned into dust and Jordan stomped inside with his wand out, and he started shouting, ‘I strongly suggest you do not move a single muscle, Quinn, or I may resort to violence.’ It was hilarious.”
Jordan glared. “I remember it a bit differently. When I came inside, they were snogging on the sofa, and they didn’t notice that I’d come inside until I had to get their attention by shouting.”
Haley and Jordan went on arguing for awhile, while B.C. wisely decided to approach Ivy, who had been silent for awhile, and struck up a conversation about piano and classical music. I could tell that Ivy really liked him a lot, and Haley’s parents were definitely impressed, too. My parents seemed just as fond of him, especially my mother, who seemed thrilled that a sensible, sane person had somehow found his way into this den of madness. Even Jordan, for all of his gruffness, seemed to respect B.C., and Jordan generally didn’t appreciate many people’s company.
I had to admit, Haley could have it a lot worse, and she’d dated a lot of stupid, bizarre people… but why B.C.? He was a nice guy, and a reasonably likeable guy, but so what? Maybe I was missing something. After all, Tyrone had always spoke well of him.
… Tyrone. Where was he? Everyone else who had gone off looking for Haley had come back, but why not Tyrone? It didn’t take a genius to realize that he was probably dealing with Wolfgang. Maybe he was even reporting him to the Ministry.
Suddenly, I missed Tyrone a lot. Especially after seeing Haley and B.C. together. The way they were so…huggy and smiley made me remember the huggy and smiley times I’d had with Tyrone. Even though it had only been a few hours since I’d seen Tyrone, those huggy and smiley days had been a looong time ago.
B.C. and Ivy were playing some kind of duet on the new piano, while Haley was standing behind her husband”what a weird word”with her arms draped around his neck, beaming like a laser gun.
And all I wanted more than anything was to be able to hold onto Tyrone’s warm, solid, cologne-saturated body that I missed so much and hear that deep, self-assured voice in my ear. I wished I could fit my hand into one of his big, callused ones and see that ‘kid in a candy shop’ expression in those sparkly hazelly eyes, the look he tended to get when we ran into each other. At least… in the old days. But would we ever get back to that point again, or was this just a little flirtation, the beginning of some awkward friendship that would still be just as unfulfilled and complicated by unsaid things even after Tyrone got married and started a family and I… became a highly influential Auror?
My gooshy thoughts were interrupted by another banging noise outside the house. I jumped slightly. My first instinct was that Tyrone had just Apparated outside the door, though I knew perfectly well that his arrival was usually announced by a sound like a sonic boom.
“Someone’s knocking at the door,” Jordan said flatly. “With no discernable sense of rhythm.” He got up to open it, but Uncle Harry held up his hand.
“It might be for me, Magruder said he wanted to meet and talk about some lockdown procedures in case werewolves attack the Ministry.” He opened the door and was immediately greeted by a very familiar voice.
“Oh, hey, Mr. Potter, listen, I’m visiting my parents for the holidays, and they just wanted me to nip over here and find out what’s making all those noises that sound like gunshots. ‘Course, I already know it’s people Apparating inside that sphere of invisibility or whatever you call it around your house, but I just want to make sure our stories match up in case they ask you,” said a very tall, thin, and extremey strange-looking girl.
“Good idea,” said Uncle Harry. “And it’s nice to see you again. How are you?”
“I’m interning at this fashion magazine. It’s cool. You’d never believe the mad things that go on there,” replied the girl. She had a face that always put me in mind of a cartoon character, a short, pointed face with all of its features taking up as much room as possible of the small amount of available space. Her brown eyes were enormous and her mouth wide, below a minuscule dash of a nose. She had a chin-length platinum blonde bob, radically shorter in the back, and streaked with hot pink.
To add to this eccentric picture, she was wearing a strapless purple minidress over green-and-yellow striped tights, with thick orange legwarmers, red high heels, and enormous green waistcoat that fell to her hips, a bright blue and red polka dotted tie, and a wide brimmed black straw hat. Her earrings looked like full-sized bananas, and her arms were covered in bangle bracelets. She wore thick-framed red glasses with no glass in them. Then again, this kind of look was perfectly normal for Giorgi Anderson, and we’d all gotten used to her. For a Muggle, she certainly didn’t look like one.
“You might as well tell your parents that I made the mistake of letting Holly and Jonathan try to help cook dinner,” said Harry. “They’d understand.”
“Thanks,” replied Giorgi. She grinned even wider. “So… can you tell me what all of the Apparition was actually all about?”
Uncle Harry exhaled slowly. “It’s a long story...” he began.
“I got married, Giorgles!” Haley squealed from the other room. “Earlier today!”
Giorgi’s skinny eyebrows shot skyward, making her look even more cartoonish than usual. “No, way! Tell me all about it! Why wasn’t I invited?” she gushed, pushing past Uncle Harry and into the living room. For a house as well-protected as the Potters’, a heck of a lot of people do tend to come in uninvited on any given day.
“So,” began Giorgi, leaning against the doorframe, “Who’s the lucky bl”“ Her voice trailed off like the last of a can of whipped cream, and her head turned so quickly that she might have been a cobra. I could see her wide eyes growing even wider. “Jordan?” she breathed.
Jordan smiled at her from his armchair. It was a genuine smile, the kind you don’t tend to find on Jordan Potter’s face very often. “The one and only,” he said. “Well, er, actually, I suppose I’m not the one and only, as Jordan’s quite a common name”er, yours, in fact, ignoring the spelling variant”but I’m sure you understood my meaning.”
Giorgi didn’t even respond to Jordan’s semi-coherent babble. She just jumped up, ran over to him, and tackled him in a hug at the exact second that Jordan sprung to his feet. His arms dangled lamely at his sides, pinned down by the force of Giorgi’s hug. A good five inches taller than Jordan any day, she towered even more conspicuously over him in her high heeled shoes.
“It’s been two years, can you believe it?” exclaimed Giorgi, releasing Jordan at last. He looked rather shaken. “You look… you look really fantastic.”
“So do you,” said Jordan slowly. He had to be lying. There was no way anyone could think Giorgi looked ‘fantastic,’ unless specifically referring to Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them.
All talk of Haley’s marriage was completely forgotten, as Jordan and Giorgi sat down together and struck up a very fast-paced, excitable conversation about weird Muggle stuff that I’d never even heard of, much less understood.
I surveyed the vast assembled crowd. Now that the great mystery of what had happened to Haley was over, I had no desire to hang around that room anymore.
“Hey, I think I’ll go up to bed, okay?” I said, keeping my voice as cheery and casual as possible. “It’s been great seeing you again, Giorgi.”
Once I got to the top of the stairs, I found Haley’s old bedroom from back when we were growing up, and conjured up a cot, just like the old days. The walls were the same bright pink as always, everything sparkly and cheery and girly as ever. It was weird to think of the crazy little girl who’d slept here as anyone’s wife, let alone B.C. Quinn’s.
I grabbed one of her old teen magazines, which I’d always found horribly entertaining but never dared admit it, and settled down on my cot for a nice long brain cell-killing read. I was just partway through a very engrossing article on potions that can dramatically enhance one’s bust size for a period of twenty-four hours, when Haley stepped into the room, carrying her suitcase.
“Oh, hi Haley,” I said. “Check this out, this has to be the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen.” Then, I noticed that a teenage Haley had apparently circled the potion in ink and turned down the page, so I quickly flipped to a random page and pointed at the first thing I saw.
Haley giggled. “You think deodorant is stupid?” she asked incredulously. I opened my mouth, but Haley luckily spared me from making another pathetic excuse. “What are you doing in here, anyway?” she asked. Now that was a question I could answer.
“This is my bedroom,” I said. “Well, my bedroom over here. I’m not about to take the long walk next door to my own house, not if my parents are staying here.”
Haley looked slightly embarrassed. “Erm… Ems, listen. Me and Wolfie are going to stay up here together tonight. I don’t think you’d want to be in here at the same time.”
I tried not to retch at the thought of that delightful scenario. “What, he’s staying in here?” I demanded. “With all the… fluffy pink sparkly doodads?”
“Hey, if he couldn’t put up with fluffy pink sparkly stuff, he wouldn’t have married me!” chirped Haley. Hmm. She had a point.
“Well, tell him that if he wants a bit of light reading, you’ve got some excellent material right here,” I said, holding up one of the magazines. She had drawn glittery red hearts all around the shirtless teenage wizard on the front cover.
Haley laughed and started jumping up and down on the bed, but her face grew unusually solemn before her laughter even managed to reach hysterical.’ “Listen,” she said, still jumping up and down on the bed, “Don’t, you know, take this the wrong way, but I feel like you’re not happy that I got married.”
“What, are you kidding?” I said loudly. “I’m thrilled. I’m so excited. I’m like extra-super happy.”
“Okay, now I know you’re lying,” said Haley. Ugh. She was reminding me of Ivy now. Was this sixth sense something that came with being married?
“I like him fine,” I assured her. “It’s just… he’s an all right guy, but I don’t see what’s so exciting about him. Why would you want to get married to him? You’ve never even dated anyone for more than a few months. And he’s so… unremarkable.”
Haley actually stopped jumping on the bed and sat down, hugging a pillow to her chest. “He’s not unremarkable at all,” she said quietly. “He’s got this talent… it’s not like he knows how to make people do what he wants, he just makes people want the same thing he does without meaning to. And he always lets other people take the credit for everything. If you think he’s boring, that just means he fooled you, too.”
“Sounds like the same powers as Wolfgang, only he uses them for good,” I commented.
Haley didn’t say anything silly. And that was a new one. I saw what she meant about B.C.’s low-key charm”he really could persuade people without leaving behind the memory that he’d been the one to do the persuading. “I just don’t get it, though,” I said. “Last time I saw you, it was like you were barely friends. How did all… this happen?”
Haley jumped up from the bed and twirled around. “Do you really want to know?” she asked. “It’s a long story.” Without even waiting for a reply, she did a belly flop onto the cot where I was sitting and began her story.
“It was kind of a love at first sight kind of thing. Like a fairy tale. Well, maybe not love at first sight, but I was definitely interested. You remember when we were at Madame Puddifoot’s, and then Duckling and Wolfie came in and asked me about doing their musical, right? And, you know, I was so excited to see Duckling that I wasn’t even noticing Wolfie, and then I saw him, and I kind of thought, ‘Ha, Duckling’s friend looks a tiny bit like Michael Ball! And I love that guy!’”
I pulled a face. “Ugh, Michael Ball’s the worst.”
“Only if you mean the worst at a Being Untalented And Unattractive Contest,” Haley replied staunchly. “But anyway, so we sat down, and Duckling was doing most of the talking, but Wolfie was sitting right across from me, and I looked up at him, and he just had this look in his eye. It was this look like, ‘You’re the most interesting person I’ve ever met, and I’m the most interesting person you’re ever going to meet, and there’s so much about me that you should learn, and I’m going to make you want to learn it. And I know you’re going to like me, because I feel like I know you already.’ It was this super-intense look, but in sort of a gentle kind of way, and coming from this quiet, polite, innocent-looking bloke, I was just… you know. Blown away. Poof!” She beamed at me with that crazy, ‘still irrationally in love’ smile.
“And with all of the confetti and hearts and all of the other cute decorations at Madame Puddifoot’s, I just kind of knew right then that this guy was special. So when he said we could practice at his house the next day, and he smiled at me with those humongous dimples, I was like ‘sure,’ because come on, who wouldn’t want a little one-on-one time!”
I gaped at her. “So, you’re saying you decided you liked this guy because he stared creepily at you in a restaurant?”
“Yep,” sang Haley.
“And you agreed to join his musical just because you wanted to get to know B.C. better?” I demanded.
“Yepperdiddies.”
I shook my head. Suddenly, I remembered something. That night Haley interrupted my not-a-date with Wolfgang… when she was so dressed up and I thought she was flirting with Wolfgang because she kept asking if his brother had told him anything about her… she’d come straight from B.C.’s house. She never had been flirting with Wolfgang after all”it was B.C. all the time. For once, Haley had actually met an attractive man without flirting for all she was worth.
“But yeah, as soon as I went to that practice with Wolfie, we just clicked. We just knew each other, you know? And also, those songs he wrote are so amazing! He’s such a genius, you have no idea. He does stuff with music that I can’t even explain. And, you know, I think he really understands me. I mean, he heard so much about how cute and fun and talented I am from Duckling, but as soon as we started talking, it was like we’d known each other forever. And I kind of thought that I could actually imagine getting married to him some day… just in the back of my mind. I felt like he liked me, but I didn’t want to say anything in case I was wrong, and that would just ruin everything.”
“Come on, you not saying anything?” I asked. “Normally when you like a guy, you say ‘hi, you’re a cute total stranger, let’s go out.’”
“Yeah, but that’s just crushes!” protested Haley. “That’s different! With Wolfie, I knew I wasn’t going to find another Wolfie! And he was always so busy with stuff to do with the show whenever we were out in public, so we really only talked in private. I didn’t want to tell you about it, because I had crushes on so many losers who didn’t really like me after all, and I didn’t want you to say ‘told you so,’ because you never saw the real Wolfie.
“But yeah, one day, we were rehearsing a song that had a kiss at the end, and I wasn’t really thinking, so I went and I actually kissed him, and then we started snogging, and after awhile, he just looked up at me and he said, ‘You do know I love you, right?’ And I was like, ‘Well, good, because I love you, and it would be awkward if I just snogged someone who didn’t love me back.’ And he said he’d always thought deep down that I loved him, only sometimes he thought it was actually Duckling I was after. So I told him, ‘No way, I love him to bits, but the way you love a little brother who isn’t a genius Seer or a psycho Quidditch star. If I could only pick one person to talk to for the rest of my life, it’d definitely be you.’”
This was the mushiest thing I’d heard since I’d been hit in the ear with a rotten peach.
“So, you know, we were dating for awhile, but we didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. And then, yesterday, he played me this song called ‘Your Song,’ and he told me that the first time he’d heard the song was the first day he met me, and it was stuck in his head all day, and then after that, every time he heard that song, he thought of me. He even said he tried to write a song for me, but he couldn’t think of anything better than ‘Your Song.’ And then, we were singing it, and all of a sudden, he said, ‘I think we should get married.’ So I said, ‘Let’s go do it now!’” She grinned broadly and spread out her hands, signaling the happy end of her story.
I was even more perplexed than ever now. What a… weird love story. I guess there’s something sexual about singing duets in a cramped little space or something. The way Haley put it, it sounded like Haley and B.C. fell in love with each other because they both loved music the same way or something.
“Come on, Emma, you can’t say you don’t like him after all of that,” wheedled Haley.
I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose. “No, it’s just… he’s not even good-looking or anything,” I blurted. Haley looked like I’d punched her in the face. “You have to admit, you’re biased. He’s just this average-looking kinda fat guy with a face like a little kid.”
Instead of looking even more offended, Haley just laughed. “Come off it, he’s gorgeous. And he’s not ‘fat.’ He’s just cuddly. And besides, I’m so pointy, he’d need a bit of padding on him, or he’d get bruises all over.” She smiled mischievously. “Which is why it never would have worked between me and Ted.”
I snorted. “Oh yeah, how can I forget that big crush on Ted you used to have in third year.”
Haley sighed. “Yeah, erm… actually, it wasn’t just in third year,” she said. “I just realized by fourth year that he liked Ivy and not me, so I shut up about it. But I always liked him… even after he got married. You know how it is. When I was little, I always planned on marrying Ted. He even proposed to me with that ring made out of a green pipe cleaner when we were five, remember? And he saved my life in fourth year. It wasn’t until Wolfie that I got over him all the way.”
Now I was gawking at Haley like I’d never seen her before. “You… you liked Ted?” I spluttered. “Seriously? What about all those… those vampires and owl trainers and sushi chefs you liked?”
“I tried to find other guys,” she said matter-of-factly. “Obviously, it wasn’t working out, though”I could never do more than a few dates before. I just got bored. But it’s not like I felt too jealous of Ivy. Ted and Ivy were… they are perfect for each other. But… this sounds really dumb, but once I had Wolfie, it’s like I’d completely forgotten all about how I used to feel about Ted. I can’t even remember what it was like anymore, actually.”
I was pretty sure that this new revelation would never sink in all the way. There was no way I could imagine Haley of all people pining over anyone… especially someone like Ted.
“Haley… I had no idea,” I said softly, grabbing her hand. “I never would have even guessed. I’m sorry.”
“Oh, don’t worry about it!” she exclaimed. “That was all BBC.”
I squinted. “British Broadcasting Corporation?”
Haley threw a pillow at my head. “Before B.C., silly. And this is Year One ABC.”
“You’re barking,” I told her. I smiled. “So what is it with you and mediocre-looking guys who probably can’t hold up a Beater’s bat?”
“You are so obsessed with looks!” blurted Haley almost angrily. I stared at her. “Sorry,” she said. “It’s just, it’s like you can’t even understand why anyone would want to date anyone who’s not underwear model material. Maybe it’s because I’m not as pretty as you are, but it’s after I fall in love with someone that I start seeing all the cute and sexy and awesome things about him.”
“But you think everyone’s cute,” I pointed out. “You even think Anatoly’s not an eyesore. And you’re making it sound like all I care about is looks! I care a lot more about personality than looks, I’d just rather the personality come in a nice container. I have to really get to know someone before I’ll go out with him… not like you, you’d always just go by the look in some guy’s eye, or the shoes he’s wearing, or something stupid like that.”
“How many boyfriends have you had?” Haley asked me slyly.
I had a feeling she was trying to prove a point, but I wasn’t quite sure what it could be. “Four,” I said, “including the Ishfriend. Five, if you count Wolfgang. Which I sure as heck don’t.”
“And how many of them didn’t look like they could be film stars?” she asked sweetly.
Ohhhh. She had… a point, curse her. “Er… just one,” I managed. “The Ishfriend.”
“And how long did that last?” prompted Haley.
I groaned. “Two days. Okay, okay, I get it, Haley, I’m shallow and I only like guys based on looks. You happy?”
“I’m not saying you’re shallow, dum-dum,” Haley said. “I’m saying you’re confused. The first boy you ever really fancied was Tyrone, and he’s like the prettiest boy in the world. So you’ve just been looking for another Tyrone to replace him with, haven’t you?”
I made a bunch of strangled-sounding, unintelligible squeaky noises.
“Face it, Emma. You never stopped liking him. Trust me, I can tell these things. I’ve been there.”
I sighed. “Hales… you know me way too well,” I said. “But yeah, I do like Tyrone. I like him so much that it makes me feel uncomfortable… I like him so much that I even saw Sense and Sensibility with him. I’m ninety-nine percent sure that he likes me, too. But… he’s just grown up so much, and I’m still the same I was five years ago.”
Haley let out a little squeal and gave me a big hug. “I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!” she sang. “Wolfie reckons he hasn’t heard Tyrone talk about any other girl for awhile now.”
“But it’s not just because he’s good-looking,” I said quickly. It was true, too. Tyrone’s unnaturally good looks had always been more of a source of annoyance to me than anything else. I’d never liked him until I got to know his personality, no matter how gorgeous he was. When I thought about his muscly arms or perfect smile or pretty eyes… I liked them so much because they were his, not just because they couldn’t have looked out of place on the cover of one of Haley’s magazines.
Had I really been trying to replace Tyrone with another similar model? Was that why none of my relationships had worked out… because everyone paled in comparison when it came to sheer Tyroniness?
“Don’t worry, I love me some Tyroonie, too,” Haley chirped. “And Wolfie’s lucky Tyrone’s his stepbrother, because there’s no way he’d be able to deal with Wolfgang on his own. And then, there’s the house and everything, and all the attention he got our musical, plus he’s just an all-around awesome guy, and he’s got great fashion sense.”
“Wait, what about a house?”
Haley looked like a little kid who had just been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. “If you let Wolfie know I told you this, I will poke you very hard in the belly button,” she threatened. “But… Wolfie lived with Duckling before now, and we lived together, so we’re going to need a new place to live. And neither of us has much money”I mean, once the show’s a smash hit, we will, but for right now, money’s kind of tight. So Tyrone went and bought us a house. I think he’s still filling out paperwork and stuff in London. Wolfie’s really touchy about money”he’s so proud about never accepting favours and everything, so Tyrone said he could just pay him back later when he had the money, and that he’d hold us to it. But I doubt he’ll ever let us pay him back. It’s a really nice house, too… and again, one word, and I will poke you, and you will be so sad.”
Whoa. Tyrone had actually paid for a house for B.C. and Haley with his own money? How could anyone not fall for a guy like that?
“You know,” I said grudgingly, “Haley, I think you and B.C. are going to be really happy. I… I’m glad you married him.”
It was true, too. Haley was the kind of person who was almost incapable of being unhappy, and B.C. definitely seemed like the sort to go with the flow. And I was glad that she’d married him. As crazy as it seemed to me, I could tell she really did love him, and besides, I’d hate to think of Haley spending any more time daydreaming about Ted, who was very much married, and also possibly dead.
Haley hugged me as tight as a boa constrictor. “Aww, Emma!” she squealed. “You are so going to be my Maid of Honour! I’m so excited!”
I raised an eyebrow, something that usually never failed to irritate Haley. But today, she was too happy to notice. “Wait, I thought you were already married,” I pointed out.
“That was just a boring official Ministry marriage, though,” explained Haley. “But I’m HALEY! I have to put on a show don’t I? I’ve been planning my wedding since I was six years old!”
I laughed. “So you and B.C. are going to have a big wedding after all, even though you’re already married? You can’t have your cake and eat it, too.”
“I can, too!” announced Haley. “And we’re inviting everyone we know, and it’s in two months. And you are going to help me pick out a dress! And if you don’t come along, I’ll pick neon orange bridesmaid dresses, just to annoy you!”
Well… I can never say no to shopping, can I? Even for wedding dresses, which to my untrained eye, all look pretty much the same.
We were just about to dig out another one of Haley’s old teen magazines and laugh at all of the ugly dress robes that had been in style five years ago, when the door creaked open.
“Hummingbird? You okay?” B.C. said gently.
“Yep!” Haley lay back on the bed, smiling up at him. “Aww, come here, Panda Bear.”
Ick. Blecccch. Hummingbird and Panda Bear? That was just downright nauseating. I thought that couples referring to one another as animals was solely limited to Ted and Ivy, who had least had an excuse.
“I think I’ll go now,” I said loudly, as Haley planted herself on her new husband’s lap. “Er… I’ll talk to you later… Hummingbird.”
“Shut up!” Haley replied happily.
I replanted myself in Ivy’s old bedroom instead, which was a lot more tastefully decorated, except for the overabundance of pictures of Ted. It was actually a little scary to see so many mini-Teds grinning and waving back at me. I was still weirded out about Haley being married. I always thought of her as this girly, hyper, immature kid, not the kind of person who would ever settle down and get married. Marriage was for people like Ivy, who was pretty much a grown-up by the time she was eleven years old. Maybe it was because I’d always been so much taller and older-looking than Haley, but I felt so uncomfortable about the idea of Haley being more mature than me in any way.
I stared out the window, where the full moon was dappling the front lawn with light. I could see Tyrone’s house shining in the dark.
The full moon… I had to wonder whether Ted was alive. I didn’t want to think about it… because deep down, I was almost certain that he was dead. And Ted was a big part of my life… I didn’t think I could stand to lose that. Why was it always the good people like Ted who always ended up in dangerous situations, anyway? How come all of the obnoxious people like Wolfgang never seemed to have anything to worry about?
Whoa. Wolfgang. I felt like I’d been struck by a bolt of lightning, leaving me electrified, tingly, and shocked. How could I have not realized it before? Wolfgang was a werewolf. One of the bad ones.
He had to be. Thinking back… all of the times he’d been late coincided with one of the attacks. When I told him I didn’t want to talk to him again, he’d started blabbering about how he’d had nothing to do with the werewolf attacks, even though I hadn’t even brought that up. He’d changed the subject whenever I brought up the werewolf attacks, and I’d heard him having conversations about werewolves with Tyrone, only breaking off when he saw me coming.
And Tyrone had made a strange, cryptic comment about a ‘sterling-silver reputation,” and then he’d said, ‘ooh, bad choice of words there,’ or something like that. But most of all… when I brought up that Ted was at a werewolf reservation… he’d known what I was talking about.
Oh, Godric. I’d told Wolfgang where Ted was staying. No wonder I hadn’t heard anything from Ted. Thanks to me, the bad werewolves knew where he’d gone. Why hadn’t I thought it was odd that Wolfgang was so interested in Ted?
And… the Ministry knew about it, too. Or at least, they suspected it. They wouldn’t send Aurors to guard the stadiums and monitor his every move solely because he was known to be unreliable and unbalanced and a serial-seducer. They must have realized his connection to Cassius Balthazar’s band of werewolves.
I’d thought it was odd that he’d gone to Durmstrang while B.C. went to Hogwarts. But I remember learning in Professor Lupin’s Defense Against the Dark Arts class that werewolves are a lot more common in Central and Eastern Europe, and much more widely accepted, maybe because they had a bunch of noblemen who were werewolves back in the old days. Ted was the only werewolf in the whole school back when we were at Hogwarts, but Durmstrang always had a good number of them, from what I’d read. It’d also be a good way to keep people in England from finding out Wolfgang’s secret… shipping him away for school so his condition would be thoroughly unknown when he tried to find work in the British wizarding world.
Okay, Emma I told myself, This time, we’re not going to jump to conclusions. Because we all know what happens when you do that. Wait until Tyrone gets back, and then confront him about all of this werewolf stuff. IF Wolfgang’s a werewolf, then Tyrone will have all of the details.
Tyrone. There was no way he was still filling out paperwork for Haley and B.C.’s house. He’d found Wolfgang drunk in a pub in London, shortly before the full moon rose. There was bound to be some kind of werewolf attack in the midst… and Tyrone was trying to stop it.
I felt restless, imagining the chaos going on in London under that same round, golden moon that looked so serene and peaceful here in Godric’s Hollow.
I didn’t know what I was going to do, but I knew that whatever I did, there was no way I was staying cooped up in Ivy’s bedroom, looking at all of her pictures of Ted Lupin in happier days. I walked out of the room, past the open door to Haley’s bedroom, where she and B.C. were sitting on the bed and having a whispered conversation that I couldn’t hear, but that was making both of their eyes sparkle with barely contained joy. B.C. whispered something in Haley’s ear, and then they both laughed like they’d just heard the funniest joke in the world.
I quickly turned away and walked downstairs, through the kitchen where Harry and Ginny were reading over their old wedding album at the kitchen table, through the living room where my dad was sitting with my arm around my mother’s shoulder and the Wizarding Wireless was playing on full blast, past the den where Holly and Jonathan were drawing an enormous card for Haley and B.C. together, and past the study where Jordan and Giorgi (what was she still doing here?) were sitting cross-legged on the floor, while Jordan blathered in highly technical language that I couldn’t understand and Giorgi listened like she’d never heard anything so fascinating.
I felt like I was the one sock left over in the bottom of the sock drawer that doesn’t match with any of the others. I couldn’t remember ever feeling so lonely in a house full of people.
I sneaked down to the basement, where the Quidditch gear was stored. A good moonlit broomstick ride usually helped to get my mind off of whatever was troubling me… although the idea dredged up all kinds of memories of flying with Tyrone under the starry skies of the Scottish highlands. How had I never noticed back in school what a romantic setting it was, anyway?
I decided that if I was going to steal one of the Potter’s brooms, it should be Jordan’s old racing broom, firstly because it was the fastest and newest, and secondly because out of all of the Potters, he would be the most annoyed if I took his broom. But as I approached the rack of broomsticks, I suddenly felt the presence of someone behind me. I whirled around to see Ivy, sitting in the corner, breathing heavily, hands and feet dirty, and bits of leaves in her hair.
“Ivy!” I gasped. “What happened?”
“I turned into a fox,” she explained quietly. “I thought running around the neighbourhood would make me feel better.” She paused. “Sometimes… it’s easier to be an animal.”
Ohhh, no. I anticipated the violent series of sobs that racked her body by a good two seconds, and raced over and put my arm around her.
“I know how you feel,” I said.
“No. I know you’re trying to help, but you don’t.” She stared off, out the window, into the moonlight. “Ted… he promised to write. I still haven’t gotten a letter from him.”
I stroked her long, impossibly blonde hair. “I’m sure he’s okay,” I lied. “Writing would probably just give away his position.”
Ivy shook her head. “Something’s happened to Ted. I just know it,” she choked. She wiped the tears from her cheek with the back of her hand, smearing dirt down her face. “I know I should be happy for Haley. And… I am… but… it’s just so hard, seeing them so happy like that. And it makes me so…scared. Of being alone.”
I laughed bitterly. “Well, at least we have one thing in common now,” I said. “Oh… and I’ve been reading Pride and Prejudice. It’s… good.”
“I’ve been reading another book by Jane Austen,” Ivy said, her voice quavering. “It’s called Emma.”
I blinked. “That’s a coincidence.”
“It’s about a beautiful, spoiled girl who thinks she’s never going to get married and denies the fact that she loves the man who lives down the street,” Ivy explained. “And her friend Harriet falls in love, but she doesn’t approve and tries to interfere, but everything just goes wrong. Especially when she thinks she fancies a man who turns out to be no good.”
Yikes. Who says classics aren’t relevant to modern life? This Jane Austen lady had me pegged, right down to the friend named Harriet. And if the next chapter of Pride and Prejudice is full of werewolf warfare, I’m going to sue.
*
WOW. Okay. Apparently, it’s not full of werewolf warfare. I don’t even want to get into the more miniscule details of this book right now, but basically, Mr. Darcy paid for a wedding for Wickham and Lydia, who were living (GASP) in SIN! But it’s all right now, because now they’re forced to be together for the rest of their miserable little lives.
Don’t worry, there’ll still be at least one more fabulous Pride and Prejudice summary from me to come, but frankly, I don’t want to rehash the details of Elizabeth’s family going through the hysteria of waiting to see what is to become of Lydia when I’ve just lived through it myself!
Pride and Pre-Juiced Plums: A Potter's Pentagon Love Story by Schmerg_The_Impaler
Chapter Notes: The lyrics in this chapter belong to Mindi Dickstein and Jason Howland. And "Your Song" belongs to Elton John. Also, I really missed writing about Jordan. I love that loser.
Chapter Endnotes: Tyrone Thomas and Jordan Potter now have their very own facebook accounts! Feel free to friend them-- or me. I believe I'm the only one on facebook with the middle name Schmergo.