Toujours Pur by oliverwoodisthebest
Chapter Notes: Everything belongs to Jo.
Dear Draco,
I know you’ve only been at school three days, but I thought I’d send you an owl anyway. How are your classes so far? Not too hard I hope. I heard about Severus getting the Defence Against the Dark Arts job. I know you think that class is useless, but I’m just happy for Severus as he’s been wanting the job for a while now.
Things are pretty quiet here, your father is keeping busy. Bella stopped by this morning, she sends her best. I send my best too, and I hope things are going well.
Write back soon,
Love,
Mum
Narcissa Malfoy tied the letter to the leg of her screech owl and watched him fly out of the open window above the kitchen sink. She sat down at the tall polished table and looked up at the clock. Noon. The day had been just inching by, like most days had been lately.
She was alone now, save Bella’s and Lucius’s short visits, and couldn’t leave the house, now that the Ministry finally believed that her husband was a Death Eater. She had stayed fairly content without Lucius around. She still had Draco. That is, until this past summer, when Draco, her only son, had joined the Death Eaters.
She was heartbroken. It was to be expected, of course, that Draco would join up eventually. But Narcissa had kept the tiny hope that he would side with her, and stay out of the thick of things. She knew he had more of a heart than his father. She had hoped that this would be enough to keep him away from the Dark Lord’s inner circle. But he did what was expected, what was honoured, what his father thought was right.
Lucius didn’t mind that Narcissa wasn’t a Death Eater. She didn’t have to be right in the centre of the action. And Narcissa didn’t mind being married to a Death Eater. She wasn’t against pureblood domination; she just didn’t care enough to join the Death Eaters. Narcissa and Lucius had a good marriage and their difference of involvement with the Death Eaters was never a problem. But Narcissa couldn’t help slightly resenting Lucius for Draco’s decision to become a Death Eater.
Lucius wanted Draco to join. Narcissa did not. Lucius had always talked about how great it would be when his son was old enough to be a Death Eater. Narcissa never said anything. She quietly disagreed with Lucius. She felt Draco would decide for himself, and that he would choose not to join. He was not a killer.
Draco had to choose between joining and not joining, between his father and mother. Draco and Lucius did not see it this way. Only Narcissa felt the competition of the decision. Only she felt the loss.
Narcissa woke suddenly from the noise coming from downstairs. She put on her dressing gown and walked down the large sweeping staircase. Upon entering the entrance hall, she saw that the source of the noise was her husband and son.
“Mum! Mum, look!” Draco held out his left arm, revealing a snake intertwined through a skull. It was a brighter and darker black than Lucius’s Mark. “I’m truly in. The Dark Lord’s really pleased. He kept saying how much potential I have during the ceremony.”
Narcissa didn’t know how to react. She wanted to be happy for her son, wanted to share the delight glowing in his face. But she was also crushed, almost betrayed. Her son, who she thought had had too soft of a soul, entered the inner circle of the Dark Lord’s followers. She hoped he wouldn’t. She tried talking to him, hinting to him that he shouldn’t join them, but her efforts were lost on him, and now he was lost from her.
“Oh my…Draco… I-I’m so proud…” she lied. She reached out and held him close to her for a moment, inwardly saying goodbye to her son as she knew him. He was only a boy, barely sixteen, now he would be learning advanced Dark Arts, and torturing and killing people. Narcissa knew Draco wouldn’t be up to this. Who knows what he’ll be like in a year, a few months, maybe he’ll change within weeks…
When Draco got his Dark Mark, he was only home as much as his father, and Narcissa’s time at Malfoy Manor became anxious and lonely. Now that he was at school, she could send him regular owls. It comforted her that they could at least keep in touch, but she knew her anxiety would increase with every owl that he took too long to answer.
Narcissa knew that Draco could not kill Dumbledore. For one, it would be a very hard thing to do. No matter what the Dark Lord said, Dumbledore was a powerful wizard. He would not be easily fooled into traps or trickery. He is also well-protected beyond Draco’s, and perhaps the Dark Lord’s, knowledge.
Besides, Draco wouldn’t be up to it. He was not a killer.
Lucius could kill.
Bella could kill.
But Narcissa knew that her son was more like his mother, and could not kill.
Narcissa got up from the table and paced the very clean kitchen floor. He wouldn’t kill Dumbledore. He couldn’t kill Dumbledore. Then the Dark Lord will kill him. This thought entered her mind several times a day. Her reaction to this horrific thought was to pace until she was dizzy, take a sleeping potion, and nap on the couch in the parlour for a few hours.
Back and forth she paced, her thoughts a never-ending cycle. Back and forth. Back and forth. Five-year-old Draco’s happy face entered her mind. The table got nearer. The sink got nearer. She saw Draco’s triumphant face, showing his mother his fresh Dark Mark. Back to the table. Back to the sink. She imagined him, pointing a wand at Dumbledore, trembling. Back and forth. Back and forth. The Dark Lord’s angry face thrust itself into her thoughts, raising a wand, opening his mouth to cast-
Narcissa tripped slightly and grabbed hold of the sink. She pulled a vial of lavender liquid out of her robes and drained it.
Sleep was spreading through her quickly. She stumbled into the parlour and fell asleep on the black velvet of their finest couch.
Chapter Endnotes: Thank you for reading! Please review!