Disclaimer: The fine tapestry of plot and characters belongs to J.K. Rowling. I am merely pulling threads at will and weaving my own design in counterpoint to hers.
Chapter 30
Perceptions and Reality
Hermione was ecstatic about the news that Professor McGonagall would be taking over as her faculty advisor at of the beginning of the new term in January.
“I thought you liked Professor Hooch,” commented Ron.
“I do,” Hermione admitted, “but McGonagall is just so much more….so much more like what I imagined in the first place.”
“Do you mean to say that the headmistress is likely to set a more ambitious course of study?” Harry suggested.
“Exactly. Thanks for coming to my rescue, Harry.”
He smiled indulgently and replied, “Glad to do it. We all get tongue-tied in moments of excitement.”
“Do you think I could get her to set me an assignment to work on over the holidays?” she asked, her eyes glittering with excitement.
“Just don’t try to track her down today, Hermione,” ventured Harry. “There’s a lot going on behind the scenes.” He explained what he had seen on his way back from Hagrid’s.
“Blimey, they’re watching us like prisoners in the yard!” Ron asserted.
“I think they’re just being cautious,” Harry observed.
“I’ll just jot down a few ideas in the meanwhile then,” Hermione decided, undeterred from her immediate mission. She left the common room for the privacy of her bedroom with a definite bounce in her step.
“Mental,” Ron declared for perhaps the hundredth time. “Imagine wanting a homework assignment over the Christmas holidays.”
“Ron, how long have you known Hermione now?” Harry asked rhetorically. “These things should no longer surprise you.”
When Neville returned later that afternoon, Harry took the opportunity to explain that he had run into Luna while visiting Hagrid and that he had invited her to join their dueling sessions in January.
“Just making sure no one objects,” Harry clarified.
“Fine with me,” Ron agreed as Hermione nodded her assent.
“I’ve always liked working with Luna,” confessed Neville, “She’s so non-judgmental.”
“Good.” Harry nodded. “Looks like she’s going to be a welcome addition then. My only concern is: how do we communicate with her about the sessions? They do tend to get shuffled around everyone’s schedule a lot.”
“Got it covered,” Neville stated with conviction. “I can always get a hold of Luna.” He laid his right hand meaningfully on his Head Boy insignia.
Of course, Harry thought, he should have made the connection sooner. The Head Boy would always have a direct way to contact the Prefects.
With the first snowfall setting the proper mood, the entire school was overcome with Christmas fever and decorations were being strung everywhere. Hermione undertook the transformation of their common room with a tenaciousness that Harry had not seen since she was studying for her O.W.L. exams.
“We’ll be leaving for the Burrow at the end of the week,” Ron complained as he tried to coax her down from a ladder.
“Doesn’t matter,” she replied airily. “Neville’s staying at school and I wanted to do something special for him.”
“He’s only staying because Daphne is,” Ron commented.
“All the more reason his living area should be presentable!”
Harry did his part by procuring some mistletoe sprigs from Professor Sprout and then had to wrestle them from Ron who was determined to hang them in the doorway of each bedroom to see who would get zapped first.
To her credit, Hermione just laughed when she heard about his plan. “Just because Fred and George aren’t at school any more doesn’t mean that you have to honor their legacy, Ron!”
Hagrid brought them a row of tiny evergreen trees that they could line up on the mantelpiece. In thanks, Hermione taught him the spell that would add little twinkling lights and made sure that he had mastered it with his umbrella-wand.
Lupin’s inner office had been festooned with a pine bough garland across the hearth and baskets of cinnamon-scented pine cones to throw into the fire.
“I had to stop Tonks from going overboard,” Lupin noted with a merry laugh, “or we’d have had to shovel the magical snow out the window at the end of each day!”
So it came as no surprise to Harry that the Room of Requirement had also been decked out in Christmas finery. He remembered that Dobby had taken it upon himself to do the honors for the D.A. meetings, but what he found today showed a more restrained hand. The mantel was adorned with a long row of small candles set in deep crimson bowls, a wreath of variegated holly hung on the stone wall above.
It did not initially register with him that Ginny was already present until he saw movement from the far side of the room. She was not dressed in her usual school robes but had donned a festive shirt of deepest green velvet that seemed to reflect and absorb the firelight in turn as she moved. She pulled out two bottles of butterbeer from a large iced tub and handed one to him.
“Merry Christmas, Harry,” she offered as she toasted him with the bottle.
Harry smiled back, feeling the first bit of holiday cheer begin to creep into his heart. “Lupin’s not here yet? I was running a few minutes late myself.”
“The Professor’s been detained,” Ginny replied knowingly.
“I didn’t think you signed up for Divination classes “ or did you just Confund him as you passed by his office?”
“Neither, although that second idea has merit,” she noted with a silvery laugh. “He was in the middle of a snowball fight in the courtyard as I passed.”
“Are you serious?” Harry joined in; he had absolutely no trouble visualizing the scene. They probably had him pinned four-to-one and he was giving them his best shots “ and losing track of the time for certain. “Was he winning?”
“Hard to say, everyone was laughing so hard!”
“I don’t suppose we can dock him any house points for this, can we?” Harry pondered with a mischievous twinkle in his eye.
“That’s for amateurs, I’m sure we can think of something better.”
“You mean like Ron’s decorating tips for mistletoe?” Harry offered as he outlined Ron’s idea for their common room.
Ginny doubled over with laughter. “Oh, that’s rich! I better write that one down. So who got hit with the stinging hex first? Or can I still put down a wager?”
“There’s not much to work with there, Ginny. Ron and Hermione are probably the most likely, but Ron doesn’t strike me as the type to allow himself to be stung just to play a practical joke.”
“You’re right. Fred and George: definitely; but Ron: no. So that’s even odds. What about Neville?” she asked hopefully.
“He’s still seeing Daphne, but he never actually brings her to our common room so we don’t really know.”
“He might when no one else is there, so that’s a two to one shot.”
“They’re both staying at school over the holidays so I guess that turns out to be a much better gamble in the long run. I think I’ll put my money on that one,” Harry decided merrily.
“You’re not going to bet on yourself?” she asked, her expression suddenly unreadable.
“I’m the long shot, Gin; no ties, no commitments,” he tried to make his tone as carefree as possible, but his voice just trailed off. The room was beginning to feel a little too confining.
“See that’s the thing about long shots: you can lose everything or you can win big.” She was speaking so softly that her lips were barely moving. “It all depends upon how much you’re willing to risk.”
How did he let himself get trapped like this? The argument in his brain was raging full force as he watched Ginny move closer. Or had he been the one to approach her? She was so near he could see the amber flecks in her eyes…
He didn’t even realize he had closed his eyes in anticipation until he heard the noise of the door opening and Lupin’s jovial voice announced, “Sorry, I’m late. Got caught up in a monstrous snow battle; half the school must have been there by the time we got finished!”
Lupin was still shaking the snow out of his scarf and jacket, not really paying attention to the scene before him. If only they could look nonchalant before he actually looked up.
“I hope you didn’t start without--” Lupin’s words died out as he looked from one face to the other.
Surely, they’d been quick enough, Harry thought to himself, they’d even had extra seconds to move apart. But he could tell by Lupin’s expression that he had seen enough to put the pieces together. Harry stood rooted to the spot, unsure what he should do next, his heart hammering.
Lupin recovered first and simply offered, “You probably want a few more minutes to warm up. I’ll be outside in the corridor.”
As he turned to leave, Harry was finally able to unglue his limbs and run towards the door. “Professor, please, don’t leave,” he pleaded. “I’m ready for class to start!”
Lupin turned and gave him such a quizzical look that Harry was chagrined to add, “Ginny was just being….a distraction.”
He heard the unmistakable sound of Ginny sighing and lowering herself into the nearest chair. “I’m ready, too,” she volunteered by way of an apology. “There’s butterbeers in the basin there. Holiday cheer and all!”
“I can see that,” Lupin replied warily as he made his way toward the hearth and snagged himself a bottle.
Harry could tell by the way Lupin kept examining each of them like specimens under a microscope, that it was his intent to make them squirm. Harry wasn’t much for that game so he assumed the same bravado he’d seen Lupin feign before and intoned, “Sorry we started without you, Professor. You can call the next round.”
Ginny nearly choked on her butterbeer, she was trying so hard not to laugh. Harry could see her purposely avoiding any eye contact to keep her resolve from crumbling.
Lupin took his time, fully knowing that all eyes were on his every move. After a long swallow of butterbeer, he set the half-empty bottle down on the side table purposefully and stated, “Neither one of you has the slightest bit of shame.”
Harry shrugged in reply as Ginny quipped, “Born without that gene.”
“How about we stay a bit longer this afternoon and see if we can make up for lost time then?” Lupin suggested. “Is that all right with everyone?”
It turned out to be particularly productive practice session. The back-to-back spells finally felt like they were flowing naturally so the three of them were able to work out some new variations. Lupin suggested they try visualizing a snowball fight and the resulting playfulness, coupled with a no-holds-barred attitude, culminated in a rollicking workout. Lupin ambushed Harry and Ginny during the last round and turned it into a three-way fight that had them all collapsing in laughter on the floor cushions. The last butterbeers were consumed as they critiqued each other freely.
“Well, if you’ll excuse me,” Ginny began, “I’ve still got a few class assignments to finish so I’d better put in a little time in the library before supper. Happy Christmas, Professor.”
“Tonks and I will be by the Burrow before Christmas, Ginny,” Lupin reminded her.
“I know, but you can never have too much Christmas cheer,” she affirmed as she gave Lupin a quick hug in parting.
“Will I see you at supper later, Harry?” she asked from the door.
“Probably,” Harry replied noncommittally.
“Before you leave, Harry, I’d like a word,” Lupin specified.
Harry had been expecting it. There was no point in denying anything that Lupin had seen for himself, regardless of how unintentional it had been. He took the chair opposite the fireplace and began, “I’m sorry you had to walk in on that “ I was out of line.”
“You misunderstand me, Harry,” Lupin explained in a kindly manner. “I just wanted to know which one of you summoned the room today.”
“Ginny did. I think she brought the decorations and the butterbeer as well, but all that was already completed when I arrived.”
“So I can conclude that there was no intent from her to undermine the protocols. What about on your part?”
“If I’d known she was here all alone and that you were going to be delayed another ten minutes, I think I would have waited for you in the corridor,” Harry replied honestly.
“Excuse me, please, but that doesn’t make any sense.”
“It makes perfect sense, you’re just not seeing the whole picture.”
“Stop, Harry, no more! Your personal life is none of my business nor is it something that I should be discussing with you.”
“Then stop thinking about it in terms of teacher and student and talk to me as my friend!” Harry could feel himself beginning to lose the battle to keep his voice calm and steady.
“I’m not sure that’s a line we should be cross--”
“Why? Because we haven’t crossed it a thousand times before? There’s no line here, Remus, there’s just you and me in an empty room!”
“All right, Harry, I’ll concede the point for the time being. Tell me what it is that has you so keyed up then. Because it was not my intent to censure you for trying to steal a kiss under the mistletoe!”
“No, I would have done that all by myself had you not walked in when you did.”
“Whatever for? Harry, you’re not making any sense.”
Harry took a deep breath and charged ahead, reminding himself to paint everything in broad brushstrokes. “Forget your preconceived notions, forget what you think you’ve seen. Just remember this: Ginny and I are not a couple, we will never be a couple, not as long as Voldemort is out there targeting everyone that I hold most dear.”
“Harry, it’s not as bad as all that--”
“Yes, it is! Dumbledore didn’t share his little summary of how Sirius was specifically targeted by Voldemort, did he? I didn’t think so. Kreacher’s disjointed ramblings allowed them to establish that I was the one person that Sirius cared about most and then they used me as bait to lure him into leaving Grimmauld Place. So Dumbledore takes me under his wing and then, bam!, he becomes the next target. Don’t you see where this is headed?”
“By your reasoning, everyone that you associate with is in danger. Ron, Hermione, Neville “ even myself.”
“It’s true, I spend more time with you than with anyone else. But I daresay, you’re not as likely to be a target because they’re not seeing beyond the broad designations here. Advisor just doesn’t imply the same closeness as godfather, mentor, or girlfriend. So I vowed as I sat there at Dumbledore’s funeral that the one thing out of all of this that I could control was who I selected as a girlfriend. When the service ended, I told Ginny that it was over between us, that there could never be anything between us, not as long as there were those who would target her. I decided that whatever I had to endure in the process would be preferable to seeing her dead because of me.”
“You broke up with Ginny at Dumbledore’s funeral?”
“I know it sounds pretty callous when you phrase it like that, but there was no telling how soon they would start to seek out their next target.”
“But Harry, I see you with her all the time. How is this breaking up with her?”
“Unfortunately, my life’s become too intertwined with hers because of Ron and Hermione and being friends with her family, as well. But you must believe me, I don’t go seeking her out, the time we spend together is extremely limited, and I do my best to keep things on a strictly friendly basis.”
“That’s not what I saw today--”
“What you saw today was a moment of weakness on my part, a situation that I should have avoided. You witnessed the argument that I wage within myself daily; the argument between what I want more than anything on this earth and the only path I know will prevent it from being killed.”
Lupin carefully considered Harry’s words, then very quietly he remarked, “There has to be another answer.”
“I sure hope so, Remus, because this is tearing me apart inside.”
“Tell you what, why don’t we have a nice supper sent up to my office and we can hash this out some more?”
“What about Tonks? Don’t you usually dine with her?”
“Tonight she’s with the Hufflepuffs. I could do with a bit of company myself.”
“Please make yourself at home, Harry,” Lupin offered as he ushered him into the inner office. The last of the setting sun could be seen through the small mullioned window as Lupin sent a spark towards the hearth so that the fire blazed brightly.
“I would offer you the hospitality of my private residence if I could, but unfortunately, the barrier is impenetrable,” Lupin commented. “Now if you’ll give me a moment, I will see about ordering us some food.”
Lupin exited by the door on the other side of the hearth as Harry hung up his school robes and scarf, then unknotted his tie and added it to the peg. Untucking his shirt, he settled into the leather armchair nearest the fire and propped his feet on the footstool. As he settled back, he saw the far door open slightly and two small faces peek out momentarily at him. He smiled when he realized that they were house-elves.
Lupin returned in his stocking feet, having changed into a casual jumper himself. “Dinner should be here shortly. Good, you’ve made yourself comfortable. I should see to--”
“Sit, Professor, I daresay you’ve had a longer day than I have,” Harry proclaimed with a deep sigh. “Just relax.”
Lupin sank into the chair gratefully, then noted, “You know, Harry, it’s not necessary to return to formalities just yet…”
“All right, if that’s what you prefer, Remus. It still seems awkward to me.”
“So practice,” Lupin returned with an offhanded smile.
“Tell me then, Remus, what are your plans for the holidays? I take it you’re going to spend them with Tonks’ family?”
“Don’t remind me, Harry. I’m dreading it enough as it is.”
“Don’t you like Tonks’ parents?” Harry asked as casually as possible.
“I’ve never met Tonks’ parents,” Lupin confessed, “and I’m not sure how they will take to the fact that their daughter is married to a….well, you know.”
“You mean a Gryffindor or just to another Hogwarts teacher?” Harry replied, grinning.
“Exactly,” Lupin rejoined with a sharp laugh.
“I’m sure it will be fine, Remus. I can’t imagine them not liking you.”
“Thanks, Harry. Sure I can’t convince you to come along, provide a bit of moral support? You could avoid all the distractions at the Burrow as well.”
Harry laughed. “As tempting an offer as it is to watch you squirm first-hand, I think I’ll pass.”
With a sharp crack Dobby Apparated directly in front of the fireplace.
“It’s true then, Harry Potter is dining with Professor Lupin. I could not believe it when the other elves told me it was so.” Dobby beamed.
“Good to see you, too, Dobby,” Harry replied, noting Lupin’s amused expression in the background. “The cider punch that you made us for the victory party was a great success. The headmistress herself said so.”
“You are too kind, sir.” Dobby bowed deeply. “Anyway, dinner is served in the next room.” With a snap of his fingers, Dobby Disapparated “ only to reappear on the other side of the room holding the far door open invitingly.
Feeling a bit embarrassed, Harry mumbled to Lupin in passing, “I indirectly helped him to gain his freedom and he’s been like this ever since.”
Harry Potter and the Hero's Lament by L A Moody
Chapter Notes: Ron has some unique ideas for decorating their common room for the holidays; Ginny takes similar initiative with the Room of Requirement; Harry’s objections to being left alone with Ginny perplex Lupin.