Disclaimer: The fine tapestry of plot and characters belongs to J.K. Rowling. I am merely pulling threads at will and weaving my own design in counterpoint to hers.
Chapter 32
Through the Looking Glass
Feeling a bit like a reformed Scrooge on Christmas morning, Harry made his way to Lupin’s office the next day.
“You certainly seem to be in good spirits, Harry.” Lupin smiled from behind his desk. “Don’t tell me you’ve come to a decision already.”
“Not just yet, Professor, but I intend to very soon. There’re just a few loose ends I’d like to ask you about if I could.”
“Are they in the same spirit as what we discussed yesterday?” Lupin asked carefully.
Harry nodded. “If you don’t mind.”
“Then we’d better move into the inner office,” Lupin suggested. “And Harry, please make sure the outer door is closed. I’d hate to have to answer to the headmistress concerning my teaching practices.”
Harry cast a muffliato spell as a back-up, then returned his attention to Lupin who had already seated himself in front of the fire. From the quality of the white light that was streaming in through the solitary window, it was evident that it had started to snow again outside.
Harry seated himself in the other chair and took a deep breath. “Why did you not ask me what Ginny’s position in all this was? Wouldn’t that have been relevant if you were seeking a compromise?”
Lupin paused a moment before responding, “Firstly, we were talking about you; and secondly, it was obvious to me that the crux of the whole issue was that there was no middle ground. Besides, I already knew what Ginny’s take would be.” At Harry’s skeptical expression, Lupin continued, “So little faith… Ginny would have told you that she didn’t think your concerns were valid, and that even if they were, she was willing to take the chance anyway… Am I not correct?”
Harry was stunned. “Did she tell you this?”
Lupin gave a short derisive laugh. “Ginny? She mostly keeps her own council, always has. Those just happen to be the words that Tonks said to me.”
“Forgive me, Professor, I should have made the connection sooner,” Harry admitted. “I recall Tonks said words to that effect when we were all gathered in the Hospital Wing the night of Dumbledore’s death.” He also remembered, but did not voice, that words like ‘death’ and ‘Voldemort’ had not entered into Lupin’s objections at the time.
“I, too, have given some thought to the concerns that you raised last night,” Lupin asserted. “Are you sure that the constant presence of Ginny at the Burrow won’t prove to be too distracting?”
Harry shrugged to indicate that he was resigned to it. “It may not turn out to be as bad as I originally thought. Hermione persuaded “ well, actually, it was more of a demand “ that the headmistress provide her with an assignment over the Christmas holidays--”
Lupin chuckled knowingly.
“”which means that Ron will be at loose ends. As long as I’m not actually alone with Ginny, the problems don’t seem to materialize.”
“You expect Hermione will be engrossed in her task?” Lupin asked with a knowing smile.
“I’m thinking the terms ‘voracious’ and ‘rabid’ will immediately come to mind,” Harry returned.
“I’ll accept that,” Lupin noted with a dry laugh. “Then here’s my assignment for you… Don’t look so stricken, I’m not negotiating today. I know that you came to Hogwarts seeking answers and the headmistress seems to think that you have been assigned a task by Dumbledore himself--”
“Please don’t ask me to break a promise that I made to Dumbledore on his dying day.”
Lupin hesitated a moment to acknowledge the tacit admission. Then choosing his words carefully, he ventured, “Is it not something that we could work through together?”
Harry shook his head regretfully. “I wish I could unburden myself of this, but Dumbledore’s instructions were explicit: I was to discuss it with Ron and Hermione only… You cannot imagine how much I would dearly love to place it squarely before you, Remus; you who wield deductive reasoning like others wield a sword, but I don’t think I can.”
“Is there some sort of assistance that I might render obliquely perhaps?” Lupin offered tactfully.
“Not at this time,” Harry conceded, deliberating whether it would ever be possible to consult with Lupin about anything remotely to do with the Horcruxes without running the risk of the man trying it all together in a neat little package.
“So with the understanding that you already have other assignments to be getting on with during the Christmas holidays,” Lupin summarized, “my assignment to you is this: steer clear of those avenues of inquiry that lead you back into the past and those events that we cannot change. Instead work on problems that will impact you in the future. I think that even such a small shift in your focus will keep you from feeling so overwhelmed.”
Harry considered how well those instructions dovetailed with his short-term plans. After coming across an entry for the word ‘Horcrux’ in a musty old English dictionary that read: ‘derived from the name of the ancient Egyptian god Horus, a vessel that possessed ill-understood mystical properties and often rumored to be cursed,’ Harry had decided on a new angle of inquiry ideally suited for the Christmas holidays. After all, Ron’s oldest brother, Bill, worked as a curse breaker for Gringott’s Wizarding Bank and would surely be able to point him in the right direction. More to the point, a few years ago Bill had completed a temporary field assignment working specifically with Egyptian tomb curses.
“That's very good advice, Professor,” Harry agreed. “I was going to wish you a happy Christmas, but you did say that you’d be by the Burrow before then.”
“Tuesday.”
“See you on Tuesday then,” Harry asserted as he took his leave.
Lupin trudged up the spiral steps to McGonagall’s office with a heavy heart. I hate this part of my job, he thought to himself for the hundredth time.
The headmistress smiled pleasantly from behind her desk. “Remus, I’m so glad to see that you have something to report. Won’t you take a seat?”
“If you don’t mind, Minerva, I’ll stand. This really won’t take long.”
If the headmistress was taken aback, she certainly didn’t show it, so Lupin ploughed ahead. “Harry’s confirmed that he was given a task by Dumbledore, assigned the very night that he was killed.”
“Were you able to obtain any of the details?” she prompted eagerly.
“He rebuffed me just like he did you. Think carefully, Minerva, if you are asking that I betray his trust, because I will not do it.”
“Do you think he may confide in you in the future?”
“It’s always a possibility. But at this point, I need to wait for him to seek my assistance on his own “ and there’s a good chance that he may never do that. But just so that we’re clear: should he offer information to me in strictest confidence, I will not be turning over that information to anyone else.”
“What about your duty to the Order?” she reminded him.
Lupin’s eyes were blazing as he returned, “When it comes to this, I am the Order.”
“But, Remus--”
“This is not negotiable, Minerva. If you think that you’d rather assign the task to someone else, someone who is more amendable to outside agendas, then I suggest you do so.”
“No, Remus,” the headmistress replied in a conciliatory tone, “I still maintain that you are the best man for the job.”
“Do you mean that, or are you just afraid that if I walk, Harry will walk with me? Because I can practically guarantee it.”
“Remus, you wouldn’t!” McGonagall gasped.
“Then just remember this: my first loyalty is to Harry. Not Harry, the boy who lived, the chosen one, or whatever moniker du jour applies so that you can objectify him. He is a person with feelings just like everyone else. Only just about everyone he’s ever cared for has betrayed him in some way “ even if it was just by dying “ and I, for one, will not do it.”
“He’s not the only one who has lost those dear to him--”
“”but he’s the youngest among us, Minerva. He doesn’t have age or experience to buffer the pain.”
“But to trust him implicitly with so huge a matter!”
“We don’t really have any idea of the scope of Dumbledore’s assignment,” Lupin pointed out. “But to address your statement directly, all trust is implicit. To half-trust someone is not to trust them at all.”
“Don’t you think you should be a little more pragmatic?” suggested the headmistress.
“You’re asking the wrong person, Minerva; I’ve always been an idealist. Do you suddenly doubt the ideals that we defend?”
“Remus, it’s not the contents of your heart that I doubt,” she maintained softly.
“Then you shouldn’t doubt Harry, either… Now if you’ll excuse me, I have packing to do. Should you need to find me over the holidays, I will be either in Patagonia or Katmandu. By happy coincidence, Ted Tonks likes to hike “ only he prefers exotic locations. An owl or Patronus will find me in either place.”
Not that he would be traveling to either of those locales over the holidays, Lupin thought to himself, but they managed to convey the same remoteness as his true destination “ and he would still be accessible via owl or Patronus.
It was an uneventful supper at the Burrow that evening. After serving as their escort, Fred had left almost immediately to assist George at the Diagon Alley store. Mrs. Weasley was disappointed that she could not persuade him to stay even for a single cup of tea, giving him a long-suffering sigh as he breezed off into the snowy night. Harry had not realized that Diagon Alley remained open in the evenings, but Hermione assured him that it was always so in the dwindling days before Christmas.
Bill arrived later than usual from Gringott’s after having seen Fleur off to Paris to meet her parents. Not being able to take as many days off, Bill would be joining her in a few days so that they could spend the holidays together. Mr. Weasley returned from the Ministry in time for pudding and everyone waited for him to eat a quick supper before they attacked Mrs. Weasley’s excellent mincemeat pie together. Harry made everyone laugh by recounting Ron’s tips for hanging mistletoe in their common room, although he made a point of avoiding Ginny’s gaze throughout his narrative.
Even so, it seemed oddly quiet without the twins and Fleur to liven things up so Ginny and Hermione retired to the living room to see if they could get a head start on the Christmas decorating. They returned almost immediately to commandeer Ron’s assistance with the ladder and with the hanging of the holly wreath over the mantle. As the self-styled expert on the proper positioning of mistletoe, Ron could hardly refuse.
Mr. Weasley offered to assist Mrs. Weasley with the washing and shelving of the plates and glassware, albeit most of the hard work was done by magic. Still, Harry thought they were the perfect picture of domesticity as they softly discussed the events of their day while performing such a mundane chore.
Left alone to linger over a second cup of holiday spiced tea with Bill, Harry found it an ideal moment to ask him about his area of expertise.
“The study of curses is fascinating but dangerous as well,” Bill admitted. “Many times I’ve had to temper my guesswork with an iron restraint so as not to make any unnecessary assumptions that could result in injury. Granted, working with goblins can be a huge asset as many curses simply don’t affect them like they would you or me. Still, you can never forget that some curses cannot be broken without risking death and you have to be ready to walk away from those.”
Harry described the condition of Dumbledore’s withered hand before his death and asked if that could have been the result of handling a cursed object.
“That’s certainly a possibility,” Bill agreed. “Do you know what sort of an object it might have been?”
Harry shook his head sadly then elaborated, “It may have been a ring, but I may just be jumping to conclusions as he was wearing a ring I had never seen before on his other hand. It could have been just about anything to judge by his promise of it being such a rollicking good tale “ the more sensational, the better. He was killed before he was able to recount the details to me.”
Bill commiserated with a nod of his head. “If it was a ring,” he proclaimed, “it would be important to know who last wore it. Not the owner, mind you, but who actually had it on their finger last. Tracing a curse to its origin is often one of the best methods of understanding how to ultimately break it. Aside from Dumbledore, why all this sudden interest in curses, Harry?”
“Just a class assignment I have for the holidays,” Harry improvised.
“There are a number of related books still in my room upstairs if you want to research the matter further. I made a point of collecting only those that were written in plain, modern-day language “ not like some of those that you can find at Hogwarts “ so it may not prove to be such an onerous task,” Bill suggested.
“Thanks, Bill, I’m sure that will help a lot. Tell me, though, how is breaking a curse different from undoing a charm? I mean, if a charm has unexpected negative results, then is it still essentially different from a curse?”
“That’s one that could be argued by the experts,” Bill acknowledged. “I personally think that intent has a lot to do with whether an item is indeed a curse or a charm. But it’s rather like trying to classify magic as being either dark or light. Does it depend upon the nature of the spell itself, or are some spells always considered dark magic regardless of how they are used? Can using dark magic to achieve a worthy goal mean that it can no longer be classified as dark in that particular instance? It’s an argument for the philosophers.”
“What about the case of the Fidelius Charm that my mother cast right before her death?” ventured Harry apprehensively. “Wouldn’t you say that was a charm that went awry?”
Bill’s conclusion was not what Harry had expected. “Actually, no,” Bill declared without a moment’s hesitation. “I think that charm worked exactly as your mother intended. They did not want to be found until they were ready to be found.”
“What about the fact that no one can find the house now?” Harry pressed.
“Now it’s just a matter of when Peter Pettigrew or Voldemort, or anyone else who acquires the secret, decides that it should be found. But Harry, I’m not the one you should be asking about the Godric’s Hollow Conundrum. Remus Lupin is the acknowledged expert, although I’ve heard him and my dad go ‘round and ‘round about it for hours without getting anywhere.”
“Why didn’t Lupin think to ask Sirius to share the secret? Or to at least take him there in person?”
Bill’s expression was solemn when he answered, “Because he didn’t expect Sirius to die. At least, not to die before his name was cleared and they could make a pilgrimage to the site together. For Remus, it’s been an annual event ever since--”
Mr. Weasley’s hand on Bill’s shoulder stopped him in mid-sentence as did the quiet words that followed. “Bill, did you not realize that Remus is serving as Harry’s faculty advisor this year? The headmistress has allowed Harry, as well as Ron and Hermione, to structure their seventh year as a course of independent study.”
“Forgive me, Dad, and you, too, Harry,” Bill offered immediately. “I must have totally forgotten. My words were totally inexcusable…”
“I wouldn’t go that far, Bill,” Arthur Weasley responded in an affectionate tone. “I heard enough of your conversation to realize that you were only speaking of Remus as a family friend “ but it was best if I stopped you before you went any further.”
Arthur casually poured himself a cup of tea and took his time adjusting the cream and sugar until it was just right. Then turning to Bill, he posed, “You don’t mind if I have a few private words with Harry, do you?”
Harry looked around the familiar kitchen and saw that Mrs. Weasley had also left the room unnoticed at some point earlier.
Arthur cleared his throat briefly before addressing Harry directly, “Bill didn’t mean any harm, he just enjoys talking about his work. He also forgets that Remus exercises considerable restraint when it comes to sharing his thoughts with others.”
Harry nodded that he understood. Although he no longer thought of Lupin in those terms exactly, the assessment would have accurately described Lupin’s demeanor at the start of term.
“I tell you this, Harry, because it concerns the night that your parents were murdered and so, indirectly, concerns you as well. It’s better that you hear it from me. The Godric’s Hollow Conundrum has practically been Remus’ undoing these past sixteen years. He’s looked at it from every angle, cursed it, walked away from it to gain perspective, anything and everything he has been able to think of and yet it continues to defy him. It has become the bane of his existence. I thought that with his marriage, he would finally have been able to put it behind him for more immediate concerns.”
“Actually, I think he has in many respects, Mr. Weasley,” Harry volunteered. “It was my insistence to know more about my parents’ deaths that caused him to dredge it up.”
Arthur looked at Harry sympathetically and proffered, “Don’t blame yourself, Harry. It’s Remus’ own feelings of remorse and guilt “ totally unfounded that they are “ that leads him down this same path over and over again. Trust me, I have spent many a night sitting at this very table trying to console him.”
“If you don’t mind me asking, why exactly does he feel so guilty? As far as I can tell, he wasn’t involved in the situation directly.”
“But that’s just it, Harry. The fact that he wasn’t involved directly is like a condemnation to him. They were his best friends, his surrogate family, and he was not there to help them the night they died. He totally forgets that Peter Pettigrew’s betrayal had been orchestrated long in advance. That while the members of the Order were searching for a traitor in their midst, it was Peter that was feeding each of them false information about the other so that everyone was suspicious of everyone else. Sirius was manipulated to the point where he no longer trusted Remus “ although James and Lily pleaded with him that he was wrong. It was all part of Peter’s plan to present himself as the best candidate to be their Secret-Keeper. And the saddest part of the whole thing is that, all other factors aside, Remus would still have been unable to come to their assistance. Voldemort made a point of attacking your parents on the night of the full moon, you see.
“And every time I think that Remus has finally been able to put the matter to rest, the estate agents from Gringott’s seek him out like clockwork. They can’t accept the fact that this matter may never be settled within any of our lifetimes and are convinced that Remus somehow holds the key.”
Harry gulped as if he were coming up for air. “I’m sorry, Mr. Weasley, but you lost me on that last part “ about the agents from Gringott’s.”
“Of course, Harry,” Arthur replied kindly, “I forget that some of these legal machinations must seem totally foreign to you. Bill works there so a lot of this is familiar to me just from listening to him talk about his work. Your father, James, was from a wizarding family, a pureblood as those people who think such things matter would say. Like in many of these old families, there was an estate: a family home, some land, perhaps a few pieces of art or antiques. All that remains of that is still in Godric’s Hollow, still protected by the Fidelius Charm; and while it is likely that much of the house and its contents have been irreparably damaged, the land itself still has value. The estate agents at Gringott’s are eager to settle the matter so that they may claim the percentage to which they are entitled.”
“So you’re saying that Remus is somehow named in my parents’ will?” Harry inquired.
“I can only assume so because of the actions of the estate agents. I’m not certain that Remus knows or that he would even tell me if he did. I suspect you and Sirius “ and ironically, maybe even Peter Pettigrew “ are also named. Since neither Sirius nor Peter have been accessible, and you were clearly too young to have knowledge of the secret, they have concentrated their efforts into hounding Remus. A bunch of parasites they are, too. Leeches that suck on the blood of human suffering, or so Remus always says.”
Harry’s confusion over legal matters was clearly evident. “But the money that my parents left me in their vault at Gringott’s…”
“That was a perfectly routine transaction. It’s only the distribution of assets that they can neither see nor touch that gives them problems.”
Harry Potter and the Hero's Lament by L A Moody
Chapter Notes: Lupin makes his loyalties clear; Mr. Weasley and Bill provide Harry with additional insight about the Fidelius Charm as well as the night that James and Lily were killed.