It really was a good thing that no one stopped to check in with the inhabitants of the center back table of the Three Broomsticks that afternoon. Who knows what they would have thought. If they had, though, they would have seen:
1. A black haired girl doing her best to look as though she had no one idea why the witch sitting next to her was passed out. She wasn’t really succeeding.
2. The said passed-out-witch: a mass of red hair facedown on the table. It was doubtful that she would have been recognized as Hogwarts’ Head Girl, Lily Evans in her present condition.
3. The duo that any Hogwarts student could easily identify as Sirius Black and James Potter, two of the most popular boys in school, who always seemed to stir up the most trouble as well.
4. The lesser known friend of Black and Potter, Remus Lupin, standing and holding a diamond ring.
However, the last member of the group might not even have been recognized, as he looked quite different from his usual reserved self. Remus wasn’t known for being a trickster. If he hadn’t been the friend of James and Sirius, he probably would have been the victim of their cahoots. He was known for his good study habits and being a nice, if quiet, person. But this Remus had a large and evil grin plastered on his face and appeared to be having the time of his life. But just what was causing him so much happiness was anyone’s guess.
James also appeared out of sorts, as his expression was not a smile, which hardly ever happened. Quite the opposite, he appeared to be in a kind of panic, his face pale. By the looks of it, Sirius, the only one who seemed to be normal, was having a difficult time stifling his laughter as James rhythmically thumped the table he stood by with his fist, a word for every beat.
“When. Will. She. Wake. Up. Make. Her. Wake. Up. When. Will. She. Wake. Up. Make. Her-”
Lily suddenly regained consciousness, sat bolt upright and looked around in confusion.
“Where am I? What‘s going on? Why was I on the table?”
Remus didn’t waste a single moment. Sliding into the chair across from her, he held out his open palm with a sparkling diamond ring in it. Lily’s bright green eyes instinctively went to it.
“You don’t remember? Lily, I’m surprised at you! James asks you to marry him, you accept, he presents you with this very ring, you then pass out from excitement, and now you act like you don’t remember? Can you believe that, Sirius?”
James suddenly emitted a strangled sound and made frantic motions for Remus to shut up. Lily’s face clearly showed that she was having trouble comprehending what was going on.
“I’ll tell you, mate, I’ve never heard anything like it.” Sirius said happily. “Women are supposed to be the one’s who never forget anything.”
“Lupin, what on earth are you going on about?” Lily questioned with a scowl.
Sirius chuckled. “Oh, you’ve gotten on her bad side. She called you Lupin.”
James tried again to communicate, but no discernible words were coming out of his mouth.
“Your engagement to James, of course!” replied Remus in an unnaturally cheerful voice, ignoring both Sirius and James.
Lily tried to rise from her chair. That didn’t work out so well, as she still wasn’t recovered from being unconscious. She swayed and then sat back down before responding.
“I’m NOT engaged to Potter! Not now, not EVER!” Lily pronounced in a strained voice. “Adrianne, I TOLD you this was a horrible idea. Let’s go.”
Adrianne merely shook her head. “No, I don’t think that we should yet.”
In a voice that would normally be used on extremely small children, Remus said, “What do you remember happening, then?”
Lily’s brow furrowed. While unconscious, she remembered that she had been having visions of Professor Dumbledore wearing a pink boa and dancing the YMCA while Hagrid and Slughorn sang the background vocals. She shivered and tried to think father back. The waitress had brought drinks, she had drunk some of her butterbeer….and then…..
“OH MERLIN PLEASE SAY I DIDN’T DO THAT!”
“Isn’t it wonderful!” Adrianne gushed. “I always knew that you had a soft spot for James hidden somewhere! I just didn’t know it was this strong!”
“This is just a horrible nightmare. Come on, Lily, you‘ll wake up any minute now...” Lily scrunched her eyes closed and loudly chanted “There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home.” Opening them again, she was disappointed to see that her surroundings had not changed.
In a high voice, James managed to say, “Lily, I-”
This was a mistake, as it turned Lily’s attention to him. Eyes full of sharp daggers, she leaned across the table towards him.
“James Potter, if you’re ANY kind of a human being you’ll just let me leave and we’ll pretend this never happened.”
It wasn’t often that James was lost for words, but this was one of those times. He opened his mouth, but no words came out. He tried again with the same result. Lily clenched her fists. “I’m warning you, Potter…”
Adrianne laughed. “You know, James, Lily certainly isn’t being a very loving fiancée.”
“If looks could kill, poor Prongs would be in immediate need of a coffin,” Sirius said under his breath to Remus. “Think we ought to save him from her?” Remus laughed and nodded. Adrianne took her cue and stood up.
“Excuse me, everyone! EXCUSE ME!” The buzzing crowd fell quiet and all eyes turned towards Adrianne. “If I could have your attention, my friend Remus Lupin has an announcement to make!”
Remus took a brief moment to survey his victim. There was a look of complete and utter mortification frozen on Lily’s face as she realized that everyone in The Three Broomsticks was watching her. “Revenge is sweet,” he thought, as he took a step into the middle of the pub.
“Young love. How sweet it is. Every springtime seems to bring it. And today, it has brought it in our very midst!” Smiling like a proud father, Remus gestured to the table behind him. “Young Mr. Potter has just proposed and Miss Evans has accepted!”
If the onlookers were surprised that Lily looked as though she couldn’t decide whether to throw up, tackle Remus, or pass out again, and James didn‘t look much better, they didn’t show it. Celebratory cheers rang out. A blonde girl who looked to be around fifteen ran up the table.
“Can I take your picture!” she breathlessly inquired. “That’s sooo romantic.”
Sirius smiled charmingly. “Of course you can, love. Tell all your friends about it! Don’t forget to mention the smart handsome friend who helped bring them together!” Flashing the roguish smile that he secretly practiced in the mirror, Sirius posed with one hand on Lily’s back and the other on James’ shoulder. He looked a lot happier than either of them. The camera flashed and the girl scurried away. Sirius looked down at James in concern.
“All right there, mate?”
James shook his head slowly as if in shock. “Sirius….what’s going on? What did you do to Lily?”
Before answering, Sirius lowered his voice so Lily wouldn’t hear. “Ah, Moony wants to get Lily back for coming up with the idea of the flamingo suit. So he put this extra-hard charm and whatnot on that ring so she’d get a memory of whatever he told her to, and that’s you and her getting engaged. Lily really thinks that she said she’d marry you. But it doesn’t last forever, so you’d better enjoy it while it‘s here!”
James collapsed back into a chair. “Great. Bloody great. Now Lily’s going to hate me even more than she used too! Thanks a lot, Padfoot.” Sirius shrugged apologetically.
“When Moony comes up with something like this, it’s sort of a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. To waste it would be a crime against pranks.”
“I need a drink,” moaned James, reaching for the nearest glass of butterbeer and taking a swig.
“Uh, I wouldn’t do that,” Adrianne interjected sharply. But it was too late. The black haired boy collapsed onto the table just as Lily had.
The crowd gasped at this unfolding drama. Remus turned around to see what had caught their attention and easily understood what had happened.
“Wow, looks like James has had a bit too much good news today! Can’t handle it, poor chap!” Though he’d never wanted to be the center of attention before, Remus was now quite pleased to play ringmaster. “Perhaps his lovely fiancée will give him true love’s kiss to wake him up!”
Lily stood and kept her balance this time. “REMUS LUPIN, I‘M GOING TO-”
“Invite me to the wedding, and I’m so glad!” He beamed a cheeky grin infuriatingly at her. “Isn’t she cute when she’s nervous, folks? All this attention on her big day!”
Lily scowled darkly, but stopped shouting, at least for the moment. Adrianne looked nervously at her, not at all certain that she wasn’t preparing to run at and take down Remus, even with the milling audience. Sirius was looking at James with concern.
“He’s going to kill us when he wakes up, you know.”
Through clenched teeth Lily hissed, “Not if I can get to you first.”
Sirius put on a look of offended dignity. “Now, Lily, you shouldn’t be angered at us. It’s not our fault that you said yes, you know. That was your choice.”
James chose this moment to return to the world of the living. “What happened?” he groggily asked, sitting up and rubbing his head. “I remember something about Lily being mad…”
“YOU’D BETTER BELIEVE THAT-”
Adrianne calmly slipped her hand over Lily’s mouth.
Remus couldn’t believe the luck he was having today. He hadn‘t planned on this, but when presented with such an opportunity…. With a wicked smile, he held up the ring.
“Oh, you finally got up the nerve to propose to Lily, with this ring here, and she accepted, that‘s all.”
James gazed in disbelief at Lily. “Lily, you said you’d marry me?”
“Apparently. But that doesn’t mean that I-”
A look of pure, unbridled joy spread across James’ face until he looked like the victim of a euphoria charm. He abruptly jumped up onto the table, threw his arms out wide, and proclaimed to the world:
“I’M ENGAGED TO LILY EVANS!”
The Ultimate Prank by Midnight_Unicorn
Chapter Notes: A thousand and one apologies for being so inexcusably late with this. I started college and found that it took a lot of time. Sorry. :( Please R and R anyway, if you can find it in your heart!
Remus' revenge starts out as planned, but now he has a chance to make it work even more.....Sirius is there being, well, Sirius.
Chapter Endnotes: Let me know what you think! I had great fun writing this scene! The next chapters will take us back to Hogwarts! R and R, thanks muchly!