Disclaimer: The fine tapestry of plot and characters belongs to J.K. Rowling. I am merely pulling threads at will and weaving my own design in counterpoint to hers.
Chapter 41
Searching for the Truth
If Harry thought he was prepared for his encounter with Severus Snape the next morning, he was sadly mistaken. From the start, Snape was determined to antagonize and stir up as much bitterness as possible.
As Harry neared his breaking point, he finally found the courage to voice his true feelings. “How can you expect me to cooperate with you? I don’t even know why you contacted me in the first place!”
“All in good time,” Snape returned cryptically, knowing just how to stoke Harry’s curiosity. “Trust is not an essential component at this time.”
“Good thing,” Harry shot back immediately. “You pretty much used that up when you attacked me outside of Hogsmeade village. Did anyone tell you about the serious repercussions that caused for Lupin?”
Snape’s black eyes seemed to burn into Harry’s before he averted his gaze and admitted, “It was…. regrettable. I did not have all the facts.”
Harry relented as he, himself, had not had all the facts, either.
“I didn’t wish for Lupin to interfere; it seems to be an annoying habit of his,” Snape added.
“He feels responsible.”
Snape’s eyes narrowed menacingly as he snarled, “You think they’re so perfect, don’t you? The werewolf and his child bride.”
Harry was about to cut him off harshly, but sighed in resignation instead. Refusing to rise to the bait would serve to put Snape off even more. “Must you always draw blood?” he asked softly.
“It’s the only option that I’ve been given,” Snape responded with rare candor. “Besides, it’s what I do best.”
“No, Severus, it’s what you do with ease. Find another hobby.”
“Have you asked Tonks about the reasons for the shape-shift of her Patronus?”
“It was Lupin who explained to me that a change can occur when a person has suffered a great shock.”
“Obviously, you’re not going to get a straight answer from Lupin,” Snape retorted. “This is a man who has no use for Occulmency as he keeps his innermost thoughts sealed away in a vault of sheer willpower.”
“If I give you that one, will you get to the point, please?”
“Would it surprise you to learn that the estrangement that they endured throughout the past year was not the direct result of Lupin’s undercover assignment with the werewolf community? Surely, you noticed Tonks moping around the school in tears.”
“I’m listening.”
“The truth of the matter is that Tonks killed a man in the line of duty, a situation under which she would surely have been killed herself if she had reacted any differently. Being the intractable idealist that he is, Lupin was totally unsympathetic that she had not employed less drastic means and turned his back on her.”
“How would you know this, Snape? Didn’t you just say that Lupin’s a very private person?”
Snape’s knowing smile was laced with poison as he replied, “They were not very discreet in this instance. He walked right out of a meeting of the Order when she entered the room.”
“Doesn’t sound indiscreet to me.”
“When she followed him into the next room, their voices carried. She pleaded and cried, he repeated himself until it became clear that he was not willing to make any allowances. About the time she concluded that he would rather she had died instead, Dumbledore excused himself from the shambles of the meeting. No more voices were heard after that but when they returned, it was announced that Lupin would be undertaking an undercover assignment. Tonks was subsequently assigned by the Ministry to Hogsmeade village as part of your guard.”
“There was an alternate version provided.”
“From whom?”
“Lupin confessed that he did not think he had much to offer her: being too old, too poor, and too dangerous.”
“Valid reasons all,” Snape sneered. “But you must consider the source. A facile explanation that left a large chunk of the obstacles unacknowledged.”
“And what’s your reason for sharing this with me?” Harry countered.
“To prove to you that I’m not lying.”
“How do you propose I confirm your version then? I can’t very well throw it up in Lupin’s face.”
“I recommend that you ask Tonks. Ask her the reason why her Patronus changed. Since you’re assisting her with teaching the charm to the younger ones, you shouldn’t have too much trouble finding a way to sneak it into the conversation.”
“How do you know I’m assisting her?” The outrage in Harry’s voice was unmistakable.
Snape just chuckled in triumph and signed off until next week.
Trust, Harry thought resignedly, it all came down to trust in the end, didn’t it? Such a fragile thing, not so easily repaired once it has been shattered. But you didn’t have to trust the man to carry on a conversation “ you just had to stay on your toes.
Harry found that the modern-day Snape’s words were echoing in his skull as he continued with his research into the events surrounding the trial of sixteen year-old Snape. That the man should sympathize with any actions that Tonks had taken in self-defense was understandable. Harry just had a hard time accepting Snape’s unyielding portrayal of Lupin’s reaction.
Idly he wondered what Lupin would think of him once he admitted to his reckless use of the sectumsempra spell on Malfoy last year. His own response had been just as visceral as Tonks’ had been. Harry doubted that the fact that he had been unaware of the spell’s results would count for much in Lupin’s estimation, unless he was deducting extra points for sheer stupidity!
Returning his attention to the archived volumes of the Daily Prophet, Harry soon discovered that they had run a continuing series of updates on how the change in the restrictions on underage sorcery impacted the lives of ordinary wizards everywhere. Each was an opportunity to rehash the sensational details that surrounded the Snape decision. Abruptly, the coverage seemed to dwindle to a mere trickle. Flipping back a few issues, Harry located the sources of the change: Eileen Prince Snape had been found dead in her home at Spinner’s End following a long illness. It was barely nine months after the trial. Two months later, a small article mentioned that the body of Tobias Snape had been discovered floating in the nearby river; authorities had concluded that he had been seriously inebriated at the time of the drowning. Severus was listed as the sole surviving relation, but no mention was made of the trial nor, more importantly, whether he had ever reconciled with his father.
Harry continued his research forward for a bit more, but almost all the coverage was now being devoted to the meteoric rise of Lord Voldemort and the chaos that the Death Eaters were spreading everywhere. Severus Snape had gone from being a notorious celebrity to a footnote to a non-entity in the space of a year.
Harry added the last of his Snape research to the pile that was accumulating on Lupin’s sideboard, deciding at the last minute to create two separate stacks to avoid a potential avalanche. Now would come the difficult part of combing through the data “ but Lupin would need to do likewise, so that was some consolation.
“Looks like I have my work cut out for me, don’t I?” Lupin reacted when he saw the size of the final product.
Good thing I didn’t have any plans for this weekend, Harry thought to himself. Then addressing Lupin, he remarked, “How do we proceed from here?”
“Our goal is to sift through these documents in search of the truth. Even though they all purport to be factual documents, you will notice a certain slant in the reports that are published in the Daily Prophet. At question is why Voldemort, a.k.a. Tom Riddle, involved himself directly in the arguing of this case. What had he to gain by taking up Snape’s defense and why he would have wanted to change the letter of the law?” Lupin paused to allow for Harry to jot down the objectives. “I will be doing likewise. Then next Tuesday, we will discuss our respective conclusions. Will that give you enough time?”
“I think so. I don’t have to prepare anything in writing, do I?”
“No, you can work from your notes, but I’ll expect you to have thought it out thoroughly and be prepared to defend your position. This is not about trying to reach the same solution that I do, Harry. Understand that there are no right or wrong answers. It’s about drawing a viable conclusion based on the facts presented.”
“You sound as if there’s some personal agenda involved here,” Harry commented, knowing he was likely over-stepping his bounds.
“Only that I have always felt that Severus’ trial somehow marked the turning point in his path to join the Death Eaters. I’ve never been able to shake the feeling, even though I never really had any facts to support it. Hopefully, this exercise will illuminate the truth for both of us.”
Harry looked incredulously at Lupin. “You’re setting an assignment for which you don’t have a ready answer? You wish to arrive at the truth together?”
“Essentially. What’s so strange about that? My goal has never been to teach you what to think, but rather how to think. That we both have a personal stake in the assignment just serves as a motivating factor.”
It was only later than evening as he was savoring the last morsels of Tonks’ deal-making chocolate soufflé that Harry concluded that he had just graduated from hypothetical classroom exercises to real life.
They had been so overwhelmed by the new term that no meeting for Harry’s informal dueling group, now with Luna as its newest member, had been scheduled for the first week. Surprisingly, no one had a conflict with Saturday afternoon so the Room of Requirement at three had been unanimously selected.
Harry was glad to have an excuse to put his legal documents aside and clear his mind, if only for a few hours. Hermione had offered to help him sift through the stacks, but he’d politely declined “ at least until he had an idea of what his own preliminary conclusions would be. It would be difficult enough to support his own opinion but he didn’t want it to be tainted by Hermione weighing in as well.
Just like in prior years, they met outside the Gryffindor common room and checked the Marauder’s Map en route to make sure there were no obstacles as they casually approached the Room of Requirement. Hiding under the Invisibility Cloak, Harry brought up the rear. He waited with bated breath while a group of giggling Hufflepuffs decided that they had made a wrong turn and doubled back just shy of his hiding place. With a great sigh of relief, he entered the room to find the others waiting for him when he threw off his Cloak.
It wasn’t long before Luna was dueling along with the rest of them while Harry took a much deserved break. He was pleasantly surprised by Luna’s agility and grace. She seemed to move seamlessly from one direction to the next, never giving any telltale sign of what her next move would be. She would be a natural for the combinations that Ginny had developed.
It was not until later when Harry was sparring with Hermione, that Luna’s unique outlook really came through for them. Neville was explaining to her how they were slowly increasing the pace of the parries in an attempt to recreate the moment when time seemed to lengthen. After swearing her to secrecy, he explained that Harry had reported this phenomenon during Snape’s attack but they had never been able to observe it in their practice sessions.
“But we’re sure that Harry wasn’t imagining it,” Ron defended. “Snape himself actually referred to it in the advice that he gave to Harry.”
Harry was only half-listening, expecting her reaction to be just like everyone else’s at this point: mainly that they could not believe Snape had given him dueling advice. But Luna’s reactions never fit the norm, that’s precisely why she was such an asset.
“Oh, I see,” she remarked airily. “But Harry’s never going to achieve that “ not in the way that he’s going about it.”
Harry nearly dropped his wand at this point, Hermione missed a crucial step and barely caught herself from tripping. Luna merely waited patiently for everyone’s attention to swivel in her direction before she continued.
“I read an article that told of these reclusive monks in the mountains of Tibet, every one of them a Muggle, who had only been able to achieve such a state after years of specialized breathing techniques and meditation. The thinness of the oxygen levels at that altitude was also a factor in mastering their adrenaline production.”
“Harry, what was the term the headmistress used?” Hermione asked urgently.
Harry thought back to the conversation he’d overheard and then confirmed that the headmistress’ verdict had been that it was an ‘adrenaline spike’.
“I was never able to find anything among the books in the library that used such terminology,” Hermione confessed. “Could it be that it’s a medical term used by Muggles? I can’t believe I didn’t think of that before!”
She was almost to the door before Harry caught up with her. “Tell the others that I will be back shortly,” she promised. “Madame Pomfrey has a number of Muggle medical textbooks. With all the Quidditch practices that are scheduled for today, I’m sure she’s in her office.”
Luna told them some additional facts that she remembered about the Tibetan monks and then the conversation wove itself in other directions. True to her word Hermione returned not ten minutes later, proudly holding a large medical tome and smiling triumphantly.
“I found it! Only Luna’s absolutely correct, you’re never going to be able to recreate this phenomenon in a practice session. An adrenaline spike is the polar opposite of what the Tibetan monks achieve when they slow down their metabolism. It’s the body’s reaction to extreme stress and fear. A primal survival mechanism that allows us to persevere under the most extraordinary circumstances.”
“Let me get this straight, Hermione,” Ron interjected. “Snape only got this reaction because Harry was afraid?”
“But I was, Ron, I admit it freely,” Harry confessed. “The second the thought crossed my mind that I was wand-to-wand with a man who had performed the ultimate Unforgivable Curse, my veins turned to ice. I’ve never been so terrified in my entire life!”
“That’s what did it then!” Hermione exclaimed with satisfaction.
“But, Harry,” Neville added, “that would mean that Snape was actually doing you a favor by making you think you were being attacked. How else could he have imparted such a useful and unique lesson?”
Harry felt as if his sense of reality had suddenly shifted.
Even though he was not scheduled for Monday, Harry made a point of dropping by Lupin’s office in the late afternoon. Lupin was buried in the legal documents from Snape’s trial just as Harry had been for most of the day.
“Are you going to be ready for tomorrow’s showdown, Remus?” Harry teased.
“I was going to ask you the same question.”
“I think so,” Harry replied. “But I actually stopped by for a different reason.” Briefly, he outlined how his informal group had been trying futilely to recreate the events of the duel and how Luna’s unique perspective had provided them with the solution.
“I never realized that what you had experienced was an adrenaline spike,” Lupin commented. “No one ever thought to share the official diagnosis with me.”
“I think they had other things on their minds at the time, Remus,” Tonks observed as she let herself into the inner office. “The true question would be how did Harry come across such terminology?”
“I still think that Poppy is a tight-lipped little despot,” Lupin added.
“Absolutely,” Tonks agreed, never breaking eye contact with Harry. “Harry?”
“It was just something I overheard the headmistress say,” Harry returned, suddenly feeling as if Tonks could see into his mind. “But having the proper term allowed us to look up additional information. Such a phenomenon is documented.”
“Naturally, it’s a state of purity that most warriors yearn for, but never achieve,” Tonks supplied. “I’ve only heard about it second-hand. I’m curious how you were able to reach that plateau, Harry.”
“Sheer terror,” he admitted candidly.
“You must listen to his conclusion, cherub, or rather Neville’s conclusion,” Lupin urged. “That’s the most shocking thing of all.”
Harry repeated Neville’s words concerning Snape’s true intentions as best he could. In the end, both Lupin and Tonks agreed that Neville’s explanation made more sense than anyone else’s.
Tonks excused herself to arrange for afternoon tea in her rooms. “I also can’t wait to get into some casual clothes. Harry, you seem to have the right idea.”
“That’s because I’ve been holed up in the common room working my way through mountains of paper,” he supplied with a grin. “I could get away with being out of uniform.”
“Then you should definitely join us for tea,” Tonks offered. “A change of scenery, if nothing else. I’ll make sure that you get back to your assignment so Remus can work on his.”
“Sounds like a good idea to me,” Lupin added. “But no shop talk under any circumstances. You’ll have to find your own pearls of wisdom among the parchment.”
“Agreed.”
“Give me a few minutes to lay things out then,” Tonks demurred as she let herself out of the office.
“You strike me as a man who has the weight of the world on his mind,” Lupin observed. “I take it there’s more to the prophecy business we dissected last week.”
“Only indirectly,” Harry admitted. “But it will have to wait until a different day, Remus. We’ll never finish the assignment at hand if we get side-tracked with other issues.”
“Was that a deliberate plural, as in many issues?”
“I’m afraid so.”
“Your serialization skills would do Charles Dickens proud,” Lupin observed with a hint of amusement in his tone.
As Lupin gathered up his papers and closed the office for the day, Harry declared unequivocally, “Trust me, Remus, I will tell you as much of the details as I possibly can.”
With his conclusions concerning the brief legal career of Tom Riddle, Esquire, stowed safely in his book bag, Harry presented his freshly pressed self at Tonks’ office the next morning. He was actually looking forward to working with the first-years again. Many of them had made a point a speaking to him outside of class, much like the entourage that was often seen accompanying Tonks.
Personal successes were recognized first and Harry was pleased at just how many students had been able to produce Patronuses on their own or with study partners outside of class. Each demonstrated their prowess for Tonks so that she could notate her chart and award them their well-deserved house points. Once that was completed, Harry noted that about half of the class was still in need of extra assistance. Tonks had them divide up into groups of four or five and asked each group to assist one another with the process. She and Harry then went around to each group and provided additional guidance as needed. It was a slow process, but the results were very reliable and satisfying for all involved.
About half-way into the class, Harry was posed a question about why Patronuses were so important. He explained how they served as a shield from the ill-effects of dementors. Inevitably, a follow-up question arose about where the dementors had gone since they were no longer guarding Azkaban prison. By this time, a major portion of the class had wandered over to Harry and was listening in attentively. Seeing this, Tonks asked them all to return to their desks and took over from the front of the room.
“I see you have all been giving the Patronus Charm a fair amount of thought,” she began. “I’m pleased that many of you have additional questions that were not covered in the text. By all means, let’s discuss your concerns so that we can more fully understand the lesson.” Briefly she reviewed the questions that Harry had already addressed so that everyone was on the same page. “There was also a follow-up question concerning the current whereabouts of the dementor population that once guarded Azkaban prison. Make no mistake, the dementors have thrown in their lot with the dark wizards, the group that pledges allegiance to Lord Voldemort.”
A small chorus of gasps were heard in response to her bold pronouncement of the fearful name. Tonks went on to relate how she had been shopping with friends in London over the holiday break when the recent bomb scares and riots had occurred. She then gave a highly edited version that incorporated events that both she and Lupin had observed.
“Let me tell you, folks, the dementors are out there and they’re planning something, so it’s best that we’re all prepared to defend ourselves,” Tonks added in conclusion. “Trust me, the time will come when you’re least expecting it.”
Amid the awed hush that followed, a single student raised his hand to be recognized. “Is it true that the shape of our Patronus can change? And if so, how can we trust them to identify one another at checkpoints?”
“A very well thought out question,” Tonks complimented him. “Don’t you have a brother that’s in my fifth-year class?”
“Yes, Professor, I overheard him discussing this with his practice group, but their theories were all over the place. I wanted to hear the truth from you.”
“Thank you, William. I’ll make a note to address these issues in my fifth-year class, as well. To answer your questions then: yes, the shape of an individual’s Patronus can change, but it’s a very rare event. Consequently, we can usually rely on the shape for identification purposes. In the unlikely event of a discrepancy, we can determine whether that person has had a recent upheaval in his life that could bring about such a change.”
“Just exactly what sort of things?” posed a bold girl in the last row. Harry remembered her face from his grilling last week.
“There are a lot of misconceptions about this so I’m glad that we’re addressing it directly. Beware that much of what is commonly believed -- and even written “ is dead wrong. Such a change requires a traumatic event, something that threatens the very foundation of someone’s existence. Usually such an event will involve death in some way, particularly an unexpected death. That’s not to say that everyone who experiences the death of a loved one will have his Patronus change. However, if your parents were to be captured by Voldemort’s followers and killed before your eyes, then we are talking about the sort of shock that would cause a change.”
Tonks adjusted her tactics in response to the fearful and astonished looks that had appeared throughout the rapt audience. In a gentler tone, she continued, “One of the lies that’s still bandied about is that a woman’s Patronus will change to reflect her husband. This is sexism, plain and simple. There were times in our dark past when women were treated as nothing more than property and forced into marriages that were not of their own choosing. The sense of abandonment by their own parents as well as the harsh cruelty that they suffered at the hands of unloving husbands created the sort of trauma that would elicit a change. Note that it is the circumstances of these marriages, not the marriages themselves that caused the change.
“However, it’s true that the shape of a person’s Patronus often reflects a facet of his or her personality. It can be something that they are happy about or something that they wish to hide, public or private, but a reflection nonetheless. Sadly, many of these women who were forced into marriages were in such mortal fear of their husbands that their Patronuses took on the shape of that which they feared, namely their husbands.”
“Excuse me, Professor,” offered a blond Gryffindor boy. “But now you’re making a Patronus sound very similar to a boggart.”
“Good point. Certainly, that last example I gave would make you think so. But remember that a Patronus can just as easily assume the shape of something you love. A boggart will always shape itself into what you fear the most “ and it will be the literal shape of another human being, if that is what you fear. On the other hand, a Patronus will not take the shape of a human, but rather that of an animal that is associated with that person… I know it’s a lot to take in all at once.”
“Some examples would help,” came an unidentified voice from the far side of the room. The tone was so reminiscent of Hermione’s matter-of-fact directness that Harry couldn’t help but smile in Tonks’ direction.
It was then that he noticed that Tonks seemed to be caught in a rare moment of hesitation, apprehension reflected in her usually sparkling eyes. In an instant, Harry understood completely: Tonks’ Patronus reflected her total acceptance of Lupin’s incarnation as a werewolf. It was not the sort of example she would wish to put up for public scrutiny, especially in light of how easily it could be misinterpreted.
“If I may take this one,” Harry offered boldly as he strode to stand beside her at the front of the class. He noted that Tonks offered him a gracious nod before he took over. “You have all seen that my Patronus appears as a stag. That’s because my father was an Animagus who could change into a stag. My friend, Hermione Granger’s Patronus is an otter which is her favorite animal. Our former headmaster, Albus Dumbledore, had a Patronus in the shape of a phoenix, an animal that he kept as a pet. Each tells you a little bit about us, but they reflect different aspects of our personalities.”
Tonks dismissed the class with the assignment to continue to practice the Patronus charm, if needed. For those who had already succeeded, she added that they should take a moment to consider what the particular shape of their Patronuses revealed about themselves. Recognizing that some of these issues may be private, she was not requiring that they turn in their conclusions in writing at this time.
“Thanks for coming to my rescue, Harry,” Tonks sighed gratefully after the classroom had emptied out and they were alone in her office. “I just blanked out for a moment and couldn’t think of any other examples. I didn’t want them to come to the wrong conclusion about my Patronus “ and yet I couldn’t bear to explain the truth to them, either. Does that make me a hypocrite?”
“Not at all,” Harry assured her. “Patronuses can reveal very personal aspects of ourselves. You’re welcome to use my examples in future classes if the subject comes up.”
“Thanks.” Tonks grinned. “You’re sure that Hermione won’t mind?”
“Absolutely. If a stranger were to ask her what her favorite animal was, she would announce that it was an otter without hesitation “ it’s not a private issue with her.” After a moment of thought, Harry volunteered, “I wonder if I should confide in them that even though I witnessed Dumbledore’s murder at close quarters, my Patronus didn’t change? It would certainly serve as a good example of how unique each person’s reaction is… Or do you think that the extra safety of the Invisibility Cloak was enough to shield me from the full brunt of the trauma?”
“I know that you’re thinking that everyone already knows what happened to Dumbledore,” Tonks replied in a sympathetic tone. “However, the events that you just described are very personal to you and should never be the subject of a class discussion. Firstly, the use of the word ‘murder’, regardless of how accurate you may think it is, is much more inflammatory than a simple ‘death’. Facts not in evidence are what you were doing on the Astronomy Tower and that you own an Invisibility Cloak. If I’m not mistaken, you’ve refused to answer any questions about where you went with Dumbledore that night, even at the specific request of the headmistress. Do you really wish to open all of that to scrutiny by a pack of bloodhounds that will leave no stone unturned?”
Harry had to admit that Tonks’ analysis was flawless. “I must’ve lost my head for a moment there,” he conceded. “It just seemed like such a good example of non-change…”
“I hate to disillusion you, but it’s not even that.” At Harry’s startled look, she continued, “I soft-pedaled my explanation about Patronus changes a bit to make it less shocking to an audience of first-years.”
“I really would like to hear the unvarnished version,” Harry urged.
“How about joining me for some lunch in my private rooms, then? We’ll be less likely to be interrupted there and I will be able to fortify myself before my third-year class.”
“Will you be needing me for the third-years?” Harry asked as she unlocked the small door leading from her office.
She smiled in quick acknowledgement of his offer, then answered, “Not this afternoon. Let’s give the third-years a little more time to work it out on their own. Besides, you have your showdown with Remus to worry about. Are you ready?”
“I think so,” Harry replied as he helped himself to the luncheon offerings that were spread out at one end of the trestle table. He joined her at the other end where she had pulled up a chair.
It was a grey day outside but the high clouds didn’t seem like they were inclined to dump any more snow on the grounds today. The lawn was full of students celebrating their luncheon break with an outdoor romp. Catching sight of Tonks near the window, many of them waved hello. She waved back happily.
“So this is where you and Remus hide during the lunch hour,” Harry observed with a grin. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in the Great Hall with any of the other teachers.”
“Being a newlywed does have its privileges.” Tonks winked back.
“So Remus will be joining us as well?”
“His classes conflict with mine today,” Tonks replied. “Besides, he’s too busy preparing for your lesson.”
“Now you’re beginning to make me worry,” Harry added with a dry laugh. “I really am prepared, you know. I worked most of the weekend on this.”
“You know his conclusions are going to be nothing like yours.”
“I’m counting on it. Besides, if the goal was to arrive at the same conclusions he did, a wise man would have thrown in the towel from the start.”
“I see you know him well,” Tonks responded with a grin.
“How about if we change the subject before I start to get a bad case of nerves?” Harry suggested. “I really am curious about the Patronus changes.”
“We see these situations so often in the Auror Department that I have to remind myself that the total picture is probably a bit too bleak for young minds. You see, Harry, while death is still an important element of a Patronus change, it’s most likely to occur when you the events are your own fault. Standing around helplessly doesn’t really count “ unless perhaps you were assigned as a bodyguard.”
Harry was caught short by her openness. She really hadn’t told him anything yet, but it was clear that she was perfectly willing to discuss it.
“What happened in your case, Tonks?” Harry ventured and then felt so boorish, that he quickly added, “You don’t have to answer if it’s too personal. I really shouldn’t have asked.”
“It’s too personal to discuss in front of a class, but not so personal that I wouldn’t tell a friend,” she admitted with a sad smile. “My Auror Squad was ambushed by a group of Death Eaters and I got separated from the group. I thought I’d found an avenue of escape down a dark alley, only to find my way blocked by a masked figure who had anticipated me. From around the corner, there were sounds of the other Death Eaters closing in but the bloke in front of me wasn’t about to allow me to simply Disapparate. He was close enough to grab me if I hesitated too long. I saw him appraise me with narrowed eyes in that half-second before he jinxed me, so I beat him to the punch. I didn’t even see his body fall before Disapparating, the warning shouts from the others still ringing in my ears.
“It was only later when the other two Death Eaters were rounded up by the remainder of my squad, that it was discovered that my hex had hit him square in the chest and he was dead. In fact, had it not been for the others hesitating around their fallen comrade, my squad wouldn’t have been able to catch them. I was commended for my quick thinking, while all I could think of when they removed his mask was that the man was younger than me.” Tonks’ voice quavered as she stopped to take a long drink of pumpkin juice. “I wanted to convince myself that it was just an accident, but you can only lie to yourself for so long. You can’t deliver that kind of a curse without conscious intent behind it. It’s what we’d been trained to do.”
Harry though back on that article he’d found in the old issues of the Daily Prophet criticizing the drastic methods used by Aurors in bringing dark wizards to justice. There had been a huge outcry and the Ministry had been forced to scale back its methods right before Voldemort’s previous rise to power. He wondered if the Aurors had just been allowed to do their jobs, how many innocent lives could have been saved? Not just his parents, but the Longbottoms, Ron’s uncles, and so many others that were just faces in an old photograph of the Order.
“Was it anyone we knew?” Harry asked softly.
“Never seen him before but he had the Dark Mark tattooed on his forearm just like the others.”
“Did any of those jokers happen to name Stan Shunpike as a fellow Death Eater?” Harry asked as these events seemed to have occurred slightly prior to Stan’s arrest.
“That bothered you, too?” Tonks asked softly. “It’s like the Ministry wants to make him into their poster boy since he’s a well-known face. These three were totally unknown entities. I wasn’t involved in the interrogation process, though, so I don’t really know what they may have confessed.”
In light of the events that Tonks had just described, Snape’s comments to her at the start of last school year seemed unbelievably cruel. Harry distinctly remembered the derisive remarks about her new Patronus being weak and that she had been better off with her previous one. Clearly Snape had been aware of the facts by then.
Wishing to spare her any additional anguish, Harry steered the subject into safer waters. “Tell me, Tonks, what was the previous shape of your Patronus? Or does that reveal your secret identity?” he joked.
“My mum always thought so!” she laughed. “It was a raccoon. Mum concocted all sorts of outrageous explanations to account for the masked face!”
“Your mother sounds like a real card.”
“I don’t know who is worse, sometimes, Mum or Dad,” Tonks allowed with a fond smile. “I don’t have to tell you know well they took to Remus’ quirky sense of humor. I think we spent most of our evenings together laughing uproariously.”
Harry Potter and the Hero's Lament by L A Moody
Chapter Notes: Luna’s addition to Harry’s dueling group proves invaluable; Tonks makes a surprisingly frank confession.