All I have to do is pretend I never knew him
On those very rare occasions when he steals into my heart.
Better to have lost him when the ties were barely binding
Better the contempt of the familiar cannot start.
It’s easy… it’s easy.
Until I think about him as he was when I last touched him
And how he would have been were I to be with him today.
Those very rare occasions don’t let up, they keep on coming
All I ever wanted, and I’m throwing it away.
It’s easy, it’s easy as life.
-- “Easy as Life” from AIDA
ONE MONTH LATER
These are the things I did in the past month without Tyrone:
* My job
* Sleeping
* Eating
* Reading
* Hanging out with my friends
* Baby-sitting Holly and Jonathan
* Gardening
* Getting everything ready for Ivy’s baby and all that
* Basically everything I always did before Tyrone and I started hanging out again.
These are the things I didn’t do in the past month without Tyrone:
* Writing in my journal
* Talking to Tyrone
* Smiling at Tyrone
* Meeting Tyrone’s eyes
* Reacting when he calls my name and runs after me
* Responding to the owls he sends me, insistently at first, then gradually less and less frequently, then not at all.
* Laughing so hard that whatever I was drinking came out of my nose
* Wearing my favorite dress
* Feeling embarrassingly giddy
I’m not one of those girls who completely shuts down and cracks without the guy she’s crazy about. I’m not one of those girls who spirals into depression and stops being useful and loses her sense of humour. I’m much too cool for that. Of course I can carry on business as usual.
But I am one of those girls who can’t help but think about Tyrone almost all the time, just, you know, certain things he said and the way he said them, what his smile looked like when he’s really completely happy, how he smells, how smooth his skin is, the feeling of his hand on mine and his breath on my neck. And I suppose I’m also the sort of girl who looks forward to hopefully catching a glimpse of him, stupidly walking around and thinking he’ll appear any second.
Sometimes, he does. Actually, sometimes, he’ll come into the stadium”even though Quidditch season is over. At first, he did it to chase me down and ask what was going on, but now he practices there and looks at me every now and then, when he thinks I’m not looking. Vaultz seems proud of me, at least. Whoopee.
Okay, so maybe I am wallowing in self-pity a little bit, but I have good reason to feel sorry for myself. I didn’t even get to explain to Tyrone what was going on”and needless to say, there’s no rule that Quidditch players can’t interact with Aurors, just the other way around, so I’m sure he’s been trying to figure out all this time what he did wrong, and why I suddenly don’t want to hang out with him anymore when everything’s been going so well.
So I guess in a way, I feel even sorrier for Tyrone. The poor bloke must be so confused”at least I know all too well what’s going on. Hopefully, he puts two and two together and figures out what’s happening here. But I doubt it. The boy may be charming, but when it comes to brains, Jordan Potter he’s not.
One question that keeps nagging in the back of my head is, how long will it be until Tyrone actually gets a new girlfriend? Weeks? Months? Years? How long will it be until I don’t mind? And will I be more upset if she kind of looks like me or if she looks nothing like me? Wow, all right, come to think of it, that’s NOT just one question. But lots of questions have been nagging in the back of my head.
So it was a pretty major relief to go visit Haley and B.C. at their shiny new house to celebrate their return home from their honeymoon.
Oh, yeah, I should mention. Their musical only ran for two and a half weeks, but that’s really not so bad, considering everyone involved was a total amateur. It got fantastic reviews, but not many people saw it. Still, the reviews mean that I’m pretty sure Haley and B.C. (and what the heck, Anatoly as well) will be getting a lot more jobs sooner or later. Even if Mr. Bob Q. Average-Citizen didn’t see the show, you can bet the important people in the industry did.
You could say it was a blessing in disguise that their show closed when it did, because it meant that they got a nice two-week honeymoon. But of all of the romantic and fascinating and exotic places in the entire world they could have gone… they decided to go to Disney World. Yes, you heard me correctly.
“AIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!” screamed Haley, flinging open the door of her house and hugging me and Ivy like a mad strangler. “HI HI HI HI HI! Come right on in!” She ran up the front stairs, screaming, “WOLFIE! THEY’RE HERE!” and letting the door clang shut behind her in our faces.
I exchanged amused glances with Ivy. “Someone enjoyed honeymoon,” she said.
“Someone’s hiding upstairs from his insane wife,” I replied. “Isn’t the insane wife supposed to be the one locked away upstairs? They’re doing it wrong. Ah, well.”
We stepped inside and gave the place a look around. It was a really cute little house, not a big place, but cozy. It still had that weird just-moved-into feeling to it, as though it wasn’t really their house yet, but already it was starting to take on some distinctly Haley-esque characteristics. For example, ceramic kittens. They have this creepy habit of invading a place.
“Hi!” said B.C., running down the stairs and hugging us. He’d gotten a nice tan out of the trip, although he was lucky to have been born with the kind of naturally tan complexion that makes me fume with jealousy. “Nice to see you both again. Wow, it’s weird to be back in the real world again after two weeks.”
“Oh, trust me, living with Haley is not living in the real world,” I assured him.
He and Haley exchanged a very significant glance, laughing at some private joke that I must’ve accidentally touched on.
“Well, come on, sit down, we have presents for you!” squealed Haley. She threw herself onto the sofa and pulled out two enormous pink bags from next to it. “Oh wait, wait, first, check these thingamabobbers out!” Like an archaeologist unearthing a priceless relic, she pulled out a headband decorated with a pair of fake mouse ears, topped by a sparkly bow and a wedding veil. “And here’s Wolfie’s”catch!” She tossed her husband a plastic top hat, sporting mouse ears sprouting from either side.
B.C. jammed his onto his head over his mass of curly hair. “Wearing these around the park meant a lot of strangers came up to us to congratulate us. Normally, I would not go for that, but it was actually kind of nice. Prince Charming had to ask my permission to take a picture kissing Haley’s hand, though.”
“He wasn’t even all that cute,” Haley informed us, rummaging around in the bag. “Now, Aladdin, that’s another story. AH! Here we go!” She pulled out two t-shirts, one pink and one blue. “Wolfie and I picked these up, too”Undercover Prince and Undercover Princess. I thought they were adorable.” Haley’s shirt had a picture of Sleeping Beauty on it, while B.C. got one with the Beast on the front. “And Emma, Ivy, here’s yours.”
I loved mine. It was bright green and said ‘Undercover Villain,’ with a picture of the evil queen from Snow White”always awesome, and it was sweet of them to get me something non-sappy. Ivy’s was yellow and said ‘Undercover Warrior,’ with Mulan on it. There was no way the shirt would fit now, what with the baby and everything, but she seemed to like it a lot anyway. I think she was relieved that it wasn’t princess-related, what with the whole no-Ted thing going on.
“We got something for the baby, too. It says ‘Undercover Pirate.’ Just to be safe”we didn’t know if it’d be a girl or a boy or what. Oh, but check out these!” Haley pulled out three more shirts. “Anatoly’s is perfect”‘Undercover Madman’ with the Mad Hatter on it. He’ll love that. But look at Jordan’s. He’s going to kill me!”
The shirt was purple with a picture of Merlin from The Sword and the Stone, and it said “Undercover Wizard.” I laughed out loud. Jordan really was trying to camouflage his identity working among Muggles, and of course no one would suspect him, but it would be brilliant to walk around with a shirt that gave away his secret identity.
“Who’s this for?” I asked, picking up an orange shirt bearing the words ‘UNDERCOVER HERO,’ over a giant picture of Hercules. I had a suspicious feeling I already knew the answer.
B.C.’s brow wrinkled. “That’s for Ty,” he said. “Actually, I’m kind of surprised you didn’t bring him over here with you. Come to think of it, last time I saw him before I left, he said he hadn’t seen you in awhile.”
I hadn’t actually mentioned to anyone yet that I wasn’t allowed to have anything to do with Tyrone. I’d come close a few times. I’d told myself it was because Ivy had enough problems as it was, and Haley and B.C. were too busy with their frenzied wedding-musical-honeymoon schedule. But honestly, I was just worried about saying it out loud. That would automatically make it real. And I didn’t want to have to think about the fact that I’d never be able to talk to him again, not until our lives have diverged in completely different directions and it’s too late for us to be… anything more than we are, basically.
“Yeah… about that…” I said. “Tyrone and I… we haven’t really been getting on lately. We haven’t been talking. It’s nothing to do with him”he didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just, the night of the wedding, I w””
Ivy let out a loud, anguished gasp. I stared at her. She had gone very white, whiter even than usual, and she was gripping the arms of her chair very tightly, almost elevating herself up out of the chair. A giant wet stain was spreading on the front of her skirt.
“Erm… I think… my water just broke?” she managed to say, looking down in shock.
B.C. jumped up. “Right,” he said. “We need to get you to St. Mungo’s.”
“Are you having, you know, contractions or anything?” asked Haley, who seemed thrilled by all of this excitement. “Are you going into labour?”
“No, I feel fine,” Ivy said slowly. “Just… awkward. I mean, I’ve had contractions a few times, but really mild, and nothing ever happened. But I think I should go to St. Mungo’s, just in case. If my water broke now, that probably means the baby’s coming soon…” She stood up, looking as pale as a waxwork, her eyes wide and startled-looking, the puddle slowly spreading around her feet.
I looked about frantically. “Wait, I’m confused. The baby’s not supposed to come for another month, right?”
“Ted’s mum said he came two months early,” said Ivy. “I’ll… go get cleaned up, and then… I guess we should go, then.” Her voice sounded as though she was speaking from a dream.
Ohhh, man. As she hurried off to the loo, I looked desperately between Haley and B.C. “Look, I know literally nothing about babies. At all. But I think we should go with her when she goes to hospital. I know it’s no fun having babies”she could do with having someone along with her.”
Haley looked surprised to hear me saying something considerate. “Yeah, I think you’re right. And I’ll go send a Patronus to mum and dad so that they’ll know, and I guess I should…”
There was an ominous clunk and a muffled scream from the bathroom. “IVY?” I yelled, banging on the door. “You okay in there?
There was a horrible whimper. “Remember what I said about not having contractions?” she moaned. “… Scratch that…”
“PEOPLE!” I yelled. “Change of plans. We’re leaving now.”
“They could be false contractions?” Ivy suggested weakly, her voice muted through gritted teeth.
“I’ll get Jordan,” Haley said, jumping up at once to send another Patronus.
I tried to figure out how her train of thought could have possibly led her to that particular bizarre destination. “Wait, what? Jordan? Why?”
“Well, obviously, Ivy’s not going to be Apparating to St. Mungo’s”you don’t want a pregnant woman splinching herself, do you? Don’t think she’d be able to concentrate properly. Floo Network’s dangerous, too… this close to being born, she might end up going somewhere and leaving the baby behind. It wouldn’t be the first time. And there’s no way the Knight Bus is a possibility. So I was thinking we need someone who can drive. And that’s Jordan.”
Tyrone can drive, too I thought, but I didn’t say anything. I wasn’t going to use Ivy’s emergency as an excuse to see him again. Even I had some standards. “Haley, you’re… girly. Go in and… help Ivy with stuff,” I said lamely. I sat down next to B.C., shaking my head. “See, this is why I’m never having kids. What about you?”
“Oh, Haley and I want lots of kids. The more, the better,” he said blithely. Pshh, easy for him to say. He was a man. He didn’t have to go through all of the unthinkable trials and tribulations of being a mother.
“I have never been more relieved to be male,” announced Jordan Potter, materializing in the middle of the room with a small ‘pop.’ Oh, blast. I never liked it when Jordan and I had similar thoughts. It usually either meant I was barking mad, or else he was magically interfering with my thoughts again. Jordan looked distinctly ruffled, but that was the norm for him. “For the record, this is the second time you have called me from my extraordinarily busy schedule for some kind of family crisis. This will never happen again.”
I laughed. “Peachy to see you, too, Jor-jums. Now, don’t get all cranky. Couldn’t you have predicted all of this?
He narrowed his eyes at me. “Oh, humorous, Emma. Very amusing. You know I can’t control my visions like that. Although, what I’ve seen does tend to indicate that the baby will be a girl. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go borrow the neighbour’s car.”
“You mean you didn’t bring your own?” asked B.C.
Jordan stared at him as though he was something he’d found stuck to the underside of his shoe. “As you may have noticed,” he said, “I Apparated here. Summoning my car would have been both dangerous and foolish, and I’m sure you didn’t expect me to drive all the way here and back. Time is of the essence. If the neighbours don’t cooperate, I can always persuade them with magic. Meet outside in three minutes.” He turned and walked out the door stiffly. I resisted the impulse to pull a face at his retreating back”he probably had eyes on the back of his head or something, anyway.
I patted my cousin-in-law on the back. “Just another thing you and the wife have in common. You both have brothers who are extremely talented gits.”
Just as Jordan predicted, exactly three minutes later”on the dot”there was an exasperated ‘HONK!’ from outside, and we all hurried outside, Haley and I supporting Ivy. Haley had apparently given her some kind of potion for the pain, but she was feeling a bit drowsy.
“This is so exciting!” squealed Haley, climbing into the rather dented and rusty white van that Jordan managed to have stolen from someone.
“I know…” Ivy mumbled weakly. “I’m going to be a mum…”
“Not that!” exclaimed Haley, getting all buckled in and scolding her husband for not doing the same. “We’re riding in a car! It’s been ages, hasn’t it? This is brilliant! Jordan, remember how Dad used to drive us to King’s Cross?”
Jordan gritted his teeth. “Vividly. You seemed to think the occasion required ‘car songs.’” He stomped down on the gas pedal, and we skidded off into the street.
I was a hundred percent positive that we were not going the speed limit, but I’m sure Jordan and I would have no trouble Confunding any Muggle police officer who thought they could pull us over. Either that, or Haley could cry fetchingly and reel off a dramatic speech explaining Ivy’s situation as pitifully as possible. Jordan may have chosen a non-magical career and lived most of his life like a Muggle, but when the time came for him to do magic, he went on a binge.
“You are charming the traffic lights, aren’t you?” B.C. inquired politely.
“Yes, and many of the other cars, as well,” replied Jordan. “Now please shut up. I’m not sure you appreciate how difficult it is to simultaneously manage driving, performing advanced magic, and attempting not to have a panic attack as my younger sister prepares to give birth in the back seat of a stranger’s car.”
It was kind of a creepy car, I had to admit. Some of the stains on the upholstery made me feel very uncomfortable. If Ivy did give birth in the car, the owner probably wouldn’t notice. I thought it would be wise not to question how exactly Jordan had obtained this particular car. But if a murder happened somewhere in Haley and B.C.’s neighbourhood, I’d know the first place to look.
I looked over at Ivy, her eyes clenched shut and her breathing fast and shallow. “So,” I said awkwardly, “Have any good names picked out? Do you know if it’s going to be a girl or a boy?”
“No,” Ivy said, “I didn’t want to get too attached, in case… something happened. Imagining the future, well, it hasn’t turned out too well in the past.” Then suddenly, she burst into silent tears.
“Is the pain that bad?” asked Haley. “Do you need more potion?”
“No,” whispered Ivy. “I’m fine. I’m just… scared that the baby will have to grow up without a father. I’ve been trying to avoid thinking about that. Now… I can’t deny it anymore.”
An awful little silence floated over all of us, like a ghost. I knew B.C. must have felt like he was intruding on a private moment”he’d never gotten to meet Ted. But the rest of us were all thinking the same thing: It should have been Ted sitting there beside Ivy and stroking her hair, not Haley. It should have been Ted who took her to the hospital, not Jordan. It should have been Ted who cared for her all those past months, not her parents. That tall, skinny, Ted-shaped hole in our lives would never really heal up, I realized, no matter how ‘normal’ it became to live without him.
“She won’t grow up without a father,” Jordan said suddenly, “And incidentally, the baby is almost certainly female. Just because Ted won’t be there, it doesn’t mean the rest of us won’t be willing to fill in. Think rationally, Ivy. We all clearly care very deeply for you. I, for one, intend to take my duties as an uncle very seriously.”
“So do I,” put in B.C. “And Ty. And Anatoly, too, I suppose. And your dad, and all of your uncles. That baby will have so many dads, no one will ever want to mess with it.”
“Count me in, too,” I said at last. “I’ll be a dad as well. I’ll do anything in the world, except changing diapers.”
Ivy was only crying harder, but no one tried to stop her. If there was any situation in which crying made total sense, it was this one. We drove on in silence for a few minutes, staring out the windows at the passing cars and streets and people, all of them so dull and grey and ordinary-looking.
At last, Haley said, “I think what we could use is a few car songs.”
“NO!” Jordan, Ivy and I shouted in unison.
“Sorry, Hummingbird, majority rules,” said B.C., raising an eyebrow. Haley flicked the back of his ear quite hard, and he yelped, “Ow! What was that for?”
Ahh. It was almost like old times.
I paced back in forth like a crazed mountain lion in the puke-green waiting room outside the St. Mungo’s Maternity Ward, muttering colorful swear words under my breath. It had taken my mum forty-three hours to give birth to me. How long were we supposed to wait out here?
Ivy had told us that she wanted to be alone and try to rest for the time being, and I didn’t blame her”being in a confined space with Jordan, Haley, and me all together couldn’t have done anything for her nerves. Still, I hated to think of her in there all by herself, wearing one of those stupid hospital gowns and having Healers breeze in and out to check on her personal bits.
“Please sit down before you begin frothing at the mouth, Emma,” said Jordan. “I’m going cross-eyed just looking at you, which would render the surgery I had to correct my congenital vision defects completely obsolete.”
Haley lurched in revulsion. “Wait, surgery? Like, Muggle quacks cutting into your eyeball? Ew, ew, ew, ewww! Why would you ever do a stupid thing like that?”
“Did you say ‘genital’?” I added.
Jordan made the ‘chuff’ noise that he likes to make when he’s irritated with the ignorance surrounding him. “I was not satisfied with how little progress potions and charms have made in improving eyesight. Have you ever noticed how many wizards wear glasses? And as my vision’s only gotten worse as I’ve gotten older, I thought it was high time I had it fixed. It wouldn’t do to have a blind Seer.”
I shuddered. Muggle doctors are pretty much my idea of the second-grossest thing imaginable, after Anatoly Capshaw. People poking and prodding around inside of you with their fingers, slicing you up and stitching you back together? But I did as Jordan asked and sat down, drumming my fingers impatiently.
“So, Emma, you never did get to finish your story. Why aren’t you and Ty talking?” asked B.C.
I sighed, slumping back in my uncomfortable, sticky plastic chair. “Vaultz found out that Tyrone and I were hanging out, and he got all ticked off and came to my house. He said that if I ever so much as talk to Tyrone again, he’ll sack me permanently”and he’ll also sack Tyrone and make sure he can’t get a job with any of the major league Quidditch teams in Britain.”
Jordan’s brow furrowed even deeper than usual. “But that’s illegal!” he protested. “You have to report Vaultz.”
I shook my head. “Too risky. I’ll just keep quiet ‘till I’m done with my Auror training, and then I’ll see what I can do about it. If I slip up, they won’t give me a second chance. I got that after the whole thing with Wolfgang.”
“Does Ty know about all of this?” asked B.C.
“I don’t think so,” I said. “I couldn’t tell him. I doubt he guessed it, but you never know.”
B.C. looked subdued. “I’ll have to tell him sometime, because I bet he’s really confused by all of this, then. Oh… speaking of Wolfgang, they just moved him out of St. Mungo’s and into Azkaban last week. They still don’t know what it is going on inside his brain, but they figured it wasn’t going to get any better.”
His face looked so frustrated and confused that it made me feel even more awkward than usual. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled.
“Don’t be,” he said. “Thanks to you, this werewolf madness is finally starting to wind down. I always hoped someone would be able to help Wolfgang, but who knows, maybe this is what’s best for him. And he turned in a bunch of the other hunters, so most of them are out of the way.”
“And Cassius Balthazar, the leader of the feral werewolves, turned up dead a few days ago,” added Jordan. “Of course, I’m hardly applauding whoever murdered him, but this does mean that without a leader, the rest of the werewolves will be a lot more vulnerable.”
For the zillionth time, I thought of Ted. What had happened to him? Had he really been killed or captured? Was he so desperate to blend in that he had actually let go of his humanity and was running around completely wild? Had he been abandoned by the pack and starved to death? Or was he only kept from writing or coming home by the other wolves, still healthy and optimistic as ever? I couldn’t convince myself that that was even remotely likely, no matter how hard I tried.
I was lifted from my weighty thoughts by the sight of Uncle Harry and Aunt Ginny walking into the waiting room, looking slightly shell-shocked and accompanied by…
“Er, hey,” said Tyrone.
I determinedly avoided his gaze, which I’m sure was irresistibly smoldering. It was like being in a room with a Basilisk. “What is he doing here?” I demanded, making certain to address the question to Aunt Ginny.
“I was over at the house ‘cos Harry and I were talking about this whole werewolf business, and I was giving him some background on Wolfgang,” explained Tyrone. “Then we got Haley’s Patronus. It’s not a crime is it?” I looked away, barely even registering his stupid t-shirt du jour, which read My Naughty List Is My To-Do List. “Em, what is wrong? I’ve tried to ask you so many times. The least you could do is tell me what it is I did to you. I mean, how can I apologize if I don’t even know what to be sorry for?”
So he had come with them not out of concern over Ivy, but for me. Typical Tyrone. But I couldn’t even feel remotely irritated with him because he was so darn wonderful and I missed him so stupidly much. Especially that gorgeous voice of his.
I stared down into my lap, still forcing myself to be silent, not something I’d ever been good at. In the painful little silence, Haley jumped up and exclaimed a little bit too loudly, “Oh, Tyrone! Awesome that you’re here, because I have a present for you!” She handed him the Hercules t-shirt, beaming as though nothing was weird. “And Jordan, I can’t believe I forgot to give you yours!”
Jordan looked at the purple Merlin shirt in disgust and let it flop into his lap. “How hilarious,” he said flatly. I could tell that Tyrone would have normally loved his shirt, and he tried to sound enthusiastic, but we could all tell that his heart wasn’t in it.
“Er… I’ll go in and see how Ivy’s doing, shall I?” said Aunt Ginny uncomfortably, glancing back and forth between Tyrone and me.
“I’ll come along,” volunteered Haley.
I looked around the room, realizing that if I were to leave, B.C. and Jordan might actually be able to explain to Tyone why I was treating him like a bogey-flavored Bertie Botts Every Flavour Bean. “Me, too,” I said, shuddering at the thought of witnessing the gory nightmare that is childbirth.
Ivy looked surprised when we walked into the room, although I’m not sure whether she was more surprised to see that her mother had shown up or that I was actually there in the room with her.
“How are you feeling, Ives?” asked Ginny, taking her daughter’s hand.
“Better,” said Ivy, who certainly seemed a lot calmer. I’m sure the vast amounts of potion she’d taken were helping. “The Healer says I’m getting close. The baby’s coming soon.”
Ginny smoothed back Ivy’s fringe, which was plastered against her forehead with sweat. “I can’t believe you’re already having your own baby. I still can’t wrap my head around the idea of being a grandma. But you’ll be a great mum. And if I could handle having two sets of twins, this should be a piece of cake.”
“I guess it would be a dynamite cake with vomit icing and bits of glass in it, then,” I said darkly. Haley giggled. “What are you laughing for? Your hubby told me you two plan on having as many babies as possible. Get ready for lots and lots of dynamite cake in your future.”
“You are so much like Ani sometimes,” Haley told me, poking me in the belly button. “He likes to make fun of me and Wolfie all the time. But I can still tell he can’t wait to help look after our kids. You’re both gonna be their godparents.”
While Ivy was busy talking to Ginny about the supremely yucky details involved with having babies, I pulled Haley over to the corner of the room. “Listen,” I said. “About Anatoly”I wasn’t going to tell you this, but I think it’s only fair. At your wedding, I was talking to him, and I think he was kind of drunk, but he said a few things that I don’t think he meant to say. And basically, well, I think he’s in love with you. You need to talk to the guy, because he was not happy.”
To my complete and utter surprise, Haley burst out laughing. “That is the silliest thing I’ve ever heard, Emma. Ani’s definitely not in love with me. Trust me, I know my friends.”
“Not as well as you thought, apparently. I heard him. I asked him how he was doing, and he said something like, ‘Oh, good for someone who has to watch one of his best friends get married to someone he’s been in love with for years.’ Now, I’m the last person on earth who cares about Anatoly Capshaw’s feelings, but even I had to feel bad for him.”
Haley stared at me, with something strange and sad in her eyes. “No, you don’t get it, Emma. It’s not me he’s in love with. It’s Wolfie. He told us both, awhile ago. He thought we already knew. It doesn’t change anything… but there’s nothing we can do, and he knows that. I don’t think he’s too happy with either of us right now, to be honest.”
This news should not have been surprising at all, but I was still a little bit taken aback. Why was it that I always seemed to come to the wrong conclusions about people? I had a near-flawless record of being wrong. “Strangely, this makes me respect him a bit more,” I said. “I still don’t like him, though.”
“I’d feel sorry for him if he wasn’t being so mean to Wolfie right now,” Haley admitted. “For some reason, he’s still being super nice to me. But he’ll get over it. He always does. He used to have a thing for Jordan back at Hogwarts.”
I whooped with laughter. “Never mind, respect is all gone!” I declared.
The small blonde Healer who seemed to be in charge of this baby-birthing mission came back into the room to check up on Ivy. After all of the usual measurements and tests and everything, she said, “The baby really is coming along. You’ll be ready to start pushing in less than an hour, and things should go quite smoothly from there.” She frowned in thought for a minute. “And would you mind if I brought in another Healer?”
Ivy nodded sleepily, her eyelids almost shut.
The door opened. A man walked into the room. And Haley immediately screamed and fainted, the small blonde healer rushing to tend to her.
“It’s… you…?” breathed Ivy, sitting bolt upright in bed as though she’d been struck by lightning.
“Ivy…” whispered Ted.
He looked like he’d been dragged through every single layer of Dante’s inferno, during a Civil War, in a hurricane. I wasn’t sure if he’d gotten even more emaciated since the last time I’d seen him or if I’d just forgotten how terrifyingly thin he was, but his Healer’s robe hung disturbingly from his frame. His hair fell past his shoulders, and he had grown a thick, shaggy beard streaked with grey”I hadn’t even been aware that Ted was capable of growing facial hair when it wasn’t a full moon. His face was crumpled, exhausted, and scarred, a few barely-healed cuts standing out against his strangely pale skin. You’d think after months living in the great outdoors, he’d at least have a decent tan on him.
He stood there in silence, gripping the door frame as though he’d fall over if he let go”which he probably would, given his appearance. He and Ivy stared at each other in wordless silence, and I could practically hear the sappy music swelling in the background. Nobody moved, frozen to the spot.
At last, I said loudly, “Well, took you long enough, didn’t it?”
The spell was broken. Ted almost smiled, a twisted, pained-looking expression, and he said in a voice so hoarse and gravelly that it sounded nothing like his own, “Some things haven’t changed, eh?” He stepped into the room, still keeping his eyes fixed on Ivy. “I know, it’s been forever. I was planning on going back home someday soon… then I got Tyrone’s Patronus… he said the baby was coming…” Very gingerly, he grabbed Ivy’s hand in his big, scarred one, and ran his other hand over her face and onto her belly. “I missed so much… it’s like living outside of time, there in the woods. I had no idea how long it was… do you, er, do you still want me back?”
I thought Ivy would burst into tears and declare her undying love, but instead, she looked straight up into those giant blue eyes of his, the same as ever, and said quietly, “I’ll think about it.”
For a moment, Ted looked startled, and then he broke into loud peals of laughter that sounded like a crow eating tin cans. “Don’t do that to me!” he exclaimed, shaking a finger at Ivy’s serene, angelic little smiling face. “You scared me!”
“I can’t believe it… after all this time… now, of all times…” Ivy whispered. “I mean… I look a complete mess…”
“You look even beautifuller than I remembered,” Ted informed her. “Ugh, see what half a year in the woods without talking did to me? I said ‘beautifuller.’ Godric, if Jordan was in here, he’d rip me to shreds for that one. But you are beautiful. Like, unbelievably beautiful. And how can you talk about looking like a mess when I look like a crazy drug addict hobo? I think I might have fleas. I promise I’m clean, though… Otherwise, I wouldn’t be in the delivery room to…“
“Ted?” murmured Ivy.
Ted blinked. “Yeah?”
“Shut up,” Ivy instructed him, and then she grabbed him by the face and kissed him, for what seemed like a good seventeen minutes. When they broke apart, there were tears on Ivy’s face… but I think they were actually Ted’s. “It’s like you’re back from the dead,” Ivy said quietly. “Everyone thought you were dead.”
“No, if I died, I’d make sure to write and let you know,” Ted choked, cradling Ivy and running his fingers through her hair. “Ivy, I know I said I’d write, but I couldn’t. After the attack… they’d follow the owls. They’d never let me. And any owls that landed in the camp, well, they’d probably just get eaten anyway, you know?”
Ivy kissed him again. “I don’t need to hear any of this,” she said. “It’s all over and you’re back, and I’m having your baby, that’s all I care about. I’m just glad you’re safe.”
“I’m never gonna leave you alone again, Ives,” Ted informed her. “I’ll always be around. You’re going to start getting really annoyed with me tagging along all the time.” He touched her stomach again. “I just love you so much…you and me, we’re going to be the best mum and dad ever. Next time we have a baby, everything’s all going to go perfect.”
“Let’s take things one step at a time, shall we?” asked Ivy, and she gripped his hand. “Are you really going to help deliver your own baby?”
“I’ll definitely try my hand,” said Ted. “I might faint somewhere along the line.”
Two hours and thirty-seven minutes later, Rebekah Jane Lupin came into the world. Of all of the revolting spectacles I could possibly imagine, this was the worst, and I’d seen the revolting spectacles that Anatoly wore perched on the end of his nose.
The baby was tiny, smaller than any human being should ever be, and it didn’t so much look like either Ted or Ivy as much as it looked like a sickly bald rat with a smushed head, but Mr. and Mrs. Lupin seemed to think it was the most beautiful thing they had ever seen in their entire lives. Haley and Aunt Ginny seemed to agree, crying and cooing over the little miracle and hanging off of Ted like he was a war hero, which I guess, in a sense, he was.
I hung back at the edge of the room, partly out of post-traumatic shock after witnessing one of my best friends give birth to a pint-sized gremlin creature. I have to admit, I was impressed with how well Ivy dealt with all of it, and not just the childbirth, either. Ted was back, after six months… the way they talked, it was like they’d never been apart more than five minutes. They just clicked back into synch. I can’t believe Ivy kept her head like she did when he came back into the room. I would never be able to handle something like that so well and so… coolly and rationally.
I had thought Ted was dead. I never, ever in a million years would have expected him to walk in the door. Had Ivy really believed all along that he would come back? How could she have been so darn sure? The girl was infuriating sometimes. And Ted… I wasn’t so sure I could just welcome him back with open arms after all of this time, especially not looking the way he did. So it was Tyrone’s Patronus that had brought him back. If things really were under control, why hadn’t he come back earlier? Oh, sure, sure, I understood that the werewolf crisis was dying down, but what if it wasn’t? Would he have still come back in time for Rebekah to be born, or would he have decided the cause was more important than his family?
When everyone was all cleaned up and bundled up and ready, the floodgates opened and the men in the waiting room rushed inside to see the baby. But Ted was just as big an attraction as the bundle of joy herself.
“We named her after my dad,” Ted was saying gleefully, “Well, the initials, at least. I think she looks more like Ivy, lucky for her…” He squinted at the baby. “All right, she definitely had blonde hair ten minutes ago. Now it’s kind of reddish-brownish. Am I going crazy or what?”
“She barely has any hair,” pointed out Jordan. “It’s almost impossible to differentiate. But yes, she is a Metamorphmagus, if that’s what you’re asking.” He shook his head in disgust as Ted offered to let him hold the baby, never a fan of people touching him, especially stunted wrinkly creatures.
Haley laughed. “Another freak in the family! That’s perfect,” she said. “No offense to your mum. I never said being a freak was a bad thing. Oh, speaking of which, I never officially introduced you to my gorgeous husband! Ted, this is Wolfie! Wolfie, this is the coolest guy you’ve ever met. You’ve heard all about Ted, of course.”
Ted shook B.C.’s hand as Haley took the baby and started spewing gobble-de-gook at it, feeling its tiny fingers and toes. “It’s so awesome to meet you,” said Ted. “I have so much catching up to do. I can’t believe you got married, Haley! Man, I wish I could’ve been there.”
Amid all of the confusion and craziness and emotions and babies screaming, I noticed that Tyrone had disappeared since I’d walked into the room. It was very thoughtful of him to make things less awkward for me, not to mention less likely to get me sacked, but I was still a little bit disappointed not to see him there, especially when everyone was all emotional like this. It just made me wish I had someone to hold onto.
I must have looked forlorn, because as baby Rebekah was passed around like a plate of appetizers, Ted touched my shoulder. “Emma? Are you okay?”
“I should ask you that question,” I said, looking up into his hollow, prematurely aged face. “I know you can’t just come back into normal society and have things all the same as ever. Don’t you feel weird, you know, walking around on two legs, talking to people, wearing clothes, all that human stuff?”
Ted closed his eyes for a second. “You have no idea,” he said. “I don’t know if I’ll ever feel normal again. But don’t worry about me. I won’t have time to think about my own issues”not when there’s a baby to take care of.”
“You never thought about your own issues,” I told him. “I think it’s high time you did.”
“Er… thank you… Emma?” he said slowly, his brow creasing in confusion. “I… I guess that means you care about me or something?”
I couldn’t help myself. I threw my arms around his neck, feeling disconcertingly like I was going to crush him into dust. I could feel every bone in his body poking into me. “I was freaking out, Ted. I thought you were dead meat. When are you going to realize that you need to stop worrying about everyone else and worry about yourself, you giant idiot!” I exclaimed. “Why can’t you just be all selfish like a normal person?”
He kissed me on the forehead, something he’d never done before, but that was strangely cute, probably the two words that Ted’s fans would use to describe his bizarre appeal. “I didn’t realize how much I was gonna miss you, Emma. You’re one-of-a-kind.”
“Thank Godric for that,” I said. I looked over to where Uncle Harry was rocking the baby back and forth, wearing the kind of expression that I wasn’t quite sure I felt comfortable seeing on the face of the coolest, most hardcore dark wizard catcher in the world. “Now, hand me that gorgeous baby of yours, Lupin. It’s the least you can do after everything you’ve put me through these past months.”
Why did I feel so lonely lately? It was so lame, seriously. Even in the middle of a crowd full of people I love, on one of the most exciting and momentous days of my life. But after I finally went home after that long, exhausting, horrifying, fabulous day, my flat felt even more suffocating and empty than ever. And waking up the next morning was impossible.
“Well, I guess Ivy won’t be needing me around anymore,” I muttered, making myself one of my famous breakfast cheese-and-fried-tomato sandwiches. So much for all that inspirational talk about Rebekah’s battalion of supportive surrogate dads.
How could things end this easily? Ted disappears for half a year, Ivy’s all alone and miserable, then suddenly he reappears in the nick of time and Ivy goes home, happy as can be with a perfect nuclear family? I was surprised there was no poison apple or hair climbing or glass slipper involved. I was happy for them”I really, truly was, just as I was happy for Haley and B.C. But I wasn’t sure I liked the message, that someone can just go away for months, for whatever selfless reason, and then return to find the apple of their eye waiting for them.
It’s not always that easy, I told myself. So stop with your stupid, stupid ideas that you and Tyrone have any chance of a future.
But I still couldn’t help but imagine myself in Ivy’s place, in that scary hospital room, holding a baby in my arms that was half-me, half-Tyrone. And I couldn’t help but admit that if Tyrone and I had babies, they would be fantastically attractive, second in cuteness only to baby pandas. And what do baby pandas and the imaginary Weasley-Thomas offspring have in common? They’re both white, black, and Asian! Haw-haw-hawww!
Okay, really, what has gotten into me? I have never, ever in my entire life, ever considered the possibility of things like marriage and children looming on my horizon, especially not with Tyrone involved. And that joke I just made was incredibly bad… and mildly offensive, not that that had ever bothered me before.
But at least there was one thing that could slightly brighten my mood, other than the delicious cheese and fried tomato sandwich. It was Saturday, and therefore it was Vladurday. Now, Vladurday, for you poor unfortunate souls out there who don’t know, is a programme on the Wizarding Wireless”kind of a world news type thing, but funny and brutally honest. No target is safe on Vladurday. I started listening because I knew the host”Vladislav Poliakoff was one of my opponents way back when I was in the Triwizard Tournament”but I gradually got hooked on listening. It’s nice to hear someone who doesn’t sugar-coat things.
“Hello, and welcome to another mind-blowing hour of Vladurday Morning!” announced Vladislav’s crackly voice over the wireless. “For all of you who accidentally stumbled across this station, I’m Vladislav Poliakoff, and this is the most appalling excuse for news in the history of the entire world, according to German Chancellor of Charms Heinrich Gurtz himself.” When I first met him, he’d had a slight accent from whatever country the name ‘Vladislav Poliakoff’ comes from, but now he spoke with such a flawless English accent that it could only belong to a foreigner.
“Unfortunately, today’s show is going to be a lot less silly than usual, so if you would rather hear jokes about various politicians’ privates, this, for the first time ever, is not the right place. But so much has been going on with the werewolf attacks right here in the UK, I thought I should do something about it. And I have a special guest this morning, so stay tuned, because he’s a lot more interesting than me.”
Ah, a werewolf show. I couldn’t even escape this madness on Vladurday. What was the world coming to?
“So, as you’ve probably all heard, Cassius Balthazar, leader of the militant werewolves, was found dead in front of a steakhouse in London two days ago. Apparently, no one told him that stakes are deadly to vampires, not werewolves. Although too much red meat is bad for your heart, too, and we all know Balthazar has a penchant for that. Less public, though, is a bit of interesting news about the other side of the conflict, the highly controversial werewolf hunters. Although the press release is yet to officially go out, as Quidditch season won’t start up again for some time, Chudley Cannons Seeker Wolfgang Quinn was sent to Azkaban yesterday evening for his involvement with the most bloodthirsty anti-werewolf gang in all of Britain. So to chat with me about that and give some inside information as usual, here’s my special guest, a certain Mr. Tyrone “The Tank Engine” Thomas, Beater for the Chudley Cannons.”
Lame person that I am, I felt my heart flutter like a drunken butterfly as that familiar deep voice, delicious to the ears even over my crummy radio, said, “Thanks, Vlad. It’s great to see you again. It’s been years, hasn’t it?”
“Yes, it has. And speaking of seeing you, this is a change for you, isn’t it, any kind of media appearance that doesn’t let you show off your famous good looks?”
Tyrone laughed. “Yeah, hopefully my voice is still sexy enough that no one notices that I can barely string three words together.”
Vladislav’s voice switched to a slightly more businesslike tone. “So, anyway, you knew Wolfgang Quinn quite well, didn’t you? Can you tell us anything about the whole incident that the Daily Prophet probably won’t report?”
“Yeah, I played on the team with Wolfgang for a couple years now, but he’s also technically my step-brother, though I don’t love bringing that up at parties. So I knew him for a long time, and I know for a fact that he has some kind of serious mental issues. He’s brilliant at Quidditch, and he’s a smart bloke, but he’s always been trouble. Everyone on the team knew what he was up to, but we didn’t have any proof, so we were all waiting for him to slip up and get sacked. I mean, the stuff he said about werewolves was just disgusting. One of my best friends, he’s a werewolf”you remember Ted Lupin, right? Really cool guy. Wolfgang even tried to have him killed, and he bragged about it to everybody, but in this weird roundabout way so that we couldn’t turn him in for it. And like eighty percent of everything he said was lies, anyway.”
There was a slightly stunned pause on the end of the radio. I’m guessing Vladislav was a little bit stunned by the uncharacteristically serious turn his programme had taken. “So, you said everyone knew he was up to no good? Was everyone really just waiting for him to slip, or do you think some people were purposely covering for him so that the Quidditch team would stay intact? He’s very good at what he does, Wolfgang Quinn.”
“Yeah, he is, but he’s terrible at the whole teamwork thing. Believe me, no one on the team would be too upset to see him go. The coach was probably going to fire him after this season anyway, since he never came to practice and caused problems all the time. But there is one person who’s on his side, and nobody’s called him out yet. That’s Henderson Vaultz, the guy who runs the stadium. He doesn’t really have anything to do with the team, but he always, you know, thinks of us as his team and all that. I think he might be a bit mad as well.”
Now THIS was an unexpected development. But if hearing Tyrone badmouth Henderson Vaultz was a surprise, what came next nearly knocked my socks off.
“The girl who actually caught Wolfgang, she’s an Auror trainee working at the stadium, and Vaultz has always been a real git to the trainees. He said at the beginning of the season that he hated having Aurors snooping around his stadium and that they wouldn’t be back after this season, so I think he was trying to annoy the trainees on purpose so the Ministry wouldn’t send them back. But he wouldn’t let the trainees talk to us at all”they’d lose their jobs if they did-- and I think it was because he didn’t want Wolfgang to get caught. He was scared that if word got out how messed up Wolfgang was, he would get thrown off the team. Now, I don’t know if Vaultz just thinks Wolfgang’s a great Seeker or he actually hates werewolves or what, but I figure it’s worth looking into.”
Vladislav whistled. “I have to say, you must really have guts to say something like that on the wireless. Don’t you think you could lose your job?”
“Probably,” admitted Tyrone. “So that’s why I’m not going to wait around and find out. I’m quitting the Chudley Cannons today”you heard it first here. I won’t play for them until Vaultz is either sacked, or else he changes his mind about some of his stupider policies. I owled everyone this morning. Let’s be honest, I played in the World Cup this year. There will be other teams who’ll hire me.” His voice rose even louder. “Oh, by the way, I know you’re listening to this, Emma Weasley. So I thought I should tell you, I’m completely mad about you. And it’s your fault that I’m doing something this insane, so if you don’t want to be my girlfriend now, all of my fans have the right to blame it on you.”
I didn’t stick around to listen to another word. I don’t know and I don’t care if Vladislav had any cutting remarks to make, or if Tyrone said anything else about me. I wouldn’t have been able to hear anyway, since a choir was singing in my head. I felt like bursting into song, like I was a character in one of Haley’s beloved musicals. Every love song I knew and then some was racing through my head.
I ran outside like a complete nutter, laughing out loud, and Apparated straight over to the studio. Luckily, I knew exactly where the Wizarding Wireless recorded because my dad and Uncle Harry had been on there twice, and Haley had even gone on at one point to talk about the musical. It was a little place, nothing special to look at, not far from Gringotts.
Diagon Alley was bustling with people on a nice Saturday morning like today. Good. All the better. I paced back and forth in front of the studio, gathering a few weird glances, but not a whole lot, given the general weirdness of the wizarding population in general. I blame inbreeding.
I wasn’t exactly sure what I planned to say to Tyrone when he finally came out. I tried to think up something witty to say, but my brain wasn’t working. Instead of words, it only came up with exclamation points. But I knew I had to find a way tell him what a completely wonderful human being he was, what everything he’d done for me and my family meant, how much I really, really wanted to touch every square inch of his body, that kind of thing.
The door swung open and Tyrone stepped out, squinting in the bright sunlight. My mouth was suddenly dry, which was a good thing, because otherwise I might’ve drooled. Tyrone caught sight of me, standing there in the middle of the sidewalk like a ginger traffic cone, and he squinted even more, making a weird sputtering noise for a few seconds. “Em, what in the name of Merlin’s saggy left”“
I didn’t let him finish the sentence. Beaming like I’d never beamed before and feeling completely weightless, I ran toward him with all of my might and threw my arms around him. Words had gotten in the way of us too many times. All they ever did was cause problems. And they certainly couldn’t do what I was feeling any justice. So I didn’t use any.
Instead, I ran my fingers through his hair and down his chest, and I kissed him full on the mouth, all of the missed kisses in the past five years and all of the unspoken thoughts in the past five months piling up into one unbelievable moment.
When it was over, I stared at him defiantly, daring him with my eyes to say something as I counted every color in his irises.
In typical Tyrone fashion, he found exactly the right thing. “I might love you,” he told me quietly.
“I think you do,” I whispered, tangling his hand into mine. “I can’t imagine why. And the worst part is, I’m starting to worry I might love you, too. Kind of wrecks my plans to grow old, alone and friendless, doesn’t it?”
He opened his mouth to speak, but I took the opportunity to kiss him again.
His mustache tickled. And his lips tasted distinctly”but not unpleasantly”of pre-juiced plums.
Obnoxious Show Tune Playing In My Brain Du Jour
No, I never pulled her in
Still, her tenderness was everywhere.
Oh, she slipped beneath my skin
Just as if she’d always been right there.
Had she been there all along?
Was I too far gone to know
What a fool I must have been
For how could I pull her in
When I never let her go?
-- “She Was There,” The Scarlet Pimpernel
EMMA’S AMAZING PRIDE AND PREJUDICE SUMMARY, PART TEN
They all lived happily ever after. The end.