“He’s not going to make it.” Ginny’s voice was barely above a whisper as she tried desperately to remain still.
“Yes, he will. He wouldn’t do that to you and you know it,” Hermione reassured her.
They were both standing on the platform as Ron helped Mr. Weasley load the last of the girls’ trunks onto the train.
“He wouldn’t miss it on purpose. That’s what I know.” Ginny huffed sulkily as she followed Hermione’s eyes to find Ron walking towards them. Letting out a frustrated groan under her breath, she walked over to meet her parents a couple feet away, passing Ron as she went with a spiteful glare.
“What’s the matter with her?” Ron asked after wrapping his arms around Hermione’s waist and giving her a chaste kiss.
Hermione glanced briefly at Ginny, who was now talking with her parents, before lowering her voice. “I would say it’s quite obvious, don’t you think?”
“You mean she’s still on about that?” Ron pulled back slightly, studying his girlfriend’s unamused expression.
“I would be if I was in her shoes and you hadn’t shown up yet.”
“Oy! Gin…” Ron called over to his sister, interrupting her goodbyes.
“What?!” she snapped, taking her frustrations out on him.
“Ginevra! Ronald! This is neither the time nor place,” Mrs. Weasley reprimanded them.
“Yes, Mum,” they both muttered. Giving her mother a hug and her father a gentle kiss on the cheek, Ginny made her way back to where her brother and friend stood.
“What do you want?” she asked through gritted teeth and the most put-upon smile he’d ever seen.
Ron rolled his eyes in annoyance. “I told you that he said he’d be here just as soon as he could get out of the office.”
“Well, he isn’t here yet, is he?” She paused. “It’s nearly eleven. He won’t make it in time.” There was no question in her voice now. She knew, indisputably, that she wouldn’t see him before they had to leave.
“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” Ron said matter-of-factly.
Her piercing eyes shot up to his face, finding that his gaze did not meet hers. “I must have missed the part where we said this subject was up for debate, Ronald.” When he still hadn’t bothered to look at her, Ginny huffed moodily. “Well…you can just tell the git that…”
“Tell the git yourself. He’s headed this way.” Ron jerked his head up slightly, keeping his eyes focused on some point ahead of them in the distance.
She hadn’t realised what he was staring after until she looked towards Hermione, whose gaze followed in the same direction.
Turning slowly, all she was able to see for a few moments were the billowing clouds of smoke pouring over the sides of the train, and families hugging their children one last time.
Ginny narrowed her eyes more and then suddenly, there he was, walking straight towards her. She swallowed the anxiousness that had consumed her moments before and unconsciously moved a few steps away from Ron and Hermione, closer to him.
His strides became longer when he spotted her standing there a short distance away with that strong, stubborn look about her. She was upset with him, as she had every right to be. But today they had no time to waste.
He watched her mouth open, words already forming on her tongue, most likely, until Harry was finally close enough to capture her lips. A surprised whimper was muffled in his kiss and even though she’d been caught off guard, she could still feel his lips curling into a satisfied smile.
When they both finally pulled away, she opened her eyes to stare up into his deep green ones before he averted his gaze towards his two best friends, smiling. “Hi.”
“Do not think that I’m letting you get away with this, Potter.” Ginny rolled her eyes and stepped back, landing a hollow punch to his shoulder. His eyes found her again and he sighed.
“We’re not really going to argue about this when you’ve only got a few minutes left, are we?” Harry was giving her that pitiful look that she despised because it usually meant he was up to no good. Yet secretly…she adored it.
“No,” she said resignedly and he smiled. “We won’t argue about this now.” His smile faded. “But we will discuss this later.”
He knew her anger and annoyance would dissipate before long. He could only hope that this moment would do the same.
“I am sorry,” Harry whispered in her ear as he pulled her close again.
She spoke as quietly as he, almost unable to be heard over the steam and surrounding voices. “I nearly missed you.”
He sighed against her, feeling her do the same. “I know…but I’m here now.” His head dipped as he pulled back, still keeping her in his arms and resting his forehead against hers.
Ginny’s eyes fluttered closed as she felt his breath dance across her skin. This is what she would miss; quiet moments with him. It wasn’t that she had a desperate need to constantly have him near. She considered herself far stronger than some of her mates that might pine over their boyfriends. But as much as she might not admit it, there was no denying that she hated being away from him again. The past year had been hard enough. Even though he’d still be out there on occasion, risking his life to make things better for the rest of the Wizarding world, she took comfort in the fact that the worst part of it was all over.
Opening her eyes again, she smiled at his peaceful silence until something out of the corner of her eye caught her attention, forcing her to interrupt his thoughts.
“Harry…” She waited for his eyes to open.
“Hmm?” he hummed, gently brushing her nose with his.
“People are staring.”
He cast a sideways glance, refusing to move just yet, and looked back at her with a cheeky grin. “You never used to be bothered by that.”
Backing away from him, she narrowed her eyes slightly and gave a small huff. “You snogging me in front of all of Gryffindor Tower is one thing. Standing here, though, in front a good number of Hogwarts students, not to mention my parents, is quite another.”
Harry chuckled appreciatively. His eyes were bright with happiness as he stood there with her. But he understood what she was trying to say because he wanted it too; just a moment between the two of them without unwanted onlookers.
Ginny looked down as she felt his hand take hers and she smiled, glancing back up at him. He could see the question written on her face before he leaned down to whisper in her ear. “Come with me.”
Pulling her away from Ron, Hermione, and her parents, through the surrounding crowd, they came to a stop behind a wide brick column. Being mostly hidden now, Harry’s lips met hers again.
It was a heated, aching kiss that swept them up and slowly drove them into the depths of one another. It was one that made him wish, so badly, that he could tell her the many things he still hadn’t, that he could truly share the secrets of his heart with her.
He didn’t want her to go.
“Merlin…” Harry said panting for air, voice ragged. “I’m going to miss you, Gin.”
“But you’ll Owl, right?” She knew that he would, yet there was still the shadow of doubt laced in her voice.
“Of course,” he nodded.
“Promise?”
The corner of his mouth pulled into a small smile at her uncertainty. “I promise.”
“I’ll even visit on your Hogsmeade weekends if you want.”
Ginny gave him a playful shove but there was no denying the look of happiness about her. “You’d better.”
Harry chuckled, helping the tension lessen between the two of them. “You just tell me when and I’ll be there.”
To say that she was relieved was a bit of an understatement. She knew that they would keep in touch, but with him having been so busy with the Ministry over the summer, Ginny couldn’t help but wonder if this trend would continue while she was at school.
It had already been difficult for the both of them to find time together during those few hectic months. Between having to work so much to get the Burrow back to a livable state, his training with the Auror programme and her helping George in the joke shop when Ron decided to start his training, their time had been severely limited. Not to mention the fact that whenever they were finally able to have some time together, it was a rare occasion that they were alone. Quite frankly, there was never any guarantee of having alone time when living at the Burrow.
The sound of the train’s first warning whistle shook her from her thoughts, causing both of them to look up in surprise.
“No,” Ginny muttered under her breath.
An ache rose within Harry. It was too soon, surely. They hadn’t had enough time. He could’ve given himself a swift kick in the arse for getting there so late. But nothing could be done about that now.
“Harry,” her hand was on his cheek; he hadn’t noticed until she said his name. “It’s time. The train is about to leave.”
He brought his hand up, catching hers as she let it fall from his face.
“Are you sure you want to go?”
She gave a small smile but considered his words as she stood there looking at him. She’d worried, at first, that her going back to Hogwarts would hinder their relationship. She worried that the questionable distance that she’d sensed between them over the past couple months might become more pronounced. But as each day passed, she grew more confused about things.
It wasn’t that they were unhappy about their relationship. When they returned to the Burrow after the war, everything just seemed to fall into place. In a matter of weeks, it was almost as if they hadn’t spent nearly a year apart.
Despite the fact that they were close again, she still felt as if he was pushing her away.
Sometimes, she thought Harry might’ve been thinking the very same thing she was. But those times were few and far between. Usually, he acted as if everything was fine; nothing out of the norm.
Now, however, she was more certain than ever that she needed to go back and finish her last year. And it wasn’t just because she’d been made Quidditch captain either, though that was part of it. No, it was because, for some strange reason, she thought that if they were apart, they could focus on bridging the gap that she felt was missing between them.
Outwardly, their relationship seemed fine, but on the inside, Ginny was concerned. Harry didn’t always share things with her. Sure, he’d told her just about everything that happened while he, Ron and Hermione were gone. But something in the back of her mind knew that there was more he wasn’t telling her.
Uncertain of whether her heart would betray her, she started to say something when her mother’s voice sounded clearly from around the corner.
“Ginny, dear. It’s time to go. Hurry or you’ll miss the train!”
Bringing herself back to her surroundings, her eyes found Harry’s as he entwined his fingers in hers.
“I was never sure that I wanted to. But I have to.”
He gave an understanding nod and leaned in to kiss her one last time.
Harry had no idea how he was going to be able to do without the sparkle of her eyes or the brightness of her smile. Her flowery scent, the feel and taste of her on his lips; she was intoxicating. He could only hope that her first Hogsmeade trip wasn’t too far off, else he might go mad.
Before he had time to realise what was going on, Ginny pulled him into the crowd of people still on the platform.
As the train grew nearer, she came to an abrupt halt, causing him to nearly run into her. It wouldn’t have mattered though, seeing as she flew into his arms at that exact moment.
“Don’t forget to Owl,” she whispered, feeling his arms wrap around her and tighten briefly.
“I won’t.” Harry pulled back reluctantly. “Now, go on. I’ll see you soon.”
Giving her mother and father another quick hug, she backed away. “Bye Mum. Bye Dad.”
She glanced at Harry with a small wave and mouthed a saddened farewell before stepping onto the train as the final whistle blew.
The train slowly began to move as she started up the steps, towards the compartment Hermione was settled in. But before she could round the corner and head down the walkway, she turned around at the sound of Harry calling out to her.
“Ginny!” he shouted impulsively.
In no time, she was looking back at him from the top step, when he suddenly realised that he had no idea what he’d intended to actually say to her. Instead, he stood there, rather flustered for a few moments.
He couldn’t just proclaim his heartfelt feelings for her. Not in front of all of these people. He wasn’t even sure if he was ready to do that just yet.
“Win us the house cup!” Harry yelled, but inwardly kicked himself as he saw the slight frown cross her face.
He closed his eyes, cursing himself. Win us the house cup? Just brilliant, Potter. A regular Casanova.
When he finally opened his eyes, to see the scarlet engine pulling away with more speed, he noticed that her brief frown had been replaced by a cheeky smile…up until the point Ron decided to chime in, that is.
“You’d better win it or we’ll give you a good flogging,” her brother added, now standing beside Harry.
Her frown was back in a matter of seconds, followed by a threatening glare directed straight at Ron.
Harry echoed her sentiments in a more confused look as he turned to see his mate there.
“What did you have to say that for?”
“Because it’s the truth,” he stated simply. “George and I will never let her live this down if she’s the last of us to leave Hogwarts and Gryffindor doesn’t win.”
Harry rolled his eyes and gave a hopeless sigh as he looked back to Ginny who had now moved from the steps of the train to a compartment window. He stood there, waving goodbye until the train disappeared around the bend and was no longer in sight.
“So…” Hermione hesitated, peeking over the edge of her book. “Everything all right now?”
Ginny was quiet for a moment as she sat down on the seat across from her mate. Her gaze never left the window, despite the fact that she could no longer see the one she was staring after. But there was no denying the sadness in her answer.
“No.”
… I know you’re probably upset and I don’t blame you if you are. I’ve been trying to get my assignments changed since I first found out about it a few days ago and thought that I might still be able to make it there in time. I even offered to take on a few extra cases as well as put in a few more hours. But Kingsley’s been rather insistent that I work on this case and I can’t really argue with him, can I?
I’m really sorry, Gin. But I promise I’ll make this up to you. Next Hogsmeade trip, it’ll just be you and me. No interruptions or crowds or nosy buggers. No unexpected, last minute assignments. Promise.
If you’re not too angry with me, I’d really like to hear from you. I miss you so much. It’s going to be difficult having to wait another month to see you.
Good luck on next week’s game. I know you’ll beat Slytherin. They don’t have a chance.
Hope to hear from you soon.
Yours,
Harry
Her fingers curled more, tightening around the edges of the parchment she held. She could feel the anger and hurt welling up inside.
How could he do this to her? And why the bloody hell did he wait until the very day of the Hogsmeade trip to send her an Owl saying that he wouldn’t be able to be there?
Harry knew that she was excited about this visit because she had finally made plans for them to have some time alone. During last month’s trip, an onslaught of Hogwarts students interrupted their already limited time together, wanting to talk to the Boy Who Lived and constantly asking for his autograph; it turned their date into an absolute disaster. After that, they were both determined to avoid the normal crowds, which meant no Three Broomsticks and obviously neither of them would fathom going to Madam Puddifoot’s.
Since the Hog’s Head still received few visitors of the Hogwarts population, Ginny was able to convince Aberforth to let her and Harry use the sitting room above his pub just in case there were a few students hanging around downstairs. Of course Aberforth, being his usual self, insisted that he would only allow them to use it ‘just this once.’
Now, her plans were ruined. Dumbledore only fell for her sweet talk on rare occasions. She knew that he wouldn’t agree to it again.
Ginny gave an angry huff and threw the letter down onto the table with a smack. Hermione’s eyes drifted up from her Daily Prophet to observe her friend as she grabbed another piece of toast and ripped it in half.
“I take it’s not good news?” Hermione inquired cautiously as she lay the paper aside.
Ginny’s jaw stiffened before she finally let her anger overcome her. “You’re damn right it’s not good news. The ruddy git isn’t coming today!”
“What?” Hermione said, shocked.
“He’s not coming!” Ginny repeated, waving the letter about before thrusting it into her friend’s face. “Read it for yourself.”
Taking the letter from her, Hermione scanned over it as Ginny waited, annoyed and impatient, until she finished.
When Hermione didn’t say anything, Ginny huffed again. “Can you believe him?!”
Several students around them suddenly looked up at the sound of her raised voice. Unfortunately, the feisty witch could’ve cared less at the moment and looked around at the lot of them as if to say, ‘mind your own business’ when her friend brought her attention back to their conversation.
“Ginny, calm down. You know that Harry didn’t want to miss today. He has a job now. It’s not like he’s calling the shots or even doing this on his own.” Hermione reached across the table, handing the letter back to her. “He has to do what Kingsley says,” she added with a shrug.
“I know that! I know.” Ginny was desperately trying not to lose her temper but it was proving to be difficult the more she thought about it. “Besides, he’s known about this for days. He could’ve said something to me sooner.”
“Well, it sounds like he was trying to avoid upsetting you. He obviously thought he might get out of the assignment which is probably why he didn’t want to say anything in the first place, not unless he absolutely had to.”
“So much for that because I’m pretty well upset.” With a frustrated growl, Ginny tossed the uneaten pieces of toast onto her plate, leaned forward and propped her head upon her hand. “This is turning out to be so much harder than I expected.
“First, it’s the Hogsmeade trips, because we both know how swimmingly last month’s visit was.” Her comment was dripping with sarcasm and disdain. “Now this one. Not to mention the Owls.”
“They’re not any better then?” Hermione asked.
“No,” she answered rather disappointed. “Here I thought things might actually be easier with me coming back to school. I thought that it would help us be able to talk to each other more; share more things. But apparently that’s not the case.”
Ginny’s frustration was reaching the boiling point. She felt like she was being choked by the weight of everything that she’d been keeping bottled up inside of her.
“I just…” she sighed. “I just hoped that he would’ve opened up more. I know there’s something that he wants to tell me. I’ve noticed it before. Every time he wants to say something, he’ll start to tell me but then he gets nervous and itchy.”
“Itchy?” her mate asked with a confused look.
“Yeah. He always starts scratching something, like his neck or arm, or his nose. Strange, I know. But he gets nervous and itchy and then next thing I know, he’s saying something completely random.”
Hermione sat quietly, listening intently, and waited for her to continue.
“All I wanted was for him to open up and finally be honest with me. I thought that with us having to write letters, it might make it easier for him to share those things with me.” Ginny looked towards Hermione sitting across from her. She felt so lost and confused. “Did you know that he never says how he feels about me, never says…” her voice trailed off but Hermione knew what she was getting at.
“You want him to tell you that he loves you.”
“No!” she insisted. “No. Not really. Well…maybe. I don’t know.” She was babbling now. “I mean, he can say it if he wants, but he doesn’t have to. It doesn’t really matter whether he says those exact words. I know that he feels deeply about me and I know that I…” she couldn’t finish it. Why was it so difficult for even her to say?
“…love him.”
“Well, yeah. I do.”
“Have you told him that you love him?”
Ginny’s mouth dropped open with a guffaw at her friend’s question. “Are you mental? Me tell him first?” She could do nothing more than shake her head. “I've seen it far too many times with my brothers. Some girl says they love them, they get cold feet and the next thing you know, no more girlfriends.”
“That’s complete nonsense! Harry wouldn’t dump you if you decided to tell him how you feel.” Hermione was in complete shock. “And your brothers definitely shouldn’t treat girls that way.”
“Just because they shouldn’t, doesn’t mean they won’t at some point.” With a shrug, Ginny went back to playing with her now cold breakfast.
Both of them were quiet for a moment before Hermione spoke again.
"I still think you should tell him. I think you should send him an Owl letting him know that you were upset that he couldn't make it this weekend and that you wish he’d mentioned it sooner, but that you understand. Then tell him how you really feel; be honest with him. After all, he may be just as confused about things as you are. You never know. Maybe he'll finally open up to you."
Ginny sighed heavily, exhausted with their discussion. She didn’t want to hear ‘Owl him’, she didn’t want to hear ‘you need to be honest’. She just wanted to get out of there. She wanted to be free, even if it was only for a little while. She wanted to fly.
With a muffled groan, Ginny pushed her plate back. “I don’t know anymore, Hermione. I’d be risking a lot if I put all of that out there. I just don’t know if now is the right time.”
Watching her stand up, Hermione frowned. “Where are you going?”
“I’m going to do a few laps around the Pitch.”
“What?”
Ginny began walking away from the table. She didn’t want to be coerced anymore than she already had.
“What about Hogsmeade?” Hermione called to her.
“I’m not going.”
The rest of Ginny’s day consisted of much of the same: flying. She did all right for a while. But the time alone only fueled all of the thoughts in her mind. Between her conversation with Hermione, and Harry's letter, she was finding a good night's sleep to be very elusive. Although, she would admit (to a select few) that it wasn’t the first time she’d lost sleep over him.
“Gabrielle? This can’t be.” Harry was standing in front of her in the kitchen at the Burrow. She’d never been so thankful that they were alone.
“It is Ginny. I don’t understand why this is such a shock to you. You know very well that Gabrielle and I have been seeing each other for nearly a year now.”
Ginny frowned, confused beyond explanation. “What do you mean you’ve been dating her for nearly a year now?! Last time I checked, we were dating; have been for years, in fact. What is all this? Have you been seeing her behind my back?”
“I haven’t the slightest idea what you’re talking about.” Harry looked back at her with a furrowed brow. “You and I never dated. I’ve been seeing Gabrielle all this time, did you not hear me?”
Ginny tried her best to suppress the frustrated yell that threatened to escape her at any moment.
“In school, we dated. When you started working at the Ministry and I went back to finish my seventh year, we were seeing each other.”
Harry simply shook his head as if it was the first time he’d ever heard anything about them dating.
“Brilliant!” She huffed. “So, let’s say, for argument’s sake, that you’re right and I’m wrong. Which, ISN’T the case, but we’ll pretend it is.” Her jaw was set and her shoulders squared off. “She’s too bloody young to be getting married, Harry.”
“She’s 17, Ginny. And she’s perfectly capable of getting married if she wants to.”
“SHE’S JUST A CHILD!” Her voice carried loudly across the house, but it was as if no one heard her because they were the only two still in the kitchen moments later.
“She is NOT a child. She’s a grown woman who can make her own decisions. And this is what we both want.” Harry’s stance was rigid. The look on his face was different, unlike anything Ginny ever remembered of him. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you lately, but I would’ve thought you’d be happy that Gabrielle and I are getting married.”
“You can’t marry her because you’re in love with me!” Ginny called after him just as he’d turned to walk away.
“I was never in love with you, Ginny,” Harry said as he stopped. He then glanced over his shoulder at her, briefly meeting her eyes before speaking again. “You and I were never involved.”
She woke up, gasping for air, beads of sweat trickling down her face. Her heart was thundering inside her chest.
Closing her eyes, she swallowed, trying to settle herself to avoid waking Hermione or any of the other girls in the dormitory. She wanted nothing more than to erase the nightmare from her mind. But for some reason, Ginny was having a difficult time shaking the thoughts.
“I was never in love with you, Ginny.”
Her breath escaped her in a whisper.
“Shite.”
Being back at home for the Christmas holidays was one of the times that Ginny looked forward to most. It was the time that she finally got to see all of her family together again for at least a few days, she got to finish decorating the house(because her mum knew how much she enjoyed helping); and this year, unlike the last, she was going to be able to spend some much needed time with Harry. Although he would still be working a bit, it made her deliriously happy that she’d have more than just a day with him.
But now that she was back, Ginny couldn’t help but notice that things seemed different. She never remembered the Burrow being this quiet before; it was odd. There had always been something going on in the house, like her brothers running about, and her dad tinkering with all sorts of Muggle things. This time, however, there was just silence.
To be quite honest, she wasn’t sure that she liked the quiet anymore. It was a love-hate relationship, really. Strange how she always longed to have it before, desiring nothing more than a few moments of solitude with Harry; and of course, she would’ve enjoyed it on the occasions that her brothers got under her skin. But now it bothered her.
She wouldn’t even mind the silence now if she could just keep her thoughts on better things, like her last trip to Hogsmeade with Harry. Of course, they hadn’t gone to Hogsmeade at all. Instead, they’d gone to the Shrieking Shack.
Harry had the entire thing planned. He’d fixed it up enough to where they were finally able to have a proper date, just the two of them with no disturbances. And she’d be kidding herself if she didn’t admit that there was much snogging, even roaming hands: caressing, grazing, teasing. But that was all it was in the end, because Ginny knew that if her mum ever found out about that little excursion, she and Harry would both be done for.
Unfortunately, as she walked up the stairs towards Harry’s room carrying a basket of laundry with her, that particular memory wasn’t the only thing that consumed her.
Her mind was plagued with so many thoughts; she didn’t know where to turn first. But for the most part, it all centered around one thing: her future.
Ginny very nearly dreaded the thought of returning to school once the holiday was over. As if studying for her NEWTs wasn’t enough, she’d just found out from Professor McGonagall not long ago that the Holyhead Harpies had Owled her, expressing their interest in sending a scout to a couple of the Quidditch games in the spring.
The Headmistress said that they’d mentioned Ginny’s name among a select few that the scout would like to come and see play. She felt it only right that Ginny was at least aware of what could possibly lie in her future.
And of course, she couldn’t forget the rest of the Quidditch season, regardless of whether a scout was coming or not. Needless to say, she couldn’t afford to have any distractions and considering how much the past few months had affected her, she knew that if things weren’t settled, the outcome of everything else would not be good.
Ginny exhaled, causing a strand of hair near her face to float wildly in front of her for a brief moment.
No, she thought to herself. She needed to find her own peace in regards to Harry. Besides, he probably had no idea of her concerns, or of her fears that he was keeping her at a distance. She could feel it, but she wasn’t sure that he could. She wondered if he even realised that he was keeping her at arm’s length.
Ginny didn’t know exactly what she was going to say to him or how things would turn out, but she was determined to sit down and talk with Harry before she had to leave; she had to.
She sighed deeply when she reached Harry’s room. At least he hadn’t made it home just yet, because if he had been, she’d likely say everything that was running through her mind right now without giving proper thought to anything.
Pushing the door open, she couldn’t help but chuckle at the state of his room. No wonder her mum sent her up with his fresh laundry. Chances are, she’d given up tidying his room because it ended up back in the very same condition by the next morning. From what Ginny could tell, it looked almost exactly the way it had when she left the Burrow over three months ago.
Ginny moved about the room, placing his freshly laundered clothes in a neat stack on top of his bureau along with a few wash cloths her mum had given her. She looked around slowly and smiled to herself again before she began collecting his dirty laundry. One by one, she placed linens, robes, socks and just about anything else imaginable in the empty basket. She traced her fingers along some of his things as she made her way across his room.
Stopping at the foot of his bed, she sat down the basket and eyed a green jumper that was lying out. She’d bet her mum had been up to his room at some point this morning and decided to find something proper and clean for him to change into when he and Ron got home.
Ginny picked up the jumper and held it close to her, taking in the heady scent of Harry. It was always like a rush to her, the scent of wind and wood and that unmistakable aroma that was simply him. She could feel the tension escaping her as she brushed her cheek against the soft material, remembering how it felt when she’d lie against him without a care in the world.
She could feel the heaviness in her eyes as she continued standing there, his jumper held tight against her. Glancing out the window at the snow covered ground, Ginny imagined being curled up with Harry on the sitting room sofa in front of a toasty fire. She felt at complete peace, without a worry about school, or her chances at a future career in Quidditch, nor did she wonder how he truly felt about her. She knew without a doubt that he was in love with her and she was in love with him and that everything was going to be just fine.
Blinking rapidly from the brightness of the snow, Ginny woke from her trance and reluctantly placed Harry’s jumper back on his bed just the way she’d found it. She continued moving around the rest of the room, picking up random clothes and adding them to the growing stack already in the basket. Crossing over to the small writing desk across from his bed, she cringed slightly as she picked up a couple of dirty socks that were strewn across its surface.
Just then, a brilliant gleam of gold light caught her eye. She stared in wonder when she realised that it was the Golden Snitch Professor Dumbledore had left Harry in his will. It was that very snitch that once held the Resurrection Stone he’d told her about.
She picked up the tiny golden ball, her fingers dancing across it as she turned it slowly in her hand, examining it from every angle. It looked like any other Snitch she’d seen before, yet she knew this one was different. After all, it was probably the only one that had ever held a stone inside it that allowed you to see those you desired most, who had since passed.
Ginny had often wondered, since Harry first told her about the stone, whether she would ever use it had she actually had the chance. There were countless occasions when she missed Fred so much that a part of her wished she had the opportunity to use it, wished that Harry had gone back into the Forest to find the stone. But there was no sense in dwelling on it now. Life was trudging on and the stone was long gone. Besides, Harry was right when he said they couldn’t live in the past.
With a quiet nod, she laid the tiny golden ball back on the desk and started to move away when a piece of parchment caught her attention. Glancing down, she noticed that her name adorned the top of the page that was nearly half full with Harry’s scribbled writing. It looked like a letter.
He must’ve gotten sidetracked in the middle of it, Ginny mused.
Without thinking, she picked up the letter and began to read.
Ginny…
Harry bounded up the stairs taking the steps two at a time. Ginny was finally home on holiday and at that moment it was all he cared about.
He bypassed her room, heading straight for his once Mrs. Weasley had informed him that she had just sent her up to his room less than a half hour ago to drop off his fresh clothes and gather up the ones that needed to be laundered. Harry simply laughed when she muttered something about her getting lost.
He noticed the door was standing open as he drew nearer and his eyes lit up when he saw Ginny sitting on his bed. She was facing the window with her back to him and her head bowed low.
Harry had been so anxious to see her since his last visit to Hogsmeade that he could barely contain his excitement when he entered the room.
“Ginny!” he called, thrilled yet slightly breathless having run up the stairs. Harry smiled brightly as he stood there just inside his room, collecting himself.
Watching her silhouette, she brought her hand to her face briefly before slowly turning around.
The smile that filled his face mere moments ago was suddenly gone as soon as he saw the tears in her eyes. She must have tried to wipe the remnants of them away from her cheeks when he said her name.
Harry glanced down to her hands to find her holding a parchment and he frowned, wondering what had caused her such distress.
“What is it?” he took a small step forward. “What’s the matter?”
Ginny didn’t say anything but glanced hesitantly at his writing desk. His eyes followed hers to the scattered stack of parchment about the desk’s surface with his quill idly cast to the side.
Realisation dawned across his face and he swore under his breath. Merlin! Not the letter. Please, not that letter.
“I don’t know, Harry. You tell me. Is this supposed to be some way of breaking things off with me?” A tear fell down her cheek even as Ginny spoke and she fiercely wiped it away.
“No,” Harry insisted, stepping forward again before she made to back away. “Gin, you’ve got it all wrong.”
“Somehow I don’t think that I do.” She stood up and turned to face him fully, still clutching the edges of the letter. “I thought we were trying to pick up where we left off?”
His heart was racing; she was taking it all the wrong way. “We are, Ginny. Just stop a second. You don’t know all the facts.”
“Oh, I don’t?” the note of sarcasm hung on each word. “There’s more, then? Because this pretty much explains everything. How these past few months have been confusing. How sometimes there’s so much to say but you just can’t find the right way or time to tell me. Well, let me save you the trouble.” There was no mistaking the anger and hurt etched into her features as she started to walk past him, wanting suddenly to be as far away from him as absolutely possible.
Harry was dumbfounded; he didn’t know what to do. He wanted to stop her to make her understand, but the onslaught of shock seemed to be holding him back.
Ginny had nearly made it to the door when her temper got the better of her. He hadn’t said a single word in several minutes. She’d been almost certain, before, that he wasn’t telling her everything. And now here it was, all laid out in front of her. Her suspicions were confirmed. He’d been keeping something from her.
With an angry growl, she huffed and turned back around, glaring at him. “Honestly, Harry, it’s a wonder we’ve managed to get this far, especially if there are so many things that have been bothering you over the past several months. I knew something was wrong; I knew you weren’t being completely open with me.” Her emotions were beginning to get out of control. She could feel herself slipping. As much as she was upset with Harry, Ginny was even more upset with herself for thinking things would work themselves out in the end.
“You know…now that I think about it, maybe what you said in your letter was right. I don’t see how we were able to just pick things up from where we left off. You certainly made that quite clear by keeping me at arm’s length.”
Harry stared at her, bewildered. Where was this nonsense coming from? He never pushed her away. He’d been up front with her about everything that happened while they were hunting for the Horcruxes. He’d shared things with her that only Ron and Hermione knew. He wanted her to be a part of his life and he knew that in order to do that it meant sharing his entire life with her, no matter how difficult it was. The only thing he’d been unable to accomplish, which he had intended to include in the letter, was to tell her…to tell her how…
“Apparently it’s all true then,” Ginny’s anguished voice cut through his heart, breaking his thoughts. “The longer we keep this up, the more you’re just going to push me away.”
“No, Ginny, I would never do that. I’ve never pushed you away.” He could feel the hot tears beginning to well up in his own eyes, but he had to stay strong, stay focused.
“Yes you have, Harry. You do it all the time.” Her breath was shaky and he could tell that her nerves were standing on end. “You said it yourself. You said that there were so many things that I didn’t know, so many things that you found hard to tell me.”
“Gin-” he attempted, but she cut him off.
“Well, I can’t be there for you…”
Her words froze him in his tracks. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. All he could think was that she was going to put an end to their relationship because she thought that he wasn’t being honest with her, all because he hadn’t had the courage to tell her how he really felt.
“I can’t…not when you won’t let me.” She swallowed the knot of emotions that were bottling up inside of her. “All I’ve ever wanted was to be a part of your life, Harry. And I can’t do that if things continue this way.”
They both stood silent, Harry incapable of meeting her intense gaze and Ginny unable to tear her heart away from the man standing in front of her. She never imagined that things would end up so broken between the two of them. But there was so much that she didn’t understand anymore. Everything she’d learned now made her question if the last few months had even meant anything to him.
After a few moments passed in silence, Ginny sighed deeply and turned to leave.
“No, wait…” Harry said urgently, reaching out and catching her by the arm. “We need to talk about this. You’ve got it all wrong.”
She frowned and looked down as his hand tightened on her arm, desperately trying to keep her there.
“Let go of me.” Ginny made futile attempts at pulling her arm out of his grasp but it was useless.
“Not until you let me explain things.”
“You’ve already had plenty of chances to excuse yourself, Harry.” She gave another tug at her arm and raised her voice when he still wouldn’t let go of her. “Let me go.”
Harry’s heart was beating wildly inside his chest. Any other time he would’ve let her walk and regretted it every second, but not this time. He couldn’t give up now.
“No!” Harry quickly pulled her back inside before she could attempt to leave again. He shut the door, yanked his wand out of his back pocket and muttered a couple spells so that they wouldn’t be interrupted.
“Oh, so you are going to let me have it now that you’ve put a silencing charm up?” Her tone was fierce, although it was laced with fear and uncertainty as he took hold of her shoulders and pulled her towards him.
“You are bloody well stubborn, you know that,” he said, his voice furious and raspy. Harry stood there searching the intense expression on her face and before he knew it, he was kissing her. It was a hard, searing kiss that set both of them on fire.
It felt as though ten minutes had passed when they both finally pulled away, panting for air. Ginny gave a hard shove to his shoulder.
“Who the bleeding hell said that you could kiss me like that?” she yelled at him, more angry than he’d seen her since the war.
“Shite, Ginny, would you stop it? Just stop!” Harry let out a strained yell. “It’s time you listen to me now.” He turned and began pacing the room.
She raised her brow in question. “And just why should I do that?”
“Because you’ve made assumptions and have gotten it all wrong.”
She didn’t say anything, but simply huffed and crossed her arms in front of her. He took a deep breath and ploughed ahead.
“I started writing that letter six months ago, just before we started dating again. Back then it was easy,” he sighed. “I told you about all of the things that I’d faced with Ron and Hermione. I told you everything that happened while we were away, how difficult it all was.”
His eyes glanced towards her briefly and then quickly found the floor again as he continued pacing.
“But the one thing I couldn’t tell you was something I’ve always found difficult to say.” Harry bit the inside of his jaw, struggling even now to find the right words.
“When we were away, there were so many times that I thought about you. I always worried about whether you were safe or not, wondered how you were. I missed you so much while we were gone. There were even times when I wanted to see you so badly that I found myself pulling out the Marauder’s Map just to watch your tiny dot, sleeping in your dorm. I always thought that if I concentrated enough, maybe you’d know that I was thinking about you.”
Harry stopped in front of her again. “It was just a silly thought, really.”
Ginny stood quietly, shaking her head, her lips unable to form a coherent sentence. “No.”
His gaze finally left his hands and he met her eyes, hopefully.
“Was it silly of me,” Harry asked hesitantly, his eyes never leaving hers, “to wonder if you were thinking about me?”
“No,” Ginny said again, unable to look him in the eyes any longer.
He took a deep breath as the corners of his mouth pulled into a brief smile before he continued on.
“There were things that I never…” Harry stumbled slightly “…never told you about.”
“Yes?” She was looking at him again, expectantly.
Merlin, this was hard. “That night, I saw you…before I went into the forest to face Voldemort. You were outside, near the front steps, with a girl.”
Ginny frowned in concentration. “She kept saying she wanted her mum, wanted to go home,” she added as her mind wandered to that moment months ago. Then realisation dawned on her. “You were there. I knew there was something, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. It was you.”
Harry answered her puzzled look with a nod. “I wanted to say goodbye, to tell you that I had to go, but it would’ve been so much harder to tear myself away from you if I had.”
“Harry…”
“Do you know what I thought about in that last moment when Voldemort used the Killing Curse on me?”
Ginny shook her head as tears welled up in her eyes. His hands reached out to take hers.
“You,” his throat constricted. “I thought of you, Ginny.” Harry’s thumb stroked over her knuckles slowly in hopes of keeping both of their tears at bay. “I could see your face just as clearly as you’re standing in front of me now. And I…I…”
“Seeing Hagrid carrying you…” she spoke softly when he found it too difficult to continue. “I was so terrified at that moment.” There wasn’t a single day that Ginny forgot how she felt that night, seeing his body seemingly broken.
“I know,” Harry assured her because he truly understood how she felt. He could still hear her cries when she’d yelled out his name.
She sniffled slightly and looked up into his green eyes again. “So…your letter, it was about this?”
Harry gave another nod. “I never meant for you to think that it meant something else. When I started writing it all those months ago, I was so lost at how to explain everything because I wanted you to understand that I never stopped thinking about you the entire time that we were away. And I knew that I would regret it if I never told you exactly how I felt then, and how you make me feel now.”
A strangled sob escaped Ginny and she felt as though she was finally able to breathe after all this time. She had let the unfinished letter play on so many of the concerns that were plaguing her. Now that it was all so clear to her, she felt so stupid for making assumptions about what he’d been trying to say.
“You ruddy git,” she chuckled lightly and took a deep breath. “You let me get all worked up, thinking the worst of things.”Even though she was teasing, it was far easier to blame him about her causing such a fuss.
Harry understood what she was doing, but nevertheless, he asked. “So you don’t hate me, then?”
Ginny could hear the amusement in his tone. “A million fights couldn’t make me hate you, Harry. But I suppose that’s just because I love you so much.”
Shite! Ginny thought as the last word left her lips. She heard Harry clear his throat and she shut her eyes tight, frightened of the look she might find on his face.
“You…you just said…” he was astonished, lost at what to say. “You love me?”
Brilliant, Ginny, opening your mouth as always. I’m in for it now. But all she was able to whisper was “Yes.”
The silence between them felt strangely awkward, making Ginny want nothing more than to sink into the floor.
“No one’s ever told me that before,” Harry admitted finally.
She opened her eyes and chuckled, trying her best to pass it off. “Certainly I’m not the only one, Harry. I’m sure your parents probably told you loads of times when you were a baby. Not to mention Dumbledore and Sirius…”
“I don’t recall ever hearing those exact words. But even if they did say them,” he swallowed nervously, “no one meant it the same way that you do.” He wanted to tell her that he felt the same, but his words did nothing but catch in his throat. After all, he’d never said the words himself.
“No, I suppose not.”
Another moment of silence passed and she swore inwardly. He still hadn’t said the words back to her, although he didn’t have to. But now she didn’t know what to expect.
Ginny didn’t know how much more she could take if they were going to continue standing here like this. The quiet was getting to her again; she couldn’t bear it anymore.
“Well, I…I’m just gonna…” she muttered feebly until Harry’s words silenced her.
“I love you, too, Ginny.”